0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:35 – Speaker 3
Today we’re doing an extremely important show talking to kids about racism.
0:00:42 – Speaker 1
This is a big topic. It is. It’s important, though, and something we didn’t want to shy away from, and so here we are, delving in and, like with everything we talk about here at nextTalk. we’re not experts. This show is not to give you the answers, but it’s important that we don’t shy away from talking about the big, important topics to our kids.
0:01:02 – Speaker 3
Yeah, i mean they’re seeing most of them. you know, if they have social media, my kids are seeing it and they have questions and they’re outraged, like all of us, and it presents an opportunity for us to speak into it with our kids, and so we just want to share what we’re learning. like you said, we are not experts, but we’ve really dug into some really deep conversations over the last week or so And we want to share what we’re learning, and from other parents too. parents have contacted us and told us what they’re talking about with their kids.
0:01:34 – Speaker 1
Absolutely So I think we start this conversation with telling you a little bit where we’re coming from. If you don’t know, i am actually biracial.
0:01:43 – Speaker 3
Most people think I’m Hawaiian or Hispanic, that’s usually Well, you are and you did live in Hawaii, that’s the confusing part.
0:01:50 – Speaker 1
Yeah, from growing up in Hawaii, they just assume that I’m Hawaiian or Polynesian, and now that I live in San Antonio they think I’m Hispanic. Rarely do people realize that I’m half black, half white And I’m also in a mixed racial marriage. So my husband’s Italian, so he’s like a white guy. And then our kids range in color. So we have a brown skinned son all the way to very light skinned daughter. So we have all the colors under our roof and all the mixed experiences under our roof. I have experienced some racism in my life. A couple of things that came to mind as we prepare to this show or for this show is I remember my mom sharing a story with me as I got older that one of our family members thought that I was the ultimate abomination because I was a mix between white and black And that was like the biggest sin that she could have committed, and so my mom and dad both lived with that.
0:02:52 – Speaker 3
And how. I’m sorry to interrupt. How old were you when you were told that?
0:02:56 – Speaker 1
I was in high school. I was in high school because this person was never a part of our lives, but I saw the pain in the journey my mom had to walk through with forgiving that person. And eventually, you know, the stories came as we began to talk through their relationship and why it was so hard, and that was one of the reasons. And so I learned that story and I remember wrestling with that And to this day that there are people like that and who believe like that, and it wasn’t easy, it was painful. I can’t imagine.
Yeah, and then I have another family member that, to my face, directly said was speaking poorly about people of color And then turned and quickly said well, not you, you’re different. I mean I know you, but the rest of those people And that also spoke volumes to me and has stuck with me about the importance of the difference between knowing someone and what that allows for in your acceptance of them And just living based on stereotypes or what you’ve been taught. And so those are some big issues we’re going to talk about today. Yeah.
0:04:04 – Speaker 3
Well, I just want to say thank you for putting that out there. I mean, it can’t be easy to share painful experiences like that.
0:04:14 – Speaker 1
It’s important, though, and I think that’s what we realized in talking and preparing for the show. It’s important to be completely honest about what that feels like and the reality of growing up in America today and in the past, and I think that’s a big part of the conversation. What I failed to mention, that has been more of a part of my life as an adult and as a mother, is because people think I’m either Hawaiian or Hispanic. I have been in countless conversations where people have talked about black people because they didn’t realize that I was half black and they said something negative about you know, those blacks or that black person or some kind of offhanded comment, not realizing that they’re speaking about me, and so I’ve had this kind of behind the scenes look into the thoughts of some of my peers, and so that’s also been eye-opening and painful, but also just a journey, a part of my experience of learning how to walk through life as someone of color.
0:05:17 – Speaker 3
Well, and probably you’re shocked sometimes that you hear that coming from certain people. Yeah Right, i mean, sometimes you’re just shocked like what? Yeah, how can you believe that? or how could you say that.
0:05:31 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you know. It’s funny that you say that, because I think when I was younger I was more shocked because I wasn’t raised that way. I was raised very much, in a way, to see people from the inside out, and so it just never occurred to me that people were raised differently.
Other people weren’t being taught that same thing Yes yes, and so as I began to travel and get to know people and kind of be a student of the world and meet different types of folks, i realized that there are a lot of stereotypes and misconceptions that fuel the thought process of those around me that are different than me, and that also gave me an empathy for those who say things like that, because so much of what they’re saying is based on things that they were taught and no one’s ever corrected them Or no one’s ever given them the chance to be loved through that and taught Like that’s not okay, right, and so I think it’s an interesting position to be in being brown and confusing people and kind of getting this behind the scenes. Look at the thoughts of a lot of people.
