0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk contains content of a mature nature, parental guidance is advised.
0:00:31 – Speaker 3
Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:34 – Speaker 2
Today’s show is about judgments. That was not even planned and we both did it.
0:00:44 – Speaker 1
It’s such a big word. It has so many implications to it.
0:00:48 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, I think different minds go different places, right With that. I don’t know. That’s what I think.
0:00:53 – Speaker 1
Absolutely, but it does. It feels daunting to me. I mean more than anything. What’s the first thing that comes to mind for you when you hear the word judgment?
0:01:01 – Speaker 2
So for me, I really think about God’s judgment. I think about standing before Him. And I had this pastor that I adored in my life back in Indiana and he told me he was like on the day of judgment, like I want to be standing before Jesus, like worn out, like I have run the race and my jeans are ripped and I’m tired and I’m exhausted and I look awful, you know, because I have run my race so well. In hearing those words good and faithful servant, and I think that’s what comes to mind, like I picture that scenario when I hear of judgment.
0:01:35 – Speaker 1
I love that picture.
0:01:37 – Speaker 2
I’ve never really thought of it that way, like looking all haggling, you run the race, so well, you know, you’re just exhausted, like I feel, like most moms on every morning of this, like right now, of this virtual schooling adventure that we’re on.
0:01:54 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you know, it is true, I think of that too, for sure.
The final judgment day I look forward to that. I hope it’s good, it’s kind of the most important employee evaluation of all time, I think, like God’s, like here’s your life, here’s what you did, good and bad and I’m hoping there’s a little bit more good, just a little than the bad. But for me, I don’t know, the first thing that comes to mind when I think about judgment is judging others, and I think that’s because it’s one of those things that’s like drilled in you in Sunday school and if you grew up in the church. It’s like don’t judge others, don’t judge others. And I’m telling my kids that all the time, because they’re really good at judging each other. And, mommy, that’s the thing that comes to mind for me is is it my job to judge others? And you know the answer is no, do not judge others. I think that can be sticky, though I’ve had a few conversations with people who are like it’s okay to help people, like in certain relationships, like if you have a good, dear, christ-centered relationship, like like an accountability partner accountability.
The iron sharpens iron. Yeah you know, in those relationships you can shed light on judgment or on sin or actions, that kind of stuff you do want to like judge someone’s behaviors or beliefs but not the person but their beliefs to make a decision. If you want to understand that more, or if you don’t agree or agree, well I yeah, I think about when you’re explaining this.
0:03:17 – Speaker 2
I think about, like the Proverbs verse hang out with the wise and become wise, associate with fools and getting to trouble. There’s a certain kind of judgment that I mean. I don’t know if the word is judgment Discernment, I think, is the right word, and I think there’s a difference. But you know, looking at somebody and saying, okay, I’m gonna love them, I’m not gonna point fingers at them, but I don’t want that person in my inner circle, yeah, I’m not gonna share my deepest, darkest secrets with that person. It’s like. It’s like healthy boundaries, right?
0:03:46 – Speaker 1
It is like healthy boundaries, and I think that’s kind of where that difference is when we’re not really judging that person, we’re making a judgment call. I think that’s the difference, you know. It kind of reminds me of you know, we talked about this all the time the adulterous woman. But they reminded me of that too when I was thinking about this show John eight, seven, let any one of you is who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. And I thought, yeah, so I will never be throwing a stone, ever, because I have so much thin and it’s not my job to judge someone.
0:04:15 – Speaker 2
But as I was thinking through that but maybe this applies to throwing stones at ourself as well, and I had never had that thought before- yeah, I think you had a moment, because I remember when you called me and you’re like we got to do a show in judgment and I was like, well, what is that? Even me, like we talked about what is that? You mean that word, what? That’s so ambiguous. Right, it could mean so many different things to so many people, but when you said to me we’re not supposed to throw stones at ourselves, I think that hit home. You know, I thought about mom guilt, I thought I thought about all the things that we struggle with well and it wasn’t.
