0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:41 – Speaker 2
Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim On AM630, the word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a non-profit organization helping parents cyberparent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter, find our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:01:07 – Speaker 3
Today’s show is about summer ready, you know. Screens, new schedules. What do we do with it all?
0:01:14 – Speaker 4
It’s a lot, because so much changes when summertime hits. You know, I think when I get excited, I mean when summer comes, because I’m thinking like we’re gonna go to the beach, maybe we don’t have to get up so early. You know, I don’t have to pack lunches. That’s a big one. Yeah, yes, no more lunches.
0:01:29 – Speaker 3
With the grocery bill skyrockets because they’re true, because we don’t just eat three meals a day, we’re snacking all day. I mean the grocery bill like triples at my house, it’s crazy and the sunscreen bill oh yes. That is true. We live in San Antonio. It’s hot here. When you’re outside, you got to have sunscreen on for sure.
0:01:48 – Speaker 4
Yes, so I mean summer’s good, it’s like fun stuff, it’s great Spagation is all that but it can also be super stressful. You’re trying to entertain your kids on this new schedule and fill the time that you’re not used to filling carting them around. Maybe they’re on a swim team, maybe they’re going to friends, or they’re going to camp or they’re going to this.
0:02:04 – Speaker 3
Well, and if you’re a working home from home parent, like we are, it like is kind of stressful because you’re thinking, okay, I have to carve out time for me to do my work, but I don’t want to miss their whole summer. So it’s like a juggling act and you’re constantly kind of feeling guilty. I’m constantly feeling guilty because I’m like I got to go work for a couple hours, but I’ll swim later, Are you?
0:02:25 – Speaker 4
reading my diary. Many majors need to stop. That’s not right, you know. Or if you work out of the home, same thing, Suddenly. Now you have to figure out what to do with your kids right this whole span of summer and you want them to be safe. You want them to, you know, be in a place that you trust and have fun and all that stuff and so they don’t want them on screens all day, yeah.
There’s probably a financial stress there, too, trying to find a place. So there’s a lot that summer brings, no matter negative or positive. Either way, it changes things, and when routine and schedule change, so do the challenges of the online world, sleepovers, camps, household expectations, even sleep for your kids, and even weight gain, I mean it’s a thing. So we wanted to talk about some of those things and how to kind of set yourself up for success. Just some ideas that have worked for us and some people we know on our team that might make navigating through summer a little bit smoother.
0:03:14 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know, for me, I love summertime. I do feel the guilty of the work and the spending time with the kids, but for me it’s just like I’m getting my kids back Because I don’t know about you. I feel like the school year. I know it’s so needed and it sometimes feels like a rat race to me, absolutely, even if you I mean you homeschool, and I know you felt this way too.
0:03:36 – Speaker 4
I love summer. I feel like we just get to relax and talk more.
0:03:41 – Speaker 3
It’s just a lot more easy going.
0:03:43 – Speaker 4
I feel like I get my kids back. Yeah, absolutely.
0:03:45 – Speaker 3
You know, for three months, and if I see my kids struggling with something, I’m just like Lord, just get us to June, because then you know I’m going to have her more and I can talk to her a little bit more about this, and I think, road trips in the summer.
0:03:58 – Speaker 4
Oh yes.
0:03:59 – Speaker 3
And that is amazing talk time. It is Crazy. Questions come up on the road because you’re kind of slap, happy Everybody wants to get out of the car and you find yourself talking about crazy things that are good. It just gets more open communication.
0:04:13 – Speaker 4
I love it. You know. Another big one that happens during the summer is we’ve got all this free time, which is good. Like you said, the open communication gets your kids back. That’s the good side of it. But maybe there’s little to no schedule, and what are you going to fill their time with? And so a big one is screen time. And yeah, I was thinking about this In Proverbs 16, 27 came to mind. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop, idle lips are his mouthpiece, and that just came right to my mind and so I had to go write it down because it’s a great verse. It’s just, you know, when there’s nothing to do and no plan and no parameters, which we immediately fall into at my house right away for the first week or two, because we’re like yes summer, the screens go on forever.
