0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:09 – Speaker 3
Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630. The word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization helping parents cyber parent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, find our video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:34 – Speaker 1
So we’ve heard from several concerned moms this week, this past week, asking us the same question over and over again What are visco girls and why are my kids being left out if they’re not a visco girl?
0:00:47 – Speaker 2
Visco girl, yeah it sounds kind of like disco, so I know, right. Okay, so it’s the acronym V, sco and it stands for visual supply company. That is the name of the app. Right, it’s visco app, but there’s a thing now that’s visco girls.
Mm-hmm, and all the calls started coming into us because it like school started right, Yeah and all the people were trying to figure out where to set for lunch, mm-hmm, and there were like girls in different school settings Not being allowed to set at a table because they weren’t a visco girl Like this is a thing, yeah it sounds crazy.
0:01:25 – Speaker 1
We have to rewind, though, and explain this. What is this right? It sounds, it does, it’s. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it, but when I first looked at it, i was like well, this is not social media. This is not a thing. Why is this a problem? Okay, it started as something different, so this is what is so funny.
0:01:40 – Speaker 2
The first time I got stopped about this was at an event, yeah, and a lady pulled it up on her phone and I wasn’t familiar with it, yeah, and I said, okay, let me ask our team, because that’s what I always do and somebody on our team knows what’s going on. And then we researched a little bit more, right, and so I asked our team and they were like I literally that night when I got home, I texted two people on our team that I thought they’re gonna know what this is. I was like, hey, do you know what this is? and they were like, oh, visco, it’s the photo app thing.
0:02:08 – Speaker 1
Like it’s a really neat editor around for years.
0:02:11 – Speaker 2
I mean, one of them said, like 2011, like I’ve been using this. It’s a great photo editor. It’s not social media, though. And I’m like, well, this mom explained it to me as like the new Instagram, so like she doesn’t allow social media, but her daughter has this and she didn’t realize it’s social media too. And they’re like no, that doesn’t make sense, like that, something’s off, right. So I thought, okay, we’re missing something here, right, yeah. Then the call start coming in. Mm-hmm, like literally two days later, messages, calls, text and it was about the visco girl. And I’m like wait a minute, god is trying to show us something. We got to dive back deeper into research here.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
We always have to follow the trend, like if we hear about it, even if we’re not aware of it. We need to dig deep, figure it out sometimes It’s different with different schools. It’s regional.
0:02:58 – Speaker 2
It’s regional, like kids are into it at different times, yeah, so I wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but I knew God was saying stop a minute, like I’m trying to show you something. And so then we we really dug into the research. We’re like we got to look into this and we discovered something. Guys like whoa so visco girls is like a brand and it. They really try to use the photo app to edit themselves and Create an aesthetic. Okay, that really they use a lot on tick tock in Instagram. Now Instagram, we’ve done a podcast on that. Y’all can go see that Tick tock is the new musically right, so musically is no more. Now it is tick tock and Abisco girl is somebody that likes a certain brand. It’s a look. It’s a look, yeah, so think you know scrunchies.
0:03:49 – Speaker 1
Which is hilarious, like the 90s right, the whole thing, whole look It’s like socks and crocs together, as which is a nightmare, or vans.
0:03:59 – Speaker 2
Yes, i mean socks and crocs, no. That’s a mistake and like vans, and in the water, the hydro flask. That’s the big thing, not just a water, bottle water.
0:04:09 – Speaker 1
It’s a water water. It’s a special with stickers, right with stickers.
0:04:12 – Speaker 2
Yes, and you know all the cool little trendy stickers that you, that you like, but this is a visco girl and so what we realized is we needed to put some talking points together, because this isn’t It’s not necessarily new. I mean fads, trends, they’ve always been around, but I think the shift happens with social media. It’s so much more defined now in the brand you know, and it’s like hashtags which trending, so it’s ingrained in them more Like this is what it’s supposed to look like Yes, kind of thing.
0:04:48 – Speaker 1
And young girls want to be a part of a trend. If they can’t set it, they want to be a part of it. And again, nothing new. And I want to look cute.
0:04:54 – Speaker 2
Nothing new, nothing wrong with wanting to look cute. Yeah, i think the problem is when we exclude others because they don’t want to look like us, and so I think that’s where we’re going to dive a little bit deeper in the show today. But we wanted to kind of explain what that was, and again, people are being left out Like you can’t hang out with us if you’re not a viscogurl.
