0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk, sponsored by nextTalk.org, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim Every Saturday at 10 am on AM630, the Word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization helping parents’ cyber parent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:37 – Speaker 2
So today we’re continuing in our four-part social media series. We’re giving you tips and information, stats, all that kind of stuff, things to help you parent social media, which is what we’re all about. Today we are going to do Snapchat. We already did Instagram. That was good. Lots of info there, but super helpful. Snapchat, though, it’s a whole nother beast.
0:00:57 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know, most parents automatically no, no, I hate Snapchat and there are some bad things about Snapchat, but there are some really great things about Snapchat and so I want to kind of paint a picture for you as to why your kids love it, because it is really fun to use. And just because your kids want a Snapchat account doesn’t mean that they’re trying to hide something from you also, absolutely. I mean, if they’re asking you, that’s a good sign, that’s a good sign. I would say they’re only trying to hide something from you if they just open an account and don’t ask.
0:01:23 – Speaker 2
Well, let’s review the history of Snapchat. It started out in 2011. Yeah, it’s now a publicly traded company called Snap Inc. It’s headquartered in California and yesterday you could buy it for $16.33 a share.
0:01:35 – Speaker 3
Around 3.5 billion snaps are sent on a daily basis Crazy. Can you imagine if we had a nickel?
0:01:41 – Speaker 2
forever. Oh, I wish that was the case.
0:01:44 – Speaker 3
Last year’s annual revenue for Snap Inc 824.824.9 million. It’s such a big number I can’t even say it right.
0:01:54 – Speaker 2
I wish I had come up with the idea.
0:01:56 – Speaker 3
Goodness gracious, that’s crazy here are some other stats from snapchatcom 187 million average daily active Snapchatters globally Wow, 25 times. Average number of times daily active Snapchatters open the app each day Wow, 25 times. That’s a lot. That is a oh my goodness. 30 plus average minutes spent on the app daily. I think that’s probably more it says it does say 30 plus 60% average of daily active Snapchatters create with their own camera every day.
0:02:30 – Speaker 2
It’s like a whole new language. Snapchatters, snappers, okay, snap, snap snap, yes.
0:02:34 – Speaker 3
So, parents, here’s what I want to tell you. This is how I describe it to parents. Snapchat is like the new way to text, yes, but you do it with photos and videos and I know that sounds crazy, but texting is hard work. I mean, there’s you know, it’s a lot of typing with texting. So I got my mom on Snapchat. So when we need to talk, like I need to send her a reminder or I’ll say I’m praying for you or how you feeling. I don’t really text that anymore. I do a little 30 second video how you feeling and she loves to see my face. She lives long distance. Yes, it doesn’t take up phone storage. There are really cool filters that you can look awful and they make you look great.
0:03:10 – Speaker 1
Like so I can do this. This is a whole conversation.
0:03:12 – Speaker 3
We can do a whole show on that, yes, and so it’s just fun. The filters change regularly and, quite frankly, I love that it doesn’t take up my phone storage.
0:03:21 – Speaker 2
Like seeing that, and I think that’s what scares parents and why it gets a bad rap.
0:03:25 – Speaker 3
I think that’s what scares parents. But here’s what I would say this should never be your kid’s first social media platform. Right, okay, because they do disappear and there’s not a lot of accountability with it.
There isn’t. But if you’ve, if you’ve taught a social media platform on how to post online integrity, that sort of thing, and they’re showing you things that are inappropriate, that are coming up or that they’re seeing on their timeline or whatever, then build this trust and then maybe this is a platform they can have in the future. Couple of things I love about Snapchat there’s no likes and no followers. Yes, so there’s no. There’s no push to do whatever it takes to get a like, cause I see this a lot, especially with younger kids. You know you’re posting the provocative pictures to get more of that. It’s attention to the game it is. So we don’t have that with Snapchat, so that’s really good. It doesn’t use your phone storage.
Yeah, like we said before, and the filters yes, I mean the filters are fun, even for little kids.
0:04:24 – Speaker 2
If you have not seen Snapchat or the filters, what we’re talking about. It literally is like taking a picture and someone comes in and puts flowers on your head or whatever.
0:04:34 – Speaker 1
Those are the fun things, bunny ears.
0:04:36 – Speaker 2
Or if it’s a holiday, it has something about the holiday or just these nice lighted scenes that kind of change your collection.
