0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
Did you know? we have tens of thousands of listeners in 60 countries. It’s truly amazing, crazy. Only God And, as a non-profit, everything we do at nextTalk is supported by people just like you.
0:00:21 – Speaker 1
Be a part of changing the culture of conversation in your home and around the globe by making a donation today. Go to NextTalkorg and click on Give and check out our resources while you’re there. More than cyber parenting conversations to connect. It’s been a couple of weeks since we’ve recorded a show.
0:00:39 – Speaker 2
Yes, it’s fun to be back in the studio.
0:00:42 – Speaker 1
On our last episode we announced that we were taking a little bit of a break. In four years we had not ever taken a break. We had recorded a show every week And with the pandemic and everything that had happened over the past 12, 16 months, we were exhausted. Our mental health needed a check.
0:01:05 – Speaker 2
You know what I love. It was one of those things we were a little nervous about, because it was quite a change for us And we talked about that in the podcast And we have had so many people say how glad they were that we were taking this break and that they needed to hear that too, that maybe there were some things in their life that they needed to step back from, so it’s been super encouraging.
0:01:25 – Speaker 1
You know that really blessed me, and I think we all just need to be reminded of that. The world keeps going. It’s okay to pause for a minute, right, and I think that’s super important. I know I have really appreciated it. It was a really good call And I’m just so thankful that we were able to just pause for a second, but I’m also super excited to be back with you, kim, because I missed you sister?
0:01:48 – Speaker 2
Of course you have. No, i’m just kidding. Yes, i feel the same. I have missed you so much, and so it’s fun to be together talking about things that are important to us, That’s really a blessing.
0:01:58 – Speaker 1
Well, and we’ve been texting a ton, but it’s just not the same as recording and praying with each other. I mean, it’s a whole different ballgame to do that.
0:02:06 – Speaker 2
It is, and so we are happy to be back for the show today And we’ll have another new show in July. But I will say it’s also been nice to still have content out there every week with the dads The show Talk. Dad is still putting out a show every week talking about different things from the dad perspective. In fact, they recently did a show that inspired our show today because it was kind of a hot topic and one we can all relate to. It’s called Dad Bod. What is Happening?
0:02:34 – Speaker 1
OK, so I feel like their show needs to be called Dad Unfiltered or something, because they’re a different vibe, for sure.
I’m telling you, listening to their dad jokes, sometimes I cringe and sometimes I laugh. I don’t laugh, yep, i’m so thankful for what they’re doing And they both have such a passion for helping dads and speaking into that. I mean, it does look different than being a mom, for sure. But their show got us thinking about some things And I love that. One of them pointed out in the show I think it was Charles. He said you know, dad Bod, everybody kind of accepts it, makes fun of it. It’s kind of like a joke, like you want to have a dad bod almost, but you don’t really hear a lot about the mom bod. Oh no, and if you do, it’s negative, it’s not well received. Nobody wants a mom bod, right? I mean, i don’t want a mom bod, but I have one, and so there’s a double standard there. Like I’m being general here, but I believe there’s a double standard And I loved that. They kind of pointed that out on the show.
0:03:40 – Speaker 2
I’m going to be honest with you. I had an experience, even in my job in radio a million years ago, where I said I had thunder thighs and I got pulled off the air at the time and said I can never speak negatively about my body. Only the guy on the show can’t, like he can joke about it, but I can’t, because they want women to look good And so there’s a double standard for sure.
0:04:04 – Speaker 1
I mean, we can’t even talk about it. We can’t even talk about it, and so we know how Satan operates. When we are silenced, that is where manipulation happens. And then we start believing all these bad things. And so, like any topic at nextTalk, we are like, let’s not sweep it under the rug. So now we are doing a mom-bots show because we feel like it’s important.
0:04:26 – Speaker 2
It is And things do change, you know. You know we’re in our 40s And definitely the other day was standing in front of the mirror and I did not recognize my legs. I was like somebody has switched out my legs while I was sleeping, like these are the legs of a 90 year old lady and I don’t like it. And I had to be careful because right at that moment my daughter was walking by as I’m, you know, staring myself down, and wouldn’t you know that the Lord would send her? because the words that came out of her mouth was Mom, you look so beautiful today And it was like checked me. It reminded me that I have to be so careful about the way I not only see myself, but the words that I speak over myself and out loud in front of my children.