0:05:15 – Speaker 1
I think you know some parents may be thinking well, my kid doesn’t have this app, my kid doesn’t have any social media, or maybe they don’t even have a phone. But I’ll tell you, even with young kids, my kids will go to church And they’ll see trends happening, or they’ll hear about it, or they’ll hear about the newest game Or whatever it is, and we always talk about that. You don’t have to have a phone or social media to be exposed or hear about a trend or whatever is going on.
0:05:40 – Speaker 2
I thank you for saying that. Like, if you’re the kind of parent that is like I’m not going to allow social media, that’s your prerogative, your choice, that’s your choice as a family. But please do not fall into the darkness that I don’t have to talk to them about social media now Or what they’re seeing or hearing They are hearing it.
We have reports of this happening as young as third grade, and these third graders the ones that were being made fun of for not being it they didn’t have social media, and the kids that were actually being mean about it, saying you got to be a viscogurl, they didn’t have social media either. It’s a trend. It’s a trend And so we can’t turn to blind eye and say, oh, that’s a stupid trend, i don’t need to talk about it. I think we’re missing some good conversations to set some really good foundations for our kids Absolutely.
0:06:30 – Speaker 1
And it’s always good when we know it’s going on And I know that sounds funny. But even when it’s social media or it’s something that sounds so silly as a trend, when we’re ahead of these things and we can talk about these things to our kids, it gives us a little validity. They’re like oh, they really do understand my culture, they do understand what’s going on in my world and what I’m hearing about.
0:06:49 – Speaker 2
Well, and even if you ask your child and they haven’t heard about it, they’re likely to hear about it And when they do, they’re going to come home and be like oh mom, you knew what you were talking about, just like what you said. It gives validity to OK, i’m not just your mom Like.
0:07:04 – Speaker 1
I don’t know what’s going on here I’m kind of trendy When you say it like that you ruined it I think this is an easy one too With my kids, because I have the youngest kids on the team. I will bring things up and relate it to my own experience, so I’ll be like, oh man, when I was in this grade, this was the thing. You know, this kind of clothes like scrunchies, guess jeans, guess jeans.
0:07:27 – Speaker 2
That’s what I thought.
0:07:28 – Speaker 1
I always wanted, guess, jeans. You know what was big when I was in middle school. Hypercolor, was that a thing here, you know what?
0:07:35 – Speaker 2
So I’m from Hawaii.
0:07:36 – Speaker 1
I know Hawaii.
0:07:37 – Speaker 2
You always have weird trends, super weird stuff.
0:07:40 – Speaker 1
So hypercolor were these shirts and sweatshirts? Like you were really cool if you had the sweatshirt, but when you touched it, the heat from your hand changed the color of the material. Ok, i kind of remember that. Well, they were super expensive And I was dying for one of those sweatshirts Because all the girls wore them, it was like a thing And the boys wore the t-shirts. Like girls wore the sweatshirts, boys wore the t-shirts.
0:08:02 – Speaker 2
So it was a thing That’s just what you do. It was like a vinegar girl thing And if you go against it, you’re going to be Yeah if I wore a t-shirt like oh, stop it, stop the press. But there’s no social media to make fun of you, it’s just word of mouth. At that point Exactly.
0:08:12 – Speaker 1
But I remember the pressure then to be a part of what was trending, and I can’t imagine what it would feel like if it was all over social media.
0:08:20 – Speaker 2
Because what happens now? You’re actually there recording these kids sometimes not being allowed to set or being made fun of, And then they’re posting it on Snapchat. So the bullying is like constant, I mean it literally turns into just joking about a fad, into actual bullying. It’s crazy, and so we have to be really careful about that.
0:08:39 – Speaker 1
So is it a bad thing if your daughter comes home and says I’m totally a visco girl?
0:08:46 – Speaker 2
No, it’s not. don’t freak out, don’t lose it that that just means she likes that style. Okay. The thing that we want to be careful of is she understands not everybody has that style and that’s okay, you can. You need to have friends that don’t have that style. You need to include others that don’t have that style. And this is where I think it’s a teachable moment. And sometimes we say, oh, this is so silly, why do we even have to talk about that? and we miss the moments.
0:09:12 – Speaker 1
We miss the teachable moments and I feel there’s a lot of layers with that too, like about empathy and understanding other people’s situation. So I remember when you know like the hyper color thing was super trendy, they were super expensive and it wasn’t something we could afford, and My mom would try to come up with alternatives, like they have something at Walmart you know called cool colors, and you’re just like mom I’d rather not have anything I’m dying in the generic version.
