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Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
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My wedding day was absolutely beautiful. Do you remember? The other day I was telling your daughter about it when we were in the car and just kind of remembering and reminiscing about the day, and it just really got me the thinking about it ever since, I mean, we were talking about your wedding too. Well, first of all, we had a girls’ day, which was awesome.
0:00:56 – Speaker 2
It was like my dream girls’ day.
You and your daughter that was awesome and we said this is going to have to be like a tradition now. So when your little girl gets a teenager we’re going to have to do it with her as well, because it was so much fun it was. I think I liked just being in the car with you guys the most, all the conversation, but we were talking and I learned a lot about you like that I didn’t know Crazy, right yeah about your wedding, about just little details that we had never talked about before. But I remember you talking about your wedding and how special it was and how you brought in all different sorts of friends who were talented in certain areas to make it happen. It was special that way because not only did they get to use their gifts and talents, but they were part of the wedding, even if they weren’t part of the wedding party. I loved that thought.
0:01:44 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it was something that I had always wanted to do and it happened to turn out really well. And you know how it is. I don’t know about you, but it is kind of that age old thing that little girls start planning their wedding when they’re five. You know, you put the curtain on your head and pretend to be a bride and I just always knew that I wanted to be married and have this beautiful wedding and I wanted my wedding day to come so bad Like.
I remember longing for it and thinking about it and imagining it and putting all this hope and dream time into that day. And then it came and it was just a day which sounds terrible. I even asked my husband. I said, does this sound bad? When I was preparing for this show. But it’s really. What I want to kind of convey here is that I spent years planning and longing and thinking and hoping for this one day, and then it was a day that came and went and what really mattered was not the day but the marriage. And I mean that’s not a new thought, but I was really longing for the wrong thing. I was longing for a moment instead of a process, and that has stuck with me and I’ve been thinking about it in regards to what we’re going through right now with this pandemic. Does that kind of make sense?
0:02:58 – Speaker 2
It makes total sense. You know, we see all these memes 2020 is a dumpster fire and I’ve been guilty of saying you know, 2020, when can you be over? I mean, I remember realizing that mom jeans were cool for kids but not cool for moms, and I was like 2020, you are so upside down Like what is happening here. Right, I have joined in on the fun of poking, you know, making fun of 2020 and all of that, but I think this is a really great example, Kim, of how you’ve described your marriage, the day versus the process, and how we’re looking at this year too, Because we all are longing for a reset. We are longing for this year to be over, but what’s really going to change, you know and I think we need to think about that, because it’s our hearts and the process that God is taking us through and this learning experience. That really is what it’s about. It’s not about the reset from 2020 to 2021.
And I think if we get in that mindset, we’re going to get to January and we’re going to get mid-January then the newness is going to wear off and then we’re all going to get depressed because we’re like it’s the same old stuff. We have to wear masks, we still have to socially distance. We have to do it. I mean, even with the vaccine. You know, we’re still hearing that we’re still going to have to wear masks, we still can get COVID even though you have the vaccine. So we have to take all the precautions. And so what is really going to change?
0:04:21 – Speaker 1
You hit the nail on the head. I mean, everybody’s saying that like I can’t wait for January one, it’s going to change everything. That’s not really the case. We’re longing for a day when really we need to be preparing for the year ahead of us, and not just for us. I’m telling you, our kids are watching us and that’s kind of what God put on my heart is we’re going to crash and burn If we are putting all of our hope on January 1st, changing things and it’s going to be so much better. It’s going to be so disappointing, and so I think this is super important for us to have some conversations with our kids and go through some things to prepare for what’s to come, so that we can have change and it can be positive as we move forward out of this whole situation.
So I was thinking and praying about it. I was like well, lord, what do we do? Like? How do we prepare for 2021? And I think the first thing is just simple we need to have an honest conversation without judgment, which shouldn’t be a new concept, but I think we really need to prioritize it now, before the year hits, because your kids are also seeing those memes. Your kids are also talking to their friends who are like 2021 is right around the corner, yay, hooray. And sometimes I think our instinct is in a situation where we feel like it’s been scary or it’s been hard, like 2020 has been. I know, for me, I want to protect my kids a lot of times, you know, and I want to say everything’s going to be fine, like we give them hope. We want to give them hope, but I feel like that might set them up for what might not happen. So having that honest conversation about what’s coming in the new year I think is key.