0:05:07 – Speaker 1
I love that God sent your daughter to remind you. You know how, how humbling that our kids teach us every day how to be better right.
Oh children you know, same thing over here Matt lost weight during COVID and I gained it, and so that is. That has been a weird dynamic, because because traditionally, like all of our marriage, i’m the one that hasn’t struggled with weight the most, and now I am, you know, i feel like he’s able to lose it a little bit more than I am right now, and I’m, quite, not, quite honestly, like I’m jealous. I’m jealous.
0:05:44 – Speaker 2
I’m jealous too. What?
0:05:46 – Speaker 1
I think the problem, though, with being the person that doesn’t have to worry about your weight is, at some point it catches up to you, and then you haven’t had good discipline in your life where it comes to diet and exercise, and that’s what I’m finding Like, that’s where I feel like I am right now, and it’s this realization of, oh no, i haven’t had great life habits because I didn’t need to, and that is something that’s hard to grasp that I kind of mess this up, and I don’t want to mess that up for my kids, like I want them to understand how important it is to create this good balance with diet and exercise when you’re young.
0:06:25 – Speaker 2
Girl, you were one of those that didn’t ever have to worry about your weight.
0:06:28 – Speaker 1
Man, not until my second baby. And so I’m saying the last 13 years I’ve had to worry about my weight, but before then, no, i really didn’t.
0:06:38 – Speaker 2
OK, so I’m the opposite. It’s always been a thing, always been a struggle, always My whole life, since the day I was born, i’m pretty sure And so I’m hypersensitive about it with my kids, because we are not little people And we have to be careful about what we eat and exercise And I have to worry about not projecting my struggle on them, and so it’s a whole other space when you become a parent, right?
0:07:04 – Speaker 1
100%, 100%. It’s like a whole new level. You look at everything differently, you watch movies differently. Everything takes a different worldview when you have kids And you’re thinking about their minds and their bodies and what we need to do to make them healthy, right. So how do we get past this? We see our bodies changing. We’re older. It’s harder to get back to the way we were, and I think we’re learning a few things in this space. The first thing is be honest with yourself and your people. Talk about how you’re feeling, so you don’t feel alone.
0:07:38 – Speaker 2
You know our whole mission here we talk about all the time is open communication and a culture of conversation. And guess what? It applies also to health and weight and food and all of that kind of stuff, And sometimes we forget that because that’s something that we just go about doing in our daily life. But I will tell you it has helped me so much when I am struggling with my weight or when I’m struggling with exercise or my body image, to include my husband in that conversation.
And it’s not always easy because I don’t want him to see me the way sometimes I see myself. But when I share with him recently I said my pants are getting tight and I know I’m not eating well and I’m feeling tired. He was so encouraging and kind, like he lavished me with love and the things that I needed to kind of boost up my self-esteem, and then he was like you know what? I’m kind of feeling that way too. Maybe after we move and come back from vacation we can start doing something together. And so it just changed my whole outlook. I was really feeling down, and just opening up to him gave him the opportunity to share that he’s feeling the same way and then give us some hope to be on a new path.
0:08:49 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think sometimes, when you’re privately struggling and you’re not telling anybody, little things set you off and get super defensive, and so it may not be like a derogatory comment or anything like that. It just may be like Matt saying to me I’ve lost 15 pounds, and then I immediately get defensive He’s not saying anything about me, right, you jerk? Because I’m feeling so insecure I can snap off and that create a riff in our relationship and it has before. We did a show a while back on getting defensive and it really we really did talk about how that can affect your relationships, but it really is.
I think weight is a sensitive issue, especially for women. I don’t mean to be stereotypical, but I think it is. We’re sensitive to it and so we don’t like to talk about it a lot. But I can tell you the more that I’ve been able to communicate with Matt and say, hey, that bothers me, and he’s like, well, why would that bother you Me, saying I lost 15 pounds, right, and then I can say, because I’m struggling, it really just has brought out an aspect of our relationship that reminded me that there’s so much I love about Matt other than just, you know, that initial physical attraction or whatever, that spark that you have when you first get married. And, honestly, if you think about it, even if you’re the fittest person on the planet, right, you’re still going to age, you’re still going to get gray hair, you’re still going to get wrinkles, and so, reminding yourself that your relationship with your spouse, the marriage, is so much deeper than the outward, i think, takes it to such a deep level that is so needed in our society today.