0:04:52 – Speaker 3
Well, and I see myself in this verse. I’m just backed up to the verse again before I come onto the screens, back to Jesus, because I’m reading this verse and I mean, like if I don’t have something to preoccupy myself, my mind wanders and I get crazy and then I start thinking about things that aren’t even going to happen.
And I’m want-imping and all this stuff. I get spirals, and so it’s so true too, with the screens. You know we are kids, get on them, and I will tell you this right now, my kids play screens, and there are some days that they play them way too much. Just this weekend, it was our first weekend without sports, and there were so many things around the house my husband and I had put off and put off and put off. And we got up Saturday morning and we were just in the mood to tackle it, which doesn’t happen very often. And so we were tackling all our projects and, before I knew it, my kid came to me and he goes I’ve been playing Xbox for five hours, yes. And I looked at him and I was like well, thank you for telling me, thank you for recognizing it, do you think you need to get off now? And he looked at me and he was like probably.
But you know, so we don’t want to guilt anybody here. But this is going to happen and you know some days it’s needed. You know, if you’ve been on a long vacation and you’ve been so connected and going, going, going, sometimes you need a day in your pajamas just to play screens or watch movies. That’s OK, but I don’t think it should be three months of playing screens in your pajamas.
0:06:16 – Speaker 4
And I think that’s the key, like with everything, is balance, Balance. I mean, I looked up one day and my God, we were all in our PJs and I was getting ready to cook dinner and he came up. It’s going to be a funny story. He came up to me and he had his tablet in one hand and he was like mom even I’m tired of my tablet and I haven’t even brushed my teeth and I was like go brush your teeth quick before dinner and before daddy comes home.
It was so embarrassed. It was like five o’clock at night and I was like oh my gosh, oh my gosh. But then you know I gathered myself.
0:06:49 – Speaker 3
I was like this doesn’t happen usually. Yes, because it’s OK. It’s OK every now and then, but that shouldn’t be the norm.
0:06:55 – Speaker 4
Shouldn’t be the norm. So what do you do? What do you do? Well, you’ve got to set some parameters.
We have these tablets where we can actually go in and set time limits. So I know every tablet is different. Maybe this is not something you can do on yours, but this is a real simple thing to do. That has helped us a lot, and I sit down with the kids and we talk about it, and they get two hours a day, and what I love about it is that they have learned to have time management, because they’ll be like I’m going to play for 30 minutes now, then I’m going to go outside and then I can play for an hour, I can watch a show, I can listen to music or I can read a book, and when that two hours is up, the tablet just shuts down, like they can’t turn it on or anything. And I have younger kids, so I think it’s real important to set more of those hard and fast rules when they’re little. As they get a little older, you can be a little more flexible with that.
0:07:42 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I mean I try to do some self-regulation with mine. But I will also say to the parents of older kids like mine it is also okay to step in when they’ve been playing for a while and they’re not making wise decisions, to say, hey, but I think it’s time like we need to shut that off now. You’ve been playing for a while. I haven’t talked to you at all today. It’s we need to shut this off. Let’s go do something, let’s go swimming, let’s go whatever. Yes, I would say go take a walk, but in the afternoon you can’t take a walk. Yeah, you will melt.
0:08:12 – Speaker 4
Yes, another one that helps us is the if thens. We use that a lot, like if you Finish your chores, then you can go watch a movie or two movies, you know Whatever. Sometimes you just need to veg on the couch and watch a couple of movies together. Or if you have done something active outside for at least an hour, then come inside and cool off and have some screen time, and those seem to work pretty well and we get into a routine of that so that they’re used to like okay, I need to do my chores, I’m gonna go play outside with the neighborhood kids and then the afternoon I’m gonna have my screen time and then when you have screen time.
0:08:44 – Speaker 3
That’s when working parents can dive in there. That’s when I do Yep, and so it kind of helps me. I’m on my screens to responding to emails, you know, doing all the stuff that I need to do to catch up on we even play in those.
