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Okay. So, growing up, you know we all have dreams, we all have hopes and things that we’re passionate about. And I wanted to be a fly girl. Do you know what that is for? It’s a backup dancer. That’s super awesome. I really thought I was going to do. I was like head of the dance team and I was like that is my goal.
And then I grew up, graduated from school and I was like I need some realistic goals, like for my family, for my future, and so I thought it’d be more realistic to shift over to being a mom of five, making my own baby food using cloth diapers, because I’m aware of the environment.
I was going to have this spotless house, like I imagined my cleaning routine and people could come over anytime and it would be like immaculate. I was going to cut sandwiches into shapes every day for my kids like star heart unicorn, like seriously, these were my dreams. I would tell my husband at the time. And then I, even because of my background in radio and I’ve always been kind of driven in my career I was like I know I will also be, you know, a top five show host for radio, at the same time maybe do marketing on the side. I just I wanted to have my own business. So I was like, okay, you know, i’m going to be an entrepreneur, like all the things, and I thought that seems realistic, much better than being a fly girl, and so I thought that was good.
0:02:01 – Speaker 1
Well, from now on everybody’s going to call you fly girl Kim, because that sticks. We need a shirt. I’m okay with me. I figured that would be okay with you.
0:02:13 – Speaker 2
And nobody in my family would bat an eye. They’d be like yes, Yes.
0:02:17 – Speaker 1
So I mean, i think this is hysterical, because when we started talking about this I had similar goals. I remember thinking not the fly girl part, because I can’t dance, you see, me It’s special.
I have other gifts and talents. You do, totally do. You’re the dancer? Um yeah, my dream was to be a top attorney Like I would be killing it, but I would also have. My goal was for kids making biscuits from scratch every morning, for breakfast, of course, and growing beautiful flowers and fresh vegetables in my garden, in the backyard on the farm that we lived in. You know that was well manicured and nobody ever had to, you know, do anything like clean up the manure or anything like that. No, just bliss, just happen, just bliss. I mean I, you know, i look back and I’m like oh bless your heart, mandy.
0:03:19 – Speaker 2
Bless your heart. It’s funny now we can laugh and say that. But I do remember those moments like standing in the kitchen crying over the stupid baby food maker that I was trying to work and it not working, and being stressed and overwhelmed and feeling like a failure because nobody said hey, Kim, that’s not realistic. Like you’ve got lots of gifts, but that’s a little bit too much.
0:03:44 – Speaker 1
I remember when I had the moment when I realized this is not achievable. Something has to give here. I have to make choices because there’s 24 hours in a day. I remember that moment and it broke me And literally it’s one of the reasons why I was on the path to law school. I was accepted to law school. Matt was going to help me get through law school. We weren’t married yet but we had a whole plan, you know, on me focusing on law school and then he would do his masters and all the things. We had worked it all out so we could both chase our career paths.
And I remember having the moment that I was like I’m getting ready to go into debt for law school. I couldn’t afford it, right. And so what if I don’t want to be that? Or what if something changes and we do have a family sooner than I thought? And that was the moment where I was like I’ve got to make some serious decisions right now. And it was not fun. And it was really not fun telling my family because what they saw was oh my gosh, this has always been your dream And now you’re giving it up for Matt. And that was like totally not the situation. It was me coming into reality of How am I gonna juggle all this?
0:05:02 – Speaker 2
Yeah, when you are growing up and as you are becoming an adult, trying to find that balance of dreams and Expectations and things that you think are realistic with reality, like what can I actually handle and what can I actually do. Good, and that applies to everyone, but I think you’re right It.
0:05:20 – Speaker 1
This isn’t really about what you choose for your career or how many hours you work or whatever We want to really focus on when you have these big dreams and we see them in our kids, my kid comes home and says mom, i’m gonna be an NFL player, i’m gonna do that one day. And I’m over here thinking, oh, ma, i don’t think so. But what is my line as a parent? because I don’t want to squelch that dream. What if God has an amazing, miraculous dream for him? I don’t want to squelch it, but at the same time I Do want to tell him what I wish someone would have told me 100%.
