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Gender is a topic we’ve covered previously because we’ve seen the number of kids questioning their gender rise with more use of social media. With the recent Executive Order banning surgeries in minors, how do we talk with our kids about it?
Gender is a topic we’ve covered previously because we’ve seen the number of kids questioning their gender rise with more use of social media. With the recent Executive Order banning surgeries in minors, how do we talk with our kids about it?
Transcription is done by an AI software. While technology is an incredible tool to automate this process, there will be misspellings and typos that might accompany it. Please keep that in mind as you work through it.
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Welcome to the Next Talk podcast. We are a nonprofit passionate about keeping kids safe online. We’re learning together how to navigate tech, culture and faith with our kids. The Trump administration has released a flurry of executive orders. Specifically, he signed one with the title quote protecting children from chemical and surgical mutilation unquote. Now, at Next Talk, we have never endorsed a political candidate and would never tell people who to vote for. All politicians, people, parents, I mean we’re all flawed. We’re all still learning.
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Gender, though, is something that I’ve studied, written and spoken about for the last decade. In 2017, I released my book and did extensive research for my transgender section. I’ve walked alongside families who are helping their gender-confused kids, since it’s a topic we have covered frequently here. This is why we’re doing this podcast. I really felt led to do it, and I even polled our people on our IG story to just see do you guys want to hear from us on this or are you sick of all the hot takes? And, much to my surprise, 100% of you who voted asked for this show. So here we go.
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I do want to start off by saying the purpose of this show is to help you talk to your kids about this intersection of culture and faith that we’re seeing. And if you’re new here, I’m a Christian mom and this will be from my faith perspective. I often work with churches and Christian families navigating the space. I also want to note I do get invited to speak in public schools and I have a non-religious presentation. In that non-religious presentation, I do not speak about gender. You know that presentation is geared solely on online safety, predators, grooming, porn and the mental health challenges our kids face because of social media and technology, and in my church presentation I also include things on sexuality and gender from a biblical perspective. So first I want to say, before I get into the talking points on how to have this conversation about gender with our kids, I do want to be clear about where I personally stand on this issue and I hope that you’ll hear me out to the end if you disagree, because I am issuing a big challenge to Christians and churches at the end of this podcast. Obviously, there are things I agree and disagree with.
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When it came to Biden and now Trump, this executive order. Though I am thankful, I am actually relieved, you guys, what I’ve learned behind the scenes over the last decade in this space about gender has grieved me. There have been so many moments that I can’t believe this is actually happening. I have talked to medical professionals who have advocated for LGBTQ rights, some of them their entire lives, and even they were raising a red flag to what society was doing. I literally cannot believe we have been cutting off healthy body parts of children and putting them on the path to lifetime drugs and surgeries. The stories of detransitioners have completely grieved me and outraged me at the same time. Some of these kids, they can’t orgasm, they can’t have a healthy sex life, they can’t breastfeed their babies and they experience pain with basic functions like peeing. After these surgeries and the mainstream media has often silenced these detransitioners. They have been attacked for speaking out and then the slippery slope gets even worse. I mean we’ve now seen the progression that adults are introducing the idea to six-year-olds that they may not be the same gender as their biological sex. I mean it is one thing to have a 16-year-old kid who is struggling with their gender. It is another to look a six-year-old in the face and introduce confusion and chaos to little kids that we know leads to a surgical path. So yeah, I’m going to be real honest. I’m relieved that someone has stepped up and said we will not support this as a country. As for the specifics of the executive order, I’ll link it so you can read it for yourself. It defines minor as under 19 years old. Honestly, I do not think sex change surgery should be allowed until at least 25, once the brain is fully developed, but that’s my opinion and, honestly, more than a legal age, I just want to make it unthinkable. I want to dive into why this is so harmful and I also will say who knows if the executive order will be challenged and if it will stand up. If the executive order will be challenged and if it will stand up, I think it will be very interesting to see how this plays out.
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Politicians who supported sex surgeries for minors will they continue to? I’ve seen some of them backing away from their issue because they see the outrage and, to be quite honest, that makes me even more mad. They know it impacted the election. I mean, I have talked with many of you who are from different parties and this issue we are mostly united on that. Minors should not be able to have sex change surgeries While kids are caught up in this political firestorm, you have people supporting it, and will they continue to buckle down and make a case for it, or will they let it go and step away from it because they see the outrage that it’s created? This will be very interesting to watch and something to discuss and keep discussing in our homes.
