0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk, sponsored by nextTalk.org, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim Every Saturday at 10 am on AM630, the word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a non-profit organization helping parents’ cyberparent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, Find our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:37 – Speaker 2
Today we’re talking about YouTube and online gaming. As a part of our social media series, we have covered all kinds of things. We started with Instagram, snapchat, we’ve done Twitter and now this one. We’re going to cover a couple of things YouTube and online gaming because it’ll pertain a little bit more to some of our younger crowd and our older crowd. It covers everybody, yes, and some adults, yeah. Yeah, we love YouTube.
0:01:02 – Speaker 3
Yeah, what was I saying? What was I saying there? We could go to some videos about the funny cat or the funny dog.
0:01:08 – Speaker 2
Right, oh, my mom With the cats, stop with the cats, mom.
0:01:13 – Speaker 3
Yes. Well, let’s take a look about some history of YouTube. Youtube was founded in 2005 by three former actually PayPal employees. That is so crazy. Yeah, and it’s a video content sharing site. Youtube is owned by Google and is headquartered in California. It has more than a billion visits every month.
0:01:33 – Speaker 2
That is crazy A billion visits every month. Yes, if you’ve been on YouTube before and you’re watching a music video or even a kids video on the right hand side, you’re going to see what’s up next. These are videos that are displayed either on the right hand or right below the main video, automatically selected based on several factors, including what’s currently being watched. So if porn is accidentally clicked on, guess what? It’s going to generate more porn for you to click on.
0:01:58 – Speaker 3
Well, and I feel like those up next videos, those are the videos that you’re like. Don’t click on that. And somebody accidentally clicks on it because there’s something. And even when my kid is watching like sports stuff, there’s women geared to our men, I guess who are looking at sports stuff.
0:02:13 – Speaker 2
I don’t know, it’s like a link, you know, like sports, and then, oh, they drink beer, and then beer, they serve it here and then they have that, and so the further you go down those up next you’re like what is happening and hello stereotypes, right, I don’t know how they’re the.
0:02:25 – Speaker 3
You know that algorithm is created, that those up next videos, but sometimes I’m looking at it and I’m like I’m, I’m wanting to check sports. I’m a woman, yes, like I don’t want to see all this stuff that’s coming up next.
0:02:35 – Speaker 2
She said I’m a woman.
0:02:37 – Speaker 3
I’m a woman, hear me, roar people.
0:02:41 – Speaker 2
YouTube’s website says sexually explicit content, like pornography, is not allowed. However, there’s a lot of pornography on YouTube, so it should be flagged and reported if you come across it.
0:02:51 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I mean that’s a bad thing. The policy says no, we’re not allowing it, but it takes somebody being exposed and then having to report it for them to look into it and then take it down, so we’re a part of the solution.
0:03:02 – Speaker 2
If you see something, report it.
0:03:04 – Speaker 3
Yes, and if your kids see something again when they bring it to you, do not freak out, correct? Do not start screaming no, are you too bad at our house? Rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, rrr, because that just tells them. I can’t tell mom and dad when I’m seeing online. Just praise them for telling you and then take the iPad or the phone in the other room and report it yourself and make sure it’s, and check it the next day, make sure it’s been taken down.
0:03:26 – Speaker 2
And then have the conversation with your kid about what they saw and why they need to protect their heart and mind.
0:03:30 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and how some of that stuff is addictive. I have a 10-year-old son and one thing that he’s been struggling with is people are starting to cuss and he’s hearing those cuss words and he keeps getting them in his mind and he’ll say mom, I’m not saying them, but I’m thinking them on certain situations which is amazing that he’s telling me Absolutely.
And so we talk through that, and I will actually use that as an example for pornography and I will say just like you’re getting those words in your head and you’re thinking about them, if you look at bad things online, that’ll get in your head and you won’t be able to get them out, and so you’ll look at people differently, and I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you to look at people from a different perspective or in a tainted, disrespectful way, and so that’s why we have to protect our heart and mind. But just those simple conversations are so important that they really do get it.
