0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk, sponsored by nextTalk.org, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Good morning, welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim. Every Saturday at 10 am on AM630 KSLR. nextTalk Radio is brought to you by nextTalk, a non-profit organization bringing parents, school officials and communities together to keep our kids safe online. Find some resources, videos, subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. And, as always, we’re asking are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:46 – Speaker 2
Today we’re going to talk about our nextTalk story and how this whole thing started. You know, we’re parents and we are drowning in a sea of social media and ever-changing apps and we’re struggling. How do we keep our kids safe online? What is the answer?
0:01:01 – Speaker 1
We’ve learned some key things. We’re continuing to learn every day. We’re not experts. We’re just like you, parents, in the trenches, operating in real time Every day.
0:01:11 – Speaker 2
Drowning.
0:01:12 – Speaker 1
Yeah, nextTalk exists. For this reason, we want to make sure that you understand that you’re not alone. We’re all asking the same questions. We’re wondering how to parent our kids in this generation. You can’t call mom and dad and say how did you figure out Snapchat with me? How did you navigate Facebook? How did you set restrictions? They didn’t have that. We are the first generation doing this. It’s all new and we’re trying to figure it out together.
0:01:37 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, four years ago this whole thing started because I was blindsided with a question. I have a now 13-year-old, but when she was nine she was in fourth grade and we were getting ready for school. One morning, and I’ll never forget it, I was standing in her closet, you know, trying to figure out what she was going to wear for the day.
And then we were running late. I still needed to do lunches and her meek little voice she said mommy, how do dot dot dot? Yes, and I’m not going to share that question publicly because our talks are confidential and safe and protected. But what I can tell you about that question, and what she’s allowed me to share, is that it was sexualized and I didn’t know this thing existed until college. Wow, yeah. And you know, I would love to sit here and say that the nextTalk ministry was born that evening. It’s a process.
0:02:32 – Speaker 1
It’s a process, you know. I got really bitter.
0:02:35 – Speaker 2
I got mad at the world and the condition of our culture, and why is my baby being exposed to all these things? Here’s a key point that I want you to not miss. She did not have a phone at the time, but what I found out was a child had watched a pornographic video, and even though that child didn’t show that her, her, that video, he, he told her all the details. Yes. And so she came home and had all these questions and I was a wreck. My husband and I were a wreck. But then fast forward six to eight months and I started a small group at our church and it was 20 people at Community Bible Church and that thing exploded. And then we were asked to do TV and radio. And lo and behold, nextTalk was born.
0:03:24 – Speaker 1
Well, and here you’re thinking to yourself I’m just a mom, I’ve got a nine year old, I’ve got a 13 year old. I should not be starting this ministry. All of this is going on so fast. But God was asking you to be obedient and start something that he knew we all needed. I didn’t know. I was thinking, oh, this is way beyond me. I’ve got a seven-year-old, a five-year-old and a two-year-old. At the time, my kids were even younger when this was all unfolding, even though I know that my then two-year-old could you know he could navigate an iPad, he could do all of that. I figured we’re a good family. We go to church, we talk about stuff. We don’t need this kind of stuff and, you know, maybe when they’re in high school we’ll get back to this. But we were like flip phones and paper planners family. I still am a paper planner, true, but I realized very quickly, as I was watching my heads up mamas which we will go into that in another show how important that is and exactly what it is yes.
That things were changing very, very quickly and I was watching them struggle with social media and all of these questions and all of these things happening to young kids second and third grade and I thought, oh my goodness, my little one at the time was getting ready to go to kindergarten. I gotta get a hold on this. And that’s when, really, the Holy Spirit just moved me into this passion for the ministry that you began at CBC.
0:04:47 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, as we’ve grown and assimilated and watched God grown the ministry, we’ve realized some key things. You know, in John 10, 10, the Bible says that Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy, and in 1 Peter 5, 8, he waits around like a lion waiting to pounce. And I had gone asleep at the wheel. I thought we were protected, she didn’t have a phone, I didn’t need to address this stuff, and it was a perfect opportunity for the Sly Serpent to come in and wreak havoc on my little baby’s beliefs and what we wanted to teach her foundationally. You know, and what I love about our nextTalk team is God has brought it all together. We have homeschool, high school, homeschool, public and private school represented, yes, and our ages, yes, the rage age.
