0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk, sponsored by nextTalk.org, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. So here we are, charles and I back in the studio during the month of marriage. Woohoo, yes, it’s so exciting to get to do a couple of shows with my favorite person in the world.
0:00:46 – Speaker 3
Thank you that’s awesome, yes.
0:00:48 – Speaker 1
In case this is the first episode in our four-part series that you have tuned into, my husband is an assistant principal at a public school. We’ve been married 16 years and we have three kids, age nine and six. Those are our boys, and we have a little girl age four, who is the other woman in your life.
0:01:06 – Speaker 3
She’s so great, she’s so sweet, she is amazing.
0:01:09 – Speaker 1
And we’re doing this series because Mandy and I were talking about during Christmas, especially Thanksgiving, any holiday season, any busy season of life really it’s real easy to put your marriage on the back burner. There’s just so much going on. I mean there’s kid activities, there’s always things happening at school, at work. You want to do the things out and about for the holidays, I mean there’s just a lot of life happening. Sports shows concerts. Concerts yeah, it’s a lot.
0:01:42 – Speaker 3
Decorating.
0:01:43 – Speaker 1
Like literally, you can be walking into the house high-fiving your spouse. That might be your only interaction the whole day, because there’s so many demands.
0:01:52 – Speaker 3
That would be a sad day. It’s a sad day If you’ve got to high-five your spouse and that’s all you get. Yes, well, I guess it’s better than nothing.
0:01:58 – Speaker 1
It’s better than like a wave across the room. At least there’s like physical touch.
0:02:03 – Speaker 3
Up top. All right, we’ll see you tomorrow, yeah.
0:02:08 – Speaker 1
Well, it can get like that. It feels like two ships passing in the night because you’re so crazy busy, and so we wanted to take some time and dedicate some shows to focusing on your marriage. So, charles and I have done a show about what I should have said was and that really just focuses on how sometimes, in the heat of the moment, or when we haven’t set up an environment where we’re learning how to respond effectively, we say the wrong things even when we’re meeting well. Not necessarily when we’re mad.
0:02:37 – Speaker 3
No.
0:02:37 – Speaker 1
We just it comes out wrong.
0:02:39 – Speaker 3
Yeah.
0:02:39 – Speaker 1
How do we avoid that?
0:02:40 – Speaker 3
I do it all the time.
0:02:41 – Speaker 1
I do too.
0:02:42 – Speaker 3
Man, it’s hard to be human. Well, the inner idiot just comes out a lot more frequently than you ever.
0:02:48 – Speaker 1
I don’t know. And then we also, amanda and Matt, are doing a couple of shows recognizing how your past affects your marriage, which is so important, and learning how to respond differently, like with your actions, in a situation. But today we are literally talking about the subject that prompted this whole series. Sometimes marriage gets lost during busy seasons. We’re doing all these fun things with our kids or our friends, but not with our spouse, and so you’re looking at each other saying like are we, are we having fun? Yet what happened to the fun in our marriage.
0:03:19 – Speaker 3
Well, fun, I think, just even like traditionally marriage and fun aren’t really, you know, synonyms?
0:03:26 – Speaker 1
Yeah, people don’t think of that.
0:03:27 – Speaker 3
Like the wedding is fun.
0:03:29 – Speaker 1
It’s a party.
0:03:29 – Speaker 3
It’s a huge party and then after that it’s like, yeah, I know it’s all, it’s just business after that. Yeah that’s sad, right, it is kind of sad.
0:03:36 – Speaker 1
It doesn’t need to be that way. It shouldn’t.
0:03:37 – Speaker 3
No, yeah, marriage should be fun.
0:03:39 – Speaker 1
But it has to be intentional.
0:03:40 – Speaker 3
Right.
0:03:43 – Speaker 1
So I remember when we were dating we had pagers because we’re old.
0:03:48 – Speaker 2
And that was the thing.
