0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:35 – Speaker 2
Today’s show is titled Created for community. It’s about being something bigger than ourselves, like being a part of something.
0:00:45 – Speaker 3
It’s about the need to sometimes want to go solo, but the need to have a group of people, or even just one other person, that is doing life with you.
0:00:56 – Speaker 2
Well, and I think right now in this pandemic, the ups and downs of it you know we’re opening up or closing down. You know all the back and forth that we’re doing right now. I think it’s really making us appreciate community and realize the importance of it, because when you it’s, it’s like the grass is greener on the other side. You know, when you can’t have something, you want it and I think before the pandemic we were just going at a hundred miles an hour that we didn’t appreciate the people and the communities.
0:01:25 – Speaker 3
You know there are tight knit circles in our lives and by appreciate you are talking to certain people in the world, which is not a three or a five on the. But you know we’re gonna dive into that how different personalities see community and what community looks like for different people. Because when I listen to messages right now specifically about the pandemic, it’s hard for me to relate to some of them because they’re like, oh, all my friend groups and all my and I’m like that’s not me, but I know that is some people and community looks different for me. So we want to be sensitive to understanding both sides of that and what we mean by the word community. And I will tell you I think the story that I’m gonna tell really Defines that well, because it’s about my husband and if anybody knows my husband, no one’s gonna describe him as a people person.
In fact, some people think that he doesn’t like them because that’s an introvert. He’s an introvert and one of my dear friends that has told me many times like the first few times she met him she was like he hates me because he’s quiet and reserved, and in public Anyway, he’s quiet and reserved and he’s not one to seek out People until he feels comfortable, and that’s kind of where this came from this whole idea for this radio show Was he was struggling. He was going through something. You know, you know your spouse or your best friend or whatever when they don’t say anything, but you know something’s wrong, and he was kind of sulking around the house and irritable, and not that that’s bizarre. You know that we have those moments, but this was different.
There was something that I’m something was a melancholy Kind of feeling like something wasn’t right and he felt once we talked about it like something wasn’t right but he couldn’t put his finger on it. And we got to talking about it and Praying about it and he started like reading some books on some things he’s got some authors he really loves and Listening to some podcasts. And then one day he was like he had like a light bulb moment and he came in. He’s like him, what, what? Something broken child? And he said no, I figured it out like, god, show me what it was. I was like what is it? He’s like I don’t have a community, and For my husband to say that is like saying there will no longer be chocolate on the earth, like it’s just a huge statement that like would rock the world of many. And I was like what do you mean? And he’s like I am used to having some level of community that fills my cup and I’m also able to pour into.
So right now this happens to be a weird season with the COVID-19 where our life group we’re not meeting and that was something that was really special for us. And then we’re not going to church. You know, it’s in our little living room. He’s working from home, not being able to pour into the kids on the school campus and not being able to do his job with other Like-minded people and pour into them, be poured into. He doesn’t have a hobby right now that he can really do. I mean he’s had. I mean he’s a sports guy, he’s all of those things, and not that he spends a lot of time doing hobbies, but at least he had the option to do that Really. He has us and zoom meetings.
0:04:34 – Speaker 2
No zoom meetings, I’m telling you, they get interesting fast.
0:04:38 – Speaker 3
They do, they do, and in this season of life, with the age of our kids, he doesn’t really have a lot of hobbies and so just life group was enough for him, and that’s even gone or just work was enough. So I’d say this was something building for about a year or two, and being home with the coronavirus made it come to a head, and so that’s why we started talking about this show, like really identifying what community means and why we need it. He kind of pointed out like everybody is designed to have community.
0:05:07 – Speaker 2
So we had a similar experience. My husband is a lot like Charles and I think that’s why they get along so well, and we were on a walk and I could again since something was wrong and I actually pointed out to him because my husband if you’re familiar with the Enneagram like Kim mentioned it earlier he’s an Enneagram 5. And one of the things an Enneagram 5 that I’ve learned is when he has to socialize or be in a group of people, his energy is like a gas tank and it goes down fast. Like every handshake, every hug that he has to do, it takes that gas tank down more. And so oftentimes you know when we would host parties or Bible studies or whatever at our house, he would love it, but at the end of it like he needs to nap for three hours and I’m like what are you doing?
