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0:00:32 – Speaker 1
More than cyber parenting conversations to connect Grit, I feel like that word.
0:00:41 – Speaker 2
0:00:41 – Speaker 1
it funny when you say it. I just, you know I’m envisioning like clenched teeth and muscles and you know, just like tenacity and grit. And that word, just I don’t know, it just excites me. This has sound weird.
0:00:59 – Speaker 2
Grit. Now Go get them You. It sounds like Mandy Major, so yes, weird.
0:01:04 – Speaker 1
Like a football coach, like get in there, grit go.
0:01:07 – Speaker 2
Yes, yes, yes, i hear you, i’m envisioning. No, i actually get it. I do understand where you’re coming from. The funny thing about that, though, is I’m about to talk about my 70, 80-year-old-ish great aunt, and so I put those two visions in my head and I’m like yes, that’s kind of grit. So what is the definition of grit? Because I think we should go there first, you know. Explain what we mean by that.
0:01:34 – Speaker 1
Well, the official definition is courage and resolve, strength of character. I mean, doesn’t that just sound strong and awesome and amazing? It makes me want to kind of do like a grit, put your hands in the middle.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
Grit, you know. Yes, let’s go.
Yeah, pretty good. Well then, it does sound weird that I’m talking about my aunt Amy. I mean, if I think of anybody that has grit, that was her. You know, she’s with Jesus now And she was this tiny little lady lived in Arizona And I didn’t even meet her till she was in her late 70s. Like she wasn’t in my life until she was older and I was about seven years old, and I remember that every Sunday she opened up her home And if you were related, you were expected to be there. Like it was not an option. Like you show up, we are going to pray, we are going to fellowship, we’re going to love each other and we’re going to eat good food Like collard greens and fried chicken. It is happening. And if you weren’t there, it was kind of like the raised eyebrow, like did you think something was more important than this? That was Aunt Amy.
What was so special about her is that she had a big family, but when you walked through the door she made you feel like you were the only thing that mattered and the only person in the room, and I watched her navigate some very high highs in life, but some incredibly low lows, some loss of important people, some very difficult relationships, and the thing about her is there was a steadiness and a strength of character and courage and resolve, like all the things that grit is in the like, the actual definition that was her. And remember always looking at her wide eye, like that is who I want to be, like that, no matter what is happening, i am digging in and I have grit and I’m going to make it through it. And when you asked her like what is your secret? She would always tell people it’s all about Jesus. So Jesus is the answer, and so I believe Jesus and grit like they belong in the same category.
0:03:35 – Speaker 1
I love that because you know I never met her, aunt Amy, but as you were describing her, i was thinking about qualities that you have And I was thinking, oh, i see a little bit of aunt Amy in Kim, in her grit, in her Maybe a time span. Maybe more than just a little, maybe more than a little, because we’re still 40s, we’re still in our 40s girl, we’re still learning.
0:03:58 – Speaker 2
We got some time.
0:03:59 – Speaker 1
We don’t have the wisdom We don’t have the wisdom of a 70-year-old. We ain’t there yet. True. Very true, no matter how much we want to be there, we ain’t there yet.
0:04:07 – Speaker 2
0:04:07 – Speaker 1
But you know what I love about your aunt Amy and how you described her. You said she was little in like her. Physical, yes, appearance Yes. And I went back to that definition of grit, and a lot of times we do think of these big football players and you know this toughness, but that definition, what kept popping out at me when you were describing her was strength of character. Yeah, she wasn’t as strong physically as like a football player, but that strength of character carries so much more weight than the physical strength that sometimes our society rewards and visualizes.
0:04:50 – Speaker 2
That is so true, she, physically, was the opposite of what you would think about, but just being in the same room with her, you felt like you could do just about anything, and so, as we were thinking about this show, and just as we generally are thinking about, what are the things we want for our kids I always go to, i want them to be like aunt Amy, i want them to have grit. So how do we teach that, though? How do we teach strength of character? And, as I was praying about it and thinking about all these different things, like, oh, we could do this, and I could tell them that, it was like the Lord humbled me in that moment and said just like so many other things, that starts with you, kim. You got to model it. You got to model it for your babies. Yeah, i mean that.
0:05:32 – Speaker 1
Looking in the mirror is hard, you know. Do our kids see us quitting when things get hard, or hiding or running away from the problem? Yeah, so many times in my life I have failed miserably at this, you know, because things get hard and it’s just hard to push through sometimes, yes, but then I look back at the moments where I have pushed through and one that comes to mind right away is like writing that first book. Yeah, i mean, it’s a whole process that you aren’t prepared for. You have no idea what it’s going to be like. And I remember my kids like seeing me cry and be in this space. They’ve never seen me be before And there were so many times I said it’s just not worth it, i just got to quit.
I mean I can’t do it. And they would hear my husband say to me You know, God called you to this. You are being obedient. You’ve got to have grit here. You can’t quit. You got to keep going. You know that go team, go lecture is what I call, that go team, go speech, absolutely. And I’m so thankful for the people in my life that have given me the go team, go speeches. And you know what I want to be that for my kids.
