0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk.org, sponsored by nextTalk.org, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Welcome to nextTalk.org Radio with Mandy and Kim Every Saturday at 10 am on AM 630, the word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk.org, a non-profit organization helping parents’ cyber parent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter, visit our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk.org?
0:00:38 – Speaker 2
Today we’re talking about pride in parenting.
0:00:41 – Speaker 3
And not like I’m the best parent. That’s not the kind of pride.
0:00:45 – Speaker 2
No, no, that’s not the pride we’re talking about. I’m talking about this like internal struggle pride, like I am right, I always know what’s best. And pride is a weird thing, just on a personal level overall. You know, it sneaks up on us, we don’t realize it. Maybe we’re doing well in our career or we’re, you know, doing well and we’re just like, yes, we’re like doing it, you know, and you don’t even realize, nailed it. Yes, you don’t even realize that you’re becoming prideful and it’s sneaking in there. And then one day you make a comment and it’s like whoa, where did that come from? It builds up, it does. It’s a tool Satan uses to try and get us away from God. So it’s all about us. It’s all about us, not about anybody else, absolutely.
0:01:30 – Speaker 3
And when the pride sneaks in, it’s usually kind of insidious in areas that we don’t expect it, and so it, like you said, it’ll come out in a word that we say, or an action or a reaction, and that’s a great moment if you can catch yourself and realize what it is. But sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we just keep moving right along and it’s the looks on our kids’ faces, our husband’s faces, our coworkers, our coworkers, or things just start not going the right way and we realize something is off. And so often I personally can trace it back to pride.
0:02:03 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I’ve seen that look on your face before when I’ve said something.
0:02:07 – Speaker 3
Hey, same here, because it sneaks in and you’re like whoa sister whoa.
0:02:13 – Speaker 2
You know it’s and I am struggling with you know, learning the difference just on a personal level, learning the difference between confidence and pride yeah, because confidence is good and you need to know that and you need to build that in your kids. But it crosses a line when it becomes like so much about you at the cost of everything else. Absolutely, that is the kind of you know. So it’s okay to be confident. It’s okay to know what you’re good at, what you’re passionate about, what your gifts are, what you’ve been called to do. That’s confidence. But it crosses a line when you start. You know all about me, the attention on me, not about serving, but it’s just about you getting the recognition and you being lifted up, because that’s not biblical, no.
0:02:56 – Speaker 3
Well, and I struggle with that. It’s very similarly with thinking, because pride and wisdom for me they’re they’re like best friends, you know actually they’re not.
They’re like enemies, but they stand next to each other like best friends. They’re so close where I really have learned that I have to look at my motivation for why the things I’m saying are coming out of my mouth. Where is my heart? Is it because, in a humble way, I want to convey something that I think will help my kids or help my friends, that is coming out of love and a place of wisdom that is God given? Or am I trying to tell people something because I’m like this is how it should be and this is what I think, and I have walked down this road and I know better, and I am right.
0:03:36 – Speaker 1
So what’s?
0:03:37 – Speaker 3
my motivation. Where is it coming from? That’s that thin line for me between pride and wisdom that I’m always struggling with, because I want to make sure what I’m sharing is wisdom that will help and not prideful, like I’m right.
0:03:49 – Speaker 2
Well, and I think that’s a great way to look at it and a question to internally ask yourself before you speak, to kind of check yourself and make sure that your motivation is right. And then it is about coming from a place of I want to help you, I want to pass this on to you, and it’s not about you glorifying yourself because you’re amazing and you know the answer you know kind of thing which we all laugh at.
0:04:12 – Speaker 3
but we’ve all done it, we are all guilty.
0:04:14 – Speaker 2
We are so guilty of it.
0:04:16 – Speaker 3
Yes.
