0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
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0:00:21 – Speaker 1
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0:00:28 – Speaker 2
Go to NextTalkorg and click on Give And check out our resources while you’re there More than cyber parenting conversations to connect, So I’ve been wanting to do a show on deception or manipulation.
0:00:40 – Speaker 1
for a while now I’ve been seeing this thing happen on social media and it’s really like a manipulative tactic to try and convince kids that their parents are deceiving them or manipulating them to believe certain things. And I’m seeing this trimmed and I’m like what in the world is happening here?
0:01:03 – Speaker 2
It feels like one of those tricks, again from Satan to use a feeling just to kind of get everybody on board and believing something that’s not true.
0:01:12 – Speaker 1
Think about it Parents for generations have taught their kids certain things, and different parents teach different things to their kids, based on their beliefs. When did that become manipulation? Well, today.
0:01:25 – Speaker 2
Today.
0:01:27 – Speaker 1
In this broken world on social media with all these crazy hashtags, and so I’ve been trying to put this together in my head and then I started getting calls from parents and I’m seeing this trend on the opposite side. So I think what’s happened is, during this pandemic, we took away church, right, and then kids spent all this time on screens being exposed to this crazy, broken world. That set up a perfect storm. So now all these kids are actually struggling with all these big issues, and most of the time when I’m talking to these distraught parents and they’re trying to get their kids back on track, their thing is before COVID they were fine, and now they’re struggling with these big life issues And I’m like, oh my gosh, satan’s got a stronghold on our kids. Like our kids are being deceived, they’re being fed lies.
0:02:26 – Speaker 2
That makes total sense. The exposure was heightened and then the expanse of what they’re exposed to was just huge. As we all know, anything on social media, anything online it’s you’re exposed to the whole world and anything that’s being fed to our kids.
0:02:42 – Speaker 1
And then they weren’t getting that discipleship group and this truth being fed into them, and so we were off balance on our intake.
0:02:52 – Speaker 2
Right And think of the parents too. We weren’t really being fed, and so when we’re off balance, we struggle to disciple our kids in our home.
0:02:59 – Speaker 1
Absolutely So I’ve been praying through what this show looks like And then, bam, god like showed me. He made it so clear. So my daughter and I my 17 year old and I we are going through Priscilla Shire’s Armor of God Bible study. Now, this is an older Bible study and I had done it when it first came out And as we were in our own home kind of struggling through all this stuff as well, i was like you know what? I think this would be a good study for her and I to do together and kind of recent her. So we turned on video two and there it was Like I’m not even lying, this video too. I was like this is the show.
0:03:41 – Speaker 2
This is it.
0:03:43 – Speaker 1
This is what I’ve been trying to pray through because of all these trends I’m seeing. So I kind of want to set up for you how she opened video too, because I thought it was just so good. So she starts out about talking about going to the airport, you know, because they travel a lot for ministry. And she says we walk up to the TSA agent and they look at our ID and they ask us, you know, now to take our masks down, you know, to kind of see, to compare the face with the picture. And she said and they look at it and they’re trained to make sure this is the person matching the license, right, that’s what they’re trained to do And they look at thousands of faces and licenses every day.
But she said they don’t rely on themselves. Then they take the license and run it through this light, this scanner, to make sure that it’s accurate, that it’s real. And she said, no matter how much we think we know the answer in life, we need to run everything through that light, through the filter of God’s word. Because she said, oftentimes when we’re being deceived, we don’t know we’re being deceived.
0:04:59 – Speaker 2
Well, yeah, that’s deception.
0:05:01 – Speaker 1
I mean, think about it, it’s sneaky, It is sneaky yes, It is sneaky, And so we have to run. She said we have to run every decision, every feeling, everything through that light of scripture, just like the TSA checkpoint. And then she had a great quote that I loved. She said feelings don’t have intellect.
0:05:23 – Speaker 2
Mmm, that is so good.
0:05:25 – Speaker 1
I just said they’re an amazement, because I’ve been processing this show about. I’m seeing all this stuff about our kids being manipulated into believing that we’re deceiving them by just instilling biblical principles in them, which is great, by sharing truth yes, right. But then also, on the flip side, i’m seeing all these kids struggle with issues like like it’s almost like they’ve been possessed, a stronghold has taken over them. I mean, they’re struggling. I’m helping families now. These kids are struggling with things they’ve never struggled with before. But then they start watching a certain YouTuber or following a certain trend on TikTok And then, all of a sudden, they’re a different person And they’re struggling with these big life changing issues.