0:10:30 – Speaker 2
Absolutely. And you know, with your safe place, your spouse, what a gift to be able to be open about your struggles. You know, as we’ve talked about, with all different aspects of life, but including the physical as well.
0:10:45 – Speaker 1
So, you know, open up to your spouse. If they’re your safe place we encourage you to do that And, if not, find a trusted friend that you can talk to about this issue. So you’re not by yourself and you’re processing it. You’re identifying what needs, what you need to work on, but you’re also, you know, loving yourself very well. The other thing is include your kids in healthy conversations about body image and food. Just be careful about the words you choose.
0:11:15 – Speaker 2
That is so true.
0:11:16 – Speaker 1
You know, you said something the other day, kim. You said redefine our motivation. And I think this is super important because when I was young, i just wanted to be cute and cool and hot, and I hate to admit this, but I wanted attention like I did. You know, i struggled with that as a kid, especially from boys, and so it was all about the physical for me when I was younger, like looking cute, and now it’s so much different. It’s about being healthier, it’s having a healthy heart, it’s looking at my cholesterol levels. You know it’s the important things if you really think about it. And I think that’s really the meat of the conversations that we need to have with our kids to get them past just the physical.
0:12:00 – Speaker 2
That’s so good, because the world does enough with reminding them about the physical. So, within the walls of our home, if we can point them back to what’s really important and have conversations about being healthy, being strong, taking care of yourself so you can do the things that God has called you to, or do the things you enjoy, like sports and activities, that’s what the conversation needs to be about, and I think so often we get caught up in our own issues. I am guilty as charged, for sure you know where I’m looking at the calories on something or I’m talking about food in a negative light. Really, it needs to be about making healthy choices, things that fuel your body so that you can do the things that are important. And if we can always lead the conversation that way, then we’re setting our kids up to have better habits than we do And, just like everything, we want them to be better than us, and so it starts with us. We are their first teachers And I get it wrong a lot, but I think, if we’re always trying, that’s the goal.
0:13:03 – Speaker 1
Well, and I remember we did a show on eating disorders with a licensed professional counselor, and one thing that I learned on that show was a new eating disorder is that you’re constantly counting your calories Like it becomes an obsession type thing, and so we need to educate ourselves on what an eating disorder looks like and why that’s unhealthy.
My son is doing a training program this summer and it’s to build lean muscle and he has to keep his calorie count, and so for the first time in his entire life, he is to log everything he eats and his trainer monitors his calorie count every time he goes in to check with him, and it’s just been such a lesson for us in talking about how It does make us more aware of what we’re consuming the healthy choices versus the unhealthy choices. But we’ve also had conversations about how this can become an idol, like we can look at every little thing that’s going into our body, and that becomes an obsession too, and so finding that balance is really important to helping our kids navigate that, yeah, and I love that you talked about it becoming an obsession, because that’s easy to do if that’s where our focus is.
Another thing we do, you know talking about body image and the conversation surrounding it with our kids. One thing that I constantly remind myself is if I wouldn’t say it to someone else. What is it okay to say to myself?
0:14:30 – Speaker 2
I have always loved that, yes.
0:14:31 – Speaker 1
This is a big one for me because you know, yes, it’s okay to look in the mirror and say I don’t like the way my body’s changing. I need to make some changes. To me, that is positive self-talk, that is looking in the mirror and recognizing you need to work on yourself. But what I wouldn’t say to someone else is you’re a fat slob Like. I would never say that to anyone else, and so I’m not allowed to say that to myself either. Yes, and I think teaching your kids the difference of being able to look in the mirror and say healthy things about what to change versus negative self-talk is extremely important to help them see the difference.