0:04:49 – Speaker 1
You know how this with the Bible, and you’ve read a verse or you’ve heard something a million times, and then one day it just really stands out to you and that’s what happened. You know, I get up really early in the morning because it’s one of the only quiet times in my house and I was reading my Bible and I had read this verse a million times but it just stood out to me this one morning chapter 4, verse 3 through 5 of Corinthians Paul’s writing to the church of Corinth at the time about what it means to be a servant of Christ. And they really have this inclination to judge each other at the time, like they were being really harsh with each other.
0:05:20 – Speaker 2
Gosh sounds like today it does.
0:05:23 – Speaker 1
Yes, like what we do with like people, especially in social media, people are so harsh and quick to judge what we fight over Everything.
0:05:31 – Speaker 2
There’s camps that you got to join. You know to mean like oh yeah.
0:05:35 – Speaker 1
It is. It’s hard to watch, and so I imagine Paul was having the same struggle, and so he’s writing this letter and he says I care very little if I’m judged by you or by any human court. Indeed, I do not even judge myself. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore, judge nothing before the appointed time. Wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in the darkness and he will expose the motives of the heart. And that’s what really hit home for me. I was like I I have grown up and always thought about judging others. I think of final judgment that day, but in the moment, my moment, day by day, I’m also not supposed to judge myself and throw stones at myself and we’re always our own worst critic.
0:06:18 – Speaker 2
I mean we are, we look in the mirror and we see all the flaws and all the faults and so I really am excited about this show. I want to hone in on this thing about judging yourself and how we need to look at that and view it and see it and kind of Go through and because some of it’s healthy, just like the discernment the difference between discernment and judgment of looking at others and saying, okay, I’m not gonna throw stones at them, I’m not gonna hate them, but they’re not gonna be my closest friend. Sometimes we can look at ourselves and see a flaw that may need to be improved, but we don’t have to judge ourselves. We don’t have to sit there in the you know just, yes, yes, I’m so awful. Yeah, absolutely I’m. You know I’m the biggest screw-up or whatever, because we do that.
0:07:05 – Speaker 1
Well, the more I thought about it, I was like, if we are constantly thinking about our role as judges with others, really everything starts with us. We talk about that in nextTalk all the time, like looking in the mirror, starting with us and learning that skill set of not judging. The perfect place to practice that is on yourself and to set that example for your kids. And so we’re gonna look at some practical ways to think about judgment of yourself, starting with take notice of your narrative. What does your self-talk sound like?
0:07:37 – Speaker 2
Oh my god, this gonna hurt, this gonna hurt.
0:07:40 – Speaker 1
This was an easy one to write about. Let me just say that, you know, I feel like it comes way too easy for me to talk negatively about myself, to find like my fault and my failures and everything my actions, my looks, my decisions, like all the things and then Satan literally picks up on that. I mean, have you ever felt that Like you start down that road? You know, instead of keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus, you start on that road, you’re looking left to right and you see all the negativity about yourself instead of the good things God’s trying to show you. And Satan’s like right there. He’s like oh, oh, you’re thinking these things. Let me just swing that door right open and help you judge yourself even worse. And then it’s just like all kinds of junk gets in and you start to spiral.
0:08:22 – Speaker 2
I was just getting ready to say, and you start to spiral, which we were going to finish each other’s sentence, because we’ve all done it.
You know, one thing that I have I remind myself of is when I’m saying something to myself, like it may be, like oh my gosh, you’ve gained so much weight. You look, you look fat, or you know, whatever we struggle with, or I’m not capable of this, like who am I? I can’t do this. Many of those things I start to think would I say that out loud to somebody else? That’s so good. And when I catch myself in my mind saying I wouldn’t say that to anyone, then I have to ask myself why am I saying it to myself Like this isn’t healthy? But I think sometimes, again, we let our guard down with ourself and our loved ones and they get the worst of us, you know, just like we get the worst of ourselves sometimes.
0:09:14 – Speaker 1
And you know, I think it’s kind of it reminds me of social media. People say things on screens and through messaging that they wouldn’t say in person.
0:09:23 – Speaker 2
Oh, that’s good. That’s good Kim.
