0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:10 – Speaker 2
Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a non-profit organization helping parents’ cyberparent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:36 – Speaker 3
Hey guys, it’s Mandy. Kim Elrich is not here with us today she’s with a sick kiddo. But we have two nextTalk team members with us. Another, Kim Kim Nichols. I’m just going to be the other Kim.
0:00:50 – Speaker 1
I’m going to get hashtag the other Kim Kim and I talked about getting sweet t-shirts. Is it hashtag Kim Twins?
0:00:55 – Speaker 3
Yeah, there we go, and Holly Bristol is with us. Hey, y’all, if you don’t know them, they lead, like our high school college ministry. They have high school and college kids. They know this season of life, they know the transition of it, and we did a show called Out of the Nest, part 1, where we really focused on kind of preparing ourselves and kind of what to expect, just kind of really like an overview. But now we want to really get in there and talk about like specific things, cause I know y’all have told me like this thing is a big deal, like Christmas, like you just said, their first time coming home from Christmas after they’ve already transitioned out of the house.
0:01:35 – Speaker 4
Okay, they’re coming home for the first time and you’re all excited. Okay, wait.
0:01:38 – Speaker 3
So Thanksgiving is not that big of a deal. Well, I mean, for a lot of schools, they don’t.
0:01:42 – Speaker 4
I mean they just have a few days. They may have Wednesday, Thursday.
0:01:46 – Speaker 1
It depends on how far they’re traveling, how much time they have off, but it’s a little shorter.
0:01:51 – Speaker 4
Do you normally go to other family members? It’s very short, it’s like a short visit For a long weekend Okay.
0:01:57 – Speaker 3
So Thanksgiving, not that big of a deal, but Christmas. Tell me what happens with Christmas.
0:02:00 – Speaker 4
Well, number one they bring a lot of stuff with them. They bring their items, and for me, since I also have a senior in college, she also brings her big white dog, so that’s super fun. No, he’s a good guy.
He’s so beautiful he is so beautiful, he’s precious and he’s her wonderful companion in life. But so that first year they come home and they bring a lot of extra stuff and they’re tired, they’ve just finished finals, yeah, and they come with all this knowledge that has been imparted to them and even I think that even kids who are coming home from, maybe, the military and they’re coming home for a few days for the first time- they see the world bigger.
0:02:36 – Speaker 2
They’ve seen the world bigger.
0:02:37 – Speaker 4
They know all these people, all these cool, interesting people that are way better than what’s at home.
0:02:42 – Speaker 2
Can I just tell you that first Christmas.
0:02:45 – Speaker 4
They’re just, you know. So we become chocolate very fast, oh you’re so plebian, you know like you saw these words and you’re like Googling it, you’re like what’s this mean? Oh, we have one semester of college and here they come Now.
0:02:57 – Speaker 1
She’s brilliant Now she’s brilliant.
0:02:59 – Speaker 4
They’re great academics and you know, and what’s cool is, you know, what was cool a few months ago is now passe, and so other things are cool. But they come in and they bring all this stuff and you’re so excited to see them in the dynamic and your house suddenly begins to turn and change, especially if you still have children at home.
0:03:17 – Speaker 1
Because everybody has just kind of gotten into the groove of this is the way family works without this person in the house, and now this person is back and they’re expecting it to be exactly as they left it and it’s different, and it’s different and they have to integrate.
0:03:35 – Speaker 4
So it’s kind of like jumping rope. You expect them to kind of come in with the, but they’re like no, no, no, no, no, no, it’s about me, excuse me Just a little bit excited to be there and be so awesome. Yeah.
0:03:46 – Speaker 3
This could even translate. I know your husband used to be military and I’ve heard you say you know when your husband travels a lot.
0:03:51 – Speaker 4
You have to integrate when they get back up, it’s the same concept. Really, you need to prepare if there’s going to be there may be a little bumpy air there, and that’s okay, it’s not bad.
0:04:00 – Speaker 3
Yeah.
0:04:01 – Speaker 4
But it’s the best transition transition anywhere, anytime, even merging into traffic. Yeah, you got to look over your shoulder.