0:04:43 – Speaker 3
0:04:44 – Speaker 2
And you look amazing. You look like a goddess. Yes, you’re like oh, princess, yes, princess, mom here. Ok, but let me take the extreme of that because it needs to be part of a conversation with the filters, because they are super fun. My kids and I love to do them. We don’t even send them, we don’t snap them, we just laugh and do our little filters. Maybe every once in a while we’ll send it to daddy or to grandma, but we just like to look at it because it’s like a game. Yes, but I have already had the conversation with my kids that one of the new things, that’s like this big push. Remember when people were getting plastic surgery to be like Barbies? Yes, now they’re getting plastic surgery to look like their filtered image.
0:05:20 – Speaker 3
We just started doing some research on this. Yes, crazy, like they’re taking their filter and saying make me look like this.
0:05:26 – Speaker 2
It looks like this all the time.
0:05:28 – Speaker 3
Oh, that’s a conversation.
0:05:29 – Speaker 2
It’s a conversation, and so even when your kids are just doing it and you’re doing it, it’s fun there is something that’s happening in your brain that’s saying this is a better version of myself. And that’s the conversation you have with your kid, that truth, honesty, who you are, the way God created you is the perfect version of yourself. And this is just for fun. So if you’re not having that conversation, then Snapchat is a big deal.
0:05:50 – Speaker 3
Well, and I would say, kim, those conversations start years before they get Snapchat. So your daughter’s three right, yes, and when you do this, you can have little conversations like this right now with her, To like prepare her and say I know these filters are fun and they’re exciting, but you are beautiful just like you, you don’t need a filter Absolutely.
0:06:10 – Speaker 2
We got to start these conversations soon or never. Think it’s too late. If you haven’t had these conversations specific to social media, please do. It’s really important. They’re on it all the time. It’s their world and so they need to hear truth as they’re navigating it.
0:06:24 – Speaker 3
Just as with Instagram, you need to be 13 years old, and this one I say hold true to that. You need to be 13 years old because there are some things that we’re going to talk about today that are sensitive material that you can be exposed to very easily on Snapchat. So, 13 years old and, again, not the first social media platform. Build that trust first. Build the trust first. Have the online integrity. There’s lots of conversations. I know that pictures disappearing scare you parents, and so what I want to say is listen to our Instagram show, because now Instagram has disappearing pictures and videos within direct messaging. So it’s basically the same thing as Snapchat, and so sometimes we’re saying, oh yeah, they can have Instagram at an early age and this is a starter platform. Well, that’s changed now. That’s how I did it, but it’s changed since I’ve done it three years ago, and so we need to be careful of that.
But the disappearing pictures a conversation you have to have with your kids and again, this can happen when they’re three and four, when they’re a little bitty. Nothing you ever share on technology is private. It’s not a diary. It’s not a diary. Anything can be screenshot. The same thing is with the disappearing picture on Snapchat. So I have this conversation with my daughter all the time Anything you post snap comment, text, dm, whatever can be screenshot upload it on a public account and then when you go to college or you go to apply for a job and they search you because that’s what they do now, that is the standard. They’re gonna find that and so they need to know. Nothing is ever truly private, and if you parented social media that way, on all the other simple social media platforms, and you’ve really had conversations about what to post, they get this, yeah they understand and you know, you know when you can trust your child, hopefully, and you have that sense that they’re ready for this.
0:08:25 – Speaker 2
And it’s easy to think that this just happens out here, Like we do our hands out, like this. That happens to those kids in that area. My husband is a middle school administrator. He sees pictures and messages and all that are screen-shotted, because the thing now that kids tell him all the time is well, I keep it for a black male. This is the new thing he hears every day. Well, I screen-shotted it for a black male. He’s like too black male what? And they’re like well, I don’t know, I’ll leave it in the future.
So you need to know that it happens regularly for these kids the screen-shotting. It is a thing.
0:08:58 – Speaker 3
Well, and I call it online manipulation what I see sometimes happening is they’ll take a screen shot of it and you know it may be like you gotta meet me up and have sex with me, or I’m gonna show this to everyone. That’s, they wanna get stuff. Or you have to send me more nudes, or you have to do this, or I’m gonna tell everybody.
0:09:18 – Speaker 2
There’s that immediate manipulation that is happening every day in your school with those kids that are around your kid, and then this is this thing where they’re saving them up. They’re saving them up for a moment when they need or want something later. So you need to tell your kid, even if it doesn’t happen immediately. Don’t put anything out there that could ever be used against you.
0:09:37 – Speaker 3
You wanna protect yourself and listen. If your kid has messed this up, if they have done something wrong, default to love. Default to love because they have a lot of information coming at them fast with all the social media world that they’re living in and they may get you know. It is so common to share a nude or to send an inappropriate picture through Snapchat or whatever, and so they may get caught up in that. You got to love your kid, yeah, you got to walk them through and you got to understand it is harder growing up today. It is not. I get a little irritated oh, should I say that? I get a? I hate saying that, but I get a little irritated when I hear parents say how could my kid be so stupid to send a nude photo. And I will say to the parent did you ever have a conversation with them about online manipulation and sending nude photos and what people, what kids, do to other kids to blackmail each other? Well, no, I just thought it was common sense.