0:09:26 – Speaker 1
It’s the same thing. You know, like what you just said, I’m so harsh with myself, like I can be mean to myself because it’s inside and nobody else sees it, from how I justify being a harsh judge to someone that God created, which is me. When I say it that way and I think about it that way, I’m like man, I have no business doing that. What am I doing?
0:09:49 – Speaker 2
Well, and how must God feel? You know I mean for real. Yeah, I think we have to be. You know I have shared a lot of my faults on this journey and if you’ve been to an event, you know when I asked my daughter, you know one of the questions that I encourage parents to ask a lot is what can I do better as a parent? And sometimes you get answers that sting really bad, like very bad. And you know, the first time I asked her that, when she was in fourth grade, was she said I’m not a good listener. And that has been really hard to work through. I mean, here we are seven years later and I still it’s one of my flaws, like I’m just not a great listener and I have to intentionally remind myself to be a good one. But I got a I’m improving this year for my birthday. I got a card for my 16 year old and it was like a handwritten sweet card, but in there guess what it said You’re getting better at listening. And it was literally like the best present ever.
Like I was like, yes, because here’s the thing we can look in the mirror, and I think that’s one of the things we often say at nextTalk. You have to look in the mirror and see your flaws, like that’s healthy. But you do that because you want to improve, not because you want to beat yourself up. We did a show called build up or tear down, and that’s biblical. It’s a Bible verse in first Thessalonians, and you know you have to think about that for yourself too, before you speak this to yourself or say it in the mirror or say it in your mind to yourself is this going to build me up in meaning of, is it going to help me improve, Is it going to help me be a better person, or is it going to tear me down and make me feel like the lowest of the low? And I think that’s what you have to differentiate. I think this is where, like having great Christian grounded friends is like huge.
0:11:47 – Speaker 1
Yes, agree.
0:11:49 – Speaker 2
Because I know for, like, you’ve spoken so much wisdom into me and one of the things that I love it that you say when I say you know we have to look in the mirror, we have to see our flaws. One of the things that you said to me one time over text was but, mandy, when you look in the mirror, you have a Jesus staring back at you that loves you just like you are. Yeah, like there’s no pressure to improve yourself, like, if you improve yourself, your relationships are going to improve and life is going to be better here on earth. But if you choose not to, jesus still loves you Just the way you are. Right, he accepts you. He accepts you just the way you are. But he wants you to have an abundant life and he wants you to have that life of humility where you can want to improve your flaws but not beat yourself up about it.
0:12:32 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and I think that’s the key is when we do look in the mirror, realizing that if we can put that through the filter of Jesus like the way he sees us, he only wants the best for us and if we can pray for wisdom on what we need to improve instead of just looking at here’s all the things that are bad, there’s no fruit from that, that just tears you down.
If we can look and say, okay, here are some things I’m struggling with, that I know because I can do all things through Christ, that’s possible for me to get better. I think that’s the self-talk we want to convert to, we want to move towards, and that’s positive energy for us, instead of the tearing down, like you said. And there’s a couple of other shows. We have a show called Envy and one called Self Image and both of those address a lot about negative self-talk and judgment in there. So those are also really good shows for you and even, like you’re, young adults, I think because this is a big issue, especially for young women and young men just that negative self-talk and getting into the habit of that can be so detrimental.
0:13:33 – Speaker 2
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0:13:56 – Speaker 3
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0:14:27 – Speaker 1
So today we’re talking about judgment on the show which brings to mind all kinds of things when you say that word, because it’s kind of a daunting big word but we’re focusing in on judging ourselves and what that can look like. And one of the things we started talking about is your narrative to yourself. What does your self-talk sound like? Because we’re so good at judging ourselves, we may hold it in and be nicer when we judge others. We may think about that final judgment day, but with ourselves, we can be nasty and mean.
0:15:02 – Speaker 2
We can actually be bullies to ourselves If we think about it like that we allow that.