0:05:38 – Speaker 1
We have two year olds. I have the youngest ones on the team, all the way up to college students being parented through our team, and so we really have someone that can speak into whatever age group you are parenting at this time. We want to bring in experts for you in their field. We’re also talking with dads. We’re going to have teachers, we’re going to have counselors. We want you to get the information you need to know to parent this generation.
0:06:06 – Speaker 2
Yes, and if you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim every Saturday morning at 10 AM on AM 630 KSLR. nextTalk Radio is brought to you by nextTalk, a nonprofit organization bringing parents, school officials and communities together to keep our kids safe online. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:06:26 – Speaker 1
Now listen. One of the things that we talk about a lot is that there’s been a shift in parenting. It’s this whole online world, I mean. It has changed everything.
0:06:37 – Speaker 2
We call it cyber parenting. We like that word. We can talk about the difference of the social media, the wanting likes and what that does to self-esteem All those things we’re going to cover but we also need to focus on just normal childhood things. How does this cyber parenting change? Little things like rejection, for example. Your child doesn’t make the team. That hurts We’ve all been there. We didn’t make the team as a kid and we know what it feels like. But today.
0:07:06 – Speaker 1
Rejection is not new.
0:07:08 – Speaker 2
Rejection is not new, but today, when you don’t make the team, you’re watching on social media at the end of every practice where they’re doing a team phono, saying these are my best friends now, and then six months later we’re at the championship game and you’re constantly being reminded I didn’t make that circle, I didn’t make that team, and so just little things are making this huge shift because of the online world, and we have to recognize it.
0:07:35 – Speaker 1
We do we have seen it come up in a lot of different areas. Like you said, with the rejection and I know for me, having little ones, we’re starting to get to that age where sleepovers are a big deal. When I was growing up, that was like a rite of passage. It was so much fun, it was exciting. We listened to my mom’s record player.
0:07:55 – Speaker 2
Yes, I’m that old.
0:07:57 – Speaker 1
We danced, we sang, we had too many snacks and that was a sleepover. We stayed up too late. That still happens, yes, but along with that, the kids are bringing their iPads, they’re bringing their cell phones and instead of dancing and singing and talking, they’re searching together, they’re looking together, and if you don’t realize that’s happening, it can get away from you and kids can be showing kids inappropriate things online, things that you are not ready for your kid to see or that they shouldn’t be seeing. So you have to rewind and set up new standards for phones and iPads coming into your house. What does that look like? What do you have to do differently for something even as simple as a sleepover?
0:08:41 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and we’re going to tackle all that here in future shows. Another way is just peer pressure in general. A lot of times when we got older it was kissing, it was holding hands, it was then having sex. Those were the peer pressures. Now it starts early, in early middle school. We have the pressure, our kids have the pressure to send nudes, send nude photos. Like this is a thing, it’s an epidemic and we need to be aware that it’s going on so that we talk to our kids about it before the peer pressure comes, just like the just say no campaign, like we want to talk to them before they get exposed to it and have the peer pressure, so we can role play with them and know how to respond.
0:09:18 – Speaker 1
It’s so important we really want to give you practical tools on this show on dealing with your everyday challenges that you’re now facing in this cyber parenting world. So, with things like that, we’re going to teach you through our shows how you can talk to your kids, how you can have that open communication and create that safe place. You know, another thing we’re going to be covering are a lot of things that happen in Mandy’s book. Mandy’s an author of a book called Talk Practical Guide to Cyber Parenting, and she talks about sexuality, transgender, bullying, suicide, addiction, love, dating. The list goes on and on, guys, and I know that some of those topics can seem scary. You may be saying whoa, whoa, whoa. My kids are young, I don’t have to deal with that, but we have to start early and talking to them and creating that safe place so that when they are faced with these questions or they are seeing these things, they know exactly what to do and who to come to.
0:10:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it’s being proactive. You know talking about these major issues before they’re exposed to it, so you can lay your foundational truths down for them. You know, as we talk to other moms and we do events, one of the questions we get asked is okay, I get the cyber parenting thing. I see it, I see the shift and I recognize it. So what’s the answer? How do we parent it? What do we do? And you know, a lot of people say restrictions and products that monitor their activity is the answer, or we just won’t get any iPads or we won’t get any or cell phones.
