0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:34 – Speaker 2
Today’s show is on fear and respect.
0:00:39 – Speaker 3
Oh, these are big topics.
0:00:40 – Speaker 2
Those words inside a lot of emotion.
0:00:42 – Speaker 3
Well, and I was struggling with the title, but then, when I shared with you what I wanted to share, you were like yes.
0:00:47 – Speaker 1
Okay, yes, I like the title.
0:00:50 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I feel like God has been showing me something through scripture, and I think it’s something we all know, but it’s one of those things that as you dig in, you see it so much clearer, right. And so here’s the verse that has really struck me Proverbs 1-7, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. I was getting stuck on fear of the Lord because in my mind I’m like well, we’re not supposed to be afraid of God. Like God is like amazing, right. And I got stuck there because I feel like sometimes that’s a worldly message for us. We don’t be afraid of God, he loves you, he’ll forgive anything and he does Like all those things are true, but it’s almost like we’ve watered down his authority.
0:01:39 – Speaker 2
If that makes sense. Yeah Well, he’s presented a lot of times as the fluffy God. You know the sweet loving. God you know, like the good parts of God, which are incredible, but it comes with that healthy fear and respect that allows for the good parts.
0:01:57 – Speaker 3
Well and think about this like we’re in his image. Were kids like right? And so I think of this from a parenting standpoint, like, yes, I want my kids to feel like if they’re hurting, I’m going to crawl and beg them and cry with them, you know, like that kind of friend mentality, like we have that closeness. But I also want my kids to like listen when I say stuff and I want them to like care about my opinion and care about what I think Right. And so this whole fear of the Lord thing, I mean I think that it’s something that we need to think about. You know, like it’s not about being afraid of him in a bad way, like like we’re afraid he’s gonna hurt us or we’re afraid, but we fear him in the sense of he’s a parent to us and we respect and we care about his, what he thinks.
0:02:50 – Speaker 2
Well, I think it’s important. Like it’s a respect thing almost I was gonna say I think it’s important to define fear, because a lot of times when you hear that word, um, you think of scary things, harmful things, yeah, and that’s, you know, the worldly definition, and it does represent those things, but that’s not the kind of fear that we’re talking about, right?
0:03:07 – Speaker 3
No, this is like the fear of, of wanting to, um, make him happy, Like, and not so much like in a weird way, but just like I respect you so much as my leader, as my parent.
0:03:20 – Speaker 2
Yes, Like. What do you think about this?
0:03:22 – Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, I admire you. I care about your thoughts.
0:03:26 – Speaker 2
The difference makes all the difference. I know that sounds kind of funny but it really does, Cause that’s two different types of fear that’s unhealthy fear and healthy fear, and we’re talking about a healthy fear of the Lord that inspires uh respect.
0:03:40 – Speaker 3
Well, as I was digging into this more, like I just was searching out additional Bible verses on this topic right, psalm 111, 10,. It says this fear of the Lord unlocks wisdom I feel like, in a sense, we have forgotten how to be afraid of things. And I don’t mean that in a bad way, you know, or in an abuse type way, but I mean our world is so much like don’t care what anyone else thinks, like be you, be your own person and don’t give a thought to anything else, just be you. Like that’s a little dangerous. Yeah, you know, I mean, I get that, I get why we say that, and to an extent it’s true. But, like you said, we’ve taken it to an extreme, to where now, like, do we even care what God thinks?
0:04:32 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you know and I hate to. I agree with you on that and I I hate to hover over here on more semantics and definitions, but this really, when I was thinking about the show and thinking about fear and respect and how the world has really strayed away from that, I started to think about the word respect and looking at the definition of that. And it means you have to know something or know someone and through that knowledge you develop admiration. And then it totally makes sense to me If you don’t know the heart of God, if you haven’t developed a relationship with him, how would you develop any respect for him? So it makes sense that the world is like why would you fear God? Because they don’t have a respect for him, because they don’t know him.