0:05:56 – Speaker 2
Yeah, kim, I think what you’re saying here is really great. There’s a lot of people I don’t know anyone not struggling right now, maybe not depression, but like the blues or feeling down or whatever. There’s different degrees that I’m seeing of anxiety and depression right now and I think a lot of us have filed in our heads we’re getting ready to have a reset with a new year and so it’ll be okay. I’m not going to seek attention, I’ll be fine, and I think I would say I caution you against that. You know, if you’re feeling out of whack, consult the doctor now, talk to your counselor. I mean you may need help, because I just don’t think the roll over of the new year it may be good for a week or two and we may be hit the ground running. You know, just like we always are, like everybody’s in the gym from January 1st and January 15th and then it wears off.
It’s the same thing with our mental health this year, you know, I think we’ll start out being like, yes, we’re going, we’re going to tackle this year, and then we’re going to get depressed again and we are going to seriously struggle, and so we definitely need to have our guard up. I know one of the things that I’ve been real honest with my kids about and again it goes back to this concept of being able to have honest conversations without judgment One of the things that I’ve been talking to my kids about is like I just don’t have any energy and I don’t think it’s because of anything I’m doing. I think the emotional toll that everything has taken on me is just depleted me, and it’s okay to say that I’ve been saying to my kids I’m not being as disciplined with working out, I’m not being as disciplined with, you know, just keeping things in order around our home, you know, like having meals planned and all of that. I’ve just been flying by the scene of my pants because I’m just tired.
0:07:39 – Speaker 1
Yes, I’m tired, we’re done, and I’ve learned from the past that when I am done, often my kids are somewhere right behind me and we’ve had that conversation, which was so helpful. I think they needed to be able to say what they were worried about. We asked them we’re like what are you thinking about the new year? And one of my kids in particular said I’m kind of scared because I want it to change and I want it to be better. And if it’s not, then what we validated our kids’ concerns All of them. We talked about how we have hope and who we have hope in, and then we reminded them again that we have to keep talking like come to us, let’s just discuss. And we’re going to keep bringing it up because we know mental health is just a huge issue and we want our kids to know that we’re their safe place to process all that. So please take the time to talk as a family about what you’re feeling, without judgment.
0:08:32 – Speaker 2
You know. The other thing is I think we’ve learned a lot this year too, and we should take inventory of that. What is good and what is bad? I know for us some of the bad things is screen time has gotten kind of out of control, and that’s one of the things we’re going to work on in the new year, a new goal for us, and so we’re using that as a you know, as a little bit of a reset for us. But there’s been good things that happen too.
I mean, I think about work and about how much we have learned to do things by Zoom, like we’ve been doing these online groups and they’ve, like, completely changed how we’ll go forward. You know we’ll have in-person groups, but now I have loved it so much. I’ve gotten to know these 20 moms and we have built some great relationships and I think for me, going forward you know that’s something I’m going to take with me I want to continue doing an online group and getting to know moms personally every spring and fall. That’s something that’s new on my agenda that I had never even I didn’t have time before because of all the travel, and so now I think I can do the travel and this because I can be, you know, at a hotel meeting with these moms via Zoom, and it’s a great way to connect with families.
0:09:45 – Speaker 1
I love that we’re able to take a minute, just like you do in a regular year, but I think this year’s really important because it pushed us into new spaces, places and spaces and processes that we never even were considering, because it was such a weird experience. So this year more than ever, I think it’s critical to take the time to really think about what’s good and what’s bad that you experienced and how you can move forward with that. I mean something for our family that seems so obvious that we didn’t do until this past year. We live all over the world, from India to London to San Antonio, texas, and on the holidays we have never done like a family Zoom.