0:05:56 – Speaker 1
Help me clean up.
0:05:57 – Speaker 2
You know, like all the things and I never really understood it until I understood that he’s an Enneagram 5 and that sucks the life out of him. You know socializing with people and he’s great at socializing like he’s good, but you can tell that he’s tired afterwards. And so we had the same moment. We were walking in our neighborhood and we actually were getting into a fight because it was at the beginning of Corona, at the beginning of shutdown, and we were trying to figure it all out.
You know, all of a sudden, working from home, virtual, learning, all the things, and I actually looked at him and said you used to go to your Wednesday night Bible study every night with your guys and it was just the guys and he would come home so excited and there would be moments where he would be like God told me this or God showed me this tonight, and you could just see like light bulbs and he was learning and growing with other men and he didn’t realize it at the time that he was actually enjoying community until it was taken away. And how many times do we do that? We take something for granted that we have and then, when it’s gone, we’re like, oh, I really liked that, I needed that.
And so we had that moment. We were walking and he looked at me and he was like, oh my gosh, I think I like community. That was my husband too, and I was like, well, not that over. Community is too much. Like we’ve learned, we have to pace ourselves, we have to have boundaries, but you have to identify the communities where God wants you and spend your time and energy there, because that’s where you’re gonna grow and learn.
0:07:26 – Speaker 3
And I think that’s what brings us to our first point God designed us for community. I mean, it’s all over the Bible and I mean that’s nothing new. You’ve probably heard that before. But I think the way we get tripped up is when so for me, I seem like a social person, but I’m actually. I need a lot of time by myself and downtime. Or I’m the same way Like my gas tank goes down to zero and I’m like why am I stressing and why am I all these things? I think, in the way that we define community helps to understand what it means.
0:07:54 – Speaker 2
Cause, my first thought is well, I think, like community, like oh my gosh, I have to be like hosting Bible study or say yes to every invitation. Yes, I have to have a big thing.
0:08:03 – Speaker 3
No, I like the big friend group. That really sends me over the edge thinking of that, Like having 50 friends to get together, Like that’s just a lot. What it really means and I think the part that Charles and I identified was it not only means pouring into something and that can be one person, that can be one outlet, like a hobby or a place where you feel led to be, but it also means being poured into. It’s a two-way street and that’s the goal of what God is trying to call us into is relationship within community.
0:08:37 – Speaker 2
Well, and think about the disciples. There were only 12 of them. It wasn’t a large group. You mentioned our life group. It was three couples, six people getting together to study the word and pour into it, and that was huge community for us.
But it wasn’t this big old party that we had to throw you know, everybody came brought their own food, like we kept it real simple as to not overwhelm anybody, but we spent the time digging into God’s Word and I think that’s the thing you have to define community for yourself. When I think of community, I define it like as inner circle, like my people that I’m pouring into and they’re pouring into me exactly what you’re saying, like the two-way street kind of thing.
0:09:14 – Speaker 3
And that well, and I think the reason God designed us that way is because he knew this life would be hard, and I think about some of the hardest times in my life. It was my community who carried our family through, not just me. They extended that love to my family and so when we’re missing that, we’re missing out on the blessing. That really is something just for us, but then also for our people, like it extends to our people.
0:09:38 – Speaker 2
Well, and I know you know again you hear this word community and you think a bigger group or a town or something. You know like you got to be careful on how you define this so you don’t get overwhelmed. I know you’ve said to my teenager before you need one, you know, tell your kids just pray for one and that’s that one friend, that’s community, that’s somebody you can rely on. You know, in thick or thin they’ve got your back kind of thing. Pastor Emmett, our old pastor at CBC, he used to call him your 2am friends. Who could you call at 2am? That’s your people, those are your, that’s your group. You know where it’s like a small knit community group, that those are your people and we were designed for that and we have to find it and it takes time. It takes time to find those people and develop those friendships and like have you know, do life together, where you have history together. That that all takes a lot of time and energy, but it’s worth it.