0:06:46 – Speaker 2
The modeling of grit is really interesting because not giving up and staying the course and being steady and having that strength of character It goes both ways. Like we need the go team, go people to help us to have grit. You know it works together, which I love, and I think in a family is a perfect place to develop that. And your kids I have heard them say before that made such an impact on them Watching you be obedient and not quit and follow through and then seeing the fruit of that. That’s what it means to model And it can be little things Yours was a big example but it can be little things that are a struggle and hard for us. And when our kids see us follow through and complete and then we get to have that full circle moment where they see the fruit of it, it just makes an impact on them.
0:07:34 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think, like little things, like exercising and following through on that and having the discipline to do that, even when you’re sore, even when you’re tired, you know, having the grit to push through, that strength of character, that integrity that says I’m going to keep going, all of those things are so important for our kids to see. I think it’s also really important, too, to speak words that encourage the good character when we see it in our kids, in our family members, and like with our close friends, like when we see them doing something that we know is hard for them, and we speak the go team, go speech into them. I mean Kim. I remember when we recorded the video study And for a girl who has been in radio her whole life, who has not been on video, you were like I can’t do the video, i cannot do the video.
Yes, it was so bad And you did awesome on the video study. Like I’m leaning all these online groups through it and they’re like oh, we love Kim on the video And I’m like y’all have no idea behind the scenes, how much she did not cry and sweat And we got panic attacks going on. We got people rubbing makeup off of her.
0:08:40 – Speaker 2
It’s all the things, so many tears.
0:08:44 – Speaker 1
But you know what That was grit, and I was able to come to you and say, kim, what I saw in you today was selflessness. Like you put your feelings aside, you were obedient. You had that grit not to stop because you knew God called you to this moment Right, and you know, speaking that into people, they don’t always recognize when they’re being gritty and amazing.
0:09:05 – Speaker 2
Yes, They don’t recognize it. That is so true And our kids are in that same boat. Like we get to do that for our kids It just takes being intentional and noticing it and celebrating it. You know, my kid one of them. Recently their coach said you know, i want y’all to spend the last few minutes of practice serving your community. And that just meant picking up trash, like around the campus. And they were doing that and the time ran out but there was still trash And I was sitting there watching my kid and pretty much all the other kids got in a car and went home And he was still picking up trash and picking up trash, and picking up trash. And I finally went over. I’m like Bubba, what’s going on? And he’s like well, there’s still work to be done And I want to quit, but I feel like I want to do the right thing in serving my community And I mean I was ready to throw up that party.
0:09:58 – Speaker 1
That’s a parenting win right there, when you’re like, for all the wrongs, we got right, we got this one, yes, wait.
0:10:04 – Speaker 2
I won’t Wait. Wait, all the things we got wrong, we got this one right. Yes, i literally wanted to be like here’s $100. Make it $500. You want your cell phone? You get cell phone. Like, what else do you want? Like you know that’s You want a new car. Yeah, i got a new car. I felt that way inside And so just taking that moment to be like, oh man, i see this in you, i recognize and it is good, was so important because he was just beaming And so recognizing grit in our friends, in our kids, in our spouse that helps develop it, because it’s like pouring water on a plant and just helping it grow.
0:10:44 – Speaker 1
Well, it’s like the positive reinforcement stuff we always talk about, like when they come and they show us something they’ve seen negative on a screen, how we want to respond in a positive way. Thank you so much for telling me You can have a new app today. It’s that rewarding, recognizing these small moments are so important And like positively reinforcing what they’re doing. It drills in their little mind that grit makes a difference, it’s a difference maker. And I had a similar situation recently with my son. He was at basketball practice And this is a club team So it’s people from all over the city that we practice with.
Many kids are older than him. He’s playing kind of one up on this And they run laps to warm up. Every kid in there was cutting the corners And he was running on the outside of the lines to do the full lap And of course he finished last And there were a couple of kids making fun of him for finishing last, like he was slow. And then I heard Coach And she literally called out my son and was like he was the only one not cutting corners, the only one doing it right. I was so excited that she recognized it and called him out and praised him in front of everybody, but I had already made a mental note.
I had actually texted Kim because I had already made a mental note. This is so awesome that he wasn’t cutting corners. He was doing the right thing when no one else was And I was going to have a conversation with him later to build him up on that, because that is a strength of character thing. I’m not going to cut corners. I’m not going to do the easy route. I’m going to do it right if I’m called to do it.
0:12:30 – Speaker 2
So you know that saying.
0:12:31 – Speaker 1
I know, you know that saying built different. So that’s kind of our new saying. And so when we were talking about it I was like, dude, you’re built different, that’s what sets you apart And that’s our whole new saying in our family Built different, you know, and again I think of grit, strength of character. What sets us apart? What do we want to be known for? We want to be known for that integrity and that willingness not to quit, even when it’s hard, or to do the right thing, even when it feels like it’s OK to cut corners. And the whole world is cutting corners, we’re not going to.