0:03:49 – Speaker 1
Like I had a bright pink pager and it was like I was cool and I don’t remember what color your pager was, Probably blue, I don’t remember. But what I do remember and if you are in the same age bracket as us mature, I like to call it you remember pagers too, and that we all figured out how to send messages that, like you, use certain numbers and they spelled words you remember that before texting. It was like pager texting.
0:04:15 – Speaker 3
Right Alpha numeric, I believe, was like yeah, if you put a one, seven, seven, that was an M.
0:04:22 – Speaker 1
Yes.
0:04:22 – Speaker 3
So one, seven, seven, with a four spelled the word my.
0:04:27 – Speaker 1
My.
0:04:27 – Speaker 3
Yeah, so then it’s all combat.
0:04:29 – Speaker 1
That was great, so I mean One four, three means. I love you there, you go.
0:04:34 – Speaker 3
They even made a song about that. They did. That’s how old, we are people, ancient, we’re old.
0:04:40 – Speaker 1
But anyway, we figured this out and I remember sitting on my bed holding my pager and I wouldn’t do anything. I wasn’t even watching TV or like talking with a friend. I was just waiting for the message to come through on my pager that said I’m done with class because we were in college right which meant we were going to have fun. Yeah, it was fun you know it was a fun time because we had time and energy and space to just have fun together Right.
We did everything together and then we got married and we still had a lot of fun.
0:05:10 – Speaker 3
Oh, great fun.
0:05:11 – Speaker 1
Because then we had money, because we were working and so we traveled and we did missionary work and we went to 8,000 movies. Do you remember the days?
0:05:20 – Speaker 3
I don’t remember having money. You said, we had money. When did that happen? I don’t remember that part.
0:05:25 – Speaker 1
We had a paycheck. We were out of school. I know we spent money.
0:05:28 – Speaker 3
Paycheck. I don’t think we had money.
0:05:29 – Speaker 1
True, we spent. We did not have good money management skills, we did not.
0:05:35 – Speaker 3
But we enjoyed the first 10 years of our marriage.
0:05:36 – Speaker 1
Before we realized, before we oh, we were supposed to be saving this stuff Got it.
0:05:40 – Speaker 3
Somebody threw a Dave Ramsey book at us and said stop having fun. Buy some envelopes you need to get some envelopes and throw away your credit cards, something along those lines and all fun stopped. Then it all stopped.
0:05:52 – Speaker 1
But only really to make the point that I think a lot of times before having kids. You naturally have fun because there’s time and space and energy for it, yeah, and you don’t have to work at it so much.
0:06:02 – Speaker 3
It was very easy to have fun, yeah.
0:06:05 – Speaker 1
And then as you’re growing, your career and as you’re fixing your home, because now you’ve got this house on the weekends that you got to do projects, and then you have children, like humans, that need a lot.
0:06:15 – Speaker 3
Depend on you.
0:06:17 – Speaker 1
Depend on you, you realize that fun is something that can be really non-existent.
0:06:25 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it definitely gets put on the back burner. Yeah, like just the stress of raising kids and mortgages that you had mentioned, car payments, those kind of things. Just life creeps in and it sort of replaces a lot of the space that used to be fun.
0:06:39 – Speaker 1
Well, in the little energy that you might have left, you usually spend on your kids. Fun things Right, like we’re going to take them to Disney World, which really for a lot of parents is not super fun. It’s a lot of like planning and it’s hot, but it’s-.
0:06:52 – Speaker 3
Actually sounds like misery yeah.
0:06:54 – Speaker 1
For a lot of parents. They’ll say it was very stressful. It was super fun for the kids, but not necessarily for us. But anyway, the point being, you spend your energy planning fun for your kids but a lot of times not for your spouse. So our first tip for you that has really helped us is schedule fun, which sounds boring, but it’s really not. What it means is creating space.