0:08:57 – Speaker 4
I call them like work meetings and I’ll say, okay, we’re gonna have a work meeting and that means they get to be on their screens while I do work. And we plan them in the day so that I know that I’m gonna be able to finish a project and I can carve that time out.
0:09:09 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and you know, going back to the, my son is developing a habit of eating while he’s playing the screen, and that is a big one for me. Now I’ve kind of laid down the law with it because before I know it, he’s eating a whole bag of chips like the big bag. Yeah, oh yeah. And playing the Xbox, and I’m like, okay, it’s one thing to play video games, but we cannot play video games for a couple hours and eat a whole bag of chips. So we got to stop this.
0:09:35 – Speaker 4
I found this great.
0:09:36 – Speaker 3
That’s, that’s a thing, it’s a thing.
0:09:38 – Speaker 4
It’s a thing and I found this great quote. It’s from the psychologist from Kaplan University, the school of social and behavioral sciences his name was. His name is Edward Camilla. He says during long summer vacations from school, children are often home all day watching television, playing video games, surfing the internet. While playing, they may snack regularly and consume sugary drinks. It’s like he’s talking about your son.
0:10:03 – Speaker 3
It’s really all about I know.
0:10:04 – Speaker 4
I do the same thing. I’m like I can’t work without a snack. They go together. Unstructured time is a cue for overeating among children and adults. Therefore, during long hot summers, america’s children Especially those who prefer indoor and sedentary activities, which is becoming the norm for so many kids yeah, they can gain a lot of weight. If they lose the weight when school resumes, they may find themselves beginning a yo-yo weight cycle that lasts for years and can result in obesity. I was like I never thought of it that way. He says if they do not lose the weight, they may be on a track to continue gaining weight throughout their lives. Either way, a summer bulge Can initiate a long-term struggle with weight and self-esteem.
0:10:46 – Speaker 3
Well, I mean, it makes sense because we always talk about healthy habits here. Yeah, always creating healthy habits around everything. So you know, if you’re constantly thinking when I’m on a screen I’m gonna eat, yep, then that’s gonna also translate. When you have a desk job and you’re at your computer, well, I gotta eat. All the time that’s me.
I mean we’re Creating these habits in our home and we don’t really realize it. And you know they’re watching it everything we do. Oh, and that summer bulge, that’s me like I just I was doing so well on my diet, yeah, and I’ve kind of slacked off a little bit because I’m like we’re getting ready to go on vacation, we’re getting ready to go on a road trip. I know we’re not gonna eat healthy anyway, so I’ll just wait till I get back. Well, that’s like eight weeks away.
0:11:29 – Speaker 4
And you know, in the car you have to buy lots of snacks a thing. Yeah, eight weeks me and I don’t know. Fall, fall is the time to die. It. Does everybody know that?
0:11:48 – Speaker 3
but then it’s.
0:11:49 – Speaker 4
Christmas. Christmas is eight weeks away.
0:11:50 – Speaker 3
This conversation about weight and everything and summer screens. It’s making me think about a pediatrician visit that we recently had and it was just a well-check for my teen daughter and you know she’s underweight. Oh, I mean, I think she’s like 40% on weight.
0:12:04 – Speaker 4
She’s tiny, yes.
0:12:06 – Speaker 3
Right, so she doesn’t struggle with being overweight or anything like that. But the pediatrician said to her you know she’s asking her all these questions and she said are you exercising three times a week? And my daughter’s not in sports, she’s in theater, so she doesn’t get exercised through sports, but she’s in taking a high school PE class as an eighth grader, so she’s working out every day now, either running, lifting weights, they’re doing some sort of thing. She just discovered Zumba, which she loves.
I know we are so mates I told her I was like you and Ms Kim, we’re gonna have to do Zumba this summer, but it was so. It was kind of eye-opening when she said you need to be working out three times a week in the summer, especially because you’re gonna fall off and you need to create this habit in the summer. And then, when you start high school and you don’t have any PE classes required now because you’ve already done it and you’re not in sports you can continue with this habit of working out three times a week.
0:12:58 – Speaker 4
Such great advice.