0:04:20 – Speaker 2
The kids get it and don’t worry, there is no script, it’s Holy Spirit-driven and we all have an example, whether it’s the example that you just gave or I know. For us, the way that we talked about addiction was with coffee, because my kids know every day mom has coffee and we talked about that and how thinking about it and needing it and being dependent on it, and so relate it to something that they already know Well, and your kids are little, so that is great. Yes, something simple that they are aware of and they can relate to and understand, and they’re like, oh, I don’t want to be like that.
0:04:50 – Speaker 3
Yes, it’s a continual conversation. It is, it is, and when you get those teachable moments, even when you miss them sometimes I’ll miss the teachable moment and two days later I’ll be like, oh, that was a great. You know, you think about it, I go back to it.
0:05:04 – Speaker 2
Yes, me too.
0:05:04 – Speaker 3
I’ll go back to my kid and I’ll be like hey, do you remember a couple of days ago when we were talking about this YouTube video and I didn’t really have a lot to say about it? I’ve been thinking about it and I think this and I’ll just say and then it’ll bring up some conversation, and then he’ll respond oh yeah, I get that. Ok, very cool. So even if you miss it in the moment, always go back. It’s OK.
0:05:22 – Speaker 2
I think all of us would agree. If you’re looking around at a restaurant, at a grocery store or maybe even in your own household, a lot of kids are on tablets or phones these days and a lot of kids are using YouTube kids, which was released in 2015.
0:05:35 – Speaker 3
I think that was kind of the way for a safer option to YouTube.
0:05:38 – Speaker 2
Yes, it was supposed to be clean, it was supposed to be safe, but it’s come under scrutiny for some bad content. I remember that Mickey Mouse situation. Yeah, yes.
0:05:48 – Speaker 3
So in November 2017, this mom was watching a Mickey Mouse video with her kid on YouTube kids, and it went from a normal Mickey Mouse video to, all of a sudden, the Mickey Mouse family had guns. Everything went dark and they started shooting each other in the head.
0:06:04 – Speaker 2
Like all of them, like all five of them. You know what? It reminds me of Having your identity stolen like there’s bad people hijacked yes, there are Mickey Mouse got hijacked.
Yeah, and it’s because there are people. They’re sitting in the world and there are people that are gonna figure out a way to either steal your credit card number or make bad videos for your kids, or whatever it is. Yeah, they’re gonna figure out the system. So nothing is completely safe. You cannot just hand someone something and say, well, this is YouTube kids, so we’re good to go, someone will get in there.
0:06:35 – Speaker 3
Well, and that’s why we created our nonprofit, because that first line of defense, that 100% full proof thing To keeping your kids safe, is for them to tell you it’s you and so it’s creating this environment where they feel okay, telling you you know that you’re not gonna lose it or take away all their technology or never let them see a screen again, but you’re gonna talk through it and you’re gonna talk and you know, report it, get it taken down, whatever needs to happen, but you’re gonna process it in a calm manner monitoring and restrictions are good, but they are not the first line of defense.
0:07:09 – Speaker 2
It’s the relationship. It is the relationships. You know there are some alternatives to YouTube. There’s different tablets out there. There’s different programs. There’s a lot of apps now that are in conjunction with kids networks and they try to do educational games and shows and videos. Again, you need to look at those, look at the how you’re gonna monitor it, how you can set up restrictions on there for age group. Um, our family has been using now for a couple of years the Amazon fire tablets for kids. You can look through the content ahead of time. You do a subscription yearly that keeps out all ads, which is something that is helpful, because ads are dangerous ads are dangerous.
They are not age related. So even though you’re looking at a four plus game, that should only be kid content. The ads could be pornography that come on there and we’ve all we’ve all seen it. So this is kind of a neat thing, but again, it’s one of the many where you have to pay a subscription To filter out these ads. You get to choose content based on age. You can put time restrictions on there, all kinds of different things books, videos, games and it’s linked to your account so you can at any time see on your phone or whatever what they’ve been doing, for how long they’ve been doing it, and you can shut it off.
0:08:21 – Speaker 3
But the other thing is, once you’ve downloaded the games or the apps, the videos that they’re gonna play, yeah, then you turn off the connection to online right so they can’t exactly next videos.