0:07:13 – Speaker 3
Right. I think it’s important, like when we talk about, like you know, date nights and those kind of things. A lot of times, date nights, even planning for a date night, takes the back burner. It does Right. So it’s like oh wait, it’s Friday, oh, we get a date, we have a baby somewhere.
0:07:26 – Speaker 2
Oh my goodness, what do we do? What do?
0:07:27 – Speaker 3
we do, and then we didn’t plan for it, and then we end up, I don’t know we do something that maybe wasn’t fun. I mean, we’re still grateful for the time together, but you know we’ll do like, well, let’s just go to a restaurant and then, I don’t know, maybe we’ll go see a movie.
0:07:41 – Speaker 2
And those aren’t fun, I think.
0:07:42 – Speaker 3
I’m especially with movies. I’m more disappointed than most.
0:07:45 – Speaker 1
Do you know what I mean? I feel like that’s usually like a drive there’s not a lot of good stuff out there. There really isn’t, and you don’t get to talk.
0:07:50 – Speaker 3
Right.
0:07:51 – Speaker 1
So it’s really, you could just be there by yourself, yeah.
0:07:54 – Speaker 3
We enjoyed this very common I don’t know mediocre experience together.
0:07:58 – Speaker 1
Yeah, there’s a lot of trash too.
0:08:00 – Speaker 3
Yeah, now, trashing a movie is actually kind of fun. No really, that’s actually really good. So, but it just it takes a while, right Cause it’s like two and a half hours of dread and boringness and then you go afterwards you’re like that’s just the most ridiculous movie.
0:08:10 – Speaker 1
You spend all your time trashing it.
0:08:11 – Speaker 3
Yeah, it’s like go and get some coffee and trash that movie. We just spent $25.
0:08:15 – Speaker 1
Oh my goodness, but it’s true, you really do have to schedule fun and make it our priority. And this has really helped one of our teammates on the nextTalk team, her and her husband. She said you know we, just when we finally get a date night, it’s just all business. You know we talk about like oh, did you sign up for T-Ball? Oh, don’t forget, we have this dinner and this gala thing on Tuesday night. And she’s like we spend the whole time doing business. And I told her that you and everybody has to do that. You need space to talk through the life stuff. But if you can schedule or try to schedule the, every other date, it’s a fun date and then the other one is a work date. The expectation is clear and then you can plan for it. So we try to do like a work date and then a Fun date, and then a work date and then a fun date, and then you get everything you need to get done but you’re also still having fun.
0:09:03 – Speaker 3
Right and I’ll say like I think it’s really neat because I’m you know, we live in an age where there’s so much information out there and for guys, I think that there’s a lot of pressure on guys to maybe select the right date or to really, like you know, do something fun or that your wife really enjoys, but there’s like I don’t know where to start.
So one of the cool things out there for guys that are listening is download the Groupon app Really, and it’s so. If you just go to Groupon and just you know there’s all sorts of things date ideas. It says on yeah the date ideas or outside I, whatever you guys like to do. There’s a whole bunch of stuff in there and the things that you’re looking at are already discounted, so you save money already. Yes, you know, and so that’s to, or not? So Pinterest, I guess.
0:09:43 – Speaker 1
But Pinterest that’s like a wormhole is you never get out of Pinterest. You never die in there.
0:09:47 – Speaker 3
I think so most people, I think, are still in it.
0:09:49 – Speaker 1
It’s. I open the app, part of me is just never coming back. Yeah, there’s a.
0:09:52 – Speaker 3
I know every recipe for the insta pot ever you got to set a timer when you go to Pinterest. You really do, because if not you’ll stay in there for five years and you know you grow an old beard or something. So yeah, but yeah, for the guys out there, you know, or those other, I was at living social.
Yeah yeah, try to plan something like that, or to not have to worry about the planning so much. Go through some of those. You’ll find some really quick, fun ideas, mm-hmm that that you and your wife or at least maybe your wife would like to enjoy, and then you can kind of just have enjoyment. You know the fact that she’s having a great time.
