0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised.
0:00:35 – Speaker 2
All right, hey. Well, welcome to another edition of nextTalk Radio. I think this is a special edition, charles. This is not a regular edition. This is not Mandy and Kim with very sore throats. No, it’s not. No, this is. This is a special Father’s Day edition of nextTalk with, but go ahead, okay.
0:00:54 – Speaker 3
Well, charles Ellarick husband of Kim, and Matt Majors, husband of Mandy, and they’re not here, they’re not in there, not here in the room with us. So we’re really un unhitched. We can say whatever we want This is the pinnacle of trust.
0:01:10 – Speaker 2
By the way, yeah, for those of you that are striving to reach a level of trust in your marriage, to have your spouses trust you to speak on a radio program on their behalf.
0:01:21 – Speaker 3
Well, they also know they can edit this when it’s done.
0:01:23 – Speaker 2
This might not reach the. this might not reach the airwaves, folks, but it’s a step in the right direction.
0:01:30 – Speaker 3
Well, it’s Father’s Day. It’s coming up, and you’re a great father, and I think you’ve got some really interesting things to share for the folks that are listening to this, to the show. Again, it’s just you and me, and so we have an opportunity to cover some things that are on our heart, and so I’m you know I’m pretty excited about this.
0:01:48 – Speaker 2
I am too. You know, when we’re given this opportunity to speak on Father’s Day or about Father’s Day, there’s a lot of things that we wanted to cover. There’s a lot of emotions that kind of came up as we were sort of discussing, you know, certain topics. We know that, we know who this audience is, but we also want to see if this, if this topic, can really reach, you know, out and further than just the typical nextTalk group And the moms out there. we really also want this to be for the dads as well.
0:02:15 – Speaker 3
Yeah, absolutely. Well, i know there are three key points that we’re going to cover here in the short time we’ve got, but before we get to that, so question for you what do you want for Father’s Day?
0:02:26 – Speaker 2
Father’s Day, I want to stake in a nap.
0:02:28 – Speaker 3
I think that’s all is, like you know, in that order maybe probably eat a big steak and then take a nap. And you’re not going to get that. You know that right, it’s not going to happen. You might get one of the two to choose.
0:02:42 – Speaker 2
Well, it’ll be within the month of June. Sometimes I’ll probably get a really good steak and then a nap in there too. Yeah yeah, How about you? And he like Father’s Day. you know, dreams I haven’t thought about it.
0:02:53 – Speaker 3
As I’ve aged a lot of these, you know days, these special days are just another day. So I, in that I have to be careful because we just maybe I just celebrate our 21st way anniversary.
0:03:04 – Speaker 2
0:03:05 – Speaker 3
And so you know, obviously that’s one that, through these 21 years of learning, I realize that’s not just another day. So I am getting a little smarter as I as I get older. But you know, as far as Father’s Day is concerned, I don’t really think about that much, Right, I just don’t.
0:03:23 – Speaker 2
I do know, like as I’ve experienced a couple of Father’s Day now my oldest being 10, that it really means a lot to my kids to celebrate me in some way. So I’m almost more doing it so that they can, and they love doing that because they want to show me Hey, Dad, I made this, or or we want you to have this for Father’s Day.
And a lot of the Father’s Day gifts are, you know, their charcoal grills or you know something along those lines, or dads you know wanting to get outside or whatever. But I think ultimately it’s about you know your kids wanting to honor you in some way. I mean, that’s just an amazing gift, right there.
0:04:01 – Speaker 3
Well, whether whether you’ve got that situation or maybe in some cases, father’s Day isn’t such a great day, like you know, and some challenges and historically, with maybe the way each person grows up, fathers have have done well over the many millennial, and then there have been some fathers that haven’t maybe done so great, and so I think we’re gonna chat a little bit about that today.