0:08:31 – Speaker 2
There’s no up next videos, everything.
0:08:33 – Speaker 3
There’s no clickbait things.
0:08:34 – Speaker 2
Yes, there are things that you’ve already approved and set for them. And there’s thousands of things like each of my kids have hundreds of different things they can access, but they’re all things that I have chosen for them ahead of time. And there’s math games, there’s videos and new books. And they’ll say, mom, can we put new stuff on here? Sure, so we’ll go in and together we’ll find new stuff and we’ll add new things.
0:08:53 – Speaker 3
So you have found that this is a good alternative to YouTube.
0:08:56 – Speaker 2
I like it because they still get to have tablet time, certain amount per day, and they and it’s content that’s good, like I see them on there watching science videos. They’ll get out and they and I don’t have to sit there with them and worry about worry about Walking them through the ads, even though we still have the conversation. We still have the conversation because I want them to connect the two that when I am in front of a screen, I will most likely be exposed to something right? We’ve already had the conversation about pornography, good pictures and bad pictures. Kristen Jensen, we’ve done all of those things we constantly talk about coming to me when they see something, and the great thing is they’ll come now, even when it’s something not necessarily bad, but something they don’t understand. So we’ve already set that groundwork there. I saw this mom and it was weird. What does it mean? So I like this as an alternative. It is not 100% safe. Nothing is, yeah, but it is something that we have found in our family. That’s been a good alternative to screen time.
0:09:49 – Speaker 3
That’s a great tip for the younger parents. Yeah, for the older parents I will say this your kids are probably gonna want a YouTube account. Yeah, because here’s the thing YouTubers for the older kids are like their celebrities, right? We grew up loving a certain TV show or a certain. Racing to get home to see the latest episode of our favorite TV program. Yeah, little house on the prairie.
0:10:14 – Speaker 2
Yeah, full house.
0:10:14 – Speaker 3
I’m this little house which now my teen daughter is watching the old full houses and I’m like this is amazing. It’s like the Hallmark channel, right, like it’s all circle.
0:10:23 – Speaker 2
Yeah, full circle. More like these sweet stories. You’re like yes, please watch this.
0:10:27 – Speaker 3
Yes, but I think what we need to do as parents of the older generation, we realize there’s been this shift when we always talk about the shift. And so what is the shift here? With YouTube? So the YouTube, you people, they post videos often daily, sometimes every Monday, or Dude Perfect doesn’t every Monday, which, by the way, dude Perfect are my favorite YouTubers.
0:10:45 – Speaker 2
So fun.
0:10:46 – Speaker 3
Because they are they’re all five good their dads, their husbands, their Christians and they don’t post anything inappropriate that I’ve ever seen. And they’re funny. They do really funny stunts and stuff and they now have a show on Nickelodeon. So they’ve exploded. But they, our kids wanna be the next YouTube star and they get close with these YouTube stars because, think about it, these people are making videos, often in their homes, so wanna Again that behind the scenes look Well like.
For instance, my kid loves Dan TDM. He loves him and I followed him on Twitter. You know I’m not a huge fan, but it’s okay. There’s been no major red flags. There’s been a couple instances of guests that he’s had on the show that have said certain things and I’m like, whoa, we gotta talk about this. So there’s been those kinds of things.
But with Dan TDM, you know the dog, the little pug, will come in the room while he’s recording, and so my son feels like he knows him, and so one time they one of their other animals died and Dan TDM mentioned it. I mean my son was like we gotta pray for Dan TDM because he lost his animal. So what I’m trying to say is there’s a personal connection with these YouTubers that we didn’t have with actresses and actors. But these celebrities are more accessible to our kids these days through social media, through YouTube accounts, and it’s a more personal connection. So we need to be talking to our kids about, you know, making sure those influences are good, that we’re choosing to invest our time in people who are good, doing good things for the world.
0:12:25 – Speaker 2
And I think setting that standard too. Like these are interesting, they’re enjoyable or they’re funny, but these are not real relationships for you. These are people you don’t really know. You have to invest your time in real people. We always say people are more important than screens in our house because it’s real easy to get like into something and think this is important this is real and starting young was setting that standard like this is good or fun or whatever it is, but it’s not real, even if it’s a reality show.