0:10:25 – Speaker 1
You know. So kind of goes to our other fact do their thing. Like when you’re, when you finally say, okay, we are gonna commit to scheduling fun, then you’re like, what do we do? You can go to Groupon, look for something. You can ask your friends, like, what do you guys do? But some of the easiest things to do is kind of turn inward and so, okay, my husband likes to do this, he loves to golf not you, you don’t love to go. But if you look at your spouse and you’re like he just loves the golf, it is not my thing. Well, guess what? It’s great to do their thing sometimes because you will find great joy in seeing them so happy and if they do, you know, reciprocate. Like you were saying. I love to grocery shop, I love to cook, I would love to do a cooking class.
0:11:04 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you love to do that.
0:11:06 – Speaker 1
I love to do that.
0:11:07 – Speaker 3
Yes, I like to go down the cereal aisle and I like to push over the cereal box.
0:11:12 – Speaker 1
It’s a weird thing.
0:11:13 – Speaker 3
I don’t know why I like to do that you enjoy the date just because.
0:11:15 – Speaker 1
But he does always right put them back.
0:11:18 – Speaker 3
I put the boxes back and I was like, oh Kim, is this the one that you want? And then I just I pretend to reach for something and I just knock them all over. It’s awfully.
0:11:25 – Speaker 1
It’s no embarrassing it’s so weird.
0:11:28 – Speaker 3
I get like a week now my boys do it too. Would they do that without seeing me? It’s Nate, it’s a natural lot. They never saw me do that.
0:11:35 – Speaker 1
I’ve never you do. That is not genetic, charles, cereal box pushing cereal box pushing.
0:11:41 – Speaker 3
It’s a genetic disorder too far it’s. It’s in some journal somewhere.
0:11:45 – Speaker 1
I’m pretty sure but we really do need to make it clear that we always fix them back.
0:11:49 – Speaker 3
Oh yeah, but it’s so much fun to like knock over stuff I’m not talking about like the center cap display aisles either, like I don’t knock over those and cause a huge commotion. It’s usually down a very quiet aisle because, let’s face it, when we go grocery shopping for a date night, it’s late at night there are a lot of people there, yeah you know, and so I don’t know, I don’t maybe maybe embarrassing you as fun for me, that’s awful.
0:12:08 – Speaker 1
And I don’t know it’s awful, the point being, I do it when no one’s around Also so do your spouse’s thing.
0:12:15 – Speaker 3
Yeah, so, like you just gotta sometimes you’ve got to ask them to what used to be fun May not be fun anymore, right? Or maybe there’s like this new thing that kind of came out that they just want to try. Yeah, so have regular conversations about, you know, things that might sound fun, like what was the thing that we were doing?
I asked throwing all right, there’s a. There was a group on date night. It was like a Like a, like a competition style, like acts throwing competition date night and it’s. You know it’s for couples and you get taught how to like literally take an axe like a hatchet and throw it at a target.
0:12:48 – Speaker 1
Yes, I was excited about this because I love learning new things, I love anything active and it’s something we’ve never done and so I possibly could be better than you, which you know Because I’m competitive. I love the idea of that and I know we would laugh a lot because it would be like something new. So I mean really trying new things together is great, I think that’d be fun looking at.
I think, too, you can do some self-work on this area and think about the things you’ve been doing with your friends or with your kids. And then apply that to your marriage. Like, I took my kids to an art class and we had a lot of fun. So then I was like, wait, we could go to one of those painting things too. We did a nighttime painting party date.
Oh yeah, you happen to be an incredible artist and it was humorous how terrible I am and how stressful for me. I was like sweating, the point being a point being.
0:13:36 – Speaker 3
I went a little off the cuff. You didn’t think, maybe, and I not, that I didn’t, you know well, you’re just naturally artistic and I don’t know about that. I just didn’t like what the instructor was telling me to do your rebel. Maybe a little bit. Yeah but I was like well, I really want my painting to look this way, yeah and maybe not the way that the artist whereas I’m like we must follow the rules.