0:04:06 – Speaker 3
You got to be aware.
0:04:08 – Speaker 4
So give yourself a day, maybe two, to get everybody kind of back on the same page and talk about it.
0:04:14 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yeah. Again, it’s that open communication Expectations. She hasn’t been here all this time. Now we’re back into it. You guys are going to have to work out sharing the space again whatever it is, just have to talk about it.
0:04:26 – Speaker 4
You know, in our house it was mom. Where are my clothes? Did you check your sister’s closet? Oh yes, why did? She have my stuff.
0:04:35 – Speaker 1
Yes, we’ve had those same conversations. Will you please tell her that just because I do not live here, that does not mean that my closet is an open library for her to go check things out?
0:04:44 – Speaker 4
and not return. Yes, yes, it could be. Yeah, video, it could be a lot of things, depending on your child.
0:04:49 – Speaker 1
The bigger transition for us was summer.
0:04:52 – Speaker 4
Yes, she came home for summer.
0:04:53 – Speaker 1
Let’s talk about that. It was very different because it had been a year. She’d had two semesters away and they get a new normal.
And probably new friends, a whole new group of friends, all new friends because they’re meeting friends in all their different activities and classes and everything, and independence, and independence, and they’re living in a different space. By that time they’ve got their own little schedule down when they eat, what they eat, what time they go to bed, when they come in all of those things and they’re used to not having a parent being involved in any of that. And I think that’s part of that transition.
0:05:30 – Speaker 4
You have to discuss that.
0:05:31 – Speaker 1
You need to discuss it, you need to go. Okay, you’re back home, so the boundaries are here, but also with a little more freedom than what they were doing before they left. You know what I mean. You have to recognize okay, she’s been doing this on her own and she’s been doing it beautifully. So I have to respect that, but she also has to respect our home again and coming in at whatever hour and waking up everybody, or the dogs.
0:05:55 – Speaker 3
So that’s what I was gonna ask about curfew, because no, no, no, no, no, no, no, curfew. Right, well, that’s a family thing Because, like you said, they’ve been out on their own.
0:06:05 – Speaker 4
It’s more like just let me know when you’re going to be back.
0:06:07 – Speaker 1
Just let me know, Okay, so that changes a little bit. It changes. There was no longer a set time that we said, okay, you need to be in by this time or anything?
0:06:16 – Speaker 3
Do you ever get slack from other siblings Like, well, why is she okay? Or do they understand? No, she’s been living on her own, this is okay.
0:06:23 – Speaker 1
I think you could definitely get a little slack. Well, she’s doing whatever she doesn’t have and you have to remind them.
0:06:30 – Speaker 2
Well, she’s almost 20 years old and she’s been doing this on her own for a while and proven that we can trust her and that I know she is indeed going to come home, right?
0:06:39 – Speaker 1
yes, you know I don’t always know the hour, but you just have to recognize that they’ve been doing things on their own for a while and respect that, and then have a talk and communicate with them and remind them this is still home and mom’s rules are still here, and so that means if you’re going to bring people over, you’re not bringing people over at midnight or one Right.
0:06:58 – Speaker 4
We’re not having people even in the game room. You know if there’s a boyfriend or girlfriend involved.
0:07:02 – Speaker 3
So all those conversations. It’s almost like you need to set some new guidelines. Like I recognize that you’re independent now and it’s not the same rules as in high school, but these things still need to be in place, these respectful boundaries kind of thing, and you can just have it real casually. Like okay.
0:07:18 – Speaker 1
Like over at lunch or whatever Even just hey and pointing it as they go out the door. It doesn’t have to be a huge big thing or a big blow off or anything.
0:07:27 – Speaker 3
No set on the couch crazy family meetings.
0:07:31 – Speaker 4
Oh Lord, they don’t like that. Then they move and wait immediately.
0:07:35 – Speaker 3
We’re always about on the go, just normal conversation.