0:04:18 – Speaker 2
And you know we talk a lot here about nextTalk.org generally about creating this culture in your home, and when you try and create this kind of culture in dialogue between your kids, you really have to look at this pride thing, because so many times I have seen myself get caught up in well, because I said so or because I know better than you, and when that may be true, but when I say those things out loud, it comes across so much demeaning to my kids and my husband too, like I’ve said it to my husband before you know, and so I think we really have to look in the mirror here and be careful about this. I think this is something that Satan wants to use to create chaos in our families and you know, god just gave me something right now because I think it’s for me.
0:05:08 – Speaker 3
It’s not always words, sometimes it’s a look, and my kids have said this to me and my husband in the past, and so I try really hard, but I have this look. Sometimes it’s like mm-hmm.
0:05:19 – Speaker 2
Or it’s like I know the look. You know the look Cause I use the look, I think more than the words On the radio. When I’m saying something she doesn’t want me to say, I get the look Like sister. Where are you going?
0:05:30 – Speaker 3
It’s a look and I don’t even realize it and it comes from not a good place, and so if that’s you, maybe you’re thinking I don’t say any of those things. Check your, look, and let me tell you, the best people to help you with that is usually your husband and kids.
0:05:46 – Speaker 2
Yeah, the people you love the most.
0:05:48 – Speaker 3
Yes, and so that is a humbling moment in itself, when you can say do I say things or is there a look that I give that just demeans you or sounds?
0:05:57 – Speaker 2
bad. Shut down the conversation. Shut it down.
0:05:59 – Speaker 3
Cause I don’t want to do that and sometimes I don’t realize I’m doing that and I want your help.
0:06:04 – Speaker 2
It’s hard to say, and you know what. Oftentimes, though, when you humble yourself to ask a close friend, or your husband or your kids, that they will come back and say to you I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this, so true.
But they’ve been trying to find a way to bring it up where it’s not rude but it’s a way to make you better. It’s the iron sharp and iron friend kind of thing you know. I know with me it’s my tone and I have had to struggle with that because sometimes things come out and what I say is not mean, but just saying my kids name like buh-bah, like in the tone that I do, it is like dude, you’re bugging me, like don’t, or dude, you’re stupid, don’t. You know that. Like I’m not saying that, but the tone gives that Mine too.
0:06:50 – Speaker 3
Oh, and it’s awful.
0:06:52 – Speaker 2
And so you know we’re talking about pride, because if you’re not willing to look in the mirror and say I have these issues because mostly prideful people would not do that, then you’re gonna create barriers in your relationship. Absolutely, we really need to talk about this pride thing. I’ll never forget one time, kim we were. It was. We were doing homework, my kids were doing homework at the kitchen island and I was unloading the dishwasher, making dinner and checking my text all at the same time. You know, because we’re masters of multitasking. Yes, ma’am Bombs, yeah, m-o-m. Masters of multitasking.
0:07:27 – Speaker 3
I just came up with that. Well done, let’s put that on a shirt. That’s a cheesy t-shirt, right there, that’s a cheesy t-shirt, it is yes.
0:07:33 – Speaker 2
I just came up with that, but we are masters of multitasking and so I was trying to do a hundred million things and the texts that were coming through were helpful texts, they were next-talk texts, they were like helping other families, yes, but my 10-year-old son was doing a homework project and at the time he was needing help spelling a word and I remember him saying how do you spell this, how do you spell that? Well, you know, I’m checking text, I’m unloading this short. Like I got irritated, yeah, and I was like Bubba, give me a minute, mm-hmm, and all went silent. Like everything went silent, and I knew in the moment I knew that it was bad, right. And so I didn’t quite know how to handle it. Like, do I just apologize right there? Do I just take a minute to kind of work through what I really want to say, cause I wanted it to be heartfelt, right? And so 15 minutes later, he was upset and he came to me and he was like this is so heartbreaking to say it and I can’t believe I have to share it on the air. He said mom, I’m so sorry, I was bugging you. It was awful, I still. I mean, it happened more than a year ago and I still cringe when I talk about it because I had to set him straight and be like honey, listen, you are the most important thing, not the dishes, not the dinner, not the text, not the phone, nothing. And so in that moment I told him I’m gonna set up a new guideline for me. So anytime you’re doing your homework, from now on, my phone is not gonna be in the room with us, like it’s gonna be in another part of the house because your homework is more important, like I wanna help you. This is.