0:06:38 – Speaker 3
Well, it’s almost like you can I hate to say it, but it’s almost like you can go undercover It is And hear the things that are really happening, because people don’t realize that you’re half black.
0:06:48 – Speaker 1
Yes, I’m an undercover colored person That makes me want to just give you a hug.
0:06:52 – Speaker 3
Because I feel like you’ve had to endure so much Stuff right, i, you know it’s.
0:06:58 – Speaker 1
It’s funny that you say that, because I feel like I’ve also been shielded from a lot Because of that same reason. You know, my mom Has been gracious and loving to every color under the Sun and never raised me to be angry, and so I think, more than anything, she modeled for me, loving different people in in spite of their ignorance, and that has shielded me from, i think, a lot of the hurt. And then also being brownish, lighter brown, and Not identifying physically with any particular race, i it’s almost like I’m the gateway drug.
0:07:41 – Speaker 3
I know that sounds like it’s protected you from some of the racism. Yeah, but it is absolutely exposed you to some of it.
0:07:48 – Speaker 1
Yes, like I can be like the token brown friend That’s not completely black, but also they may not know I’m black so it’s okay to be my friend.
0:07:56 – Speaker 3
So it’s a strange position to be in, but I’ve always felt kind of thankful for it because I think it gives me insight into people and Allows me to learn to love people that are in loveable well, i think the key is you’re able to be gracious about it and see through the hurtful things because you believe in Jesus and you know that in your heart You want to teach those people instead of be mad at those people. Yeah, and I think that says a lot about your character, in your heart, in not rushing to be mean to them or shutting them out of your Life or whatever. Now I think it’s a whole another thing. If you go to try and talk to them and have a conversation And they are still like this is what I believe and yeah, you’re people aren’t equal, then that’s a whole other Conversation, because then it’s like, okay, i’ll love you from a distance, but you know, i think it’s, it’s very.
0:08:54 – Speaker 1
It says a lot about your heart Loving people through that that’s kind of you, but it really says a lot about Jesus, because he’s really the answer to all of this, and We’re gonna continually circle back to that, and not in a condescending way. Like you know, we don’t ever want to come across as like Holier than now, and or let’s quote a Bible person Everything’s fine, exactly like.
0:09:16 – Speaker 3
That’s not who we are.
0:09:17 – Speaker 1
We don’t want to be in this bubble pretending that the world isn’t hurting right now and that these problems aren’t real. That’s not the case. But what is real and what is the case is the answer is Jesus and Bottom line. That’s what we will always come back to. Yeah, Amen sister Amen.
0:09:35 – Speaker 3
Well, you know, i I really am excited about this show because I kind of feel like, as a white woman, i want to do so much and I want to speak out against it, but I feel like I’m sorry isn’t good enough. I feel like I’m listening isn’t enough And sometimes I don’t know what to say or what to do, although I want to be moved to action and I I feel like a lot of people feel that way. You know a lot of white people like We want to be there and but we can’t take all the 400 years away. You know we can’t take the oppression away, and so how do we make up for it? What do we say? and what if we say the wrong thing? Yeah, right, and I think there’s all those questions and so so many times and I’ve found myself in the last two weeks just Taking my hands off the wheel and being silent Because I don’t know what to say.
You know I’m over here just grieving and that image of George Floyd, i cannot get it out of my head And I think We really, when we are Manipulated into silence by Satan, i think that should be a red flag for us, and I think it was for me, and I remember just hearing God say to me Mandy, if you’re a parent, you have a platform. If you’re a parent, you have a platform. And I kept thinking you know what. I may not know what to say to the world, like I may not know what to post on Twitter right now or comfort you know Everybody out there but I also know there are things I can do in my home To make sure my kids never grow up and our racist or our treat people differently Because of the color of their skin. And I think that’s when I was really like you know what. It’s okay to do this show, because this is important for parents to realize like we have a voice in our home and this does shape the next generation.
0:11:37 – Speaker 1
You know, really, that’s what our entire message boils down to is how our conversations in our home. That’s how it saves our kids, and We also want to save our kids from becoming something Horrific, from believing in things or following things or promoting things that are racist or wrong. And That’s where it starts. You have more influence on your child than anybody else, more than you realize, whether they’re little or whether they’re about to graduate from high school.
Your voice matters and I will tell you, mandy, i don’t know what it’s like to be white. I don’t know what it’s like to be black, but I do know what it’s like to be a mom, and I know, when I look in my kids eyes And I say something with conviction, that they hear me. I, they hear me, they believe me and they trust me, and so I feel like it’s the most important platform out there right now, absolutely. You do not have to be marching, you do not have to be standing on the stage. All of those roles are important, but your number one, most important role is telling your children the difference between right and wrong, and racism is wrong.