0:05:12 – Speaker 3
So what you’re saying is a great point, because it’s like respect and relationship go hand in hand. Yeah, like you can’t have respect for somebody if you don’t have a relationship with them and know their heart and know their integrity and know that they’re good. And once you have that with God, you trust him more and more. Like I’ve seen that in my own life, you know, as a college kid who trusted God, and the more I trusted him and I saw how he worked and I saw how his ways and relationships were the right way, like those were the healthy ways, then I developed more of a respect for him. And so then I fear him, not in a way of he’s going to be mad at me if I mess this up, but in a way of oh my gosh, lord, am I doing it your way? Because I know it’s the right way.
0:05:58 – Speaker 2
Yes, you respect that authority so much that you want to honor it.
0:06:03 – Speaker 3
I just feel like there’s so much here in how we are parenting today. I remember talking to a lifelong educator one time and she said to me the minute we took discipline out of the schools, like we lost control, like it’s we can’t.
0:06:20 – Speaker 2
It’s so hard to get back and you can’t even say that without people losing their minds, and you know what?
0:06:25 – Speaker 3
When I thought about her as I was reading Proverbs one seven the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. People who don’t want to be disciplined or don’t want to answer to anyone or don’t want to get anybody’s input on anything. I mean, god says that’s a fool, but the world? That’s what they actually tell our kids. Don’t worry about what anybody thinks of you, just do you. Yeah, that’s what the world tells our kids.
0:06:57 – Speaker 2
That is what the world tells our kids and you know I had a I have a real life quick story here that really shows how kids need to understand this at a young age and how this. As I was thinking about the show this morning, I was like man, this just happened in my household. That, that healthy fear and that understanding of discipline Um, don’t judge me.
0:07:18 – Speaker 3
And you’ve got little.
0:07:19 – Speaker 2
So don’t judge me, she’s going to be good.
0:07:20 – Speaker 3
Yeah, Girl, do I Well wait.
0:07:23 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I can’t do sometimes because you love me and you know all the things in an accountability respect respect. And now you fear me.
0:07:33 – Speaker 3
0:07:35 – Speaker 2
So we finally got to go to Disney world this past year and you know I did all the research on the best way to use your meal plan and one of them was like if you’ve got multiple kids and it’s a hot day, go to Starbucks and get the frappuccinos and they’ll split it into multiple cups for your kids and it’s only a snack credit If you’ve been.
0:07:52 – Speaker 3
You have wait, you wait. Yeah, you had some like insider tips. Oh, sister, Because that’s one that I have never heard. It was magical.
0:08:01 – Speaker 2
My kids thought we really had died and gone. And it’s only one snack One snack credit for the largest size, like the giant one, and they split it for you and when people see you with that giant one it’s life changing. That’s a tip right there. I mean my kids didn’t wake up saying let’s go see Mickey. They’re like when do we get the frappuccinos? When I mean we, like, built our day around it.
0:08:23 – Speaker 3
I could just see, charles, why did we pay all this money? Yes, we could have just gone to the local Starbucks.
0:08:27 – Speaker 2
Right down the street, so it was a whole thing and so of course now my kids love frappuccinos and they feel like that’s a thing.
0:08:34 – Speaker 3
And so you’re like, no only in the happiest place of art.
0:08:37 – Speaker 2
Yes, and they think every occasion is worth a frappuccino. Like mom, I did my homework Frappuccinos. Anyway, I cannot pay that amount like back at home. In reality, I cannot pay what they charged for a frappuccino. It is just not in the budget and so my kids have been like mom, please, please. You know interpinterest where I looked at the recipe. Let me just tell you my pack right there. It is like 35 cents to make a frappuccino and it tastes the same.
0:09:04 – Speaker 3
Okay, for you to say it tastes the same is a big deal, because you are like, you’re like a coffee snob. I love you, but you kind of are. Yeah, I mean, it’s over the top. Yeah, it’s over the top.
0:09:14 – Speaker 2
So it really does work. It does. It was super easy. So we learned how to make them and so now every night, every night, that would be a whole thing Every Friday is like pizza frappuccino night. This is like our new thing. It’s always been just pizza movies, it’s always been just pizza movie night. Now we’ve added frappuccinos. So my kids look forward to a big, big time. You got to know your kids currency right, and two of my three we’ve been working on some behavior issues on something, and both of them really like blew it big time right before I was about to make the frappuccino.
0:09:45 – Speaker 3
Uh-oh, I know where this story is headed. I can just right now.