0:07:38 – Speaker 4
Yeah, just let them know. And even as you’re starting to talk about what they’re doing for the summer, which you’ll probably start talking about in February or March you’re gonna say, okay, the summer when you’re gonna be doing this, and you can start kind of having those conversations then, because you wanna have things to look forward to with them and et cetera, like that.
0:07:56 – Speaker 1
And it’s just different. It’s not always just the rules and the guidelines of the house, but it’s just different for them to be back in that space. And not be in this other town that they’ve gotten used to living in and driving and having their own little usual things that they do.
0:08:11 – Speaker 3
they’re back home and it’s a transition for them and also I’m thinking they may be seeing old friends, old girlfriends, boyfriends. So all of those emotions may come up, sometimes yes, sometimes no, and for a lot of kids too.
0:08:25 – Speaker 4
They’re only home for a few weeks and they may be going away to. Maybe they’re going on a mission trip, Maybe they’re working at a camp. Maybe they’ve got other plans happening, but still, their stuff is gonna come, probably gonna come back to your house. And so it’s a plan that you have to start talking about. What are you bringing home? Okay, here’s how I think we’re going to store it. You yourself need to know that. You need to have a plan in place where all this Stuff is gonna go and there’s a lot.
0:08:51 – Speaker 3
That’s a really great tip because I don’t like like stuff setting around in my house.
0:08:55 – Speaker 4
Oh, it will be.
0:08:56 – Speaker 3
I hate to tell you.
0:08:57 – Speaker 4
Well, I’m gonna be doing what. I’ll create a closet, yeah, or I’ll create a space.
0:09:01 – Speaker 1
You have to have a space where that will be her space.
0:09:04 – Speaker 3
That’s where everything’s like setting in my four year right in the front.
0:09:06 – Speaker 4
Yeah, I can’t do that. That’s about a week.
0:09:09 – Speaker 2
That’s right when you have to wash it, you have to do right before it goes back out.
0:09:13 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it must be fumigated so I’m interested to know, like as a parent of a high school, what’s communication look like and I know it probably varies by kid. Give me some examples like what. It’s very oh.
0:09:28 – Speaker 1
Daughter there, it’s almost every day texture.
0:09:31 – Speaker 2
phone call Okay, and as we’ve gone, oh yeah okay.
0:09:36 – Speaker 1
Cuz some time. It used to be freshman year, it would be she was on her way back from a class and had every afternoon hike across the campus to get back to the dorm. So she had a pretty long walk. She used her commute time?
0:09:47 – Speaker 3
They do.
0:09:47 – Speaker 1
they use my phone time with her that she would call me Almost the exact same time every day. Hey, mom, okay. And now, as she’s been there longer, I noticed I get less phone calls and fewer text messages Because she’s busier. She’s got a job where she’s working more hours. Her class hours are longer or there’ll be like labs that she’s got to go to and I just know she’s busy. So sometimes there’s days where I get, you know, I’m laying down at night. We want, I didn’t, I didn’t talk to my kid today, you know, and it’s a simple text. Hey, kiddo, hope you had a great day.
0:10:17 – Speaker 2
No, you’re busy.
0:10:18 – Speaker 1
Love you, and she’ll text back. I did so busy, sorry didn’t get to talk. Love you to mom and that’s it.
0:10:24 – Speaker 3
Well, and I love you’re not asking her. Can you call me, can you text me, can you let me?
0:10:29 – Speaker 2
know you’re okay.
0:10:31 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you’re not putting pressure on them to be like I feel guilty, I need to call mom. It’s just hey, I love you. I hope you are doing. Oh, you know her personality like you know, she lived at home.
0:10:41 – Speaker 1
She was my talker kid. She would share everything. You know, that was kind of the relationship we had. Now with it’s very different. He doesn’t reach out, I reach out a lot. Hey, are you okay? Hey, do you need anything? Hey, how are you feeling today? Those things and he’ll answer back.
0:10:56 – Speaker 3
But you have to pull it out of him.
0:10:57 – Speaker 1
Yeah and I don’t know if that’s a boy girl thing. I’ve got another girl and another boy to do. This was so stay tuned, ladies. Yeah, but I think it is like just different personalities. Like my girl that’s a senior now.
