0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:34 – Speaker 2
Today we’re talking about finding peace. We all need a little peace in this world.
0:00:40 – Speaker 3
Yes, we do A lot of peace. I pray for it, girl.
0:00:43 – Speaker 2
I look through Twitter and I am like Lord Jesus, like Twitter is chaos and Jesus is peace. That’s what I think all the time.
0:00:53 – Speaker 3
Yes, it’s a crazy world and we’re just longing for it.
0:00:58 – Speaker 2
We get in there and we all express our opinions and then it gets even more muddled and the peace doesn’t come. And what are we doing?
0:01:05 – Speaker 3
It seems impossible. Quite frankly, the joke always was like pray for peace. What would you want if you had one? Wish Peace. But I think it’s not a joke. I think we all long for it and deepen our souls. The problem is we want it but we struggle to know the steps to get there.
0:01:22 – Speaker 2
Yeah, well, on a bigger level, we want world peace and everything, but I think we’re talking more about in our families, in our homes in our hearts, Just having that peace that surpasses all understanding. We’re going at such a rapid rate. Anymore with anything Like our information intake our ability to schedule a play day happens within two minutes, where before it would take three weeks. Everything goes faster. We never wrote a letter.
0:01:52 – Speaker 3
What am I saying? We’ve been watching Little House on the prairie. We would email.
0:01:58 – Speaker 2
We would do e-bites. And now it’s a text Meet me at the park in five, it’s so true. Or I joke with the middle school play dates. It’s meet me on Fortnighton Ten minutes. It’s so true. That’s it now.
0:02:09 – Speaker 3
Everything is going fast and there’s so much of everything.
0:02:12 – Speaker 2
We’re involved in 500 things all at the same time.
0:02:15 – Speaker 3
Even conversations, 20 at a time.
0:02:17 – Speaker 2
We have a lot of shows on that, overscheduled and over it, peps to mind, all of that. You can go listen to those. But how do we drown out all the noise and find the peace?
0:02:29 – Speaker 3
It’s really funny. Recently we missed church. I don’t remember why, but I was having this guilt.
0:02:35 – Speaker 2
You bad people.
0:02:36 – Speaker 3
I know you bad people, and so I was having this moment like, oh, turn on something, so we’re not bad people. So I turned on the sermon on TV and my poor children, you know it was way over the head. I’m like sit down, we’re watching church, and so we were like we ate it. They were like mom. So we’re watching this snippet of a sermon. Hey, it’s all about open communication here. This is life, and it was a great sermon. I loved it, if no one else did.
0:03:06 – Speaker 2
I remember you calling me a couple of days later, and you’re like, I got to tell you about this and I was like texting people.
0:03:10 – Speaker 3
I’m like turn on the TV and they’re like we’re a church. And so this pastor pointed out that the phrase grace and peace shows up more than 14 times in the New Testament, from Romans to revelations Like 2 Peter 1, 2, grace and peace be yours in abundance, through the knowledge of God and Jesus, our Lord. And revelations 1, 4, grace and peace to you from him who is and who was and who is to come. And what really struck me is that he pointed out that peace never shows up in the scripture before grace, not one time in the entire Bible.
0:03:46 – Speaker 2
So grace comes first and then peace, Grace and then peace. I remember you calling me, telling me that, and I’m like wait a minute. This makes a little bit of sense, Right?
0:03:57 – Speaker 3
And it always says grace and peace from God, our Father, always, every single time. I love it, and so he did this whole sermon on it. I had never heard that, and it just. You know, when those sermons like straddle, they don’t straddle you, they strike you right.
0:04:18 – Speaker 2
Now your word is straddle mind to over. Okay, so let me, what can we just? Can we make this real simple? Yeah, because this is hitting home for me today this grace, this grace before peace. Yes, it’s big, but look, we had a storm roll through St Antonio last night and I will tell you. I woke up and I have a new rug and there was poop on my rug.
For my dog on the new one on my, from my dog because he was scared to go outside when I let him out. You know, before we went to bed same way okay.
So I was thinking about this grace before peace because I am mad. I was yelling at my kids this morning. I was the tone was bad because I was mad about the rug, right Mm-hmm. And when I put this dog up to leave for this show, I looked at that dog in the eyes and I literally thought to myself oh my gosh, I gotta forgive the dog, cuz I have no peace today. I have no peace today. I am over here mad, yeah, and I’m taking it out on my kids, who they didn’t do it.
0:05:22 – Speaker 3
I didn’t poop on the rug. Yes, right, I’m.