Well and, like in my case, she didn’t have her own phone and she was still told about this pornographic act. So what we want to do is, yes, restrictions are important, yes, we’re going to use them. All those are tools that can be utilized, but what we at nextTalk really want to do is focus on the relationship, a healthy dialogue between you and your child, like that is the first line of defense, and what we like to call it is open communication. That’s the first line of defense for protecting your child. And, like I said, restrictions are important and we’re going to give you tech tips and that’s all going to be coming on future shows, but we never want to miss the importance of talking to our kids and really establishing that relationship, you know it’s funny.
0:11:28 – Speaker 1
People tell me all the time well, that sounds easy, open communication. I talk to my kids, I do that, but it’s actually very strategic. It’s tough, it’s hard work, it’s getting in there and not being complacent and we’re going to show you some steps and teach you some things to start that process in your home. You know, my oldest is seven and I tell you it’s easy for me to be like, oh, I don’t have to do that, I’ve got little ones. But I want you to hear this if you’ve got young kids, this is important.
Open communication and creating a safe place for your kids can start as early as two or three years old. You know my two-year-old can navigate the iPad like nobody’s business or the phone and being able to start early about talking about what they’re seeing. And if you hear a new word or a phrase at school for my first grader every day I ask him hey, did you hear anything new today? And he’ll say, oh, I heard this word or I saw this thing. And I get to be the one to explain to him and share with him what that means. We can talk through it. And a lot of times he goes back and tells his friends hey, this is what my mom said. You should ask your mom. And so it starts this process of setting a new standard of mom and dad, or the place I go first to find out truth.
0:12:41 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and even going back to that, I mean it is so important to start young. You know, when you’re in the bathroom changing or whatever, and your two-year-old comes in because they’re playing Barney and they’re waving the iPad around, you know, with their sippy cup and their iPad at the same time, you can use that as a teachable moment. Not get mad, not yell, but get down on their level and say, hey, you know what? We don’t have screens in bathrooms because what if you accidentally took a picture of mommy getting dressed? That would not be appropriate. And so if we can start having these conversations at two and three about how taking naked pictures is not appropriate, can you imagine what would happen when they get to middle school and are asked for nudes? They already have this built-in barrier, this built-in red internal flag that says no, yes, you know, naked photos are not okay.
And then, no, they can tell mom or dad what happened and we’re not going to freak out because there’s been this continual open door policy about this open communication that we’re trying to establish.
0:13:43 – Speaker 1
You know, open communication, creating a safe place, as we said, it’s a process. We’re going to dive into that topic deeply, coming up on our next show. So we really want you to tune in so you can start creating that safe place for your kids. But you know, I want to ask you, Manny, how do you feel like we get the kids to start talking to us about what they see online? What do you think is the first thing?
0:14:03 – Speaker 2
Well, you know, I loved what you said, kim. You said it seemed so simple, but the process of really getting them to talk is so complicated Because they are so afraid that when they show us things online that we’re going to shut down all technology. We’re going to shut it down, we’re not going to let them have access, and so we need to build their trust. You know we need. They need to know that when, when I show mommy or daddy something any appropriate that I saw online, mom’s not going to yank the iPad from me and say, no, poor technology, but we’re going to talk through the process on what to do and how to respond to that.
One thing that I love to tell little kids is you know, protect your heart and mind. Yes, the Bible tells us that that we are to protect our heart and mind, and that starts early. Again, it’s an early conversation you can have, and even my teenager still says that. Like she’ll say, mom, I saw this so and so, on Snapchat today, this article, and I protected my heart and mind and I swiped to the you know right, because I didn’t want to click on that article.
0:15:03 – Speaker 1
Yes, it’s so true and you know you’ll find something for your family that works. That is almost like a catchphrase, Like, think about watching television and they have these catchy jingles or these phrases that just stick in your head. I know we have a leader in nextTalk who they say don’t open your eye or don’t let that come into your window. And that’s their family saying don’t let that come into your window, Close your window. And she’s got little ones all the way up to older kids and they say that all the time I’m not letting that come into my window.