But had I been coming from a place of pride, I don’t think I would have apologized. I think I would have been like dude, straighten up, like this is life, we’re all busy, everybody’s busy, and I know that’s true, it’s true. But looking at it from the perspective of I wanna build this culture in my home, I had to rise up and be humble and not be prideful and like say to him this is not okay. The way mom behaved, yeah, and when I set up tech guidelines for me, he’s more apt to follow his tech guidelines. Yeah, because it’s like okay, we’re in this together, kind of thing.
0:09:55 – Speaker 3
Yeah, absolutely, and so that also helps we had a similar situation when I asked my son One of my sons what’s something that I could do better as a mama? You know, question, don’t ask it, I’m just kidding.
0:10:08 – Speaker 2
That’s a great question to open up dialogue, but you got to be ready.
0:10:11 – Speaker 3
You got to prepare yourself for it. I don’t know that I was ready. I was like, oh, prideful me was like, I can handle it, or he’s gonna say I’m perfect.
0:10:21 – Speaker 2
That’s what we think.
0:10:22 – Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, and like not even missing a beat, like he didn’t even breathe a breath, it just came right out like it’s, like you’re waiting he’s waiting.
It was on the tip of his tongue. He’s like you can put your phone down so you can really see me. And I was like and here’s the worst part I thought I was doing really good at it because I had come to them like a month before and said I’m reading this book and it’s talking about balance, you know, in your life with the tech world. And I was like so we bought like a charging station and we put our phones on there and I thought like you’re rocking, I’m rocking this.
I’m doing this thing. Yeah but I really wasn’t because that’s the time during dinner time when I’m cooking and stuff that I’ll set my phone On top of the coffee baker and I could see it go off and I’ll try to return the text real quick. And then, you know, the three kids are running and asking questions and there’s always all this stuff going on, and I’m trying to do it all and I wanted to respond to him in a defensive way, quite frankly.
I wanted to be like I am doing it, like I’m doing the best that I can Like do you know how much I have coming at me? Yeah, and you know, I Felt like, honestly, more than anything, I felt like he caught me, yeah, like I thought I was doing well, but I knew in my gut that I really wasn’t doing that well but I was like they don’t notice that I’m not doing well, so I’m just gonna keep doing this thing.
But they were noticing and so I felt like he caught me in the act and so I felt super exposed and embarrassed and Defensive and I realized all that was coming from a place of pride because, truly, if my end goal was just to be a great mama, yeah, and to be a humble servant, none of that would have mattered. I would have been like, oh, thanks for letting me know I gotta work on this. So again, I was, thankfully, all that was internal dialogue and I was able to take it back and say thank you for telling me. You are so right, dude. My goodness, help me be accountable to this and we move forward. And you know I struggle with it still, but he does help me and I feel like it’s those gut checks that help us stay humble. And God’s word has so much about this, yeah, so much about humility.
0:12:31 – Speaker 2
Yeah, well, and I like what you said too. It just the skill of being able to cope with those feelings and not speak them out loud, that’s a skill in and of itself. To be able to have that internal dialogue but not spout them out, because it’s just gonna hinder the relationship, and you need to.
0:12:49 – Speaker 3
It was about you, yeah, not about what he was saying to you, yeah, and so that’s really great, because then it sets you up for a moment where you can apologize and you can make it right, and that is humbling, it is humbling, and you know really that’s if you think of Jesus and the word humility comes to mind, and so if that’s really who we want to strive after, then we should be walking in a place of humility all the time.