0:05:26 – Speaker 2
I’m short with my husband because my rug, yes, it’s new, it’s stupid, it’s a material thing, it’s stupid, right. And I was thinking about this show and I was like, oh my gosh, I gotta forgive camo if you’re gonna.
0:05:37 – Speaker 3
That’s my dog’s name. I gotta forgive camo.
0:05:41 – Speaker 2
It’s a. It’s a simple lesson.
0:05:42 – Speaker 3
But it’s true, right? Well, you’re gonna love this. Okay, the Hebrew definition, because I dug deep into this, because I was like oh my goodness, this is amazing.
0:05:50 – Speaker 2
It’s like changing. Let’s make it more than just about poop.
0:05:52 – Speaker 3
Let’s, let’s switch from poop to Hebrew. Yeah, the Hebrew definition of the Bible. It literally means grace means to bend or stoop, and kindness to another. I love that Grace before we receive peace is obvious in terms of God’s grace for us. It’s often described as undeserved mercy and love.
0:06:15 – Speaker 2
I’ve undeserved. I’ve heard a pastor say undeserved kindness before. That was their definition that they gave, and I loved it, because that dog doesn’t deserve it, right, he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. He knows that undeserved. Yes, he knows where to poop. But I need to be kind and I got to get the bitterness out of my heart and the undeserved part in Mercy and love.
0:06:35 – Speaker 3
I’ve heard that too and I think that’s so important, but the visual for me that really stuck was the bending or stooping, because that means Taking out all of our like he should know, yes, all of our posturing in anger and frustration and I am the boss, and all the things that we do and Saying you don’t deserve any of this, but I’m giving it to you because I love you, just like God loves me picking us up in the middle of our Remests and our mistakes and saying I still love you.
0:07:08 – Speaker 2
This is deep, it is deep. So now what we got to do is apply what you’re learning from this pastor to our families marriage, family friendship, parenting, all the things let’s dive into that, let’s get practical. Yeah, I mean your kid.
0:07:23 – Speaker 3
Yeah, three areas. Your kids are gonna mess up great.
0:07:26 – Speaker 2
We have a show on that five steps you can do when your kid messes up. That’s a good show, but but to here we’re gonna. Just we got to hit this point.
0:07:36 – Speaker 3
So when my kids mess up, I’m just gonna be real honest my first reaction is often one of judgment. Even if what were you thinking? Well, yeah, that’s where I go, but here’s the thing I mean you know better girl. Yeah, you know better boy and they don’t always know it, sometimes it’s in my head, but I think they can feel it. I don’t always say you should know better or You’ve learned are you kidding me?
0:07:57 – Speaker 2
You’ve learned to tame the tongue. But your face the look still says it. The judgment, I, you, you get it. I’ve been under the wrap.
0:08:06 – Speaker 3
I know you’ve seen the look I.
0:08:08 – Speaker 2
Think we all have a look or a tone.
0:08:10 – Speaker 3
I can’t say my look says what is wrong with you.
0:08:14 – Speaker 2
It’s the condescending. Look, that’s what we call it.
0:08:17 – Speaker 3
Yes, let’s think of this in terms of the digital work, because we are nextTalk. After all, they send a nude. We never talked about it.
0:08:24 – Speaker 2
We just thought they would know not to send someone a naked picture like hello, you just don’t do that Well, that shows we don’t understand their culture, because it’s it’s I mean, everything is snap posted and shared. Kids take their phone into the bathroom now I have literally seen this where the phones are now waterproof, so they will put their phone in the shower and literally shower in on snapchat. Yeah, now I haven’t seen nudity. It’ll be like, you know, head up, but they’ll be like singing in the shower washing their hair. I’m like what, what, what? But if we’re not talking to them about the new guidelines and the new, the new how we have to protect ourselves in the digital world, they don’t know. They don’t know. They’re just getting sucked up into the madness.
0:09:07 – Speaker 3
So in that situation, if we respond with crazy parent mode, we are not going to have peace in our homes. We’re going to be crazy and your kids going to feel alone and judged and misunderstood. They’re going to say you don’t understand my culture. None of that creates peace in your home.