0:13:00 – Speaker 3
And the doctor told her you don’t need to lose weight, your body’s great, but this is for your health, this is for your heart, this is for creating a lifestyle. And I mean it just kind of opened up a lot of conversation. So we started talking about what are we gonna do this summer, because I’m a runner, and so I told him I’ve gotta get up three times a week and run like I’ve got to, but it’s gotta be in the morning, because it’s like 100 degrees by noon here. And so we have come up conversation with all of us, we’ve come up with a little plan. Good. So Monday, wednesday, friday is our exercise days. We’re gonna get up 7 am, I’m gonna run, she’s gonna run, bubby’s gonna ride his bike, so we’re all gonna get exercise. Tuesday, thursday morning, we are meeting out on the porch at 7 am and that’s gonna be our Bible study days.
I love it, because this was the reason my son loves to get up and play screens immediately.
He likes to play right in the morning, and I don’t love that, because I struggle with checking my phone first thing and I’m like I’m creating a bad thing with him, that he’s just gonna wake up and go play screens and he’s not gonna say hello to anyone, he’s not gonna eat breakfast. And so I told him that I was like this is my concern for you. Like I want you to play screens this summer, I want you to have downtime, but the morning makes me anxious, like I don’t like you just waking up and going there. And so then my daughter was like we’re gonna exercise and what if we do Bible study? And we brought my son into this conversation. He’s like that sounds amazing, let’s do it. And he goes, and then we can eat breakfast. And you know, after all of that, and then we can decide what we’re gonna do, like are we gonna go swim? Are we gonna go do some activity? Are we gonna do screens? Then, like he was all involved in this conversation.
0:14:42 – Speaker 4
It’s amazing, right when you actually start the conversation and include them in the solution.
0:14:47 – Speaker 3
And it all started with our pediatrician going there talking about exercise, and then that kind of spiraled into what are we gonna do? And it wasn’t me laying down the law, it wasn’t me saying you guys are horrible.
0:14:58 – Speaker 4
We’re all bad.
0:14:59 – Speaker 3
I was telling my son like I’m really worried about screen addiction, like I don’t want you to have to wake up when you’re a dad and feel like you have to check your phone first thing. Yeah, and so in creating that like teaching him again to look ahead.
0:15:15 – Speaker 4
Love it. Love it so much. If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 10 am on AIM 630. The word nextTalk Radio is listener supported. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through donations To support our organization. Go to nextTalk.org and click on give.
0:15:33 – Speaker 3
Okay, so you were listing the if, then the setting perimeters. Like I loved all of your tips for younger kids. Yep, I kind of talked about the conversations I’ve had with my older kids to kind of try and figure out the self-regulation and get them thinking ahead of the game what our schedule is going to be. So what are some other things we gotta go back to the screen.
0:15:52 – Speaker 4
safety yes, and I know you’re thinking well, we’ve talked about that but during the summer, with more time and more idle opportunities.
0:16:01 – Speaker 3
Well, and they’re gonna want. They’re gonna get bored with their current app, so they’re gonna just start downloading apps. So you need that rule of you can’t download an app without my approval you know, you got it.
0:16:11 – Speaker 4
And, as we always say, it’s an ongoing conversation. You know, reminding of that, downloading the apps, you know we need approval. Talking about online dangers, you know you can listen to our podcast to refresh your memory or give you some talking points. It’s called Cyber Strangers, sex Trafficking and Porn and there’s great facts and tips on there. Check that out before you remind them of all the reasons why you have to talk about this, because it is real and it is happening and during the summer, if they’re spending a lot of time on a screen, there may be opportunity for them to see or be exposed or asked for something.
0:16:43 – Speaker 3
We also recently did a show on YouTube and online gaming. That’s a good one too, because I know with my son he’s almost 11 and he really wants a YouTube channel. Well, I hate that. I don’t really want him to have it, but the thing is, this is what I found.