0:13:19 – Speaker 2
If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk.org radio at 10 am On am 6 30. The word nextTalk.org radio is listener supported. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your Donations to support our organization. Go to nextTalk.org org and click on give you know. We’re in here today talking about pride and parenting and we just shared a few humbling stories when we’re tearing up a little bit, realizing that we get this wrong often, all the time, and and you had just mentioned before we went to break that the Bible has so many things to say about this and that you know, jesus is the ultimate person that we want to be like, and I think we should share some of those verses, because there are some great ones in the Bible that point us directly to this humility and not being a prideful person.
0:14:10 – Speaker 3
Philippians 2, 3 through 6 do nothing, nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility. Value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, I mean.
0:14:36 – Speaker 2
I think of Jesus washing his disciples feet. You know he was their leader. He was the one who was speaking wisdom into them. He knew he had the answers and he never came across like I’m right and you’re wrong. He just bent down and washed their feet and loved them and served them in humility. That’s a beautiful picture of what we’re to be like with our family, I think.
0:15:00 – Speaker 3
I agree, I think it is. It’s a good visual to bring to mind every day. I often think of when he was being accused and then, even on the cross, and I put myself in that position, I would have been like fighting back. Yeah, I would have been like you are Christ.
0:15:14 – Speaker 2
Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am? That’s what I would have said over and over, which says a lot about my pride. I know, I know we are so human.
0:15:23 – Speaker 3
We are so human and flawed, and I mean from the cross I would have been yelling down. Yeah, I would have profanity even so, I’m telling you it’s to try to strive after the likeness of Christ is like a moment by moment, yes, walking in humility. And you know there’s more verses. I just want to say, really quick, pick a verse.
0:15:45 – Speaker 2
Yes, you know.
0:15:46 – Speaker 3
Pick a verse, write it down, put it on your mirror in your bathroom, put it in the car, buy the coffee pot at the kitchen table all over your house and just meditate on that verse through the week and let the Lord become your filter for humility.
0:16:01 – Speaker 2
Well, I will do it. And you know, if you think I don’t struggle with pride or whatever, have a conversation with your husband and just be like do you think I struggle with pride? Do you think I have that kind of issue, Open that up and if he says yes, you can’t get defensive, like allow him to speak truth into you.
0:16:17 – Speaker 3
If that is yes, it’s an iron, sharpen iron relationship and a marriage too Well, I just would like to say if you are thinking, well, I don’t struggle with pride, then you probably struggle with pride. I’m just gonna say it, like if you can say that honestly, then you probably struggle with pride.
0:16:32 – Speaker 2
That’s a really great point. Yeah, Kim, that’s a really great point. I’ve fallen into that trap Me too. First Peter 5.5 says clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
0:16:49 – Speaker 3
James four, 10 humble yourselves before the Lord. That’s a great one to memorize because it’s easy and simple.
0:16:55 – Speaker 2
I love Proverbs 11 to and it reminds me what you said earlier the difference between humility, or pride, and wisdom. Yes, and I love this verse, proverbs 11 to when pride comes, then comes disgrace. But with humility comes wisdom. And when you have that wisdom, it is not a shout it because you’re right Again, it’s a wisdom of what you said, asking yourself why am I saying this? Do I want to help someone or do I want to make myself look good right here, like what is my motivation behind what I’m saying right now.
0:17:27 – Speaker 3
Well, and the reason we can speak into these things is because it’s been struggles for us.
0:17:31 – Speaker 2
These are things we walk through every day, on a personal level, in our parenting, in our marriages, all of it.
0:17:37 – Speaker 3
Absolutely John three, 30. He must increase, but I must decrease. That’s another memory.
0:17:46 – Speaker 2
That’s another daily moment by moment choice.
0:17:49 – Speaker 3
Girl. There have been times when I am like in a conversation I’m saying decrease, decrease, because I can feel it coming out. So it’s true Like we have to walk in the Holy Spirit.