0:10:38 – Speaker 3
Well, and here’s the part that’s going to scare the fives and it’s kind of scary and, like people like me, we need to do a little show on Instagram. We do, we do an Instagram show.
0:10:47 – Speaker 2
It’s one of those things that became very popular. But it is when you know your number. It is really helpful in your home.
0:10:55 – Speaker 3
It’s just really interesting In your relationships.
0:10:57 – Speaker 2
0:10:58 – Speaker 3
We’ve had a lot of fun with it personally. But the part that I think is scary and something that God has been showing me is that when you really dig into community like your one or two, that’s where he does big things in the bigger community, meaning the Christian community, and I have seen it over at nextTalk Like the deeper our relationship became, the more he grew nextTalk and I think it’s because he knows when things are growing big in the kingdom you’re really gonna need your 2 am friend.
0:11:30 – Speaker 2
Well, and I think about I love how you said that and I think about you know, we quoted to each other that Bible verse iron, sharp and siren. It’s that accountability, yet, graceful friend, you know what I mean Like that struggle of they see you, they see all of you and they, you know they’re not perfect, people aren’t perfect, and so you know, but you struggle through that together and I love that.
0:11:54 – Speaker 3
I mean that’s what community is yeah, and that’s until you can get to that space and trust that God has brought you there for a reason with that person, then it’s hard for him to use you in the big sense because he wants you to have that rock first so that he can use you in some big ways.
0:12:13 – Speaker 2
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0:12:36 – Speaker 1
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0:13:04 – Speaker 2
If you’re just now joining us, we’re talking about being created for community today and really, like the first part of the show, we talked about why we’re doing this show and how to define community. You know it sounds like a big word. It sounds like we mean, you know you got to have your 50 or 100 people, but we’re really talking about one or two. You know your community, that small knit 2 am friend that you can call in the middle of the night. I want to talk about, like what if you haven’t found your community? I think there’s a lot of people you know that are searching and they want that, but they can’t find those people, and so let’s just talk about some practical ways that they can maybe push into this.
0:13:51 – Speaker 3
Our second point creating community for your kids and making it a family value. I’m not going to mince words, but it’s easier said than done and I know someone saying amen right now, because if you haven’t found your people which a lot of people have not yeah, sometimes you can feel resentful when someone’s talking about their people. You’re like, well, it’s easy for you to say that you found your people and I’ve been trying, and I get that because I will tell you we have been in that space for many seasons and it is not cool, it’s hard, and I think honestly when we say you know, create community for your kids and make it a family value. It’s easier when they’re young, because community is a part of their age. You know, there’s play dates, there’s all the school things that naturally force you into a space where you’re around other people, where you might find someone that you align with.
Church is a great place If you go to a church that offers a lot of different types of communities, a lot of times knowing what you just enjoy, like quilt making or, you know, whatever it is, selling clothes on Instagram, whatever your thing is. I feel like a lot of churches now have something for everyone and maybe that’s a place as a young adult or an adult of any age, that you can find people who align with something you like. But I think the bigger thing here is being willing to fail at finding friends one and also being willing to be transparent which is really scary, especially as an adult and being willing to put yourself out there not easy to do.
0:15:24 – Speaker 2
Well, and I think it’s so important to model this well for our kids, because our kids can find community in lots of different places that sometimes aren’t always pointing them to Jesus Absolutely, and so the more we like model this for them. You know, maybe you’re between churches and you’re trying to find your people, like have those conversations with your kids. We’re trying to find a church that lines up with our beliefs and you know, people can pour into us and we can pour into them. But I think it’s extremely important to point out that there could be good community and bad community. There could be toxic community. There could be community that leads you away from Jesus’s truth, and I think all of those conversations with our kids are super important, like define your values, define what you’re wanting in a community and then seek that out Absolutely.