0:11:14 – Speaker 4
We were both.
0:11:14 – Speaker 1
We’ve talked about this because our seniors are very they’re different cats and you just have to know that when they leave your house, that you can’t parent them like you did their sibling necessarily.
0:11:26 – Speaker 3
Yeah, or you can’t expect the calls or the text and it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. I was just getting ready to say they don’t love you.
0:11:34 – Speaker 1
It’s just they’re different, differently, and they’ve got their own life going on in a different place and Remind moms all the time.
0:11:43 – Speaker 4
It’s not about you. Yes, you’ve got to stop thinking. It’s about you, it’s not. Yeah they’re still very myopic and in their own world and they’re learning it and they’re happy and you know they’ll be all right.
0:11:54 – Speaker 3
Well that’s why, to me, you know, if you’ve got kids in your house and they’re little, like I feel like minor, little compared to y’all. You know, I’ve got a fifth grader and I’m in a high schooler and we have time to spend with them now and have the conversations and really pour into it, so that when they do leave you know we’re not home, stressed out like, oh my gosh, what’s going on? It’s not about us at all, because we’re like they’re ready and you’re like you, like you guys, you’re excited for them to go to this next chapter, because they’re ready to fly and sometimes kids do need to be reminded.
0:12:28 – Speaker 4
You need to check in with me. Yeah it’s just a caught, you know. Hey, check in with me, let me know how this, this or this went. Yeah because with my older one she would sit down every day after school for years, when she was in middle and high school, every afternoon and we would almost do a debrief. And she still will do that. That’s just her, that’s how she Her personality.
It’s how she processes, is to say it out loud and tell mom yeah, that’s how she does it. The other one is more of a once a week or where we sit down, kind of covered cover hole. Here’s what’s coming, here’s what’s going on, and so I feel like she’s going to be less on the phone and more Texting me, and but she will call it, she will ask me questions. She’ll be like where is the insurance papers? Or you know, she’s going to be very matter of facts. Yeah, yeah, now and then I’ll get something from her. I’m probably gonna have to go see her and get eyes on it.
0:13:17 – Speaker 3
Yeah, if you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk radio at 2 pm On am 6 30. The word nextTalk radio is listener supported. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is Accomplished through your donations to support our organization. Go to nextTalk org and click on give. So this is Mandy. I’m in the studio today with Kim Nichols and Holly Bristol and they are our high school and college leaders at nextTalk and they are giving us a lot of Great advice and information. I loved where we left off. Holly was saying that her two kids are totally different, mm-hmm, and you know, the one at college now calls and text a lot.
She does not expect that with her senior because because even in high school they price their Processing it differently. I’m seeing it differently and so.
0:14:05 – Speaker 1
But you never know, it could be magical, and I’m looking forward to, because they’re not gonna be in our home every day getting irritated with us and they appreciate it Well.
0:14:15 – Speaker 4
And the younger one is the wonder one is much more like me, yeah, and so you know that’s different too, because once I’m not there, she may need to run it past herself.
0:14:24 – Speaker 1
Okay, which is running it past me. That’s funny. This is true.
0:14:29 – Speaker 3
Okay, so what are their very practical things Do we need to be thinking about as our kids transition and then they come home again for breaks and like all of this other stuff, what is? Is there anything else that you’re like? Okay, we gotta talk about this.
0:14:42 – Speaker 4
One thing that Kim and I both think is really important and sometimes it gets very, very difficult, especially the older they get is planning very intentionally time that you can spend together as a family. Oh I, yes, it’s so and it’s really challenging because, especially as they get older, my older one has camp. She’s actually a senior in college, so you know we’re looking at grad school and she does mission and travel and all of that, that junk, yeah, and who knows?
0:15:09 – Speaker 3
what? The other one is Good stuff, not junk. Yeah, no, no, it’s good stuff, it is awesome stuff. It’s just busy for the calendar. Yeah.
0:15:15 – Speaker 4
So trying to and my husband’s job he’s out of town a lot, so finding we have to be very, very, very intentional with finding the time that the four of us can spend together.