I turned the comments off and I tell him that he can’t have his face shown because he has no social media. So I’m like you don’t need to be out there, yeah, but he will record himself playing video games and hear his voice, and it’s actually taken him away from the video games more and been more creative about how to upload and how to do that. So it’s kind of been kind of cool actually. So I just let him have that, but that’s been kind of neat. And my daughter now I mean, she had a YouTube channel when she was younger same rules, comments off and no showing a face. Now that she’s older and she has social media, she does show her face, but she does DIY projects, like she’ll be thinking, oh, I want to do this craft and then record the video, and so it’s, yes, it’s tech, but it’s being doing something creative with technology.
0:17:45 – Speaker 4
And you know that will help you as a parent to sound relevant. If your kid comes to you and says I want to have a YouTube channel or I want to do something, brainstorm with them about a project.
Projects in the summer are a great way to help your kids not be idle. They have more time to be creative, to pursue things that they’re really interested in for a longer amount of time and support them. Help them get the pieces that they need to do their project, be excited about it. Ask to watch their YouTube channel. Can I see what you’re doing? What about this? What would you post? What?
0:18:16 – Speaker 3
kinds of things would you post? You know, they may say I want to build Legos and posting Exactly Great, that’s creative, you know? Yeah, diy projects. We’ve been wanting to do this thing in our house, where we do a large map of the United States. We’re going to take a road trip and we want to do pins on where we’ve all been.
0:18:35 – Speaker 4
Yes.
0:18:35 – Speaker 3
So this is like a big project that I’ve been wanting to work on. I saved it. We’re gonna do the first week of summer. I’m like, why would I do this Exactly? It’s gonna be a project we all work on together. So we’ve all been on Pinterest kind of looking at how we’re gonna do it, brainstorming ideas together, all the three of us. So just like, think about things like that that you group projects to it gets them just thinking more than just screens beyond the screens. I love it.
0:18:58 – Speaker 4
Now for older kids that have phones, again revisiting those conversations about what’s appropriate to post because summertime clothing is a little different.
0:19:06 – Speaker 3
Yeah, a lot of swimsuit shoot shots. You know our role in our house is any swimsuit photo has to be approved by me, a parent, because sometimes they don’t realize that it may be sexy, a sexy pose, or they may be leaning a certain way and they may not even mean to be that way.
And so, and also, like you said you know, ask for their permission, other people’s permission and so when we have friends over and it’s a group shot and everybody’s in their bikinis or whatever, yeah, you know we. You have to ask permission if you’re gonna post that kind of thing.
0:19:41 – Speaker 4
And always remind them of the guidelines. You know, a lot of times we want to assume that they know like oh, they wouldn’t do that, they know better. It’s common sense, it’s not.
0:19:51 – Speaker 3
We promise.
0:19:52 – Speaker 4
You really have to talk about it.
0:19:53 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it’s the culture that they’re growing up in. Another thing we do in the summer that kind of helps take away from screens is I, my kids have more chores, so my kids are older, so like, for instance, in the school year they’re responsible for taking care of the animals, you know, getting the food and water, making their bed, putting their laundry away. But I do all the laundry and I empty the dishwasher through the school year, like that’s kind of our schedule In the summer. I don’t empty one dishwasher. No, no no.
They do it every time. They’re learning to use the washer and dryer. You know they’re actually putting it in, both of them learning how to do it, and so I just ramp up some of those chores. They’re vacuuming more. They’re cleaning bathrooms more. It’s just part of. Okay, your job was school. Now that school is over, now this is your job.
0:20:45 – Speaker 4
You know we and I think most families do this. It’s pretty common having like a chore list or a chore expectation, and so that’s another part of time management that I love to do during the summer with my kids.
I’m like you know, you need to do something active. We have reading downtime, you have your chores. You know what they are. You can do them whenever you want between this time and before dinner. That’s the time, but they need to be done and it lets them get used to managing their time, making sure that their responsibilities are taken care of. So when we get back into that school schedule, they’re already used to paying attention to things that they have to be responsible for.