0:05:58 – Speaker 2
I will say my mom did a good job of Encouraging my dreams and passions, but also saying like, hey, here’s some other things that you’re good at. And so, as I was talking about wanting to be this fly girl dancer, she was like, yeah. She was like, yeah, girl, let’s you Like love your shows in the living room and keep that up. You know, she paid for all the dance classes. I did all the dance recitals, i got to do all of those things, but it was those underlying conversations of like, oh man, you’re, you’re really good at this and you’re really good at that, planting those seeds, and having those like sub conversations of hey, there’s all these other things that can not necessarily be your backup, but that you could do. That would be awesome, and I think it’s important for us to learn that balance with parenting our kids. We got to say the hard things too.
0:06:55 – Speaker 1
Well, and yeah, this is what the main focus of this show is, and so we want to just give you some practical examples that have happened in our own homes. I’m learning, as with everything, it is a fine line because you don’t want to squelch their dreams And you don’t want to be like Debbie Downer when they say something, but at the same time, you do want to recognize what are their strengths and weaknesses. And where can I, and what kind of conversations can I have about those? I remember, years ago, my, my son. He wanted to. He played football and He came home one day and he was like a toad coach and I want to be a wide receiver.
So for those of you who don’t know what a wide receiver is, it’s the one that runs down the field. I mean, you have to be super fast and catch the ball to score the touchdown. Well, of course he wanted to score the touchdown. Everybody wants to score the touchdown, right? Of course he’s a little kid and I’m like, yeah, you know, i just was yay for him. He wanted to play in the NFL, all the things right. So he played his first year as wide receiver and, privately, matt said to me this is not the right position for him. He’s. He’s not the fastest one on the field, mandy, and I’m like, well, don’t tell him that. Like that, we don’t want to squelch him, you know. Just let’s foster this, let’s see what happens.
So he Didn’t get a lot of playing time as wide receiver, which was different from his other positions that he played and he played all the time. And so he came home and we had to have a conversation with him and it went like honey. I know that’s where all the excitement is, but part of being a team player is using your skill set to improve the team and your skill set, you know the place, you think fast with your, with your mind on what needs to happen right away, but you’re not the fastest runner, you know. And like being very honest with him about you’re gonna have to switch positions If you want to keep playing football. Yeah, and it was received so well It. He didn’t get frustrated with it It, but it was a process that I think we had to let play out. We couldn’t just say you’re not good at that. We had to let it play out, see what his kind of decisions his coach was making, which kind of lined up with what we were thinking And then have the conversation in a delicate way.
0:09:07 – Speaker 2
That’s a great example of what we’re talking about here and you know We gave examples of when we were older. But these conversations, if you start having them when your kids are younger, then they’ll get used to feeling like, oh, mom loves and encourages and dad Celebrates and fosters opportunities for the things that I love, but also I can depend on them for truth and reality checks and guiding me. And I think if they get used to that environment, that’s gold right there. That’s that space you want to be in with your kids, where they feel supported but also guided, and not just, like my mom’s, a cheerleader No matter what, like I know that feels good, but in the end I don’t think that’s what we’re called to do. So I think if you’re looking at what your kids are good at and something they’re passionate about, here’s an example of how you can take that and apply it to things that might be practical that you can kind of share with them now so they can have it in the back of their mind as they’re growing up. So I have one kid that also wants to be an NFL superstar but also wants to be a YouTube star. This is the culture there. It makes total sense. So either of those are possibilities, i suppose.
But as we’re talking about that, one of the fun things we’ve done is like, yes, play on the team and we’ll encourage you and find the right position for you. That’s great. My husband has been really good about talking about his physical and mental strengths out on the field and how that will apply to business or how that will apply to being a leader in the family. So planting those seeds that it’s not just because you’re athletic on the field you should be in the NFL, but also, hey, those are great skills that you can use in other areas too. If this thing doesn’t work out And then with the YouTube thing it’s been super fun We’ll go out and we’ll buy.
He loves Pokemon. We’ll go out and buy these Pokemon packs and make little YouTube videos with him So he knows like we’re all about what you like. That’s super cool, you can try it out. And then having the conversation afterwards, like you know, sales, being a pastor, being a counselor, these are all. These are all things where, when you have the kind of personality you do, people are drawn to that and they trust you and they’re encouraged by you and that’s a gift. And so planning those seeds of other opportunities that they could start thinking about really helps when they’re having those big dreams that may not be realistic.