0:15:26 – Speaker 3
Well, I remember doing our video series and you took our pictures, family pictures, and I said when am I gonna get a picture of you?
0:15:32 – Speaker 1
guys.
0:15:33 – Speaker 3
And both of you said probably Thanksgiving.
0:15:35 – Speaker 1
Yes, like Both of our families. We hope you don’t have family pictures on this, so if you were watching that, campaign and you didn’t see their families. That’s why, right, because it’s hard to get them all together, all in the same space, at the same time, or even in the same country, sometimes with us. Yeah, this is true, with your family. You’re going to be on the continent at times.
0:15:52 – Speaker 4
Yes, but it’s but being intentional with that. And the other thing that to be aware of is they’re gonna have girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, and when do you include those people and when do you not? Like on vacations and holidays, that kind of thing, all of that stuff, because you are preparing to be an in-law at some point.
0:16:10 – Speaker 1
Yeah, yes, it’s like you’re an in-law in training.
0:16:12 – Speaker 3
It’s like you’re an in-law in training.
0:16:13 – Speaker 4
It’s like you’re in a family life always.
0:16:14 – Speaker 1
That’s a whole nother conversation.
0:16:15 – Speaker 3
That’s a whole nother story, so any quick tips or advice there. Is it just a family conversation, and when it’s a family?
0:16:22 – Speaker 1
conversation, and I think you have to have it earlier, when you’re in the first planning stages of the vacation. Yes, Okay. Because sometimes there is the assumption. I know in my family, that boyfriend or girlfriend is going and we have to say, oh, no, they’re not.
0:16:37 – Speaker 3
No, no, that was not part of the plan, because you’re thinking we need family time, family time and the budget and everything. Yes, yes, all of those things.
0:16:45 – Speaker 1
You know, it depends on where you’re going and what you’re doing, but sometimes, yeah, this is just gonna be our family time, and you know.
0:16:52 – Speaker 3
You’re bright Love. Yeah, but no, we’ve carved this out for a year and it’s the only time we’re all together at this time and we need a minute with just the four or five of us, or whatever. Yes, because it does.
0:17:02 – Speaker 4
We did take a boyfriend on a big trip a few years ago and it was awesome. But it changes the dynamic.
0:17:08 – Speaker 1
Yeah, for sure it changes the arrangements of where everyone’s staying and sleeping and all the siblings.
0:17:15 – Speaker 2
And the siblings.
0:17:17 – Speaker 1
You have to watch out for your siblings Also when the boyfriend-girlfriend thing becomes part of the dynamic, when you start spending more time together. You also have to pay attention to what the younger siblings are feeling over all of that.
0:17:32 – Speaker 4
And we did not take that lightly bringing the young man along. We did not take it lightly at all it was a great trip. It was awesome, it was very good for all of us, but it was a real learning experience. But, that’s something you, but planning that intentional time is very important and knowing when you need to bring them along, Because sometimes, if a relationship looks like it’s going to be getting serious when your kids are in their early 20s mid 20s, you need to know what that looks like.
0:17:56 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you need to start investing and spending time with.
0:17:59 – Speaker 1
Yeah, spend time with that person and get to know them on more of a level than just bringing them into your family dynamic.
0:18:06 – Speaker 4
Because at some point we will all make those transitions where there are more people in your immediate family. Yeah, yes. And so preparing for that.
0:18:15 – Speaker 3
How do you know when to like when your kid calls you from college, right, and they’re in full blown freak out mode? When do you know when to let them struggle and when do you know when to be like? Ok, I need to jump in here and help a little bit. Is that just specific for every kid and it’s a Holy Spirit type moment.
0:18:32 – Speaker 2
It’s specific for every kid. Is there anything you?
0:18:34 – Speaker 3
want to say into that, because listen with.
0:18:37 – Speaker 4
You know what their freak outs sound like. Like the real freak out versus the. You know when it’s from their soul and you know, because sometimes if it’s just crying hysterically or it’s just mad, mad, mad, which we often get from our young men, you know, sometimes they’re just blowing off steam. So it’s knowing the venting versus that this is serious.