0:12:50 – Speaker 3
If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 pm on AM 630, the Word nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by PAX Financial Group and listeners just like you. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to nexttalkorg and click on give.
0:13:13 – Speaker 2
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0:13:39 – Speaker 1
Investment advisory services offered through PAX Financial Group. I think the fact of the matter is, mandy, that nobody is born a racist. I always believe this. It was something that just seemed like common knowledge, but it wasn’t until the day that I had my children, and as they were getting a little bit older, that I realized that it was truth, that there was no denying it. I remember when my oldest was itty-bitty and him making some comment and I responded to him telling him sometimes people of different color are treated differently, and he literally laughed in my face Like that is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said, and in that moment that was the final confirmation for me that the stereotypes, the ideas, the hate that comes out of racism is taught, which means it’s our job in our homes to teach the right thing.
0:14:29 – Speaker 3
What we’re willing to talk about today can change tomorrow. That’s why this platform in our home is so important At nextTalk. many times we talk about looking in the mirror, and normally we mean that in the context of looking in the mirror to see how you’re shutting down communication with your kids.
0:14:51 – Speaker 1
Yeah, like your baggage or things that you’re unwilling to talk about because it’s too painful, correct?
0:14:56 – Speaker 3
But I want us to think about like looking in the mirror and seeing stereotypes, negative stereotypes that we need to get rid of in our life. And I say this because many times with kids we see little stereotypes come out. They repeat something they hear And if we don’t speak into that and say if it’s right or wrong, that can develop into a mindset And then that mindset can develop into hate and the racism that we are seeing in our world today. And so I think it’s so important as parents, as when we see these stereotypes come out And you know, just because you have a stereotype in your mind or you were told a stereotype as a child, that doesn’t mean you’re a racist. But you need to break the cycle now, because you could become a racist if you allow that negative thing in your mind to fester and grow into the hate, into where you’re looking at people, not the same.
0:15:59 – Speaker 1
And if we’re honest, we know that what we say and what we do is an outpouring of our heart And we all have stereotypes Every single one of us whether they’re right or wrong. It’s something that we all struggle with. But, to be honest, for me that’s a really good starting point. That’s something that can grasp. When I think about this big problem of racism and I think about hatred, it feels overwhelming. And how do I make that change? And make that change in my home? by using my platform as a parent to start the conversation in my house. But the beginning of that is realizing that my stereotypes may be fueling wrong thinking in my kids by the things that I’m saying and passing the things that I’m perpetuating in my home by the stereotypes that I have. So if I can start there, i think that’s something we can all do easily. It’s easy to identify those stereotypes if we’re honest with ourselves.
0:16:48 – Speaker 3
Absolutely. And kids hear things and they come back and repeat things And sometimes we don’t wanna speak into it because we’re not sure what to say or how much to say. But we have to realize we have to speak into that because those stereotypes can become a mindset and we gotta break that cycle.
0:17:04 – Speaker 1
Most of us watch the video of this awful cop.
0:17:08 – Speaker 3
I couldn’t get through it Like it was horrific.
0:17:11 – Speaker 1
We’re right to be horrified, we’re right to be angry, sad, feel all of those things. Those are valid feelings. But what we have to be careful of is stereotyping all cops. We can’t make blanket statements about police officers and condone violence against them all. That is wrong And the unsanctionable violence that we saw in that video was born out of evil and hate. That’s the bottom line, you know, and for me, like watching that, the feelings that I felt I wanted to meet the evil with evil, and it’s in that moment that we have to stop ourselves and know that Evil can perpetuate evil. But if we meet that evil with love, that’s how we change things. But where does that begin? again, going back to that conversation, how do we make the change? It starts in our homes.
0:18:00 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know, i think for older kids They’re exposed to a lot more and so a lot more differing opinions and everything. And you know, from day one we’ve been teaching our kids that you know racism is wrong since they were a little bitty. But this has ignited a new conversation in our home About cops and about not Stereotyping all cops. You know, and I think one of the things that I said to my kids was you can be pro-police and anti-racism, love that we have to weed out the bad cops. There are bad cops, just like the protesters, the peaceful protesters who want change, who want to get things done. But there are also bad rioters Who are throwing bricks and businesses and building down livelihoods and attacking. That’s not okay either. And so with the older kids like I had to dive into all of that, i know with you having younger kids, you don’t have to go into that much detail because they’re not on social media, they’re not as exposed and you know You do want to protect them to a store. You have to be age-appropriate in this conversation.