0:04:26 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i think if we could kind of follow some basic, some steps here so that for our own selves, that we don’t get too off track, but also to kind of guide our listeners in. This is that we really wanna focus on a couple of points. Number one, for the dads out there. We wanna make sure that they know that showing up is good. Being a dad, being present as a dad, is good, but it’s not really enough. We also wanna stress how important it is to be plugged in as a dad, but that it’s really hard to do that.
0:04:52 – Speaker 3
Really hard, really really, really, really really. Yeah, it’s not easy.
0:04:55 – Speaker 2
No, of course not The last point or the third point really is that it totally is worth it. When these things kind of click and come into place, man being a dad has just been an unbelievable blessing, and for not just for our kids and for our wives, but also just like for ourselves.
0:05:12 – Speaker 3
Yeah yeah, absolutely. You know what’s funny Real quick I’ll jump off topic just a tad and hopefully it will be one of few, but I make fun of my wife in a fun way, in a respectful way, a lot of times. she and Kim, when they’re doing the radio show you’ll, when you hear it, they’ll, i guess, support one another. Whenever someone makes a good comment, the other one will say yes.
0:05:36 – Speaker 2
Yeah, have you noticed that They exaggerated? yes, it’s that, yes, it’s you know you just want a car.
0:05:41 – Speaker 3
Yes, that kind of thing, it’s like an Oprah yes, It’s like an Oprah. yes, Yeah, we’re not going to do that today, but I think maybe the man version of that would be, so you might get some uh-huh.
0:05:56 – Speaker 2
Yeah, a lot of head nodding that nobody can actually just participate in and radio but yeah, we’re nodding at each other a lot here.
0:06:02 – Speaker 3
But don’t think we’re less enthusiastic than Mani and Kim are. We just may not be screaming the yes, as much. So I just wanted to make sure you understood before we got going too far down this.
0:06:13 – Speaker 2
No, that’s a good point. So the lack of yes-ing is not necessarily an indication of how much we’re enjoying this or how much we’re supporting each other. Correct, okay, good, so that way, for all the listeners out there, we know exactly what’s going on Good.
0:06:26 – Speaker 3
So point number one, showing up, is good, but it’s not enough. You want to start there.
0:06:31 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i think it’s important to note for all the moms out there and wives out there that there aren’t a lot of guys that I knew growing up who dreamed about being a dad or dreamed about even being a father. And I know sometimes you hear about girls growing up. They dream about their wedding, they dream about being a mom and they play house and those kind of things. I didn’t know any guys who dreamt like that or didn’t really necessarily see themselves as a husband or a father. So what are we doing here? I think a lot of it is. We’re kind of struggling just to really do some basic, basic things, and so one of the things that we’ve been told is just show up like to be a dad. Just being there is enough.
0:07:16 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and really I think our point here is it’s really not enough. especially in today right 2020, there’s so many opportunities and distractions that could really shift kids in another direction. and you’re a leader within the public school administration, You know this very well. with all the different opportunities kids have, You probably have seen a number of situations where you can tell that if there is a dad there, he’s not really present, I mean he’s not engaged.
0:07:53 – Speaker 2
You know, yeah, and there’s a lot of statistics out there from, like, the National Fatherhood Initiative and they talk about how kids that don’t have a dad growing up are so much greater to end up in poverty, they’re more likely to have behavioral problems, they’re more likely to go to jail, they’re more likely to be teen parents as well, and those are statistics. But, like, i’ll be honest with you, like being an administrator in a public school, i see it on a regular basis, and so these are dads that sort of like were there and then they’re gone or they’re there intermittently, you know, and they’re not that consistent, you know force that they could be in a really positive way.
0:08:32 – Speaker 3
Yeah, well, that’s yeah. I mean, i Know I think we have to be careful here, because when we say it’s not enough, i think we we don’t want to make sure that anyone who might be listening to this You know woman or man, you know husband, wife, whatever your role, we don’t want you to feel like you can’t, can’t do enough. You know like, oh man, i’m a failure.