0:18:56 – Speaker 3
And I either need to get in my car or I need to Right, Because there are going to be those times. I’m sure when you’re like I’ve got to go up there, you definitely have to swoop in. Yeah.
0:19:04 – Speaker 1
But there’s also moments, like we were talking about earlier, when they just need to vent and get it all out, and it may come out in tears and crying. But then when you start to see, ok, you validate what they’re feeling and you try to give them some advice and some coping Skills and if they start to handle it, then I think okay you’re moving in the right direction. If they’re just melting into their shoes and you know, okay, this, I know this kiddo because we all know our Babies better than anybody else and you know that.
Okay, now we’re getting to a place where we’ve I need to help.
0:19:35 – Speaker 2
We need to step in. We need to do something and you, you can.
0:19:39 – Speaker 1
It’s okay for mom and dad to swoop in every now and then and help in the situation I had one year.
0:19:43 – Speaker 3
They’re safe place and you should be there’s your in there?
0:19:46 – Speaker 1
kiddo and we need to step in and help, and that’s okay and they’ll learn from that yeah like they learned from us, letting them figure it out on their own.
0:19:53 – Speaker 4
Yeah, and I will tell you, it’s really really hard when your kid is so far away that you can’t swoop in and they’re having a moment. I did this last year mine was gonna be tough was studying abroad, had a really rough Few weeks and I just literally had to talk her through it every afternoon. We just would spend a couple hours on the phone or more every single day Just going through it and just know that’s got to be hard on a mama’s heart.
0:20:18 – Speaker 1
Oh, it’s. Yeah, that’s one of those things that we talked about in the earlier show, about Emotions and how it all feels and everything that you’re gonna go through it’s hard to watch them be heartbroken.
0:20:29 – Speaker 4
It’s hard to watch them struggle, yes, to struggle and do it, but you sometimes just have to talk them through, just handle it every day. Every day is its own individual Thing, and I guess it goes back to that too.
0:20:43 – Speaker 3
I did all these things when they were under my roof.
0:20:46 – Speaker 2
And.
0:20:46 – Speaker 3
I know that, even though they’re hurting right now, they’re gonna get through this. They’re gonna. They know they are loved. They know where their source of strengths come. Strength comes from. You know. They know those foundational things that are gonna get them through this and you, you can feel confident in that.
0:21:00 – Speaker 4
Yes yes, Absolutely okay.
0:21:02 – Speaker 3
So this kind of goes on with the swooping in like how much to visit, like is that what’s like? What do y’all do? And is that a thing? I know it’s gonna vary by family, like a lot of these things we’re talking about. It’s your family, your choice, but they are too.
0:21:15 – Speaker 1
Yeah, if they’re an hour away, that’s much easier to go visit or for them to come home and visit if they’re in another state somewhere. It’s gonna depend on how much the flight it’s gonna cost and all of those things.
0:21:27 – Speaker 3
What everybody in that schedule looks like well, and in military you know you have set times when you can see that right.
0:21:32 – Speaker 4
So it’s especially if they’re, they’re just going into basic training and things like that. Yes, you may not hear from them for six weeks or so at the beginning.
0:21:39 – Speaker 1
Yeah, not allowed to communicate right a certain amount of time, and that’s a whole nother thing of emotions for moms and dads to deal with.
0:21:46 – Speaker 3
Yes, so say, your kid lives close and you can drive within a weekend, you know, do a weekend trip or whatever. What is that? Just a conversation like.
0:21:58 – Speaker 4
It’s a mutual, do you think?
0:22:00 – Speaker 3
I should come, and how much I mean it’s, I think it’s.
0:22:03 – Speaker 1
It’s kind of like that, checking the temperature. Right where they’re at like are you in a place like mine is like an hour away, but I have yet to go for a visit. I mean, she’ll come home when she can, but when she’s there, she’s busy.
0:22:17 – Speaker 3
She’s either working or she’s working on homework and she doesn’t have time to host and she doesn’t really have time for that and I also want her to have time to go do things with her people.