0:18:04 – Speaker 2
That’s that’s going to be my new thing. When I when I find myself getting a little bit prideful, I’m going to be in that voice that you just did Decrease. I can’t say it the way you said it.
0:18:15 – Speaker 3
Decrease, mandy Decrease, it’s a true call for help.
0:18:19 – Speaker 2
You know I mean serving our families and walk in humility. It’s, it’s hard work, it’s a constant reevaluation of looking in the mirror, and this is something too. You know, like many things we talk about you can’t say check, I don’t struggle with it anymore, I got that down Because it can sneak back in on you. So you always have to kind of have your guard up, just like with open communication. You know you can’t say check, we’re talking, we’re good, I don’t have to like initiate anything else.
You know it doesn’t work that way. It’s a every day trying to build this dialogue in your home. It is.
0:18:52 – Speaker 3
And you know one thing. I want to encourage you, because I know myself something that I have struggled with at times is saying well, it’s true, what I want to say here is true and it’s right, right, and I feel confident in those things, and so we’re not saying here that it has anything to do with truth or being right. All of that can be happening. It’s in the way that you convey the truth and the being right. Yeah, that makes all the difference.
0:19:15 – Speaker 2
And your motivation behind it, absolutely and your motivation behind it.
0:19:18 – Speaker 3
You can be right, as the day is long, but if you are conveying it out of a place of pride, the way it’s received will be wrong. Yeah.
0:19:25 – Speaker 2
And that’s really when you’ve got to rely on Jesus and his message. He was right, he was truth, he had all the answers to everything, but the way he conveyed it was through love and service and humility, and humility in the way that he walked with people, and so that’s what we really need to realize. You know, the other thing too about this whole humility and pride thing is asking ourselves hard questions. Sometimes, you know like sometimes we are over scheduled, we’ve committed to too much and we’re too prideful to admit that our decisions have kind of caused some chaos in our home.
0:19:58 – Speaker 3
So true it’s, you know, because we think, well, this is what we do and this is how we do it, and this was a good idea and I made this decision and it’s the right decision. And then we see our kids crying, or we see them stressed and over scheduled. And if we’re not willing to say you know what I think we may have over committed here, if we’re not willing to admit that maybe it was a misstep, then it’s just a downward spiral. Yeah.
0:20:22 – Speaker 2
And we did a show on over scheduled and over it. Listen to that show, because that helped me and I still struggle with it. You know and especially I know it’s we’re going into summertime now and so schedules are a little bit less chaotic, but you’re going to still be signing your kids up for things. Oh yeah, don’t over schedule it. This is good downtime for your family.
0:20:41 – Speaker 3
You know everything will start scheduling again in August, so enjoy some downtime I have met many families in my age group that they are like we’re going to 52 camps this summer and we have signed up for a swim team and we are doing summer basketball and we’re doing, and it is like every day is scheduled out and their kids just want to stand their PJs.
0:21:03 – Speaker 2
Well, and sometimes you have to do that because of your work schedules. Yes, but if you have the flexibility to have the downtime, you need that downtime. You just need a minute. And even if you’re both working and through the week you’re going, don’t schedule as much on the weekends, because you do need the downtime and we do need to look in the mirror and admit when we’re wrong about the scheduling thing, because it’s hard.
0:21:24 – Speaker 3
It is a middle class issue, for sure, yeah, for sure, I agree.
0:21:28 – Speaker 2
I want it to be involved in everything. The other question you can ask yourself is you know, am I doing everything I can to make sure that I am equipped?
0:21:41 – Speaker 3
to Sorry, I’m having a moment.
0:21:45 – Speaker 2
You’re having a moment.
0:21:46 – Speaker 3
I’m having a moment. I’m just going to admit I’m not going to be prideful, right now, I’m proud of you and I was not looking at you and I didn’t catch it.
0:21:53 – Speaker 2
And I’m not going to admit I just lost my train of thought. Here’s what I’m thinking.