0:13:03 – Speaker 2
I feel kind of pumped up, like listening to our kids and their stories. I’m like, yeah, You know these are things that will happen every day. It’s just taking notice. You know, I love how you stay the course or your commitment to this is inspiring. I’m so proud of you for this. You could have chosen the easy way out, but I mean, these are the sayings, the moments, the ways that we can pour into our kids, our husbands. They need it too, You know our friends, and it doesn’t have to be difficult, It doesn’t have to be a big conversation, but it does a lot to remind them that grit matters.
0:13:37 – Speaker 1
Well and honestly too, as your kids get older. you know we’re using sports analogies and stuff like that and you know physical stuff like picking up trash, doing whatever. but with my older kids I’m also noticing Kim we are having a lot of discussions about that took strength of character to have that conversation with that person. Yes, that took a lot of courage to go to that teacher and have that one-on-one conversation. A lot of kids would have not done that And just pointing that out in them. So it’s not just physical stuff that they’re doing, like picking up trash or a basketball, whatever. It’s again that strength of character, that inner integrity that we see come out in physical form, whether through conversation or whatever in the world.
0:14:25 – Speaker 2
That’s absolutely right, like the physical things and the emotional, mental side of developing grit. Both are so very important. You know, speaking of that, one of the things that’s hardest in this process of teaching our kids grit is allowing our kids to fail to hurt and to struggle. It’s painful to watch Like it is my least favorite part of parenting honestly Yeah, but I do know But necessary But necessary. But it’s necessary.
Yes, because as your kids are overcoming loss and disappointment and challenges, they’re learning how to navigate those emotions and how to come out with strength of character, how to come out with still making the right decision, seeing the fruit of the struggle and how God rewards that on the other end, and how they can grow. Even though it’s hard, they can grow and learn and become better, and that’s something we really can’t teach. We have to let the experience teach them that. One thing I’ve learned is that if I rescue my kids from loss and disappointment and hardship, it’s literally like I’m stunting their character muscle, like they need that experience to grow and i don’t want to do that. As hard as it is for me, it can’t be about me. It needs to be a part of their growing up absolutely.
0:15:41 – Speaker 1
And the other part of this conversation to is you know, when we talk about grit and resolve and not giving up, i think about We have to push our kids sometimes to get out of the boat and to overcome that failure and overcome those insecurities and those challenging situations.
Obviously that is part of our job as parents, but sometimes to we need to know when to not push them out of the boat, and what i mean by that is sometimes, you know, we do need to just let them have a moment of like oh my gosh, this is so hard And let them be in that and feel all those emotions and figure that out and just be a good listener.
You know, and i think sometimes that’s where i see the struggle with my husband and i between us, you know he’s like push, push, push, especially like when it comes to sports and things like that, and i’m like give him a minute, like he needs to, just he needs a minute, and i’m more in tune to what my kid is feeling versus just pushing him, pushing him, and i definitely think there’s a balance there and each kid is so different and we that’s why we always need to be in tune with the holy spirit, because the holy spirit knows us, the holy spirit knows our kid And god knows if our kid needs to be like pushed a little bit more or just okay, let’s just hug this out for a second. We don’t need to go to go speech, we just need a cry session right now.
0:17:03 – Speaker 2
Well, you know, i think that’s important to that discernment what you’re talking about to something i want my kids to develop through the process of learning. grit Is empathy and that’s what you’re having for your kid in that moment, and i want my kids to learn that. to like, yes, go, team go, yes, great, yes, follow through, but also compassion and empathy, because, guess what? i’ve been there before and i felt that and i know what it means to struggle, and so i think those two go hand in hand and so you’re modeling healthy grit and empathy when you do that as a parent. so that’s so good that you recognize that and you brought that up today.
0:17:40 – Speaker 1
You know, as i think about this delicate balance and pushing them to get out of the boat and try new things, and try hard things and not give up right, but then also having the empathy piece to like loving others well, being a good listener, meeting people. In the moment, when i’m thinking about balancing all that as a parent, i think, man, what an example we have in jesus. I mean, i know that sounds kind of cliche, but he embodies all of that, you know, he calls us to obedience, he calls us to do Things that seem impossible, but with jesus, like, he gives us the strength, he gives us the direction, he gives us wisdom that we don’t, we don’t have just as a person, i mean, he’s such a perfect example and he gives us all of that.
0:18:25 – Speaker 2
Yes, and i mean to be completely honest. If anyone had grit, it was jesus. I mean, he was persecuted, he wasn’t welcome in his own town. He did what was right, even when it wasn’t popular and when it was hard into a born into a poor family.
0:18:38 – Speaker 1
yes, and never gave up, not even room in the end for baby jesus see that sheep over there.
0:18:45 – Speaker 2
That’s where you’re gonna be born, right next to him. Like he had it hard from the beginning. Anyway, i mean, yes, greatest example of all time, jesus. I think that there are also some earthly examples that jesus sins to remind us that it’s possible. I’m so thankful for my aunt, amy. She spoke a word into my life about grit and depending on jesus from the time i was a little girl To the moment before she went to be with jesus, and that’s the kind of impact i want to have on my kids and the world. I want to be known for someone who had grit in the name of jesus, amen.
Transcribed by https://podium.page