0:09:22 – Speaker 2
Well, the other thing is we have to be super careful about our kids being groomed and manipulated online. Yes, and a lot of times what this looks like is they’ll do something little online, like they’ll cuss, they’ll maybe vape and record it and put it somewhere, you know in a DM, with what they’re thinking as a 12 year old kid or something, and then they’re groomed and manipulated like revenge. And, you know, a sex trafficking pimp could literally be be posing as that 12 year old kid and say, hey, if you don’t send me a nude like, I’m sending this video to your parents right now or I’m sending this screenshot to your parents. Oh and, by the way, here’s your parents Facebook account. You know like they’ve got the screenshots.
And so here again, if we have a culture in our home where they can’t make mistakes, then the sex trafficking pimp has one up on us, because now it’s do everything I can to hide it for my parents. So now it’s sending nudes. Now it’s maybe turn on your webcam from six to nine and they’re getting pimped out from their bedroom, while pimp is collecting money right Through all sorts of different platforms that they can collect money from. So again, literally offering grace to our kids will create an environment that if they do mess up if they do so, the F word if they do vape, if they, whatever, they will not be manipulated in doing something greater. But they will come home and say I messed up. And they know that. Yes, there’s going to be conversations, yes, there’s going to be consequences, yeah, but the grace and the love and the undeserved kindness are going to be there, just like what you said. We’re going to scoop them up and we’re going to walk them through how to do it differently next time, but we’re going to love them.
0:11:06 – Speaker 3
And it’s hard because our first go to is like but they did something wrong. And we’re not saying, like Mandy said, we’re not saying there’s not consequences and conversations, but grace can look like this in a situation like this. I’m so sorry we never talked about this. I bet you never imagined that this would happen. I understand. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’m right here with you. No matter what, I love you, no matter what Default to love baby.
Default to love. And then, when you have that out on the table and you’ve extended grace, then you walk through the consequences when the time is right and you talk about what could have happened. And that is its own consequence in itself, that conversation, and you move forward in all those spaces. But what that creates that grace initially creates peace in your home. Yeah, and that’s what we all want peace in your parenting.
0:11:57 – Speaker 2
And I will tell you what the consequences thing. I get a lot of questions about this at events, and every situation is very different. You have to pray through that in our home. You know, if you’re honest, your consequences are way less.
0:12:09 – Speaker 3
Yes, ours too.
0:12:10 – Speaker 2
There may still be something like if it’s an extreme situation, there may still be some sort of consequence to earn the trust back. But if it’s something simple or little, it’s just. You know, I got. I had a mom contact me one time. One of their guidelines was one of ours and it was, you know, no bathing suit pictures.
Well, little girl had her phone for the first time, was at us pool party, got caught up and took pictures, group pictures. They’re just sitting there, you know, innocent, not sexualized in any way, right? Well, kid realized what had happened when she got home. Oh my gosh, this is a new rule. I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, you know, told mom and I said listen, in this situation I wouldn’t give a consequence. I would have a good conversation and tell her I’m so proud of you. But mom was thinking she had to lose her phone because she broke a consequence and I said well, pray through it. And you got to know your kid, you know, because your kid may need that extra discipline. But in our home I would. And I said it would be a whole different conversation if it was sexualized, if it was a weird position in a bathing suit.
That would be a whole, that would be a consequence, even if they came and told me because we have to talk about what that means and how you’re presenting yourself to the world, absolutely. But in this situation I just felt like it was a, it was a new role in their home and it was like oh no, yes, kind of thing. But she immediately told mama and I just thought it was a great teachable moment for both of them and they ended up. It was a great thing, yes, how it transpired and how it all worked out.
0:13:42 – Speaker 3
She extended grace.
0:13:43 – Speaker 2
She extended grace and then she found peace with her kid.
0:13:46 – Speaker 3
Absolutely. If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 pm on AM 630, the word nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by PAX Financial Group and listeners just like you. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to nexttalkorg and click on give.
0:14:12 – Speaker 1
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0:14:44 – Speaker 2
So we’re doing a show today because Kim was a bad person and didn’t go to church.
0:14:48 – Speaker 3
Word.
0:14:48 – Speaker 2
Truth, no, I’m just joking. And then she turned on something on the TV and she got this Grace always comes before peace. And the more we started talking about that, the more we applied it to open communication and nextTalks and we were like this is a really great concept. It really is. And so we talked about earlier in the show about applying Grace to your kids and how that really does protect them from a whole lot of things when you’re their safe place to admit their mistakes. And I think we need to go on and talk about maybe spouses too.
0:15:21 – Speaker 3
Oh girl, how does this work? Extend Grace to your spouse by giving them the benefit of the doubt. That’s a big one in our home. We say it all the time.