I don’t know why, but this year because that’s what everybody was doing it was the first time in our family’s entire history that everybody got onto a Zoom call and got to talk on Thanksgiving and it was awesome the little kids that you know, some of us have never met the family we haven’t seen for 10 years. Everybody was on there and it was such a great experience that we then created a family text thread where now we’re sharing photos, we’re sharing exercise tips and cooking ideas and recipes. It’s just like this whole new part of our family relationship that was missing, that was born out of COVID, and so, yes, we want to take that moving forward. And then there’s things, you know, that we’re like, oh, this is not good. We need to change, shift, remove, and so, more than ever, take the time to take inventory before the new year.
0:11:21 – Speaker 2
I love that, kim, let me just hop in here. It just reminds me, as you were sharing that story about your family. It just reminded me of that verse in Deuteronomy 23.5 that says I will take the intended curse and turn it into a blessing because I love you. You know that’s God speaking there and it truly is awful, as this year has been, and there’s been so many deaths and disease and loss of job and so many things that we’ve had to deal with. There have been good things that have come out of it and that’s a perfect example of how your family has changed for good. You know, and with nextTalk, how the online groups have changed it for good, and I love when God gives us those moments of light in the middle of darkness. I think we all need that. So I do think taking inventory is such good advice because, yes, we can weed out what’s bad, but we can really think about the good that has come from all of it as well.
0:12:22 – Speaker 1
So we’re having honest conversations without any judgment. Sit down, take the time to take inventory of the good and bad. You know, don’t waste this experience that we’ve gone through. But I think one of the most important things is to keep your focus on the right things.
I had this head pastor my husband and I over 15 years ago, that did this illustration that has always stuck with me and I share it with my kids all the time.
He stood on the stage with another pastor and they had this string go all the way across the stage and then he went and stood in the middle and he like, tapped the middle of it and he said this is our moment right now, this blip in our lives, and we know everything that happened before it and we know what’s happening in this moment, but we have no idea what’s to come on the rest of this very long string.
But God does. He sees the entire picture. He sees the things that he wants to protect us from and guard us from. He sees the opportunities that we can’t see. He sees the big life moments that are coming that we had no idea about and so that unseen part of our lives on the string. That’s where trust and hope comes in our faith and that has just always stuck with me, like I don’t know what’s coming and we don’t know what the new year will be like. But we need to keep our focus on God and what he knows and trust that it will be exactly the way it’s supposed to be.
0:13:45 – Speaker 2
I love that illustration and I think it’s something we can all use with our kids. You know when they go into different seasons you know I’m my daughter’s older right now and we’re looking at colleges and visiting them and there’s a lot of unknowns, and so that’s an illustration that I can use with her about trusting him in the plans that he has for her. And one thing that I always add when I’m talking to my kids about unknown and stuff is one thing that will always be true is that God won’t leave you. He won’t leave you. You know it may get messy, there may be hardships, there may be disease, there may all of that.
I mean God said you’re going to have sorrow in this world, but he says take heart, I have overcome the world, and I think that’s the message that we need to be talking to our kids about going into 2021. The reset isn’t going to happen because of the year changing. The reset is going to happen because it’s in our hearts and who we’re looking to and how we are processing. You know, just like in your marriage, it wasn’t about the day, it was about the process, and that is where we are going to be able to keep our kids mentally stable and on the right track as far as talking them through these kinds of issues.
0:15:02 – Speaker 1
I agree completely, mandy, and I think some of the easy ways we can do that with our kids, helping them focus on God instead of the new year, is just continue to pray as a family, have those open conversations, reading God’s word regularly, even memorizing scripture, so in those moments of fear and anxiety you can turn to the word, no matter where you are.
0:15:23 – Speaker 2
And if this is something you don’t do regularly as a family, this is a new goal that you can set. It’s again, the new year is a great time to set new goals. So you can say hey, we’re going to decrease social media time, but we’re going to increase scripture in our home.
0:15:39 – Speaker 1
Okay, so start by having an honest conversation about 2020 and 2021. No judgment, just let everybody share what’s on their heart. Take inventory good and bad, what stays and what can we let go of and take your eyes off your current circumstances and focus on God. He sees the entire picture and has a plan.
0:16:02 – Speaker 2
We hope this show prepares you for the new year. Enjoy it and onward we go, people.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