I cannot have the cool colors and so, again, like talking to your kids about sometimes It’s not a choice for them. They maybe are interested in what you are wearing or what this style is, but it’s not something they can afford. So there’s so many layers of conversation with that.
0:09:53 – Speaker 2
Well, and we just don’t want to miss it. You know, i in talking to some people this week as we did more and more research, a lot of parents were already talking about it. A lot of parents said, oh my goodness, my kids came home this week and said it We heard that.
We saw that a lot and but, you know, we just don’t want to get. We talk about being complacent a lot and so many times There’s so many fads to keep up with and we’re just like, oh, it’s another one that we have to talk about. But I, you know, i would just urge you, push away from that complacency because again, we see these conversations. I mean, my daughter’s been on Instagram, you know, for I mean she’s 15, so she’s been on it for a couple years. She never told me about a visco girl. Yeah, and just because of this I had a whole conversation. She’s like, oh yeah, how people either make fun of them She’s like mom, it’s like a cheerleader or goth, or you know, it’s a stereotype, yes, and she was like some people make fun of this girl, girls, because they’re, they’re too trendy, like they’re, they’ve got that look.
Yeah and she said and other girls are mean because they’re you know they exclude others. But she was like I didn’t think it was even necessary that I told you. I mean, it’s just a stereotype, but it brought out all these conversations That like personal experiences. That’s happened with the visco thing that we didn’t have before. Yeah, just bringing it in and I mean, i feel like we have got open communication, but look, we had just slipped under the rug in the busyness of oh, this is an important Mm-hmm.
0:11:19 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think And I’m just being real honest here with a lot of parents We have to remember and I know it’s a long time, like for me, it’s like you know, 50 years ago, trying to remember what I know 50. I feel like I look good now.
0:11:34 – Speaker 2
No, that’s, i’m a little bit stretching in there, a little stretching it.
0:11:39 – Speaker 1
Going back all those years trying to tap into those feelings of what it was like to be in middle school and high school when trends came along Because I find it’s super duper easy and I know somebody out there is gonna give me an amen to feel like it’s silly And to be like I am not talking about this dumb visco girl. It is clearly a trend.
0:11:59 – Speaker 3
It’ll be gone tomorrow. It’ll be gone tomorrow.
0:12:02 – Speaker 1
If my daughter thinks this is important, then she’s ridiculous And I’m just not. I’m not dealing with this. It’s so easy to go there Because we are at an age and we’ve lived a little more life and we’re able to put things in a little more perspective.
0:12:14 – Speaker 2
Like it’s not gonna matter in five years, yes, but you have a scrunchie on your arm.
0:12:16 – Speaker 1
That’s because we’ve lived that life Yes, we have to remember it’s so real and so important to them that validating those feelings is key to keeping those open lines of communication.
0:12:27 – Speaker 2
I’m so glad you brought that up because we just had a counselor on the show a couple of weeks ago and we did a feeling or we did a, we did a feeling, we did a show on this, on validating their feelings about this is their real feeling. It’s their feeling, and be able to talk through that It shows them that we care even about the little stupid stuff like fans.
Yeah, and you cannot tell someone not to feel something Exactly if they are feeling left out because of it, they’re feeling left out till we gotta talk through that.
0:12:56 – Speaker 1
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0:13:26 – Speaker 3
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0:13:53 – Speaker 2
Thanks for watching. So the first half of the show we kind of broke down what visco girl is and talked about you know why it’s important to not just ignore it, even though it is a silly fad, right, and I think we tackled in and got got some good conversation going. But I kind of want to talk about what if you have a girl at home and they’re like I’m not a visco girl, this is not my style, and they’re feeling left out. What are some things that we can do? because in my mind I’m feeling like, yay, she’s not conforming. Yeah, you know, like if it’s, i mean, it’s fine if it’s her style, but if it’s not her style and she doesn’t want to go there, yay for her.
Like praise all day long right, you be you, but it’s not going to take away the feelings of rejection and the feeling of being left out. So how do we kind of walk through that with our kid?
0:14:49 – Speaker 1
well, and I think we began touching on that. First thing is we need to acknowledge the heart you know, have empathy for your kid. That sting maybe happening over and over through social media. It’s being snapped and shared all over the school. We need to be honest with them about I get it that that’s scary, that’s uncomfortable, that’s embarrassing, all of those feelings, and let them feel those things for a minute.