0:21:56 – Speaker 3
I’m just going to humble myself before this Humble yourself, sister Lay down.
0:22:01 – Speaker 1
Lay down on the floor.
0:22:03 – Speaker 3
I’m imagining what you’re thinking is am I prepared, with my relationship, that I’m walking in humility so I can teach it to my kids?
0:22:09 – Speaker 2
Yes, that’s where I was going, kim. We can read each other’s minds, finish each other’s sentences. That’s where I was going, but I lost my train of thought.
0:22:18 – Speaker 3
It’s one of those things. If we are not willing to admit it, how can we expect that from our kids? Absolutely.
0:22:22 – Speaker 1
And then you’re like, why is?
0:22:23 – Speaker 3
my kid a jerk. I mean, it’s true.
0:22:25 – Speaker 2
Or why can my kid not recognize when he’s wrong and apologize to his friends, to me, whatever, and this needs to be modeled in your home. And the thing that comes to mind is attitude. I have a teenager and it does come up. It is the hormones are changing. The first time I saw her attitude come out, my husband looked at me, which probably wasn’t the best thing to do in front of the kids, but he was like she is a little Mandy. I got so defensive, so defensive. I was mad that he said it in front of the kids, which wasn’t appropriate. But y’all, he was right. He was right and it was my pride getting in the way of just admitting that. And it’s kind of scary when we see ourselves come out in our kids.
0:23:14 – Speaker 3
You see it and you’re like.
0:23:15 – Speaker 2
that is me.
0:23:16 – Speaker 3
It’s bad, it’s the things that I like the least in my kids I’m like that is me all day long.
0:23:21 – Speaker 2
They’re not modeling all the best quality. It feels like they pick up on all the bad stuff and they model it. It’s so true. So I really think that we need to be, yes, walking humbly in the spirit with the Lord, because that’s what keeps us on track and able to look in the mirror and say I’m not doing this right, like we are flawed and you know, real practically I’ll tell you, especially, I think, with all age kids, but with younger kids.
0:23:48 – Speaker 3
It has helped me a lot in that moment when I feel that pride bubbling up. Like I want to just tell you like it is and I am right, and I am 40. Like I just want to say all those things is to ask questions instead and let them come to the conclusion on their own. It helps my pride just sink back down where it needs to be, like well, what do you think about this? How are you feeling about it? What do you think would be the right answer here? And it gives them a chance to process and feel good about it. And it gives me a chance to let that pride go away and not always have to have the answer or be right.
0:24:16 – Speaker 2
Well and allow the Holy Spirit to guide that conversation. You know, I feel like if you’re really in tune and you’re studying the word and you’re praying and you’re, you know, in tune to the Holy Spirit, I feel like he will tell you when to when to speak up, when to not talk. I mean, I feel that with me, a lot with him, you know when to ask those questions and just let them. And then, as you’re asking those questions sometimes to my teenager, I’m praying Lord, let them have this revolution on their own, Like I don’t want to just dictate this to them, because I know the answer that’s found in your word, but I want them to seek this out and you reveal this to them. And that’s a moment by moment thing and a topic by topic decision, of course, but we always need to keep that in mind. We don’t really have the answers, Even when we’re right. It all comes from God’s word. He is the truth.
0:25:06 – Speaker 3
Mm Amen sister.
0:25:08 – Speaker 2
Yeah, amen, and over here.
0:25:09 – Speaker 3
Thank God for Jesus. So to create a culture of conversation in our homes is imperative, but we’ve got to look in the mirror first and set technology guidelines for yourself too, and apologize if you get it wrong. Yeah, you know, walking humility, um yeah, serve your family and love them from a place of grace. Truly, we have to be humble at all times.
0:25:32 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk.org Radio with Mandy and Kim every Saturday at 10 am on AM 6. 30. The word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk.orgorg. Are you ready for the next time?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