0:16:12 – Speaker 3
And, like we said, modeling it. You know, my husband and I are the kermits. I mean, we would be happy to be at home and to be snuggling up with the kids and naturally we are homebodies and our kids are too all three of them. So that’s just a bad situation, because all five of us would be okay to be at home like all the time. And so it has. You know, being real with each other and letting God show us the importance of community has forced us into some spaces to say we’re committed to making this a family value, like we are going to do life group. Okay, we’re gonna open up our home to our kids’ friends, even though I’m like sweating because I feel like they might be stinky, and sitting on my couch Like just stuff, like that weird stuff, I’m letting it go. I’m letting it go. I’m like, okay, the couch can be cleaned, just weird things that you know that hold us back, that hold us back from the bear picture right yeah.
0:17:08 – Speaker 2
And so, and that’s Satan. Yeah you know, satan whispers all these little things.
0:17:12 – Speaker 3
0:17:13 – Speaker 2
what if they don’t like you? What if you get rejected? What?
0:17:15 – Speaker 3
if you get hurt.
0:17:16 – Speaker 2
See, I’m thinking about these emotional things.
0:17:19 – Speaker 3
I know and I’m like my couch, my couch.
0:17:22 – Speaker 2
The important things. That is, the difference between a mom with littles and a mom with older kids. I finally just got to have nice things.
0:17:30 – Speaker 3
No, I’m just kidding, I don’t really have. Our house is all kid friendly, but I do. That’s me Like. I’m like, I like to control the environment and that’s something God is constantly. Whatever your thing is, satan’s gonna push into that and force and try to force you to talk yourself out of community. So that’s what we’re saying here Make it a family value together and push into that, because I can promise you 100% God will bless it.
0:17:54 – Speaker 2
Well, and you know lots of things that you can do with your kids. Their likes and dislikes push into that. We did a show I think it was called Knowing your Kid, knowing your Kid. I go back and listen to that, but that’s you know, just pushing into things your kid likes and getting involved and creating community out of that. There’s so many practical things you can do, but one thing that kind of you know that I think about and I think I think a lot about.
nextTalk with this, is you know you can find community through your gifts and callings, like your gifts, and I love 1 Peter 410. It says God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. You know, if you are pressing into that, your spiritual gift, like what you’re good at, you know, are you a helper? Do you like to volunteer at the food bank? Do you, you know, like to mentor young moms? Do you like all of those things that that God may have called you to do or equipped you to do? Push into those, cause you’re going to find community there, Cause I feel, like you know, I my whole life.
I mean we had a big move across the country and so, you know, we switched friends then and then it was like a start over. You know a whole do over on cre, finding our community and then, and you know, I found it through moms when my kids were little. That was a great way. By the way, if you’re a, you’re a mom of a little, it’s mothers of preschoolers. Go to their website. You can search for a local group. That is a great place to get going. We have nextTalk groups now, like you can start one in your neighborhood with a couple friends. You know one or two friends and that helps create community. But those gifts and callings that you’re, that God has put on your heart, if you push into those, what I’ve found is God will bring your people together and I feel like he’s done that with nextTalk.
0:19:51 – Speaker 3
Oh, my goodness.
0:19:51 – Speaker 2
I mean, I finally found my people. Yes, that I feel like I’ve been searching for my whole life, know all your flaws.
0:19:56 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and love me anyway, and love you anyway. Right, very true, that is. That’s a word right there. I will say one of my favorite favorite stories about my mom and I’ve told it before. My mom has is a nurse practitioner, but she one of the things she did when I was a kid was God has given her a heart for the elderly and those who are in their last days of life. Which what?
0:20:20 – Speaker 2
Whose heart is that? That’s amazing. She yes, that’s a unique niche, that we need in this world, and she’s passionate about that that season of life.
0:20:29 – Speaker 3
Yeah, like coming alongside the family and the person who is transitioning into Eternity.
0:20:35 – Speaker 1
0:20:36 – Speaker 3
She I mean that is her calling big time and she is does a beautiful job in that season of life my whole life. And when I was young she noticed very early on in her career that people don’t like to touch other people’s feet. And if you haven’t noticed, elderly people have some stanky, funky feet. Yeah, like the nails get weird. They can’t drive to get a pedicure.