0:19:09 – Speaker 1
Well, i think a lot of parents with young kids are grappling this with with, with this right now, thinking do I tell my kid about this? What do I share with them? And what I have been processing through and over the last few days is it comes down to the solution for me, and What’s most important for me is that I teach my kids right thinking and to love others, because that’s what’s gonna change things at the end of the day, because there will be more stories like this. So, putting the names on the table for now and thinking about how I can change things inside the walls of my home, if I can teach my kids to love others, no matter what color they are, no matter what their beliefs are, to love first, then I’ve done my job. And one way we do that is just little stories, little things in daily life that Create that, that thought or that understanding for them when they’re little, your planting seeds, yes, your planting seeds.
0:20:02 – Speaker 3
Of truth is what this is.
0:20:04 – Speaker 1
Yes, and it needs to be something relatable to your family, like in our family we love food, we love cozy blankets, and so those are a lot of the things that we use when we’re telling stories and With our kids.
We say from a young age when God created you, just like he knit you together in my womb, he covered you with a beautiful blanket that tells your story and it’s only your story Which is special, and that blanket looks like you, it sounds like you, it is who you are on the outside. But if that blanket ever were to be taken off of your shoulders, your insides would look the same as mine, and that really helped them to understand that we all look different on the outside. Every single person, no matter what family, no matter what color, everybody is completely Unique in the way God designed them in his image. But on the inside we all look the same and that helps them, from a very young age, to realize that color Does not identify a person’s heart. And those little teachable moments, those planting seeds moments that are changing your kids, who will now then go out and change the world well, and as they get older and they’re, they’re, they’re Taking that analogy and applying it.
0:21:12 – Speaker 3
Then you can have deeper conversations with them about Once that blanket is taken off, then you see the heart and all you see are believers and non-believers Yes, the Jesus lovers and the non-Jesus people, because that’s, that’s how we’re broken down now It’s believers and non-believers.
0:21:30 – Speaker 1
I’m glad that you said that, because one of the points that we wanted to make today This is really important is love and listen to those who are different from you, and yes, that includes believers and non-believers, but it includes people of a different skin color, people with different beliefs, people that are different people that vote differently than you do.
0:21:50 – Speaker 3
I think it’s extremely important that your kids Yes, we can have all these conversations with them and, yes, we can plant seeds, but they don’t see us living this out, they’re just gonna be worse. And so, you know, having the conversations with people who are different, with you loving on them, letting your kids see that, i think, is a game changer. It just matches up with what you’ve been saying with your words all these years.
0:22:18 – Speaker 1
That’s what gives me the most hope. You know, i’ve met people and been in situations where I’ve heard things that hurt my heart because I knew that they were beliefs based on lies and in some situations it was people who were raised a certain way and they knew no different and they truly were speaking and living out of ignorance, they weren’t coming from a place of hate. And Then I’ve met people and have people in my life now who I’ve watched Live out the words of Jesus and they invite every type of person, religion, race into their home with open arms and they love them the same. And That’s where the hope comes in, that we can teach that to our kids And that’s the legacy that we want to leave and that’s how we change what we’re seeing right now in the news. That’s where it starts.
0:23:06 – Speaker 3
And I think you know one of the conversations we had with our older kids is the people who are boots on the ground, doing the really hard work, having the really hard conversation. We don’t see that in the news, because they’re busy loving people, but what we see on the news is all the clashes. You know the opposite ends of the spectrum, the extremes really is what we see. And so teaching your kids about Jesus being in the middle and all the people living it out every day, trying to be like Jesus. They’re not screaming on Twitter because they’re going to love their neighbor. They’re actually doing it.
0:23:45 – Speaker 1
And that’s really what we get to do And, i think, one of the greatest blessings of the Holy Spirit in our relationships. It’s something that I’ve seen played out over time And one of the things I’m most thankful for is there have been interactions in my life with friends or people I can now call friends. Then, when I first met them, i could have been in a situation like what you’re seeing on the news. They’ve said things and done things that were hurtful based on their experiences. Not because, as I mentioned before, it was born out of hate. It’s just a place of ignorance And my gut reaction would be to meet that ignorance with hatred and dismissal.
But because of the Holy Spirit showing me listen this person. If you meet them with love, you may have a chance to change their perspective and therefore change their life. And it’s different than those moments when you meet someone and you can feel that their purpose and the place they’re coming from is born out of evil and hatred. That’s when you have that guard up, that’s when you walk away and pray from a distance, like we talked about before. But if we can depend on the Holy Spirit to guide us in being a part of helping people to see truth by listening to their story, and they listen to yours. Like you said, we don’t see that on the news, but that’s where the real repair and change is happening with our neighbors, with our friends, in our churches, in our communities, on the street, when we give people a chance to change.
0:25:12 – Speaker 3
And we can say it and we can have the conversations all day long, but we gotta live it out. Three talking points Parents, you have a platform. What we’re willing to talk about today changes tomorrow. Love and listen to those who are different from you, and actions speak louder than words.
0:25:33 – Speaker 2
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page