0:15:11 – Speaker 2
Acknowledge what they’re feeling yeah, you know, i have found that when my kids are upset about something so many times, i want to go into the teachable moment right away when I was a kid and most of the time, what they want me to do is just hug them, crawl in bed with them, cry with them, eat a whole gallon of ice cream with them whatever it takes.
Just take a minute and just realize that they’re hurting and meet them in that moment, and then you know when the when the emotions are kind of in check a little bit more and we’re thinking more logically a day later or however time that takes, then maybe we can talk about other things like what do you love to do? what? what inspires you? what do you love to wear? what is your brand? do you want to go shopping? show me what your thing is. You know, what do you like? like praising her individuality, yes, her uniqueness, her style, yes, and and I think it’s awesome like to, when you find your kids doing something like this, going against the culture, to just praise it all day long, celebrate it yes and be like thank you for not just labeling yourself and going with the flow like you’re not this and that’s okay.
0:16:25 – Speaker 1
Yes, I love that and and I love taking a moment, because sometimes those moments pass where we miss the opportunity to say man, the other day, remember you wore that new outfit and you were just beaming.
Like you, you rocked it yeah, i kind of wish I had that style like taking those moments just to really praise who your kid is and remind them of the things. Like, man, when you were out there and you made that goal on the soccer field, how did that feel like that’s something that you do well and you enjoy and that’s all you, that’s all you out there you and Jesus girl.
Yes, so I think just really reminding them of who they are, as you’re questioning them what they like, can be such a sweet moment for them well and at the.
0:17:07 – Speaker 2
The foundation of this conversation is really an identity conversation really and you know that your identity and God never changes and no matter what fads come and go, no matter what is popular or what is not, and no matter what people say no matter what people say, no matter what they say is true or not, you are relying on God’s truth.
It is the absolute, it is right and wrong and that is your identity. And in that scripture we see he knit you together in your mother’s room to be one of a kind. You know I love to tell my kids all the time there is nobody that has DNA like you. Nobody like you are one of a kind special made by God, and you like a certain style and you your.
0:17:51 – Speaker 1
Your eyes are a certain color, for a reason right that’s so fun because I think it helps like recenter them, yeah, and remind them like, oh yeah, god made me for a purpose to this identity. This one of a kindness is because I have a unique purpose on this earth to serve him and serve others. And that’s just a beginning of a conversation that you’ll have with them the rest of their life.
0:18:13 – Speaker 2
So out of something like a trend, these amazing conversations can come that build your kid up to be who God intended them to be, yeah yeah, another thing you can do and this is this is I say this with caution, because you cannot be dismissive to their feelings when you say that, yes, but you can gently point out, a new trend will take over soon and this will pass now. This is not something you say to tell them to shut up and let’s not talk about it or like right away when they come to the door, like, oh my god maybe three conversations in, and you’re both very logical and you planted the seeds about their identity being in God and thinking more on God’s terms.
0:18:56 – Speaker 3
Now about who they are.
0:18:57 – Speaker 2
This unique, uniqueness and this individuality and how God made them.
That’s when you can gently say now, if that makes them feel like, well, you don’t understand, you need to back off of that real quick so you have to be super careful of that, because sometimes when we say, well, this matter in five years, i know that’s what our parents did with us and we say that a lot to each other, but a lot of times we don’t understand their culture in five years it’s probably still gonna be documented on social media, and that’s where we just don’t get it. So it is a little bit bigger, it is a little bit more magnified than when we grew up.
0:19:35 – Speaker 1
You know even a gentler way that you could say that is take it backwards to a trend. Maybe that was three, four years ago, like when they started middle school That they’ll remember. Not us, but yes, Not us, that they’ll remember, like remember, when you started middle school and everybody was wearing those neon laces that were twirly and they’ll probably laugh and be like oh my goodness, yes, I would never wear those now. And then they can kind of come to that realization themselves like, oh, I guess trends do change.
They see the trends, yeah, and then it doesn’t put you in such a position to possibly make them feel like you don’t get it.
0:20:08 – Speaker 2
Yeah, help her think about things that make her really happy, like activities, ways to spend her time, a sport activity group class, you know, cooking, whatever it is that your kid likes to do and make sure that she’s regularly spending time in that. Make time for that, for her to dive into that, because the more she’s focused on figuring out what she likes to do, her skill set, her unique gifts, the less she’s gonna be worried about what everybody else is saying that you should do.