0:22:27 – Speaker 1
And you know, because a lot of times during the week she’s got classes, work, homework, bed, if there’s not a lot of socializing. That’s going on all the time during the week. So I’m like, take your weekend.
0:22:38 – Speaker 4
Well, I mean, doesn’t need me there during. I mean, it’s about a three-hour drive for me and it’s yeah. It’s, you know, she’s got a lot of things, other things and she, you know, sometimes it’s great young mom will come and take me to lunch someplace that I really want to go to and buy me some groceries. And that’s what I’m really good for is, you know, taking her to buy some groceries?
0:22:57 – Speaker 1
But I have friends, you have kiddos in college that are like way far away in another state and they have to plan and sometimes it’s a surprise hey, look, we surprise. You know, we’re like grandma bought the ticket home or grandma bought us the tickets there, you know, and it’s like oh, we get to go visit, but it’s you and I-.
0:23:17 – Speaker 3
I would think surprises would be tough just because their schedules are so busy. Not that it’s not so sweet, but I would think it would be kind of tough on the kids and you don’t ever know what’s gonna happen when you get there on a surprise. I would think that would be a little tough.
0:23:31 – Speaker 4
I wouldn’t want it. If I go back to when I was 20 years old, I would have to know I wanna clean up and make sure things look-. I wanna make sure all my people yes, so you know what I’m thinking.
0:23:42 – Speaker 1
You know you don’t wanna walk into that apartment or dorm room and it’d be a total disaster area.
0:23:46 – Speaker 4
I don’t want there to be. You know you just, kids make their own choices when they’re at school and sometimes those are maybe not some that you would make, so don’t surprise them just because you’re trying to catch them at something.
0:23:57 – Speaker 1
Well, if they’re living in a dorm too, you might surprise their roommates. You don’t wanna do that. It’s like a whole thing.
0:24:04 – Speaker 3
It is a whole thing I mean I think it’s different if you know they’re coming home for Christmas and they’re gonna be at your house, and then you surprise them with a long lost relative that you’ve flown in.
0:24:13 – Speaker 2
That’s totally different.
0:24:15 – Speaker 3
But just I mean, they’ve got a busy life in college or whatever they’re doing, even if they’re working on their own, working military. Whatever it is, they’ve got a life.
0:24:24 – Speaker 1
I know we have a role in our family, just with our parents and stuff.
0:24:27 – Speaker 3
You know, when we lived in the same city and we were close to each other, it was called before you come over Like, and it was just like a respected rule that I said. I told my kids, even when you live, if you live by us when you’re older, we’ll still have this role in play.
0:24:39 – Speaker 4
It’s your home absolutely.
0:24:41 – Speaker 1
I’m not just gonna show up at your door, right? Yes, you know kind of thing. I tell my friends and neighbors that please call me first so I can vacuum up the talk here, because otherwise my anxiety will be off the charts. When you walk in and I’m like mortified that there’s dog hair everywhere.
0:24:54 – Speaker 3
Well, thanks for being with us. I know I’ve always looked at the college years and them moving out as like the dreaded ones.
0:25:01 – Speaker 2
No, no, no, no, they’re awesome.
0:25:03 – Speaker 3
But, like the last times that I’ve been sitting here with you guys, it just makes me be excited about it.
0:25:07 – Speaker 1
It’s super cool, it’s gonna be a really exciting time and it’s a great. It’s just I don’t know. It’s just a beautiful place to be. You start to transition slowly from the parent-child to more of that friendship kind of relationship.
0:25:20 – Speaker 4
I love that so much.
0:25:21 – Speaker 3
It also helps me to appreciate when I’m tired the days today.
0:25:25 – Speaker 4
Yes, that.
0:25:25 – Speaker 2
I still get with them that I can dig in and really create ready.
0:25:28 – Speaker 3
you don’t get them ready to fly. Yeah, Thanks for being here, guys. You’re welcome. Thank you all. Thanks for having us.
0:25:34 – Speaker 2
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. You are not alone, trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk.org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