0:15:08 – Speaker 1
We do, and if we truly are a creation of God in His image, then the first person we need to practice not holding judgment towards is ourselves. And so really watch that self-talk, not just for your own self, but as an example for your kids, because even though it’s internal and you’re hearing it inside, a lot of times that comes out and we talk about ourselves outwardly in front of our kids. Such a horrible example.
0:15:38 – Speaker 2
We all know our kids know us, and when we see them exhibit traits that we don’t like, I have noticed Most of them are traits that I don’t like about myself, that I’ve passed on to my kids. They model us.
0:15:54 – Speaker 1
So take notice of that. Here you go, girl, it’s coming out. Where’s your accent? So take notice of that narrative, it’s so important.
Another one is am I being judgmental of my God-given roles? Now that one is a little bit trickier. My son said it once, really cool and just a beautiful way. I mean he was getting a little bit preachy, which he can do, you know, first born can do that. But my eight year old he is my sensitive one and sometimes his self-talk is not good and he gets into this mode and he’ll say things like I’m not good at anything or I’m weird, or I’m dumb, and he was just having one of those really rough moments one day.
0:16:37 – Speaker 2
By the way, I know your kids. He’s like the life of the party, oh yeah, no one would know this To hear. This is really weird, because he is like socially awesome. He’s, like you know, dancing, and I mean like he’s amazing to be around.
0:16:55 – Speaker 1
Yes, so the fact that he would feel that way, yeah, his teachers, his friends, everybody, and so this is such a good example also of knowing your kid and we did a show entitled that, like understanding.
If you’ve got a sensitive kid, outwardly it may look different to everybody else, but you got to really know your kid and what’s going on with them, because he definitely is my sensitive one and he’s really hard on himself. Like his self-talk can be really negative, but I love that my older kid said to him if you are made in God’s image, then are you saying God is not good at anything, is weird and is dumb? And he was like that’s offensive. So he told me that’s offensive to God that you’re saying that about him. And then he told him you know God doesn’t make mistakes, which I think kind of Soften the blow a little bit, and he said you’re a child and he made you. You’re his child and he made you for a purpose. And I just loved that he, that my older son, knew that and he was able to pass that on To my sensitive kid and he was like yeah, I guess, I guess you’re right and I think it helped him see himself in a little bit of a different light.
0:18:07 – Speaker 2
I love when older siblings can speak truth into younger siblings, because sometimes I think they hear it more than when we do it. I mean they, they mostly know that we love them and we’re gonna. You know, we’re a little biased and we see all the good in them, but when a sibling you know speaks that truth, I think there’s something special about that.
0:18:25 – Speaker 1
I do too, and I think God gave us each unique gifts and qualities that sometimes we don’t see and Our siblings or our friends can see it and they can kind of pour into that. You know, we’ve also talked a lot on shows before about the fact that God designed us for our kids. Like he’s specific in that, it’s one of my favorite things to think about, especially when I’m messing things up. I’m like, okay, lord, even though I’m messing everything up right now and I’m feeling like a total mom loser, you design me for these kids for a reason my unique gifts, my qualities, my personalities. You align them with what my kids and even my spouse needs, even my friends for this season, you, you need me, mandy.
0:19:10 – Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, like 100%. I need you, kim.
0:19:17 – Speaker 1
But I think what helps me is when I look at it in a different context and I say okay, I believe that God Called me to this role and he designed me for this role. Then who am I to judge what he planned? That? That just seems like Ridiculous when I think of it, that way.
0:19:36 – Speaker 2
You know, when you put it that way, it’s almost like a lack of faith on our part.
Yes, and I, you know, there are so many times that I do go to bed and I’m like, oh, I need to do over for tomorrow, and I think of that verse and lamentations, like there are new mercies every morning.
Oh, and you know, I’ll lay in bed thinking and I’ll remind myself Okay, god, this God made you mom of these kids for a reason, like, even though we’ve had a rough day and Everybody was moving in different directions and nobody knew how to communicate and the stress is whatever, like, this is gonna be okay Because God’s in control, and I think that the thing is you just have to have a willing heart to let God, like, mold you Into what he wants you to become, and in doing so, you can’t Wrap your mind around the negative self-talk. You know what I mean? Yeah, like, instead of seeing yourself improving. You know, I always like to use old Mandy, new Mandy, and to me, that really helps me because I’ll see how new Mandy is becoming, like, hopefully, closer to God every day, and I often do look back and see how old Mandy would have responded to things, but I don’t do it in a way that’s like oh my gosh, I’m so terrible. I look at it in like oh my gosh, look how far God has brought me.