0:13:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah well, yours was a photo copy. Yours is amazing.
0:13:57 – Speaker 3
Yours is a photocopy of the of what the artist had. Mine was a little bit More dark and abstract, I think but see what’s happening here.
0:14:03 – Speaker 1
Because we were having fun, because we were doing something new together, we were laughing a lot, laughing with each other. Yeah, also probably at each other.
But the point being trying something new together is a stretch, and your spouse at first may be like it induces fun. It really does, and I think another one that has helped us too is dreaming together. So, even if you’re like in the car for a minute, like running to the basketball game, hey, if we had all the money in the world and all the time, what would you do? And I would be like let’s go to Italy and do like a wine tour and eat delicious food and just lay around and relax. And that sounds amazing, see the countryside. Well, that’s not gonna happen right now in this season of life, but the realistic version of that. We spent a weekend in Fredericksburg.
And it was amazing. It was like the mini version of that.
0:14:51 – Speaker 3
It was just like Italy.
0:14:53 – Speaker 1
It was.
0:14:54 – Speaker 3
At least from what I can tell, it was great.
0:14:56 – Speaker 1
It was the middle class in the busy season of life, version of Italy, and it was wonderful.
0:15:01 – Speaker 3
It was. It was really fun. Well, and then we also got to do a lot of the things that I like to do. If you’ve ever gone up there, you get a chance to hike in Channet Rocks. I love being outdoors and I think was that the first time you had summited in Channet Rock? Yes, it was so. It was great. I got a chance to experience something with you for your first time up there, and it’s such a neat place to go.
It really is like no other place in Texas. It’s very odd If you haven’t been up there. It’s a great date day. It’s a very simple day trip and that might be an easy way for some of you out there to get some babysitters if you’re struggling with that, so you don’t have to worry about being out there too late. Yeah, it’s just a blast out there. And then, of course, all the cool wineries that are over there. It’s just like a whole other part. It really felt like we took a serious vacation.
0:15:46 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it’s just stepping away, stepping out of life can be fun in itself. You know, you’re not folding laundry and running here and there and answering the call of your children nonstop all day. Just stepping away is fun in itself, fun inducing. I would say, too, that it’s important to have fun now and be friends now so that you’re friends later. Because even though right now it seems like there’s so much, there’s all the things going on there will be a point and everyone who has kids hears this from older people who say enjoy it now. They’ll be gone before you know it. And they say it because it’s true. There will be a day when you will have some extra time and the house will be quiet and you wanna be able to look at your spouse and still be friends and know what the other one likes to do and still know how to have fun together, because you’re gonna have more time to do it. So work on being friends now so you are friends later.
0:16:40 – Speaker 3
Yeah, that’s a great point.
0:16:41 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I’m trying to think of some other things that we have done that have been really fun, but I think the bottom line is having that conversation with your spouse, brainstorming together, looking at the things you do with your friends and applying it to your marriage and trying new things together. I think that’s really good. Even serving together can be a lot of fun.
0:17:02 – Speaker 3
Yeah, that’s true, I’ll you know, one of the things that I know that you like to do, that I don’t like to do, is dance. Yes and so I know that you’ve asked for like dance classes and we’ve done those things before and I man it’s really hard for me to enjoy those things and it’s even though, as much as you like it, I’m feel like man. I really wish you could just dance without me. I really weird, I mean, but that’s why I think it’s great for you to go to like Zumba.
And like you know those kind of things also. I think what’s also neat is that we will turn on the music in the house, you know, and we’ll just have like some really fun, like family dance parties just whatever putting away dishes or doing something in the house and we’ll just have great times like in the house.
You get to dance. The kids love to dance. Yes, you know, and the kids like it when I dance because I’m so bad and whatever. And they’re like, oh, dad’s gonna do something really bad, he’s probably gonna hurt himself again. Yay, you know, and and so it’s just neat to kind of do it doesn’t have to be much. I think is what it is.