0:20:36 – Speaker 1
Go check out our podcast, Being a Yes Parent in a No World. We talk a lot about figuring out the uniqueness of your kid and how to say yes to that. Whether you understand it or not, whether you wanted them to be an athlete in there, you know an artist, whatever it is, finding ways to build them up in the things that God designed them to do. That’s what that show is about, And this is a perfect example of that. You know, when they’re struggling with what others are doing and maybe they don’t identify with it, get in there and support them and show them and remind them of the things they are good at and find ways to dig in.
0:21:12 – Speaker 2
I have a mentor mom and she says one up it.
0:21:16 – Speaker 1
Yes, that’s right. That made me think of this.
0:21:17 – Speaker 2
Yes, Sometimes it’s like maybe not getting invited to a party in the night of the party you want.
0:21:22 – Speaker 3
Up it You’re like at our house.
0:21:25 – Speaker 2
You can bring these many people over, and I’m buying pizza or whatever. But do this with the social media trends. You know, when you see a trend happening and you see your kid struggling with that one, up it and be like I know I’m gonna beat this. Let’s go seek what you wanna do and get her involved in, whether it be how she wants to dress, if she’s not into shopping, whatever she wants to play, but get her involved And.
0:21:53 – Speaker 1
I love the question too, when you’re doing that, as they’re choosing things and it doesn’t seem like them of saying, tell me why you like this, tell me why.
And I think sometimes that gets them thinking like, oh, i don’t know that I really do like this I’m wearing this or doing this because that’s what everybody else is doing, and so I think that’s another thing. As you, if you say let’s go shopping and you find them picking out things that normally aren’t them, it’s a great time to ask that question. Tell me why you like this.
0:22:20 – Speaker 2
Well, and it’s okay if they say everybody’s wearing this and I really like this trend, that’s okay. I mean everybody kind of wants to fit in. We all have that. It’s just we don’t do it to be accepted, we just do it because we know our identity is in Christ. But we really like that look.
0:22:36 – Speaker 1
And it gives us that knowledge, like okay, I know that they’re liking this because other people are, so let me just ask the right questions. Let me know how to delve deeper on their identity.
0:22:45 – Speaker 2
Make sure they know that it’s not. that doesn’t define them how they dress or what they’re doing. The other thing I think this is a really good talking point encourage new, different or expansions of friend groups, and this is important, especially when your kids hit middle school. Middle school and high school I’ve got a kid in each. this is extremely important. Activities are gonna change, friend groups are gonna change and a lot of times, parents struggle with this because it’s like well, you’ve been little Johnny’s friends since kindergarten. what are you talking about? We’re not hanging out with them anymore. So true, you have got to trust your kid here, because they need other friends in different groups.
Get a youth group. I love that. My kids have friends in a church that’s not in their school setting. It’s like two different people. So if school’s going bad, they got this friend group that they can go vent to.
0:23:39 – Speaker 1
I think that’s extremely important And remember these conversations and all these points and ideas that we’re mentioning. It’s not a one and done, just like everything we do here at nextTalk, it’s an ongoing, continual conversation. Come back to it. It’s one of those things you want to always be working on with your kid, building them up and encouraging them to be who they are.
0:23:59 – Speaker 2
We’ve got a little bit of time, not much. But one more point I think we should make on this If your kid is the opposite end of the spectrum and they are like VSCO, girls are dumb, that is so stupid. Again, it’s a conversation, because that’s judgmental too, and so on both sides of this thing, we need to make sure that we’re speaking truth into our kids. Just to be nice, i mean, i say all the time oh, they’re just trying to figure out their style, just love them. They’re just trying to figure it out. And again, i just think it’s a simple conversation that we can prevent a lot of bad, mean things from happening.
0:24:38 – Speaker 1
That’s so good. And I think, last but not least, check in often, even if your girl seems okay and if she’s like I’m not a VSCO girl, it’s not my thing, it’s fine, i’m not worried about it.
I don’t care how many times have I run into a friend or a family member and they’re like how are you? And I’m like oh, i’m fine, i’m good, and then at night like I’m crying in my bed. Yeah, same with our daughters they’re figuring things out. So check in often, crawl in bed at night, talk with them, have some good discussions in the car, headed to practice, whatever it is, just make sure she’s confident and solid in her identity and that she really is okay.
0:25:13 – Speaker 2
For our summary today. one bads are not new, but now social media defines certain trends and magnifies them. Two continually talk to your kids about their identity, that it is found in God and never changes. And three, teach your kids to be nice and not exclude others because the way they look or dress.
0:25:33 – Speaker 3
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, The Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