0:10:34 – Speaker 2
It’s a whole new world Just the way. It’s a new world of parenting for us. It’s a new world of operating for them.
0:10:40 – Speaker 3
And it’s. It’s really very common for them to send nude photos, and so you have to have that proactive conversation so that they don’t they know the boundaries.
0:10:50 – Speaker 2
And do not tell yourself the lie that talking to them about something they’re not doing is going to push them into doing it. A lot of parents shy away from these difficult conversations. They’re like I don’t want to introduce the idea in their brain because then they’ll be curious and they’ll want to do it. It’s just the opposite. If you can explain what’s happening, why it’s not good short and long term consequences, and walk them through that, that gives them the tools to say no, it’s not pushing them into it.
0:11:14 – Speaker 3
Well, and if your child has social media and you’re afraid to have that conversation? I mean they’ve got the world of their fingertips with social media, so you need to have that conversation. And even as young kids, you know, with your three year old you can say we just don’t send pictures of people without clothes on. I mean it’s a simple thing. You don’t have to go into this big online manipulation thing because they’re not going to understand that, but it’s a simple conversation.
0:11:37 – Speaker 2
At three it’s already a family standard, like we always ask to take pictures and also don’t take pictures if someone is in anything less than a swimsuit. So you just start that soon.
0:11:46 – Speaker 3
Yeah, the other thing is location services on this one. So on Instagram, I said turn those off, you know, because you don’t want people scrolling through. So Snapchat is a little different. Location services are kind of cool because when, like when you travel, the filters will adjust to where you are.
0:12:05 – Speaker 2
And it’ll put like neat things on your photo.
0:12:08 – Speaker 3
Yes, so for a long time. When my daughter first got Snapchat and again she was 13, I made her wait till she was 13. She had to enter a birth date with a lot of people in her big stuff. That’s another conversation to have with your kids. If you have to lie to start an account, we need to talk about this, and they are doing it every day. They don’t even bat an eye. To me, that’s a personal online integrity issue. Like you’re already teaching your kid to lie online when they start an account, if you’re allowing them to do that, now it’s different, if I would say if your kid wants social media, they’re not 13 yet like Instagram or Snapchat, put it on your phone. You know they can have a little bit of access, but be careful with that too, because when they get around their friends, they can then log into their accounts and do stuff that you don’t know about, right?
0:12:56 – Speaker 2
So you really just have to be careful with this, so many ins and outs. That’s why we’re always saying you have to be one step ahead and you have to take the time to learn the world your kids are walking in.
0:13:05 – Speaker 3
I say all the time to parents SnapChat should definitely be given to kids who are older. And you trust, yeah, for sure, yeah, not a first social media platform at all Now what about SnapMap Map that was added last year.
0:13:19 – Speaker 2
This was added last year, in 2017.
0:13:21 – Speaker 3
I remember that was a big deal. Yes, okay, so you can go to ghost mode. So SnapMap is basically an area and it’s kind of hard to get to. You have to like pinch your screen to get to it, but it shows a map and it’ll show where all of your friends are Right and you’ll show up on there. So anywhere in the world that you are, it’ll pinpoint your. You know, it’s a GPS tracker, basically, and so SnapMap was launched in 2017.
Now there’s a couple things I want to say about this. My daughter has to be in ghost mode, so that means her location will not appear on SnapMap, but she still has access to SnapMap. She can see all of her friends who have their tracker on who are not in ghost mode. She can also see stories from around the world, from anyone around a specific event Wow. So, say, there’s a big march or there’s a big basketball or, you know, super Bowl, whatever. She’ll be able to see any of those stories that pop up there. Wow, there’s no, you know, content monitoring, and so that is a conversation.
Now, my kid doesn’t love SnapMap. It’s not really a big thing for her and because she said I know that some of the stuff is inappropriate. So I just don’t go over there a lot, right? But one conversation to have with your kids is when they do go over there, they see when they’re not invited to the parties. Sure, and that’s the same conversation with Instagram. Yeah, you’re constantly going to know when you’re not invited. Yeah, it’s a constant conversation with social media and we struggle with that as adults.
0:14:51 – Speaker 2
Absolutely. You know, if you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 10 am on AM 630. The word nextTalk Radio is listener supported. Everything that we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through donations To support our organization. Go to nextTalk.org and please click on give.