Yeah, and so I think I’m always dreading, like, oh, how much is this gonna cost or oh, she’s so much planning she wants to go to Milan. She’s talking about Italy. Oh my gosh, I can’t fathom this. You know when I’m like, oh, she really wants to do, is you know?
0:18:16 – Speaker 1
dance in the kitchen. That’s all she really wants to do, and I love seeing our kids faces light up when we have fun together. Oh yeah, it’s a great example for your kids for when they are Dating and when they have a spouse. To see mom and dad having fun together. They just love that. Yeah they take great joy in it.
0:18:32 – Speaker 3
And that’s one thing. I know that we don’t do enough. Yeah, it’s like I think we’re really good at date nights. Mm-hmm and we’re really good at. You know, I’ll take the kids and I’ll play with them outside, but we don’t do enough of us as all five of us just having a great time together. And it’s hard when you have, like, kids of different ages or different interests and times constraints all those other things do, but man, it’s really fun. Yeah when everybody’s like involved and having a great time with doing something.
0:18:58 – Speaker 1
So true, yeah if you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk radio at 2 pm On a m6 30. The word nextTalk radio Is listener supported. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to nextTalk org and click on give. Well, it’s Kim here, without Mandy, because I have the pleasure of having my husband Charles on. We’re doing a month of marriage series for shows about how to pour into your marriage During this busy, busy season, which really life is busy.
So the bottom line is we have to continually be thoughtful and Thinking about ways that we can grow and support our marriage right. And one of the ways is to remember to have fun. Don’t forget about having fun.
0:19:41 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I, you know I was thinking about this. There is a funny. It’s not funny. I think it’s a serious R&B song gosh.
0:19:48 – Speaker 1
Well, you’re gonna sing. No, no, no.
0:19:50 – Speaker 3
I wouldn’t know, I wouldn’t. Are you kidding people would turn off the podcast right. But there’s just the lyrics alone I think are really funny. It’s telling of how little fun there is in marriage, really. Yeah, and it’s. It’s a song called let’s get married, oh. Right and I think one of the lyrics is we ain’t getting no younger girl, we might as well do it Like as it. Like you know, I’ll meet you at the altar in your white dress. We ain’t get no younger, we might as well do it.
0:20:21 – Speaker 1
I remember that right and it’s like wait I.
0:20:24 – Speaker 3
What that’s not very romantic and it’s almost like well, you know, we might as well get married. Yeah, you know, we’ve been together for a while. It seems like the natural thing to do and it’s almost like you know, once you check marriage off the life list, it’s like okay, let’s move on to something else let’s move on to whatever. Now, let’s you know, grow our career, grow our family, you know, let’s do those things, and and the marriage itself, you know, just sort of exists.
0:20:46 – Speaker 1
Yeah, right, and we save the fun for like our friends Like. I’m gonna go with my friend and do this. I’m gonna do this with my kids and we forget to have fun with our spouse, right and it’s okay to have fun with your friends.
0:20:55 – Speaker 3
It’s important you still gotta know guys that go on like great trips to you know once a year.
0:21:00 – Speaker 2
They’ll go hunting or they’ll go fishing hiking.
0:21:02 – Speaker 3
I know a group of guys at work and they go to Vegas. I don’t know what they do that you know they just enjoy shows. They’ll spend a little bit of money and then they’ll drive back and it’s just what they do is something They’ve done the guy trip.
It’s a guide trip every year. They do it and and it obviously, if they took their spouse there, wouldn’t, you know, be the same thing, right? It wouldn’t be fun for them. It would just the same thing with, like, hunting or hiking, and you know, I when I go hiking or when I go out, I like to go out. You know, I like to kind of be by myself finally to do those things. That’s fun for me. So if you were gonna join me on something like that, we could still have fun. It would just be something that was a little, maybe less Like extreme.