0:12:55 – Speaker 3
Well, and you have to be careful, because sometimes you’ve got little girls, like little girls in elementary school, following high school kids that are YouTubers, that are doing the dating and they’re talking about their makeup and all this. So it activates everything faster than you may have wanted it so does yes.
Because they’re following this YouTuber and they wanna be like this YouTuber and they may get on your phone and follow them on social media whatever, and they just feel so connected Because this YouTube girl’s putting on makeup in her bathroom and, oh look, we have the same shower curtain or we have the. It’s a connection that we didn’t have growing up and we need to recognize that shift and how to have that conversation with our kids.
0:13:33 – Speaker 2
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0:13:49 – Speaker 3
Okay, so we were talking about YouTube stars, and that kind of moves us into our next segment, Kim, Because YouTube stars like Dan TDM he often plays Roblox in classic these big games, Fortnite, these things that then push my kid to wanna play these games so again, we’re seeing that influence and so we need to talk about the online gaming world, Because that YouTube and that online gaming there’s a big connection there in getting your kids wanting to game with other people. Big one, right now is Roblox.
Yes, roblox is. I like to talk about Roblox because I feel like a lot of young kids play it, like elementary-aged kids, and Roblox is fun. My kids love it. They have think about it like this Roblox is like an umbrella, it’s like the server, but under that there are games that are created by people and then uploaded. So right now there are over 15 million games within Roblox to play. So one of them may be a cute little bunny app. That’s perfectly fine for a four-year-old. Another one may be shoot and kill police officers and because you’re stealing things and they’re after you and so that’s a big umbrella to capture all the content. So we kind of need to be aware of Roblox. So when your kids say to you I’m playing Roblox, they will tell me what game you’re playing within Roblox and they’re gonna probably look at you like, oh, mom knows.
0:15:11 – Speaker 2
Yeah, she understands what’s going on.
0:15:12 – Speaker 3
She knows some stuff, yes, there are some games that I have found within Roblox that I say to my kids I’m not okay with this content. Sure, and sometimes my kids will be like, I understand, this is on a screen and it’s okay to play, you know, and I will say, okay, this is our compromise, you can play this, but only when you ask me specifically. So this is not just a game you can get on. Yeah, you know where the bunny game, the cute little stuff, they can just get on that when they get on their screens, I’m fine with that. But if it’s content, that’s kind of our compromise. And then sometimes I will say, yes, you can play it. And then afterwards I’ll be like, tell me about what happened. And then they’ll say and I’ll be like, okay, you know, this is not real, this is not okay In real life. That would be awful if you did. You know something like that. Like, have that conversation. And these are for older kids.
0:15:58 – Speaker 2
My kids are older, so the website says it’s for 8 to 18. But, as we know, even with social media, just like YouTube and online gaming, people give access to their kids a lot younger.
0:16:07 – Speaker 3
Everything trickles down.
0:16:08 – Speaker 2
Everything trickles down. You see little kids on these games and playing Roblox and whatnot and there’s a lot of killing on there. There’s a lot of different things that I was thinking about the other day, in fact, thinking about the age of your kid and I know specifically with boys, they already have a tendency towards wrestling and violence and pretending to shoot and whatnot, and that’s a natural part of being a boy and growing up.
They do that, but if it is magnified by getting to do it in a more realistic way on the screen, it can really tumble out of control. So really be thinking about what your kids, their age and their development can be affected by what they’re doing on the screen.
0:16:44 – Speaker 3
Yeah, there was this one called prison life that my kids were playing and you could either be a prisoner or a guard guarding the prison and the whole thing was trying to escape so you would do whatever. So sometimes and at first I was like, no, you’re not playing that. And then I talked to my husband about it and he’s like, honey, it’s like the modern day version of cops and robbers. We played that all the time in the backyard and I’m like, yeah, but it’s on a screen, it looks more real. Even though they were characters, they weren’t real people, Because I don’t allow the whole real people and the real killing. We’re not into that. Yet my son is 10. And I’m like you’re too young for any of that. So Call of Duty, we don’t do that. It’s just too real, it’s too grand theft auto it’s way too intense.