0:15:29 – Speaker 2
Because it’s too adult and you’re like come on. Yes, you do know better. Yes, you do know better.
0:15:35 – Speaker 3
You know, I recently made a statement to my husband in the heat of an argument I hate admitting this, but we were disagreeing about schedules and something I don’t even remember and I said, off the cuff, I’m over here single parenting it. Oh, oh my gosh.
0:15:50 – Speaker 2
And all the single parents are like Kim Albert, are you even kidding right now?
0:15:53 – Speaker 3
You have no idea what it’s like over here, sister, I don’t even know where that came from. I was just overwhelmed and tired.
0:15:59 – Speaker 1
You were overwhelmed.
0:15:59 – Speaker 3
And he had been gone late like the whole week and it just came out. I wasn’t thinking it and the look on his face was like I had just murdered his puppy.
0:16:09 – Speaker 1
I mean, it was bad.
0:16:11 – Speaker 3
So bad. He took a step back from me and I said I know you and your character. You would never intentionally say something to offend me or a whole group of people. So I’m going to let you rethink what you said and start over. And I was like okay, like by the time I’m in tears as I’m realizing what I said.
0:16:31 – Speaker 2
But at that time he pretty much extended grace to you even though he made it clear, kim. This is not okay. That’s adult grace. But yes, he could have Stormed out, he could have screamed at you. He could, you know, it could have been really bad. So we have done that. He gave you grace right there.
0:16:50 – Speaker 3
That’s the whole thing, that extending the benefit of the doubt. That is what grace looks like in our marriage. Is I what you have just said? I want to lose my mind, but I am going to think about. I know who you are. I know you love me and our family. I know it’s been a tough. I know you’re not a total jerk face, so let me just say these words to you so you can have a minute and redo this. Yeah, and I’m so thankful because I will tell you, I’ve never been a single parent. My husband and I both come from single parents me too, girl. What I said was wrong and hurtful, but, charles, by extending grace and the benefit of the doubt, instead of a huge blow-up which it would have been and hurt feelings and all the things, I Apologized. We finished the conversation and we had peace in our home within minutes Versus days and days of silence of silent treatment.
0:17:38 – Speaker 2
Yes, and look, fighting of weird tag miss.
0:17:41 – Speaker 3
Yeah, weird oh the weird Aggressive, passive, aggressive yes, it’s the worst. And I thought that was such a great moment for us and such a reminder. And that’s what came to mind was that grace and peace? And I was telling him that I’m like, listen, because you extended grace, we had peace so quickly and that was such a gift for me and for our whole home, because you know everybody’s affected when mom and dad aren’t right. Yeah, so the benefit of the doubt, I think, is the best way that we can extend peace in our home, or grace in our home, to have peace in our home.
0:18:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah, well, and you know, I know we’re talking about spouses here and we’re going through something right now. You know it’s that time of year. I’ve been traveling a lot, like I’ve literally lived on a suitcase and an airplane the last couple months. It’s been crazy, which has been awesome, meeting people all over the country and new parents, and I mean it has just been amazing. But it’s been hard on our family and at the same time, you know, when I’m gone, my husband has to do everything and he’s not used to that. Like I’m the manager of the house, like I take care of all those little details. So when I’m gone, he’s like, whoa, this is really hard to do. You know all the little things.
0:18:48 – Speaker 3
It’s like you stepped into his job.
0:18:50 – Speaker 2
You wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t know either. And at the same time, allergies are hitting our home. Yes, and he has allergies, really bad, yeah, and so this past week it has literally been every night. You know he’ll come home, he’ll have dinner with us, but he’s not normal. Matt, yeah, and you know want to go to bed early and he’s very tired and like I can just see all the things you know. Well, old Mandy, all of Mandy, would be up in his face. I mean, dude, yeah, I am blind all over everywhere. You gotta get with it. Yeah, I would be like in his face.
New Mandy is, have learned, has learned grace, grace. And giving him the benefit of the doubt. And I have been angry at the past couple weeks. You know I see him not helping as much when I am home and it the anger wells up in me and then I literally go through my checklist Okay, here’s what he’s dealing with right now, this and this and this.
He’s an engaged father. He doesn’t feel well and I’m not gonna let Satan manipulate my mind Into thinking he’s a bad father. He has had a week where he’s needed to go to bed early because of allergies, right, and I think so often Satan gets in there and he just creates these lies that aren’t true, because the minute I speak it out loud to Matt, you know, then we talk it through and he’s like, just give me two more days and I’ll hopefully be over this hump. I started on some new medicine, you know whatever it is, and but we have to give them the benefit of the doubt. And this benefit of the doubt thing applies to, like our kids, friends, our co-workers are Fred, like Mandy, our mother-in-law. I mean that’s yeah. I mean they love us guys. Yeah, they love us.