0:08:53 – Speaker 2
Oh right, No, that’s not our intention.
0:08:55 – Speaker 3
No, it’s not. It’s not. But I but I think that, again, this idea of just showing up and just physically being there, i think our kids need so much more.
0:09:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and I think you know what we grew up knowing is what was important to be a dad was really just to provide. And So you look at like those old-school television shows where, like the dad you know Brings home the bacon and shows up and then that’s really it as far as the role of dad. But I think as far as what we want to talk about is how it’s important to show up, it’s, but it’s not enough, because the role of being a really plugged in dad is Really really hard right. So not only are you just trying to provide that physical safety and also that financial You know provision, but there’s a lot of added responsibilities. Now I think that dad space that has really kind of put a lot more stress on On dads and is really kind of scared us a little bit.
0:09:50 – Speaker 3
Yeah, i mean, i’m not sure we would all admit to being scared of this And some of us may not necessarily think about it Like just so clearly, like this is this is what we’re dealing with. But you know, point number two, being a dad right now, it is really hard. I think it’s It’s really hard Because you really, i think you really have to die more to yourself. Right, it’s really not about you. No, not at all.
0:10:19 – Speaker 2
That’s a dad even less so as a dad, right, then, then, then anything else that you’ve experienced.
0:10:24 – Speaker 3
Yeah, well, i mean. So think about this, right, you, you’re born and raised and taught by your parents or by society. That’s helped you know, shape you and And educated or off to trade school, whatever the case, eventually, you yourself sufficient. It’s all about you, right, right. It’s all about what you need for yourself.
0:10:45 – Speaker 2
Yeah, you go after it, you kill it, you go and bring it home and you just you know yeah, it’s all yours, right, but then you get.
0:10:50 – Speaker 3
If you choose to get married, which many people do, then it’s even less about you, right, right, and a lot of people for many, many decades, struggle to even capture that It really is less about you.
Well, then of course, you add the, the offspring, and It becomes even even less about you, and I think many people struggle to even. I think many people struggle with that concept. So, given that it’s less and less and less and less about you as you age and then it’s interesting because you know As you, i think, as you get older than beyond the child rearing ages, it becomes, goes back to being more about you, right, your retirement, where you want to live, what you want to do with your life, as You empty nest, and then, of course, as you go closer toward you know The end of your lifespan, then it’s really is all about you, your basic physical needs right, because once that role of fatherhood has really kind of taken like you’re never not a dad, but that role of being a dad is really sort of like you can relax a little bit off the gas is when you can kind of go back To what you were doing, you know, in the first place Well, it’s, it is, yeah, absolutely.
And I mean, i guess another point to say about it being really hard is, you know, when it is all about you, you can do whatever you want to do, and let’s talk maybe from a career standpoint about this, sure, right? so And this is this, of course, applies to the motherhood as well mother or father Career, of course you go through, get educated or trade school, whatever the case. You have to support yourself. You have children, and now you’ve got to support yourself and that child, but you have to make decisions Regarding your career. That is, again, more than just about you, right? so I mean, i don’t know about you, but I know I would love to, you know, be able to go just fly the world and broke all kinds of cool business deals And do all kinds of things, but it’s really hard to raise a family in that We’re making those kind of decisions and having very little time.
0:12:51 – Speaker 2
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0:13:21 – Speaker 1
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0:13:43 – Speaker 3
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0:13:54 – Speaker 2
I want to welcome everybody back. This is Matt and Charles filling in for Mandy and Kim. Actually, it’s Charles and Matt.
0:13:59 – Speaker 3
Matt and Charles. Yeah, oh, how does that work, i don’t know.
0:14:03 – Speaker 2
Okay, that is a matter of experience, it’s the dads filling in this week There you go.
We’re really kind of. we were just talking about was sort of like how we’ve sort of shifted, as what fatherhood does is how it shifts everything that you filter through. So, just from a simple like career standpoint, looking at careers and now, instead of just making a career just based on yourself, now everything is through the filter of a dad, and so sometimes that means maybe not seeking that promotion, because what would that promotion do to your time as a father?