But he does have like Star Wars games that he plays where they kill people, but it’s characters, and so I’m trying to find that balance of allowing him to be the boy that he is and do that, but then also do it in a way where he knows, like, this is not real, this would never be OK in real life that kind of thing and have those conversations. But it’s a balance, it is and it’s hard.
0:17:48 – Speaker 2
Especially hard with a boy who loves to games and that they naturally are just aggressive a lot of times, and so it’s hard to find that balance there. And also something to look at for on Roblox is cussing. There’s a lot of cussing on the games.
0:18:01 – Speaker 3
Well, I would say that for any game, there’s normally so Roblox, there’s a global chat, and you need to be aware of that, and that’s why we included this online gaming session in our social media series. A lot of people think, well, that’s gaming, that’s not social media. Well, when you’re connecting with people who you don’t know and you’re communicating, that’s pretty much social media. It is, yes.
We don’t think that like that in our minds. But it’s social media, so there’s that global chat where they can talk about anything. And I have seen my son has said they’re using the F word, they’re using this. He’ll be shouting it out for the kitchen island after school and I’ll be like it’s OK, don’t say anything to them, stay whatever, and then you can report them. So we would report them for bad language or whatever and a lot of times my kids will do it. They’ll be like I reported them. But just FYI, they said the F word. I’m like OK, thanks, I’m glad you reported them.
0:18:54 – Speaker 2
Just having that continual dialogue, Absolutely, and those strangers that we’re talking about in this feature of a lot of games and the online gaming specifically. You have got to have that stranger conversation with your kids ongoing. A good example of that If you were at the grocery store and someone came up to your kid and was asking him where do you live, Where’s your school? This is the same thing. It’s just in the virtual world. It is real guys. It happens all the time. We heard a lot of stories when we were in DC about bad consequences of someone not realizing that really there are some bad people out there who are going after our kids.
0:19:31 – Speaker 3
PIMPs and sex traffickers they know that our kids are on these games. So if they can get your kid to private chat with them, sometimes in some of the games it’s called a party, where it’s kind of like a DM, like a direct message. It’s a private chat area where it’s just you and this person. And so I have this role in my house. Yes, you can play online, because that’s the thing I mean, you’re playing online with people. But my role is you cannot private chat with anyone who you do not know in real life. So now, as my child has gotten older, he will say to me mom, I’ve been gaming with this kid, this is his username and it’s a fine username. It’s fine, it’s not a real name, it’s not anything inappropriate. And we’ve been playing the last couple of days on this game and he wants to private chat. He’s at OK, and I’ll say OK, since you’re telling me that everything you’re saying is okay, that’s okay, but your private chat only has to be about the game. So if he ever asks you about anything else, then we need to talk about it.
Now again, my boy is Gary, turn 11, he’s older. When he was eight I would not allow that at all. I would say you can get on in game, but you’re staying in this global chat and you’re not talking privately to anyone. But as they get older and we’ve had conversations and I know he’s telling me things and I’ve told him. This person may be perfectly fine and they may be nice to you, but, like three weeks from now, they may start asking you personal questions, exactly, and it may not be a little boy your age, and so then that’s when you gotta stop, and so and he gets it, because one time, even on the global chat, people were talking about their time zones, that they were in and what time it was there and he was like that is personal information.
I don’t think they should have said that.
0:21:11 – Speaker 1
So he gets it. He has those red flags.
0:21:14 – Speaker 3
But this is just something that you’re gonna have to watch with your kids and, as you trust them, you can let the string out a little bit more like the kites let it out, let them fly and, if you need, to reel it back in and they start making bad choices. But this is a balance of them growing up in an online world and letting them enjoy it, letting them experience it, letting them understand how it works but, doing it in a safe way.
0:21:37 – Speaker 2
There’s so many games out there that are popular right now, but whether they’re playing Roblox, clash of Clans, fortnite, whatever it is, there are some things that you can ask them, some key questions so you know about the games that they’re playing.