And so it helps during the summer to do that, to kind of set that standard. That’s good. I’ll be honest with you, girlfriend. I went to summer camp every year growing up and I absolutely loved it. It was so much fun. I had great memories, experiences, you know horseback riding, bow and arrows, shooting guns, like all kinds of stuff. It’s wonderful. But I also remember boys sneaking into our cabin to meet up with my counselor and I remember listening to sounds and wondering like what is that? Because I was pretty young, I remember kids sneaking out at night to go find their friends, you know, and whatever, because that’s what you did at that age or that’s what some kids did at that age. But there was no social media, there was no online world, there was none of that, and so that was about as far as it went. Everything has changed now with the technology that’s available, and so if your kids are going away to camp, you have to think about different things. Yeah, now my kids haven’t gone to camp yet, but your kids have.
0:22:13 – Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, and most of the camps we go to are no tech policy, so there’s not there, but because of everything they’re seeing online, they’ll talk about it.
0:22:23 – Speaker 4
Yes.
0:22:23 – Speaker 3
And so you got to have those conversations and a lot of kids, older kids, have seen porn and so that will come up a camp, you know, and so you just have to be aware of that and just have those conversations. I would say, prepare them. We’re going to, I think we need to do a show on sleepovers. I think we’re going to do that next, because not even camps, but also they’re going to be at other people’s houses more this summer.
0:22:47 – Speaker 4
So what does that?
0:22:48 – Speaker 3
look like and what do you need to prepare them for? I think that’s kind of a big topic that we should do another show about next, absolutely.
0:22:54 – Speaker 4
And if your kids are going to camp and, like Mandy said, most camps are tech free what a great opportunity to talk to them about how that makes them feel. Yes, before and after. Like, look at your habits now and let’s talk about this again. Let’s let’s revisit this when you come back from camp, because I know I’ve heard Ella even say I loved it so much not having my phone. Yeah, and I have met other parents. I met a parent just the other day who said my daughter’s phone was on restriction for something for a week and she said I felt like I got my daughter back. Our relationship changed. We had all these great conversations and I was able to talk to her about that and she realized it too. And so we have all these new guidelines.
0:23:32 – Speaker 3
And see, I love that, because then it’s not you saying this is bad for you, these are the rules. The kids are actually seeing the impact on their lives and they’re saying I don’t want to be like this, you know, and that is the key there is having them see the difference.
0:23:47 – Speaker 4
I think that we need to touch on really quickly about downtime like real downtime.
0:23:54 – Speaker 3
Yeah.
0:23:54 – Speaker 4
Summer is a great time to have that conversation and that experience, because there is a little more flexibility in the schedule. Yeah, and more than ever, kids are over scheduled and they’re in front of screens. Parents as well. And you know, we have talked to the psychologist that we’ve brought in here a few times from the Vine Wellness Group and they have said, you know, being in front of your screen is not true downtime. Your eyes and your brain aren’t really resting. And so those conversations about how can we really have quality downtime during the summer so we can truly rest are great during the summer because you can get creative and you can. They can really experience it firsthand.
0:24:30 – Speaker 3
You could do a summer reading program through the library. They always have really cool programs. Check into that. We also always do a summer bucket list. I mean, my kids are almost 11 and 14 and they still do a summer bucket list. And it’s amazing to me, on their bucket list is never play more screens. Never, ever it’s always visit the beach, go to camp, take a vacation, visit so many states. You know cool stuff like exploring stuff, creative stuff, do a project On ours this year was planted tomato.
Yes, and so do have them, do a bucket list. Talk about that when, with my older kids, I talk about their financial goals. You know I’ve got one that’s going to be driving soon, and so we have kind of started talking to her about how much she’s going to have to help with that, and so she’s thinking of creative ways to earn money this summer. And and my son too my son is, you know, almost 11, but he’s even said I think I need to start mowing yards and doing that kind of thing so that I can start saving for my car, and I have more years, so he is getting in on this, and so we’re talking about that too, the financial goals.
0:25:39 – Speaker 4
So summer is fun. Yes, summer can be stressful, but it’s also a really great time to have some great conversations. In summary, plan for the lack of schedule and downtime by deciding on activities and guidelines together and ahead of time. Review screen screen guidelines and online dangers and consider more responsibility and projects to keep your kids busy and, worse, on screen.
0:26:04 – Speaker 2
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 6 30 the word. You are not alone, trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page