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I’m also aware, having said that, that we are a pendulum swinging society and, at the same time, I am truly worried about this getting out of control and people becoming bullies and hateful. And, I’m going to be honest, I’m absolutely shattered for these kids and families who are caught up in the lies that have been fed to them by adults and they are scared. And what is going to be the protocol for those who are right now on puberty blockers? Is it just to stop? What is the protocol to treat these kids who feel like this is helping them? There is so much that we have got to think about with this. These kids truly believe they have been born in the wrong body. They hate themselves the way they are. They want to cut off their penis. There are girls who want to have skin taken from their arms so that a penis can be created for them, because they believe that will finally make them happy. Our kids have become an experiment, a research project.
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So how do we talk to our kids about all of this? First of all, I want to say, with any topic, if you have never talked about gender with your kids, just ask them what they know about it, what they think about it and what do you think about the new policies that the Trump administration has just ordered? Gather context for what’s in your kid’s mind and their heart. Always ask your kids what they know and what they believe first, and this will really help guide your conversations. For example, if they are demonizing trans kids and making fun of them. Man, what an opportunity you have as a parent to speak into your kid about being kind, about treating others the same way they want to be treated, by the way. That is scripture and Jesus said it and loving others. Well, we cannot raise bullies. We have to raise empathetic children. So don’t let your kids make fun or bully trans kids. If they are outraged at the new order and they are like I don’t know what the big deal is, let kids have surgeries then you may need to do some education about why people are against this. And if you do this, this is not a lecture. It’s looking at your kid and saying, okay, I see why some people are upset about this. Why would the other side be happy? Let’s dive into that a bit. So, for example, search Chloe Cole, c-o-l-e is her last name, and listen to her story. I know many have been gaslighted in believing, in saying these surgeries aren’t happening on minors. Search Chloe, listen to her story. She’s not the only one, but she’s leading the charge here.
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Read Abigail Shire’s book. It is called Irreversible Damage. This book was literally banned from being sold on Amazon when it first came out. And let me tell you something, abigail, she’s not a Christian. I don’t believe or agree with everything she says in her book and the advice that she gives to parents about everything, but the reporting that she did on gender ideology movement was astounding. Read it.
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Christian parents, I want to say something to you here. Oftentimes we’ll tell our kids the Bible says male or female, and that’s the way it is. And while I agree with that biblically, our kids may need more in this culture, and I know that’s tough for some of us, because if God says it, it’s good enough for us, right? Yes, I agree with that. But sometimes kids need to look at science. They need to look at the logical viewpoint without scripture. To dismantle the cultural arguments that are being fed to them on their social media algorithm. Let them look at logic. Science is on our side. It matches up with God’s word. We did a show recently about a book written by an atheist and social psychologist, jonathan Haidt. Obviously I don’t agree with him on everything. Even he raised a red flag about how friend groups seem to cluster to gender ideology and that’s also why I recommend Abigail’s book and search Chloe Cole. Search other detransitioners who are not Christian but who are actually sharing their stories, just about logically breaking free from this mentality.
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In my book I, of course, lay out the biblical foundation for male and female, but I also tackle the conversation about intersex. These are kids who are born with things like genitalia abnormalities. This is very different from the gender movement we’ve seen the last decade. The current gender ideology is more mental. The intersex conversation is more physical. You can check out, talk for more info on that. But I do want to put that disclaimer in here, because if your kids bring up intersex as you’re talking to them, make the distinction that intersex is not the same as the gender ideology movement we’re talking about. Even non-Christians are pointing out the dangers of current gender ideology. Now, if you want to go back to the basics about gender, go check out our pronouns show. We break it all down there. And do you remember the TikTok trend of saying Jesus was trans? We tackled that too. I’ll link that show as well For my kids.
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As we’ve talked through all this, I would always say and really I would do this with any topic let’s look at both opposing sides and what they’re saying. Then we start to get a picture of the complex issue instead of it all being one-sided. This, I believe, helps keep your kids from being radicalized on either pendulum extremes. And in our home, once we looked at both opposing sides, we would also put it through the filter of scripture and see what the Bible says to determine where we would fall on the issue. I know that the biblical stance is not for everyone, but it’s our belief system in our home. And even if you’re not doing that, looking at both opposing sides is so beneficial to having good conversations with your kids.