0:06:12 – Speaker 2
You know it really does make sense if you kind of back it up and think about the isolation of COVID And so you only see what you see on screen and there’s not that diversity of being on. You know your campus at school, where there’s going to be different opinions, there may be groups here and there, but you’re not just fed one line of thinking over and over And that you go down that rabbit hole of more people thinking that same way. So I can see how kids just completely have been deceived.
0:06:42 – Speaker 1
And it’s sad. I mean parents are struggling to figure out how to get their kids back on track. I have walked through so many parents and most of these, i mean these are like teen issues, but the kids we’re dealing with are like elementary age. They’re young babies that have been sucked into this deception, and so I wanted to put together just some talking points, like what do you do if you find yourself? There’s a couple of key things that I’ve been telling parents to do, and I want to talk about that.
First of all, before we get into any talking points, i want to say medical advice and counseling. Thank you. I mean, that’s a given. That’s a given, and here at nextTalk, we have partner counselors that we work with. We actually even got a grant this year where we can provide free counseling. So if you are in the state of Texas and your kid is struggling and you don’t know how to pay for counseling, we need you to contact us, because we have a form we can complete. We pay for the first six sessions. If the counselor says we need more, we get approval for more. So that’s the first thing before we go into any of our talking points.
0:07:53 – Speaker 2
And you can find information about that on our website. Just go to nexttalkorg.
0:07:58 – Speaker 1
So what if we think our kids are being deceived by the enemy? And what if we think, oh my gosh, Satan has a stronghold on them right now? What do we do?
0:08:06 – Speaker 2
Well, first, as you’ve heard us say many times before, but in this situation so important, default to love. We really mean it. I mean, it is one of our trademark sayings and you do hear us talk about it in all these different scenarios, but it’s so important that the first thing you do is love your kids.
0:08:24 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you know, one thing that I’m seeing that kids are being told on social media is your parents aren’t going to love you when you start struggling or when you start thinking a certain way, And so when we respond badly as Christian parents, we’re almost validating the lies that are being told on social media. So if we can respond in love, it almost creates a red flag moment where they’re like wait a minute, maybe this YouTuber isn’t right because my mom didn’t respond the way this YouTuber said I was going to.
0:09:01 – Speaker 2
Well, and that’s so hard because in the moment you want to shout and you want to yell and you want to shut everything down because it’s scary, we have fear that rises up that our kids are being manipulated. But if we can take a breath and step back and just love our kid in that moment, man, it creates that space where we can actually speak against or our actions, literally speak against what that YouTuber is telling them or that that person that they’re following is telling them, and then we get to speak into that space where they’re being manipulated.
0:09:32 – Speaker 1
We’re talking about all sorts of issues here. I mean, this could be the normalization of watching porn, the normalization of sending nudes and communicating with online strangers, giving out your address online all sorts of detrimental things that have been normalized through COVID and through kids wanting some interaction with people. But there’s also this element of kids questioning their sexuality and transgender, and we did a show on that four steps on how to respond. Go, listen to that show if that is the specific issue that your kids are dealing with. But, yes, default to love no matter what, no matter what they’re struggling with.
0:10:16 – Speaker 2
So, secondly, get your kid in the word of God. I mean, the goal here is to have God’s word speaking louder to our kids than social media and YouTube influencers And, quite honestly, even louder than us, which is sometimes a hard pill to swallow for parents. But we want our kids to hear God’s word and his truth being the loudest voice so that they can see clearly through all this darkness and through all the things that they’re questioning. One of the things that I learned from you, Mandy, that has really helped in my parenting and helped with my kids learning how to seek God out on their own is not spoon feeding them.
You know, since they’ve been young, when issues have come up, even small things, you can start this by saying, Hey, what do you think God would think about this? and give your kids a few scriptures to look up And yes, you can help them if they’re younger, but it’s a really great way to send them to scripture to read God’s word for themselves. And then you say What do you think God thinks about this? Not what mom thinks, not what you’re, the person you follow on social media or on YouTube thinks. what does God say? And then that opens up great conversation for you to discuss it.
0:11:21 – Speaker 1
You know, i think this point of getting our kids into the word of God is so critical right now. Because of COVID, we’ve been a lot of us have been out of the word, and even if we’ve tried to keep that discipleship going at home, our schedules have been so out of whack, you know. So we may read scripture one day, but then we’re gone for a week because everything’s just been chaos. It’s there’s been so much back and forth that we’ve been living in, and so this is important. I would say also look for a good youth group, and you want a youth group that’s really tackling real life issues with their students in a healthy way and a biblical way. You know, do it, but Bible study with them.