0:09:48 – Speaker 2
I’m so scared for your kids and I looked at them with love and kindness and in a very calm voice I said I’m so sad that you made this decision, but you will not be enjoying frappuccinos tonight, and you would have thought I ripped their arms out, you know.
0:10:02 – Speaker 3
I mean, it was like screaming and crying, the gnashing of teeth it was, and the ripping of clothes, it was the whole thing.
0:10:09 – Speaker 2
And you know, they were so crazy that I had to send them up to their rooms to calm down. And later on I went up to sit with them and I mean just tears, so many tears, and I busted out the Bible and I said I just want you to look up this verse. And they looked up the verse and you know, if I wasn’t in my forties and have zero brain, I could tell you what it was.
0:10:31 – Speaker 3
But it was in the Hebrews. Okay, what was the summary of it?
0:10:33 – Speaker 2
Essentially, it was like when you are disciplined, it hurts, it’s so painful, but a disciplined life leads to godliness and peace. And so I had them read that and I was like, what do you think mommy’s job is in daddy’s job? And they’re like to protect us? And then I said, what else you know to help us be good people? I was like, yeah, and then I said let’s read the verse again. So they read the verse again. I said what do you think that means?
Well, that God understands that this would be painful, which was great that they made that connection. Like God understood way back then and even now, the discipline is hard but that it leads to godliness and peace, which is what God wants for us and what mom and dad wants for you. And they were like, so you do love us? Of course I love you. And they understood through more conversation that the discipline is hard but it creates peace and it creates being more like God over time and understanding. That helped them understand God’s character for them, Like that respect of him and that discipline and those parameters is because he wants a better life for them. And so it ended up being this great conversation that came out of Frappuccino’s.
0:11:40 – Speaker 3
Well, and you have little people. Little people and they stuck with them because you were in the moment of having to discipline them. Yes, and they get it. They’re like I’m not trying to be mean to you because I hate you. I’m trying to like lay guidelines so you know how to behave in life and so that you have discipline. And the Bible clearly says this unlocks wisdom, discipline and that’s what we want.
0:12:03 – Speaker 2
Yes, and they’re only five and seven and they get it. So having those little conversations, it really does make a difference.
0:12:09 – Speaker 3
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0:12:39 – Speaker 1
There’s big news if you are an investment client of USAA.
0:13:05 – Speaker 3
Investment advisory services offered through PAX Financial Group. So you just shared with us this wonderful story about Disney World and Frappuccinos and disciplining your kids and how you did that so well. Like you read scripture with them and you wanted them to understand that you’re not disciplining them or because you don’t like them. It’s actually the opposite.
0:13:33 – Speaker 2
I wanted them to see that the reason I do that is the same reason God does that for us. That it’s because he wants better for us and I want better for them.
0:13:41 – Speaker 3
You wanted them to see your heart. Yeah, ok. So in my home we do this a little differently and I actually need to learn from you, because I feel like you did it way better than I do.
0:13:50 – Speaker 2
It was just one time. The rest of it was crazy.
0:13:54 – Speaker 3
We had this little thing that I say and it’s just really stuck. But when I have to discipline, like when I have to be like OK, you need to check your phone at the mud bench today, because it’s just too much Like you’re not having a healthy balance right now. So when you get home from school I need you to drop it off, and there will be like well, why Like all the things? And sometimes I will say this is really bad. I can’t believe I’m sharing it Because we ain’t raising a brat up in here.
0:14:24 – Speaker 1
Oh yes, yeah, we’re not raising a brat.
0:14:26 – Speaker 3
We are not raising a brat. And you know people in your school and in your circles that get away with everything. The world revolves around them and there’s no discipline. Yes, and they will say it, oh yeah. And then I’ll be like don’t judge, don’t judge.
But you know I mean they have these observations right? Oh, absolutely. And I will say you are not going to be that Like. God has appointed me as your parent and he is wanting me to discipline you enough, not in an abusive way, not in an over-stretching or weird way, but in a way where you unlock wisdom and discipline in your life and that you respect that authority. Yes, and you’re going to have a boss one day, just like you have teachers today. You have to respect that authority. You know it’s a whole different conversation if that authority figure is crossing a line and it’s going into abuse or manipulation or something like. That’s an entirely different conversation. You know that’s a complete exception here. But I want my kids to be able to care about what their boss thinks and care about what their teachers think of them. I don’t want them to just be like oh well, I don’t care that she gave me a, b and I don’t care that if she doesn’t like me. It’s not a great attitude to have.