0:15:08 – Speaker 2
And modeling it. I think it’s important for us to consistently and constantly be showing our kids what that looks like just in the day to day. I’ll say stuff all the time like you know, i’m brave and I’m strong and Jesus lives in me. Like I will say things like that in passing when we’re talking about things that have to do with our body image or what’s important about who we are. And I try to say positive things about myself in front of them because I want to show them that that’s important for them to see themselves in that way and for it not to be all about what’s on the outside. And it’s hard for me to do, it’s hard for me to say positive things about myself, but I know it’s important and the more I do it, the more it becomes a habit, and that’s what I want for my kids too.
0:15:52 – Speaker 1
All this stuff that we’re talking about, you know, focusing on the inner strength and the healthy habits that we’re creating in our life. It makes me think of first Samuel 16, seven People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. I think about what you said something earlier, kim. You said you know the world does a good enough job of preaching to our kids about their outward appearance. You know, what we need to focus on within the walls of our own home is the internal, the internal health, and that means physical, spiritual, cholesterol. Love is all the things right, all the things where our heart is. I think it’s so critical that we come in with this internal voice to make sure they get a balanced perspective of body image.
0:16:38 – Speaker 2
You know, with self-talk, that’s something I think our generation has put some emphasis on, like I have thought about it and I’ve read books about it and I hear people talking about it, but generationally I’m not sure that was the case with our parents, because I’ve had to have some real conversations, especially with the women in our family, about their self-talk in front of my kids, and they don’t mean to do it at all, they would never do anything that could negatively affect our children, but they say things all the time like oh, my fat thighs or, you know, my ugly ears or whatever it is, and I have had to pull them aside time and again and say listen, our kids are watching and listening to everything that you say And we’re trying as a family because the world is speaking so loudly to them about negative body image We’re trying as a family to teach them to see themselves the way God sees them And you can be a part of that by not having negative self-talk in front of them.
And once I explain it they totally get it and they’ve worked really hard at not doing that anymore. But it’s definitely an ongoing conversation that we’ve had to have.
0:17:46 – Speaker 1
I’m so glad you pointed this out, kim, because many times these conversations that we’re having whether it’s about body image or screen use or whatever, you know, it’s a conversation not just in our immediate family but with our parents, their grandparents and to make sure we’re all on the same page and in saying the same thing to our kids. And it’s so great when we can have family members be receptive to that and hear us, hear our concerns and, you know, want to be a part of this village of raising kids with open communication and all on the same page. I think that’s just so important and beautiful Oh, actually, i think it’s really great in uniting our families.
0:18:26 – Speaker 2
Not easy, but definitely worth the conversation, for sure. And on that same note, the last point we want to share with you love yourself, but also recognize that we all need to improve. You know, sometimes when we’re feeling insecure, we miss out on life, and I certainly have struggled with this. We lose our zest for life, we don’t engage. You know, we’re the ones sitting on the sideline when our kids are out there playing basketball or swimming the ocean And because of our insecurity about our own body image or whatever we’re going through physically, we sit out, we stand by and then we miss out on being a part of our kids’ lives. And I don’t want to be that person. I really don’t. So I’ve tried to be very intentional about not letting my physical insecurities get in the way of being with my kids and doing the things that they love.
0:19:16 – Speaker 1
Yeah, i mean, here we are at the end of June, you know, and we’ve got a couple more months before our kids go back to school and we get back into the grind of every day, right, and so let’s issue a challenge, like let’s challenge each other, let’s let go of our insecurities, Let’s put on the swimsuit and build the sandcastle or ride the waves with our kids, like let’s go enjoy life and let’s not let our insecurities keep us on the sidelines. And at the same time, you know we also we can’t become complacent. You know we are. We are all learning and growing every day. So I’m not saying just ignore all your health concerns and go out and party every day.
0:19:57 – Speaker 2
That’s not what I’m saying. Chips all day, Chips and queso all day baby.
0:20:02 – Speaker 1
That’s not what I’m saying. We definitely do need to recognize listen, we’re not healthy. We need to get healthy so we can be around for our family for a while and we can be active in their lives. We need to learn to love ourselves right where we are but then also want to keep moving forward and growing and becoming better.
0:20:20 – Speaker 2
So a couple of reminders here. Be honest with yourself and your people. Talk about how you’re feeling, so you’re not alone. Include your kids in healthy conversations about body image and food. Just be careful about the words you choose and love yourself, but also recognize that we all need to improve.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