And I’m also going to throw this in here when we’re talking about the word of God and it sounds so cliche, but do not forget to pray like, get on your hands and knees and pray for your kids. We have a girl on our team and she said you know, when my kids got older and I didn’t have as much input in their life, one thing she would pray over and over again about her children is holy spirits speak so strongly and so loudly to my kids. They can’t help but hear you.
0:12:38 – Speaker 2
Yes, I love that.
0:12:40 – Speaker 1
You know, and so don’t forget about the power of prayer. So many times that’s like our last resort And I can tell you, just as a mom who you know, my kids we’ve struggled this year. I don’t know any family not struggling, right. Yeah, when I pray it does something to my heart, like there’s peace that overcomes me, because I know I’m reminded that God is in control here.
0:13:04 – Speaker 2
Putting their decisions in their life in his hands is hard to do, but, my goodness, there is peace in that.
0:13:12 – Speaker 1
Absolutely. Lastly, you know, continue to build a healthy, honest dialogue. I mean, it’s everything we’re about at nextTalk. This needs to be a two-way conversation where you’re not lecturing, you’re not preaching, but it’s you’re figuring out where’s my kids head at. You know, draw that out of them. How do you feel about this? Are you struggling with this? Create opportunity where they can be super honest with you.
One of the things that I say to my kids all the time is this is your safe place to fall, this is your place to doubt, this is your place to question, this is your place to talk it through. Be that home, because all these kids, they are struggling with so much stuff. I mean, even if your kid is not struggling, everybody around them is struggling, and so they’re processing everyone else’s struggles, right, yes, yes. And so it is literally like a war zone for our kids right now. I mean, i’ve never seen it this bad. And parents are broken too because of this past year and we’re exhausted, and so now we’re trying to get our kids back on track and that seems overwhelming because we’re depleted from the last year, you know.
0:14:26 – Speaker 2
One more conversation. I just want to go to bed.
0:14:29 – Speaker 1
Yeah, right, and so continue those conversations and don’t give up Like keep fighting for your kids. And how we fight for them is the two-way conversation, the healthy dialogue.
0:14:41 – Speaker 2
You know, I love that you’re saying keep the conversation open, that two-way dialogue, because a lot of times our kids don’t realize they’re being deceived because so many around them are doing the same thing, so it normalizes it And so that’s a careful conversation, I would say, because you don’t want to.
You know that, throwing the stone, feeling like you’re exposed, You don’t want to do that, You just want to draw it out of them. Like you said, you know you seem a little bit off Those kinds of probing questions that help you to understand the headspace and the heart space of your kid, because a lot of times they don’t know they’re being deceived. But on the other end of the spectrum, I remember a time in my life in high school where I was doing some things that I knew were very wrong but I didn’t think that anybody would notice. Like I knew I was off track but I was still doing things that created kind of a facade that I thought was fooling everyone. If you see your kid in their world and everyone around them seems to be struggling, but your kid seems okay, they may not really be, They may be a facade. So ask those questions anyway, Don’t assume that they’re doing fine.
0:15:48 – Speaker 1
Kim, i’m so glad you brought this up, because one thing that I see a lot is kids have learned how to live a double life because of social media. Oh yeah, so honestly, if your kids are never struggling with anything, that’s a big red flag, because are they being real with you?
0:16:04 – Speaker 2
Yeah.
0:16:05 – Speaker 1
Nothing good is going to happen in the darkness, it is. we have to bring it into the light. So if you see your kid struggling, i mean my recommendation is don’t shy away from it, run it to it, um, because that’s how we’re going to draw out and actually help our kids. Like we got to identify the problem. and you may hear things you don’t want to hear when identifying the problem, like mom I’m struggling with porn, or mom I’m cutting, or mom I don’t know who I am anymore, or you know whatever it is. they may be hard to hear things, but just think about the fact that what if that’s left unchecked? what Satan could do in the mind to manipulate your kid and where they could lead your kid, but with you guiding them and sinning them on the truth and loving them and just getting them back on track gently. think about the difference we can make in our kids lives.
I also want to leave you with a verse that I often find myself clinging to when I work with families who are going through just horrible issues and struggles, or or I’m going through something in my own life. It says God will turn these curses into blessings because he loves you. That’s Deuteronomy 23.5, and I want you to hold on to that. You know God can turn anything around. Hold on to that truth.
0:17:31 – Speaker 2
So as a reminder for our wrap up today. Number one default to love. And number two get your kid into the word. And number three continue to build a healthy, honest dialogue.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