0:15:42 – Speaker 2
And that goes into the conversation that we’ve had many times like the reason why that’s not good is because you are a rep of Christ and I’ve told my kids I’m like you’re a rep of Christ or you’re you may be the only Jesus someone meets. You know, we’ve all heard those kind of sayings, and so it does matter the way we live our lives in the world, and what I think is so cool is that God has appointed us, as you said, as the leaders of our home and as the parents of these kids that he designed just for us to raise. I believe part of that is so they can learn to have an on earth. They learn that healthy respect and love from us. They feel that and understand that relationship. It helps them so much more understand it with God, with God Absolutely.
0:16:25 – Speaker 3
And I think that we have such an opportunity in our homes to model this in such a great way so that they see our heart behind, why we’re turning off the screens or why we’re taking away the phone, and we always say you know, explain the why behind it. Because when they see your heart and why you’re doing it, they’re more apt to be like okay, I respect that. I get that. Yeah, I’ve been on social media a while. Yeah, I need some help with this. You know, as I dug into this concept more and more, I found Psalm 33, 8, and I love this Bible verse too. It says let the whole world fear the Lord and let everyone stand in awe of him. You know, when we say it’s not like a mean, like we don’t fear him because he’s mean, I think this Bible verse really helps us get a grasp of what that means. You know, we stand there, we’re not hiding from him, because we’re afraid right.
We’re not afraid that he’s going to hit us or strike us with lightning or whatever. We’re standing there in awe that this God who created galaxies and stars and keeps the earth rotating at just the right point, so nobody die. You know what I mean. That’s why we don’t just all burn up right, Like all the stuff, like all the science stuff that I’m not good at right.
0:17:50 – Speaker 2
Like he knows, every hair on your head he knit each baby together in the womb, each one of them.
0:17:58 – Speaker 3
That same God loves you, once a relationship with you and cares about every detail of your life.
0:18:07 – Speaker 2
That’s something worth being in awe over.
0:18:10 – Speaker 3
That’s in awe yeah it is, and I think that is where we really see this respect thing come out.
And so how do we take all this that we’re learning right about respecting God in this way and like fearing Him I’m quoting because I’m quoting Scripture there fearing Him in a good way, like caring about what he thinks?
How do we take this and then apply it in our home as parents and I think we’ve already kind of touched on that with your story but I really want to dive into how important it is to create that safe place for our kids in our home, because we’re not only keeping them safe from pornography or keeping them safe from maybe making a bad decision about sex, because they can talk it through with us. You know, we’re not only doing all that. I feel like we’re teaching them how important it is to fear God, like they fear us Again, not in a way where they’re afraid of us, but they are in awe, like you love me so much that you want to help me through this, Like I’m not alone, that kind of thing. If we can model that in our home, I think we can do so much to keep our kids safe online and build the relationship with Jesus.
0:19:27 – Speaker 2
Parenting for me has really helped me understand God’s love for me too, and I know we’re talking about the parenting side of it and how we instill that in our kids. But, as you were saying that, it reminded me. As my little people have grown up and you’ve probably experienced this, they’ve done things that were wrong and I can you know. Right now I’m picturing my little boy. He has these big eyes, my seven-year-old, and there have been times where he has really messed them up, like done something crazy, and I will, you know, whatever the judgment is or give him a repercussion, and afterwards he’s like do you still love me? Like with these big eyes, and inside I’m like, of course, like that was never in question.
This has nothing to do with that, and that parenting moment that has happened a few times over the years has helped me understand what God feels for me and I want to pass that on to my kids, like what, I love you so much, even when you mess up. Even when you mess up, I am here with my arms wide open waiting to make it right, because I love you more than you will ever understand. And so me understanding that, through parenting, my passion is that my kids understand that. You know that’s how God feels for you and so it has helped me, you know, to see that little. Have that little moment with my kids where they question that, because it made me realize that’s what I do with God and he doesn’t see me that way at all.