0:20:41 – Speaker 3
It’s very true, yeah so a couple things on this one your spouse isn’t perfect and they are not the enemy. Extend grace when you can, and this is what you were just talking about, and it helps me so much. I have to tell myself I know who you are. All the time I know who you are, and then I have to put myself in his shoes and say you’re tired, you’re stressed, maybe you’re afraid, maybe your behavior is a symptom of something bigger. And I have to pray through it. Extend grace and be my husband’s safe place. Yeah, maybe he needs to get something off his chest and then he’ll be himself again. All the things. That’s what extending grace looks like in marriage.
0:21:18 – Speaker 2
Now number and it leads Before we move on. It just leads to so much peace. Yes, because there’s not all that turmoil in your head of are we falling apart or are we awful?
0:21:30 – Speaker 1
Are we?
0:21:30 – Speaker 2
do we not have a good marriage Once you talk it through and you’re able to see both sides and you have given the benefit of the doubt and you haven’t Made a problem bigger than it is by spouting off and saying awful things. Right, it just leads to so much peace and that goes back to the whole show giving grace, then having peace in our home. God knew what he was saying. Okay, sorry, I go ahead.
0:21:56 – Speaker 1
Are you?
0:21:56 – Speaker 2
hijacking. I was hijacking. So glad you skipped church and you know sometimes you need to that’s got other plans.
0:22:07 – Speaker 3
Number three it starts with you. Practice giving grace first to yourself and others. Experience peace in your life, the people around you. We are not only forgiven and seen as holy and set apart by God, but we are to model that to our kids and others. If our lives are tumultuous and we’re never at peace within our own circumstances, how are our kids going to learn that skill? How are they going to learn to give grace? How are they going to learn to give the benefit of the doubt if they don’t see us modeling that first For ourselves?
0:22:38 – Speaker 2
For ourselves. I always tell my kids, you know they’ll beat themselves up about something they’ve done wrong or something and I’ll be like, would you say that to your friend that messed up the same way you messed up. Well, no, we are always our own worst critic and I struggle with this the most. Me too. I can forgive my spouse, I can love my kids through all the mistakes, like I can do that. But if I make a big mistake, like I am literally rehashing it in my mind a million different ways, how I could have done it differently, the consequences of it, like what it impacted, you know.
0:23:13 – Speaker 3
I will affect.
0:23:14 – Speaker 2
Yes, I mean, I’m constantly criticizing myself and we need to be careful of this because our kids are watching and we are being the model and I think you know this goes back to our vulnerability show. Go listen to that. That’s so good being vulnerable and saying I did mess this up and I should have done it differently and I’m going to forgive myself because God has forgiven me. Like modeling that and having those conversations with your kids.
0:23:44 – Speaker 3
That’s so cool, it is amazing. It’s when we walk our kids through our struggles and we show them how we extend grace to ourselves. It teaches them how to do it. And let me just say this we’re all hard on ourselves, but if we walk around defeated and you know what I mean if we walk around defeated, pity party, pity party yes, people see the opposite of peace in our lives and that does not draw them to Jesus.
So, beyond our kids, beyond our spouse and our friends, those who do not have a relationship with Jesus yet, we may be impeding that because they’re not seeing Jesus in our lives, Dang it.
0:24:19 – Speaker 2
Think about Jesus. It’s a slap in the face to him. He died on a cross so we could be forgiven and have peace. And when we don’t accept it, when we don’t live that out, when we don’t say you know what I messed up, I can be better next time. I mean, this is so important to be able to forgive ourselves.
And let it go Let it go and let’s just take this to a bigger picture thing real quick. If you are struggling because of a huge mistake in your background, your past I’m talking sexual sin, I’m talking abortion. I’m talking something that you are so ashamed of you have got to forgive yourself. You are never going to be able to talk to your kids about those topics If you cannot get over yourself. God has forgiven you Forgive yourself.
0:25:15 – Speaker 3
Number one offer grace instead of judgment when your kids mess up. Number two extend grace to your spouse by giving them the benefit of the doubt and please, number three, be gracious with yourself first. Your peace will extend to others. Grace before peace.
0:25:30 – Speaker 2
Kim skip church moron.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at NextTalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