Yes, but I mean that shit, I’m growing and I’m learning, and that’s it. That feels good to grow and learn and change and be better.
0:20:59 – Speaker 1
Well, I’m glad you brought that up because, yes, this applies to parenting and as your, as a wife or husband, but you know, those roles that God gives us or brings us into. This also applies to like work or volunteering, or those roles because you know, like For me and nextTalk, I’m learning new software and systems and all these things and I’m, like Lord, what I am a DJ from Hawaii. You gotta be kidding me Like. This does not make any sense. I and I don’t even want to do those things sometimes, and my husband will often say, kim, you got to trust that God brought you to it and he’s you, he has shown you that he is faithful to provide and he will give you the wisdom that you need. And you know, I think that’s one of those things if God gives you a role, even though it May feel completely foreign and difficult, we got to trust that he is faithful and providing Exactly what we need to do it.
0:21:57 – Speaker 2
Well, well, I just think about how many times have we missed our God-given talent Because we’ve told ourselves, because of negative self-talk? Yeah, we, just ourselves, we’ve said I can’t do that. You know, I think about Noah and the Ark like what if he would have been like God? I can’t do, I can’t build that. Like what are you talking about? You know, it’s that negative self-talk, and so we have to be able to discern when God is telling us to step out and trust him in faith to do something, whether it’s something new at work or you know, for me it was having to get on a stage and I, you know, oh yeah, I was like I’m not, I’m not a speaker Like what do you do?
What? I’m horrible speaking in front of people, yeah and so you know, and even doing the radio show I mean you have a background in radio, like we all remember, my first day recording three years ago and I was a nervous fret. Do you remember that? Yes, I do you were like I got you sister.
0:22:59 – Speaker 1
But you have grown and now you’re amazing. God really stepped into that. He was faithful to grow you because you said yes.
0:23:07 – Speaker 2
It’s. You got to get over the negative self-talk because it does hold you back. I mean, I think about if I would have said I’m not good enough and just stayed there, there would be no book. I mean there would be no, none of these people that I’ve met across the country at these events. I wouldn’t have been able to meet them. And they’ve changed me, like their stories and their parenting story, like they’ve just changed everything. I mean it just made me such a better person and to see things more clear, and I we just can’t let our self-talk Keep us from God’s will in our life and I think that’s the key. Like those God-given things that God has given us, we can’t tuck ourselves out of it.
0:23:50 – Speaker 1
You know that kind of leads into, I think, one of the most important things do I truly believe what God says about me and you know, just recently my daughter had to memorize all these verses about God’s promises and who she is and his love for us, and it was really good for me too. There are things I’ve heard before, but just going through that with her was just really beautiful. And If we really believe these things, that we see ourselves the way that Jesus does, then judging ourselves will no longer become an option. Some of my favorites that stood out were when you judge yourself to be worthless, god wants to say to you Ephesians 2 10 I am God’s workmanship.
When you’re feeling lacking for anything Colossians 2 10 I Am complete in Christ. When your self-talk says I will never be better than this, this is it for me. Philippians 1 6 I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected. And when we feel alone John 1 12 says I am God’s child, I am always with you, and I think it’s one of those things that Jesus longs for us to see ourselves the way he sees us. He longs for us not to take on the burden of judging ourselves, but allow him to lovingly mold us into something better if we step into that space.
0:25:14 – Speaker 2
God is always the solution and I love those verses and that’s a perfect way to wrap up our show. One, take notice of your narrative. What does your self-talk sound like? 2 am I being judgmental of my God given roles? And 3 do I truly believe what God says about me?
0:25:34 – Speaker 3
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk. Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630 the word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nextTalk. Or are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page