0:20:57 – Speaker 3
Yeah, but you can see where they go to with that, because that’s where we go.
0:21:00 – Speaker 1
As adults, that’s our go to. Oh my gosh, I’ve messed up.
0:21:04 – Speaker 3
I can’t go back to church, or I can’t do that because they know what I’ve done. I love that. And you know, a saying that we have in our home is I love you the same. And sometimes it’s in the middle of me saying like you don’t get this tonight or you don’t like taking something away, and you know, maybe the eyes fill with tears. Or there’s that moment where you know it’s stinging, it’s stinging for them, like you can see it. They’re like oh, this hurts. They’re right, I messed up. Sometimes in that moment, like I and I have big kids, you know, sometimes in that moment I will just hug them and I’ll whisper in their ear I love you the same, yeah.
You know, but I’m not raising a brat.
0:21:45 – Speaker 2
0:21:46 – Speaker 3
You know you need to learn this, like so that when you go off to college you’re not going to be on screens all day long or you’re not going to. You know you’re going to have a healthy like. It’s my job to teach you these things while you’re in my home and so you can go out to the world and fly and be amazing. But if I just let it all go and let you do whatever you want, whatever you want, like I’m not preparing you for the world and so that’s my job and creating just that space of I love you the same, that’s been really cool because I my son really says this a lot back to me.
Like he’ll say, hey, mom, can I jump on Xbox and play Madden with my friends? And I’ll be like um, okay, we’ve got 20 minutes, yes, and then that’s it. And he’ll look at me and he’ll be like Mom, if you would have said no, I love you the same. And so he’s starting to like, say that back to us, like, even if you say no to me, I’m going to love you the same. And I think it’s such an important thing to model like for our kids too. Like when God says no, we should love God the same, you know, because sometimes God will say no and it’s to protect us. We don’t understand the big picture, but he does give us guidelines for how to live our life, and but he, he does that out of love, like a parent, not out of I want to make your life miserable.
0:23:01 – Speaker 2
You know, another thing in that same regard that I have learned again from parenting that helped me understand God’s love for me. That now I’m hoping to kind of do that full circle and help my kids understand that through the eyes of God is if you have a kid that’s an achiever or one that really does well with like school or sports or whatever, it’s real easy for them to get wrapped up in that identity and that you love them for that thing.
0:23:27 – Speaker 1
0:23:27 – Speaker 2
And so when you told me this years ago that I love you, the same thing it was kind of going swirling around in my head. And so about a year ago I started looking at my kids every once in a while. This is not an everyday thing because I don’t want it to be cheesy, but every once in a while I will just look at them randomly, like in the middle of Costco, and say, if you never did anything else, ever again, if you never made another A, if you never made another basketball hoop, if you never did anything, I would love you just for you. Like I just love you. And I can’t tell you how many times their eyes well up with tears, like they just need to hear that.
0:24:04 – Speaker 3
It’s an unconditional love you don’t have to perform.
0:24:07 – Speaker 2
Yes, you don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to say anything or be anything, just because of who you are I love you. And parenting that has helped me think oh my goodness, that’s how God feels about me, and so I’m hoping to bring that back to my kids, that they can see that about God’s character and love for them, that it is unconditional.
0:24:24 – Speaker 3
Well, and that’s the thing. When you see him like that, when you see God like that, like I don’t have to do any of this, I don’t have to be a great mom, I don’t have to do nextTalk, I don’t have to have a job, like I don’t have to do any of that for him to still love me, then it’s like you want to do those things you want to Because you want to please him, because it’s that fear of the Lord. Yes, I know that you are the answer to wisdom, I know that you are the answer to discipline. I know that you are the answer. So tell me what to do, yes. And then when he says go, you go because you trust him. And I think that’s what we have to create in our homes that kind of safe place, that kind of trust with our kids.
0:25:03 – Speaker 2
That kind of healthy fear and respect.
0:25:06 – Speaker 3
To wrap up our show today. One fear of the Lord is good. We’re not scared of him because he’s mean, but we’re in awe of him. We respect him and care about his opinion. Two, to instill wisdom in our kids. It’s important they respect us and care about what we think. And three, it’s our job to be trustworthy and build a safe place for our kids, Just like God has done for us.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630 the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page