0:15:10 – Speaker 3
So we’ve talked about the disappearing pictures and parents. I hope I’ve eased your mind a little bit. You know, just because your kid wants Snapchat doesn’t mean they’re trying to hide something from you if they’re asking you for an account. It is a really cool app. There are some bad things about it Down thing, down sides that I do not like, and so I want to talk about one of those right now the discover section. Yes, this is like the news section, ok, of Snapchat and people pay to have their stories put on there. So One time I remember it was something about like what to do if you can’t get her an orgasm. Like as I’m looking through my kids, sure, discover section. Yeah, one of them was you know ways to help her get off during sex, like just really very Explicit, like a running news feed of that a very explicit content on the discover section.
Now, we were watching this very closely. This kind of played out in 2016. Snapchat got sued for this. Mark Garagos, the famous attorney, represented a family and they sued snapchat because of the sexually explicit stories. A lot of stuff from Buzzfeed, cosmopolitan, mtv just really Paid advertisements there that are not good for 13 and 14 year old kids and they’re saying you can be 13 years old and be on snapchat. That’s what they’re saying, their term of policy. This is not okay for a 13 year old, right? So in 2017, we were kind of following that really closely. Snapchat responded to that and said we’re gonna curve the articles. We’re gonna help According to the birthday that’s entered on the account name. We’re gonna make sure they’re more age appropriate. It’s like filtered out. It’s like filtered out. Now, the couple things I want to say about this one is I have noticed it being less, but there’s some that are still really iffy because, again, who is determining, right, what’s good content for a 13 or 14 year old or not?
It’s subjective and I mean, if it’s a 22 year old who doesn’t have kids, you’re gonna look at this very differently as a parent of a 13 year old, Absolutely and so still have your guard up, and so we talk about those a lot, about guarding your heart and mind, and I love that you have snapchat, but why would you click on this to see this? And so and there is an option now on the discover section you will see new stories and you there’s.
You can kind of click on it, tap on it and say I want to see more of this or less of this and so a self filter it is, my daughter loves the cooking stuff, yes, and so she will say show me more of these stories you know about recipes and that kind of thing.
0:17:52 – Speaker 2
Well, and that’s the thing with all this social media. You know we’ve talked about Instagram and now set snapchat. There’s some really neat features that are can be tailored to your kids and can be a positive thing and encourage good things that they’re into. But it’s a lot of parenting and a lot of conversations for it to go that way, otherwise they’re just exposed.
0:18:10 – Speaker 3
It’s a lot more work to parent social media. Social media. And I say to parents delay as long as you can. Yeah, because it is a lot of conversation, a lot of work, and there are times when I have to say, hey, you’ve been on social media too much. I need you to curb, you know, I need you to take it down Self-regulate yourself.
This is not healthy, all those conversations. And she does the same with me. Yeah, she will say, mom, you’ve been on your phone too much today. Yeah, and we have that kind of relationship now because we’re learning it together. We’re learning social media together. We gotta talk about streaks. Okay, I want to get to streaks. One other thing that I wanted to say about the content on the discover section. If they use the birth date that’s entered to to figure out which Stories to show on your kids discover feed and your kid has entered a fake account birthday yeah, which is most of them yeah, it’s not gonna help at all. No, so with my daughter, she waited till 13. We have her birthday dinnered and it’ll curb it. But if you’re using your birth date for your kids account, they’re gonna see more sexually explicit stuff, yeah, so you got to be careful about that?
0:19:13 – Speaker 2
aware of that for sure. Um, okay, streaks, it’s a big deal. It’s a big deal. This is another thing. Talking about it.
0:19:20 – Speaker 3
This is another thing that I think. When parents hear snap streak or you’re streaking with who, they’re thinking new to me. I mean, they’re thinking what we did at sleepovers yeah, I dare you to strip down and run around the house three times. And then you compile that with disappearing pictures and it you just. It’s so funny when I talk to parents.
But that’s not what snap streak, snap streaks are. So this is what a snap streak is when you are streaking with someone, it means that you and your friend have snapped each other within 24 hours both of you. So they, kim, would send me one, I would send her one, and we do it for more than three consecutive days. Okay, now snapchat gives you rewards for.
So if we would do it for seven days, I would pull up my phone and it would say Kim, elric, with a Seven okay because I would know that the streak is going in a fire emoji because we’re on fire, we’re on fire, we’re on fire girls, and so I know it sounds and I know parents are out there. Being like this is so stupid. Again, we can’t be judgmental, because this is the world they’re growing up in. Snap streaks are important to kids.