Whatever it is that you can start early with your kids, that will just stick in their mind and when they see something or hear something or ask something, that little phrase comes floating back and reminds them. You know what? This is not something that I want to let into my heart. This is not something I want to let into my mind and explain why. Like you’re saying, this is biblical truth. This is foundational. This is not just about conversations about bad things or conversations about things that you don’t want your kids to experience. This is setting up the truths early in their hearts so that they can grasp onto it and they can start living their own faith out in these challenging situations.
0:16:11 – Speaker 2
And what I love. What you say about that is it looks differently for everyone. This idea of open communication. You know so many times people want a script to follow.
0:16:20 – Speaker 1
Yes.
0:16:20 – Speaker 2
And at nextTalk. Yes, we give you family examples and conversations. Starter questions like that’s very important to me. I cover that in my book. All those things are very important, but at the end of the day, I loved what you said about. You know, have your own jingle or have your own saying, because this has to be a Holy Spirit guided thing. Yes, it cannot be like I’m going to read this script and talk to sex you know, about sex with my kid. Yeah, it cannot be that. It has to be a Holy Spirit prayed about God guiding our words and, like Kim said, bring the kids into the process. You know, if you’re struggling with a big issue, talk about that through with them. Read Bibles, verses together. Have them go look up the Bible verses. You know, if they’re older, have them take the responsibility.
I do want to make one point. You know we’re talking a lot about starting early and it’s so important. I want to speak to the parents right now who have older kids. Yes, and you may say, oh, my gosh, I didn’t start early, and now you know, we’re on social media and my kids aren’t talking to me as much and I’m worried. Here’s what I want to say to you. We serve a big God and there is absolutely nothing impossible for God to not mend or restore. And so what we need to do, what I encourage parents of older teens to do when they come up to me and they say I don’t know where to even start this conversation, my recommendation is admit your fault to them, and what I mean by that is just go to them and say you know what I? There’s this thing called cyber parenting, and you can even say there’s these two crazy moms that talk about it on Next.
Talk Radio and I’m learning about it, but you know it blindsided me, because it has blindsided all of us. Yes, like no matter what age or stage you’re at, you’re like, oh my gosh, our kids are seeing this. So I want to encourage you, have that conversation and just talk with them. You know it’s going to be very difficult to start, like a cell phone contract, if they already have a phone. Of course you can’t like go backwards, but you can walk them through. How can we come up with some good guidelines so that maybe you’re you feel protected and you won’t feel as much temptation to look at some bad things? But just walk them through that process and be honest, let them know.
0:18:45 – Speaker 1
Hey, you know, maybe my past has showed you that if you show me something or tell me something, I’m going to freak out. Yes, but I get now that you need to be able to share those things with me. I need to be your safe place and I want you to know that we’re going to get through this together. We’re going to learn this together so that they know that things are really changing. You’re making the effort and you’re committed to helping them in this generation.
0:19:11 – Speaker 2
You know, my teen and I we talk all the time and we say we are walking hand in hand, learning this together, because she’s learning to process social media as a 13 year old. The same way I’m learning to process social media Like I get jealous and I want likes and I want all those things, and so we talk about it together. Like how does that make you feel when somebody posts a picture of you but doesn’t tag you? Or how does it make you feel when you don’t get that many likes? Those are things that we can talk about and create this open communication with our older kids and really create an environment where they’re like oh, mom may get it a little bit or dad may understand a little bit.
0:19:48 – Speaker 1
Yes, if you’re just not tuning in, we want to let you know you’re listening to nextTalk Radio on AM 630 KSLR. We’re here every Saturday morning at 10 AM. nextTalk Radio is brought to you by nextTalk, a nonprofit organization bringing parents, school officials and communities together to keep our kids safe online. Find lots of resources, videos and subscribe to our weekly podcast at nextTalk.org. You know what. We are all in this together.
Again, I want to say that we have dads, teachers, police officers, moms, grandparents come up to us all the time at events and different things, sometimes in tears, saying I just didn’t know, I don’t know how to do this, how do I start? If you’re feeling that way today, please don’t be overwhelmed or encouraged. We want to give you practical tips every week on our show. Of course, if you miss it, you can go to our website, nextTalk.org. We’re going to have our podcast there and you can look at all the different topics that we’ll be covering to help you start open communication and creating the safe place, which is what we’re going to delve into on our next show in detail, because that’s a great place to start.