0:21:01 – Speaker 2
No, they can’t bend over and touch it, and they’ve been walking around for 80, 90 years.
0:21:06 – Speaker 3
So in slippers, you know, it’s just the whole situation, like people avoid that area Right, and my mom noticed that in her 20s and so she pushed into that space of uncomfortableness, but it was her calling also, and after work she would load me up in the car and we’d go back to all her patients and she would do pedicures on them after work, like at night, and we’d get to McDonald’s or whatever.
And I have these images of her like on the floor sitting on these floors of these old people’s, random people’s houses, like scrubbing their feet and cutting their nails and massaging their legs, and I cannot tell you how many times they wept, just wept in thankfulness. And that taught me that was her community and that’s where she met some of her best friends, actually the the daughters and sons of these people who found out, and she would talk with them. She has two friends now that have been like lifelong friends that she met while pushing into her passion and doing something uncomfortable and it taught my heart a spirit of service and in service, like you’re saying, where God calls you, you know, whatever it is, we can find our people we can find our people and it just and it also allows us to love people.
So it really is like a full circle kind of thing.
0:22:21 – Speaker 2
I love that. I love that picture. I love that. It’s a picture of servanthood to me. I think about Jesus washing the disciples feet yes, and you know how he cared for his community and how your mom saw these people that needed something and she pushed into that and then she got lifelong friends out of it. And she didn’t do it to make friends, she did it because it was God’s calling on her life. And I think so many times if we, if we push into that, that’s where God will just bless us with these inner circle people that we’ve longed for our whole life, and sometimes it takes a lifetime. I do want to say, if you’re listening to the show and you’re sad because you don’t have that yet, one, you’re never, ever, ever alone. God never leaves your side. Amen. And two, please keep pressing in. I mean literally, it took me into my 40s to really find my people, and so this takes a minute. If you’re, if you’re, blessed to find your people earlier in life, then that’s amazing. Don’t take it for granted.
0:23:29 – Speaker 3
No kidding, no kidding, yeah, and it can. You can find your people and your community in unexpected places, like don’t think that it has. It’s gonna be a church. It may not be. It may be you serving in the community like we talked about. It may be like for a season in my life I found some community doing Zumba. That’s okay.
0:23:50 – Speaker 2
Yeah, that’s okay, girl yeah, I like to dance. As long as nobody’s like pointing you to Satan or anything Right, and it’s fine. I have three babies.
0:23:59 – Speaker 3
I need it to dance. Let me just say that Shake it Shake it off.
0:24:02 – Speaker 1
Yes, I gotta shake it off Way more than Taylor.
0:24:05 – Speaker 2
Swift needs to shake it off, but she needs to shake it on. We need to shake off 800 calories.
0:24:10 – Speaker 1
She’s put it back on.
0:24:12 – Speaker 3
But my point being that I didn’t go there for community but I was open to it because I knew my heart needed it and I found some. I like old people too. Maybe that’s from my mom. I just like old people and there was a lot of old ladies at Zumba and they just kind of took me under their wing. I love that and you know, we would go have lunch and it was just for that short season. It filled my cup and I’m not a social person People think I am. I’m really not. But just having one or two people that I can, you know, pour into and vice versa, it’s life changing. Yeah, it really is.
0:24:49 – Speaker 2
One of our core values at nextTalk is community, because we believe in it and we believe you need a support system to rally around you and we want to be part of that. That’s why we created our video study so that you could make home groups and church groups and create more community, and so it is very important for us.
0:25:04 – Speaker 3
Go to our website at NextHotorg. We have all the information you need there to find out. Just to ask the question you’re wondering about, about our video series no, there’s no strings attached, absolutely.
0:25:17 – Speaker 2
So, number one God designed us for our community. Two create community for your kids and make it a family value. And three God gives us community through our gifts and callings. Push in to what God is wanting you to do.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at NextTalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page