0:20:38 – Speaker 2
Yes, I, you know what I think of immediately and this is gonna sound elementary, but this is how we have to think about it. You have to apply it to something that makes sense to you or something that you experienced at that age group. So, like when my kids started kindergarten, they had these little like tags that they collected and you got them for doing certain things at school and you wore them on a keychain and you put them on your bag and it showed everybody what you were doing.
It’s positive reinforcement. It’s the same thing. Snapchat is brilliant for doing this, because it keeps kids on their app.
0:21:06 – Speaker 3
It keeps them engaged keeps them engaged in the app. Yes, now you will say to me Well, what is it? What are they sending back and forth? You’re not inappropriate, I’m important, it is so funny. It’s. It’s like your, your face, and this is what I mean for breakfast. It’s like two seconds of whatever it counts as a streak, Like when Ella went to camp.
0:21:24 – Speaker 2
I remember she did, oh yeah so.
0:21:26 – Speaker 3
So that’s a funny thing. When my daughter went to camp last year, she said to me so I need to have somebody logged into my account to help me with my streaks. Now, crazy mom wanted to come out. No, we’ve been talking about how social media doesn’t roll your life and all of a sudden we’re having to give her phone to a friend to keep her streaks up right and you’re like what? No, so I pause for a minute. Yeah, I had learned enough. I pause and I said to her hey, let’s think about this. We’re gonna give somebody your login to your account and they can do like I know your friends now with them, but friends change all the time in middle school, especially. What if, two years from now, she wants to get into your account and Something happens? Like what if you guys get into an argument and we just don’t know? Should we really give out your login information? Now, I didn’t lay down the rule and I didn’t say no snap streaks while we’re out of town, like I didn’t. I just wanted her, I wanted her to ponder it. Yeah, and I really wanted to try and push her into this decision on her own. Yes, right, at the same time, I’ll never forget my heads up.
Mama Said my I think she was a sophomore at the time sophomore junior. Her daughter Came home and said these streaks are so Much work like it’s causing me like at night I’ll hurry up and do all my streaks so that I get them in, like it’s a chore. And Her teenager came home and said I’m giving them up. Yeah, I’m giving up streaks. So I told my daughter about that conversation. I was like my friend’s daughter Says these are a lot of work. Who is an older, because often she’ll listen to teenagers more than she’ll listen to me. Well, lo and behold, guess what? She didn’t do the streaks. And yesterday I said to her this was a year ago that we had this conversation. Yesterday I said to her I’m getting ready to do a show on Snapchat. How many streaks you got going now? And she goes, mom, after camp. I gave them all up.
0:23:28 – Speaker 2
It’s too much work.
0:23:30 – Speaker 3
I don’t need anything else. I might do this for the day.
0:23:32 – Speaker 2
But I love that she came to that on her own. You had the conversation with her, presented the information and she could process it. You didn’t just lay down the law.
0:23:41 – Speaker 3
I was at an event last week where I spoke and there were two teenagers there and they were on a panel in one of the breakout sessions with me and they said their streaks are such a big deal that they take care of each other while they’re gone. And it’s a big deal. They were like we know who has more than 600. 600 days guys in a row. So I did some research. As of March of 2018, some people recorded Snap Streaks 1057 days. Kim. That is commitment, that’s bragging rights. That’s it’s the reward system, it’s the dopamine of yes, I conquered something big, absolutely.
0:24:19 – Speaker 2
It’s crazy, but it is their world and it is what they are navigating. And so, instead of just saying no, like we always say, you’ve got to have the conversation with them.
0:24:28 – Speaker 3
Got to explain it and press them in, to move them to where you want them to go, you know with examples and that kind of thing, but don’t lay down the law, because then they just turn you out off.
0:24:38 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot. And again, granted, I have younger kids, but putting things into context for them has really helped, whereas before I would just say this is what it is and this is why you shouldn’t do it, I would put things into context to them and help them relate to it, and I find now that they’re coming to these decisions on their own yeah, the other thing is again we mentioned this before, but I want to end with this because it’s the most critical conversation you have with your kid Anything can be screen shot.
0:25:03 – Speaker 3
Everything in tech is really saved somewhere, even though it disappears. I know in 2014, there was somebody had released a whole bunch of Snapchat pictures and videos that everybody thought had disappeared and they were being saved somewhere.
0:25:16 – Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely Don’t ever think that you are safe from that. Couple things real quick in our wrap up Learn Snapchat before giving it to your child. Do not give your child this app unless they’re 13, and they’ve proven themselves trustworthy on another social media app. And teach model and continually talk.
0:25:32 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim every Saturday at 10 AM on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk? We’ll be right back.
Transcribed by https://podium.page