0:20:55 – Speaker 2
Yes, yes, you know, kim, as we’ve grown and developed this thing and God has just shown us so many things, he showed us a verse in Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7, and it’s so important and it’s how I got the name for my book and really how we got the name for NextTalk. But it says talk about these commands that I am giving you. Talk about them when you are at home, when you are on the go, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. That is open communication, talking all the time, a daily routine. It’s not set on the couch, family meetings, it’s not one sex talk for five minutes. Check. That’s not what this is and that’s how most of us grew up.
Yes, you know like oh, we’re going to have a family meeting.
0:21:35 – Speaker 1
sit down on the couch. Now I’m going to tell you about this thing.
0:21:38 – Speaker 2
Yes, we cannot do that anymore. This is an on the go approach to parenting and figuring out how to keep the kids safe online, so that is our key verse that we love. We want to wrap up with three points. One is we have to recognize the shift in parenting due to online exposure, and we’ve talked about that here today, not only with big issues, but little issues how the online world affects Everything we can’t sweep it under the rug.
0:22:08 – Speaker 1
We can’t say we won’t get technology in our household because it’s out there. It’s a part of our world. Wherever we go at school, in the grocery store, they’re gonna see it. We’ve got to give them tools on how to handle it. Also, if your kids don’t have a device, they can still be informed by other kids, like Mandy’s story. Yes, you know you. We’ve had parents tell us all the time I don’t need to know this stuff because we are not giving our kids a cell phone until. You know, once they’re in college they can make that decision on their own. I am here to tell you now. In Kindergarten, when my son started, there were kids who had cell phones. It was crazy, just, and the parents were thinking it’s just for safety. You know if they need to call me, but it’s there, they’re seeing it. We’ve got to teach them how to navigate what they see in here.
0:22:53 – Speaker 2
Well, and we’ve even gotten calls from homeschool parents who have said my kids saw something inappropriate at one of a church. Yes, on a weekend service in a kids service. So you know we we’ve got to get out of this mentality that I don’t need to talk to them about it, because Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7 we’ve got to be talking all the time with our kids. Point number three you are not alone and you, there is no room to feel defeated here. You know Satan wants to come and still kill and destroy, but the victory has been won through Jesus. I love Deuteronomy 23 5. It says God turned the intended curse into a blessing because he loves you so many of these things. When our kids get exposed to porn or told about porn or saw a violent murder Livestream, whatever it may be, they feel like curses. They feel so much like daggers coming at our family, like the lion waiting to pounce and.
Guess what God wants to use all those things and turn them into blessings. And what we think that is is that first line of defense, that open communication, that Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7 Talk about these things.
0:24:06 – Speaker 1
You’ve got to fight for your family. Yes, things change through the generations. True, we cannot ask our parents how to parents snapchat. We can’t ask our parents what to do with technology, but what we can do is Recognize. They did their best and we now have to do ours, and that means Recognizing what our kids are being raised in, what they’re being exposed to and how we can best meet them where they’re at and Parent them through this generation. That’s what nextTalk is all about. We’re all in this together. We’re creating communities on our website. nextTalk org. A lot of people are going there and starting groups so that they are able to have small group time with our video curriculum that we offer, so that they can talk about these things, so that they can get this great information and learn how to parent this together.
0:24:56 – Speaker 2
And this, this video series that we’ve created. It’s free to any group, so if you already have an existing group, you can use our curriculum. If you want to start a group and call it next up, whatever you want to call it, this is for you. Gather up a couple of your friends, neighbors yes, this works great in communities so you can be in prayer and talking about these things together as parents.
0:25:18 – Speaker 1
Absolutely. You can also Look for our podcasts if you missed the show. You know, if you’re at a soccer game or something like that, go to our website, nextTalk org and you’ll be able to get all of our Podcasts there and all the information you need to know to start the conversation in your home.
0:25:32 – Speaker 2
Yes, every Saturday, tune in 10 am On am 6 30 K s? L? R. nextTalk radio is brought to you by nextTalk, a non-profit Organization bringing parents, school officials and communities together to keep our kids safe. Online, find resources, videos and subscribe to our weekly podcast as nextTalk org. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page