0:21:49 – Speaker 3
Yeah, these are like my go-to questions when my kid wants to get a new start, a new game. I will go to these. So the first question I say is how do you talk to other players, Like I wanna know, is there a global chat? Is there a private?
0:22:03 – Speaker 2
chat.
0:22:04 – Speaker 3
Yeah, whatever it’s called, explain this to me and then set clear guidelines. So, like I said, I will say nobody private chats with you unless you know them in real life. You know, if it’s our neighbor who’s connected with you and you can private chat, that’s fine, that we know them in real life. But set those clear guidelines and then they will ask you if they wanna go outside of those guidelines and you can decide are they ready to maybe let them or not? Right?
0:22:28 – Speaker 2
kind of thing. Every child different? Yes, absolutely. The next one which is really good is what is the object of the game? This is one that we talk about in our house a lot because, again, like the Star Wars shooting game, the tablets that we use has access to all those types of games. So we choose accordingly and we say are you hurting people? Are you killing people? Show me how it works, which is great, because kids love to show you how to do things.
0:22:50 – Speaker 1
Most kids do yeah.
0:22:51 – Speaker 2
So they love to be like oh mom, this is how it works and this is what we do, and you go over here and there’s a secret door and they wanna show you all that anyway. So you can get a good idea if it’s appropriate for your kid and them spending a lot of time in it, and you can continue that conversation because you actually know what it is.
0:23:04 – Speaker 3
So Fortnite? You know my 10 year old. He came home from school several weeks ago. I want Fortnite. And it was like, okay, I gotta research this. Somebody on our team had already been researching it because we’d been contacted by another parent. So we were already doing some internal research here at nextTalk. But you know, and she gave me the mom gave me some great information about it. But the best information I got was when I sat down with my kid and I said tell me what you like about it. And he said, well, it’s basically like last man standing, like you’re supposed to kill, you’re supposed to be the last survivor, so you kill everybody that gets in your way and the goal is to be the last person standing. And I said, well, why is that fun? You know like, why would you want to play that? And he was, like it makes me feel like a crazy hero, you know Like, yes, like I conquered it. It’s the survivor that, oh, that wild and hard. I love that book.
0:23:51 – Speaker 2
It’s why we all watched Survivor.
0:23:53 – Speaker 3
Yes, it’s why we watched. And then I got it and I was like, okay, well, these are characters, these are not real people, and you know this would be. You could not do this in real life, Like it’s not about being the last man standing in real life. And we had that conversation. So we compromised and I said you can get the free trial version of it and we can try it out, because I want to see how it works more. And it’s funny. I mean he played it a couple of days and now he’s like onto something else. You know, like sometimes it’s just if you take, they build it up in their head like it’s so amazing because all the kids are thinking about it at school, and then you give them just a little taste of it and they’re like it’s okay, yeah, you know, and if you freak out and say no, no, no, no, no, no, then they’ll be more curious about it most of the time.
Now. He may get more obsessed with it as he gets older, but for now we’re in a good, healthy place.
0:24:39 – Speaker 2
Once you do these things, be specific about what you want reported. You can’t just say if it’s bad, let mom know you need to be they don’t know what bad means you got to define that for them. Is it cussing? Is it new words? Is it anything about kissing, dating, marriage, body parts, violence, cyberbullying, threatening words, calling people mean words, like you know, stupid, like the F word, whatever, be detailed with them.
0:24:57 – Speaker 3
And they will in the global chat. They will be like you’re so stupid for doing this. And then you got to have a conversation with your kid. How did that make you feel Don’t let people online tell you how to feel Like that’s a conversation too, For our wrap up segment.
0:25:08 – Speaker 2
As with any technology, inappropriate content can be on YouTube and YouTube kids. Number two YouTube celebrities impact your kids and whatever online gaming platforms that they want to play. Those two are connected, so you need to understand that. And then, number three, with any online gaming platform, be aware of content and how to connect with strangers. Give specific instructions to your kids and role play on how to respond to those strangers.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim every Saturday at 10 am on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