0:11:24 – Speaker 1
I love that so much. Such a practical example of how you’re taking the things they love, like Pokemon, and making it a teachable moment about. These are skill sets that you’re building And this could help you in these certain types of careers, so that way they have options And when they finally have that moment when they realize and most of them will, but they’re not going to play professional sports, they’re not feeling like a failure and like, oh my gosh, i can’t do anything. They are already thinking about Oh, you know, mom and dad said I could do this, this or this because I’m really good at it. And then they start looking at different avenues. I love that example so much.
0:12:03 – Speaker 2
And that’s really the point. I can’t tell you how many times my husband, being in education at all different levels from high school down to pre-K How many times you said I have sat with kids just weeping when they realize like maybe I’m not the star player or maybe I’m not going to be, and they don’t feel like they have options And they feel devastated And he’s like I don’t want our kids ever be in that place where they feel like their one dream is gone. Now what? And so that’s really the point of this is giving our kids a wider view of all the things that God has placed in them and how those things can be realized into an actual job or position or part of community that is practical.
0:12:43 – Speaker 1
I do want to say and I think we need to be careful here too What if your kid loves a certain sport and you don’t think they’re good at it, but you want them to try another sport? Check yourself, parents, make sure it isn’t you wanting to live through your kid. We need to be really careful of this because sometimes our kids have dreams and God. God plants those dreams in their little hearts and minds and maybe it will happen for them. We do have to be careful in the sense of we don’t just want to redirect because we don’t like what they’re doing And I think sometimes we do that and we use it. Well, they’re not going to be good at that or they’re not going to be able to make a career of that. We use that as an example to deter them away.
A perfect example is when my daughter wanted to go into theater in sixth grade. We had no idea. I don’t know anything about theater. She’s afraid of being on stage. At the time I was like what? This makes no sense to me, right? But she loved it. She’s been in it now for seven years. It’s been part of her high school journey And she knew probably sophomore junior year she wasn’t going to make a career of it.
But we started talking about all the skills she was learning being part of a team, seeing the importance of even the person operating the fog machine, because if that doesn’t work, then that whole scene is put out. So every person plays a critical role in what they bring to the table. Learning that, learning that people on stage are just as important offstage Critical thinking, skills of troubleshooting Like she works behind the scenes a lot and has headphones on And so if something goes down, she has to fix it right there on the spot. Critical thinking And we have been talking a lot about how that translates into other careers. But I look back and I think I, you know, i didn’t know anything about theater. I had my reservations. I was like really, girl, what? What if I would have deterred her from that because I didn’t know that world?
0:14:48 – Speaker 2
yeah, and so don’t do that or if it scared you, or if it.
0:14:52 – Speaker 1
Yeah, if it scares you or if you don’t know the world or you’re like I want them to play this. I always had a dream I would have a fly girl. You’re gonna dance. You know, don’t do that, don’t project what you want on their life. But at the same time, you do have to be realistic with them and you do have to be honest and you do have to say You know you’re not the best at this, but you’re really great at this and what a great skill set This is to have and how it can change the world through this, this and this.
0:15:22 – Speaker 2
I’ve met a lot of parents who Love their kids so much and they are just so fearful that they will hurt their feelings or that they’ll squelch their dreams or There they’ll be seen as the bad guy if they have these kind of conversations. And I get that like we want our kids to feel supported and celebrated and cheered on and able to have the big dreams. But I do believe, if we’re prayerful about it, lord, show me the words to use, give me the right space, make it a moment where my kids headspace is right to receive this. God can really use this in that iron sharpens iron way, because we’re not called just to celebrate. We’re also called to refine and encourage and guide as parents, and this is one of those hard parts of parenting That is really, really important, that we can’t miss just because we’re afraid of not being liked.
0:16:12 – Speaker 1
Your tone and and the condition of your heart matters when you enter this conversation, as with most of the conversations we talk about. So absolutely do not shame, do not put down, do not tear down. Celebrate who they are and the unique gifts and qualities that they have.
Transcribed by https://podium.page