0:21:42 – Speaker 1
Different version different version.
0:21:43 – Speaker 3
Yeah right, and I know you would do it and you would enjoy it and it would be fun together. But it’s about knowing your spouse what they really like, what they really can get into, and just really having some fun. It could be quiet fun. It could be loud, crazy fun simple. It could be simple, right, it could be making fun of that bad movie that we talked about, or making fun of, like, really bad R&B song lyrics. It could be a lot of stuff.
0:22:05 – Speaker 1
I think, for getting fun is easy to do and there’s a couple of different ways, like we said, to bring it back into your marriage. It’s like what you said finding what it is that you guys enjoy doing on your own and bringing that together, trying new things together. But one of the things that you may not have thought of that I really it really became apparent to me Some years back is that part of having fun with someone is knowing them. When you know them and you are Friends, then you tend to want to have fun together, and the way that you know someone is to know what’s going on in their life.
And we were in a season of life where you had gotten a job we were new to San Antonio and you had gotten a job at a school with your new friend who you were really good friends with, and you worked together all day until you guys were sharing stories and struggles all day long, and so you had that outlet of sharing what was going on in your life with this friend. And so when you came home, you were just ready to like be quiet and relax, and so no longer we’re sharing the little stories of your day, and so this gap kind of came between us. I felt like I didn’t know what was going on with you, like what do you? What about that crazy Mexican restaurant? You went to that. Something happened. Or what’s going on with you and that co-worker? Or what are your struggles? Or what great thing happened with that student today we stopped sharing the little stories of our day and that that wedge began to grow and we were no longer Friends. And when you’re not friends, you don’t think to have fun with someone.
0:23:32 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and I didn’t even know that was happening, because I just kind of felt like, well, you know, I got a chance to communicate and I had a chance, you know.
0:23:38 – Speaker 1
I had my communication time.
0:23:40 – Speaker 3
I already spoke to somebody about this earlier. I’m good, you know, and I forgot that you know, hey, well, this is a marriage, is an ongoing thing. It requires this sort of thing and even though, personally, like I felt sort of I was able to get a lot of things out and deal with certain things with somebody, I didn’t get a chance to share that with you right. And then kind of shutting you out, kind of grew us apart and we didn’t have?
0:24:01 – Speaker 1
we definitely weren’t having any fun. Well, yeah, because I wasn’t. I was like, well, he’s not sharing his day and so I wasn’t inclined to share my day, and so we it was kind of like strangers and you don’t want to have fun with the stranger right, and so it just kind of built up.
0:24:15 – Speaker 3
It kind of bubbled over into some things and you there’s very little fun when there’s like stress and angst in a marriage right. Yeah, so we got to take care of those things first. Yes, right, if there’s some sort of unresolved issues that are going on within the marriage, you really got to take care. Don’t brush them under a rug, because they will come up and then it’ll kill whatever fun you’re trying to do To maybe mask whatever is going on. That will destroy it.
0:24:38 – Speaker 1
Absolutely. And then you don’t really have that genuine fun anyway, yeah the fun that brings you joy and you know release of stress and all that good stuff, so don’t stop talking about the little things. Yes, it does matter that you saved $500 at the grocery store because you keep, you know, clipped 500 keep-ons, you know whatever those are important, yes, and so share the little things. You don’t have to share everything. This continues sharing your life and your day with your spouse.
They need to know so that they know you, so that, when the time comes, you can have fun schedule the fun don’t make space for it and and and schedule your dates so that you have time to talk about business, so that when time for the fun date, you’re not irritated and shutting down and, you know, have things bubbling up because you never had time to deal with the business, right? So take the time to do both have the fun and keep on talking.
0:25:28 – Speaker 3
Amen to that.
0:25:29 – Speaker 1
I’m ready for a fun date now.
0:25:31 – Speaker 3
Let’s go have some fun.
0:25:34 – Speaker 2
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630 the word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nextTalk. Or are you ready for the next time?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