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One other thing that I would always say to my kids give yourself time with tattoos, gender sexuality, I mean, whatever it is. Don’t make any big decisions until you’re older and your brain is fully developed. When you go through puberty, you will most likely hate your body. I know I did. I was a late bloomer and felt so awkward and weird. But as I got older I matured and learned to love myself for me. Most people feel weird going through puberty. So give yourself a minute.
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Talk about labels. You know, for a Christian home, I would say don’t feel pressure to check a box or a label about anything. And I’m not just talking about gender or sexuality. I’m talking about you know, fat, stupid, calling yourselves anything. And I’m not just talking about gender or sexuality. I’m talking about you know, fat, stupid, calling yourselves anything. These labels that we, that we attach to us. I would say your identity. This is what I used to say to my kids. Your identity is child of God. That’s it. And then as you grow and mature and develop and go through puberty, you’re going to figure everything out. Your brain will develop and you will figure out more of who you are. But you’ve got to give yourself time.
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Christians, I cannot emphasize this enough. Your kids need to see you love people who are different than you. The world is telling your kids that you are phobic. I’m going to ask you are you? Because we did a show on that too. I as a Christian can believe we’re born male or female and I can also believe that I am to love and respect everyone. It’s the balance of love and truth I write about in my book and don’t just say you love everyone, do it.
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I remember one time at the height of this, these conversations in our home about gender when my kids were growing up. I remember we went out to eat and there was there was obviously a trans waiter and my kids saw me love that person, tip that person well, treat that person the same respect I would want to be treated. I mean, I’ve had LGBTQ kids in my home. They’re always welcome in my home, in my church, and I love them. Well, I get called woke sometimes because of that. I call it respect, human respect.
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Ephesians 6 tells us that our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against the power of the world’s darkness and against the spiritual forces of evil. Our fight is not against flesh and blood. Our fight is not against LGBTQ folks. And I want to pause here for a minute because, christians, we are in an important moment. Most of us are thankful for this executive order, but are we thinking about the kids caught up in this. They’re scared. How are they going to treat their bodies that they hate? They’re crying. If they walk into our church this weekend, will we love them? Well, I think about when I was a teenager. Abortion became very common and if a pregnant teen walked into our church she was judged and shamed. We have started to wrong that right in many Christian spaces, with pregnancy support centers and many, many churches doing outreach for pregnant teens. But can we learn from our mistakes? Right now, we must love gender confused kids so well. Churches, what are we doing to mobilize and minister to LGBTQ kids? In this moment, I pray we’re thinking about it, that we’re prepared, that we’re ready. Parents, I take your calls. I walk alongside of you.
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There are many that I have been praying for with these executive orders coming out, because I know your kids are confused by their gender or their friends are and you are loving unconditionally, but you have not affirmed that belief system because you are so concerned about the harmful path it puts them on In this moment. If that is you, your kid does not need you to rejoice and say, finally, an executive order that stops this madness. Your kid probably needs you to look at them and in all sincerity say are you okay, come alongside and help your kid process the new policies. Don’t gloat, don’t throw it in their face. I think about Jesus coming alongside all the people in the Bible who were led astray. Of course he didn’t waver. Sin is sin, evil is evil. He called it out, but he loved and walked alongside people. Well, do this for your child.
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I think this movement is very harmful, but I realize there are real people who have been sold the lie. They’re like Eve in the garden. You know, satan tempted her with the knowledge of God. That sounds good. We will be tempted with things that sound good. Ephesians 4.14 says People will try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. That brings me to another conversation that you need to have with your kids that you probably aren’t expecting on a gender podcast Progressive Christianity. Gone are the days that, because a pastor said it, it’s in the Bible. There are so many variations of Christianity out there today and the Bible actually says not everyone who calls on me Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven.
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Alyssa Childers wrote a book called Another Gospel. Read it First. Thessalonians says test everything that is said, hold on to what is good. Stay away from every kind of evil. Test everything that is said. I have quoted that over and over to my kids through the years, whether it’s a pastor, a medical professional, a teacher. Test everything that is said. Does this make sense? What does the Bible say about it? What does God say about it? Because humans are flawed, we’re all getting it wrong. There’s only one who is all knowing who. His ways are, not our ways. He thinks differently than we think and honestly, I wouldn’t want to follow a God who thinks like me. In my limited capacity For progressive Christians, they tend to mold their politics first, and then their theology of what the Bible says comes out of that.
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Now, this is something that Alyssa Childers just pointed out. So Christians should do the opposite, lisa Childers just pointed out. So Christians should do the opposite. We should read scripture first and then. That helps shape our political viewpoint. So, with progressive Christianity and progressive churches, three of the main issues that I look for is how they define marriage, gender and life. If those three things don’t align with what the Bible says, I have questions I’m going to question. This is a conversation you need to have with your kids when they get older because they may be looking for another church. They may not like your church. They may want to go to youth group at a different church. When they move to college, they’re going to be church shopping. You need to equip them with what to look for in a church. When they move to college, they’re going to be church shopping. You need to equip them with what to look for in a church.
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I believe a lot of why we got into this confusion and chaos of gender is that Jesus followers were too silent at first on the issue of gender. We just let it happen. And then, when people did start to speak up in Christian circles, it was hateful. We were judgmental instead of loving. We failed as a Christian community to say hey, I can believe that people are born male or female, and I can also acknowledge that there are kids who truly have gender dysphoria and struggle with this. Because to me, the real debate is what the treatment plan is for these kids. It’s not that we’re saying they don’t exist. What is the treatment plan? And that’s where the rub is. How do we treat kids with gender dysphoria? And again, I truly believe the path to lifelong medication and surgeries is not the answer. One thing I have also always done with my kids, and I think it’s important in this gender conversation, is acknowledge the crazy Christians that are out there, and that’s what I would call them. These are people literally spewing hate and being a bully in the name of Jesus, trying to erase gender confused kids. Don’t be that kind of Christian and model this well for your kids.
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As you talk about Bible views on marriage, gender and life, your kids may also say why won’t God let people just do what they want to do? Well, there’s a couple of responses to that. One is he actually. Does people just do what they want to do? Well, there’s a couple responses to that. One is he actually does let us do what we want. Like we get choices, we have free will, but there are consequences for stepping outside of his will. When my kids were growing up one of the other ways that I would answer that question is, as they got a little bit older, in middle school, I would say hey, do you remember when you wanted Snapchat in third grade? And I said no, it wasn’t because I hated you and wanted to make your life miserable. It was because I knew the dangers that existed on Snapchat, and I knew your little heart and mind weren’t ready for that yet, so I said no to protect you.
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God has our best interest at heart when he creates a parameter for our life. He knows that sin is an entrapment, it will put us in bondage, and he wants us to live in freedom, but he gives us free choice. I think the other thing we need to tackle here is you know, the world always tells us follow your heart, and God doesn’t say that. In fact, the Bible says in Jeremiah that our heart is deceitful. We can be led astray by our own self, and I mean just looking over the course of my life. I see how this happened in my own life Led astray with my own heart, people I dated to, bad choices I make. I saw it. So we can’t always just follow our heart, especially if Jesus is not filling that space. So these are some talking points to have with your kids.
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The executive order has been issued. Let’s see how it evolves. Will it stand Policy or no policy? I want to make sex changes for kids unthinkable. I want to dig in and untangle the manipulation that has been happening in this space, all while loving others. Well, I want us to let kids be kids again. I want kids to look in the mirror and say I’m going to love me for me, I’m going to accept myself. I want the churches I love so much to rise up in this moment and love LGBTQ kids and families in the best way. Parents are hurting. They’re scared for their own kids.
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You know this whole show is about gender and, honestly, we have all made gender an idol. I mean, I’m talking to you church too. I mean, do we talk more about women being pastors than feeding the poor? That’s a question for us to check our heart. We’ve made gender an idol in this world. But guess what, at the end of our life, when we’re on our deathbed, will it matter if we are male or female? All this time and energy around gender roles pronouns policies, the debates.
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The Bible says we’ll be grouped in two categories those who put their faith in Jesus and those who did not. Galatians 3.28 says there is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. One day, each of us will stand before and give an account to our creator, parents. We are given these precious kids and God entrusts us to lead, guide and speak into them. We don’t always get it right. We’re flawed, but we will give an account to him one day for the words and the path we’ve put our kids on.
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If you follow the world, it’s going to lead to chaos. It’s going to lead to confusion. It puts our kids down the wrong path. Listen if you seek Jesus, you read his word, you commit to him. You get to know his character. You see false prophets when they happen. Because you’re reading the word and you know what it says, you will be guided by the Holy Spirit with wisdom and guidance. You will still mess up, but you will feel the conviction of going to your kid and apologizing. When you do, step by step, he’ll show you the way to model love and truth in a broken world. Please, let’s pray for our LGBTQ people and let’s also be happy that somebody is standing up and saying we’re not going to do sex reassignment surgeries on minors.
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