0:14:37 – Speaker 3
It’s a constant. in my opinion. this is a struggle for me. It’s a constant battle because as much as you hear all those really cool stories about the dad who chose not to be promoted because he wanted to spend more time with his kids, and you know as much as I’m thinking, wow, that’s awesome, that’s what I want. Then I end up going to work and you know I’m slaying the beast and I’m like this is great, this is very fulfilling, right, and this is good for me. But again, where’s the balance in?
0:15:06 – Speaker 2
that Right? Well, yeah, if you look at the media, right, i mean we don’t really. We don’t really glorify fathers in that sense. We glorify men for their accomplishments and you know you look at their whether it’s, you know, sports titles or income or companies that they run, and you never really get a chance to see. How is that personal side, where’s that balance at? and their relationship with their kids? And it is a it’s something that weighs on dads. I think a lot is we want to provide and we want to do those things that are really like you know, we want to go out there and we want to do those amazing things at work or outside, and then we also have to balance. Every time that we do that it can take away from the time that we spend as active participants in our kids lives, and it’s a struggle.
0:15:52 – Speaker 3
It’s very much a struggle. It really is, and of course, this isn’t applicable to every dad, right, but I do believe that there’s a piece here that I’ll bet you, deep down in every dad out there would say you know, i love being a dad. That’s the best part of my life, but it’s kind of hard. There are times when it’s hard. Yeah, i really believe that. So we talked about, we have three points we want to bring up on the show. The first one is showing up is good, but it’s not just enough. The second point that we just finished was being a dad actually is really hard at times, right, and so I think it’s really opportune for us to move into this. Third and final point. Do you want to present it?
0:16:38 – Speaker 2
Being a dad is awesome. It’s really worth it. It really is worth it. Yeah, Being a dad is absolutely worth it. I’ll be honest, the best part of my day, every day, is when I walk through the front door. My kids are still young enough I got 10 and eight and a six year old And when I come in the door I get the rockstar treatment And sometimes I feel bad for my wife because she’s been doing all the work at home. All I do is walk through the door and it’s like dad’s home And I still get attacked at the door And I know that a lot of that is my wife teaching them to do that too, Like hey, show your dad some appreciation and love on him, and that sort of thing. But part of it I’ve been part of it.
0:17:17 – Speaker 3
But there’s some real agenda, But there’s a lot Yeah.
0:17:20 – Speaker 2
There’s some joy in that.
0:17:21 – Speaker 3
Dad off the top ropes.
0:17:22 – Speaker 2
Yeah, off the top ropes for sure, and all the weight that I had again and turning that part of my brain off, that work brain, turning that off and then going into the home is hard. But I tell you there’s nothing that makes that easier. When you walk through the door and those kids just come at you and they just and sometimes it’s a little overwhelming because, like I want to show you what I did today. Dad did you know that?
0:17:43 – Speaker 3
0:17:44 – Speaker 2
You know, you’re just like, oh my gosh, i haven’t even like literally like set down my bag or anything down, but it’s like that rockstar treatment And it’s a little. It’s very humbling Because you don’t did nothing. I’m just the dad. There’s nothing that I did to really deserve that kind of attention and that love, but man is that awesome.
0:18:05 – Speaker 3
Well, you know, I would actually disagree with you on that last point because, again, as I said, you’re great dad and you did more than in their lives so far. You’ve done more than just show up. Well, thank you, you’ve recognized the work is hard and you’ve chosen to continue to do the hard work, so I would give yourself a little more credit than that.
0:18:25 – Speaker 2
Well, i appreciate that. I guess you know it has. You know, it’s definitely not like a natural thing that I kind of mentioned earlier, like I’m not like a naturally, i don’t know. Maybe just guys in general Some are better at it than others, but there’s a part of me who really just wants to go home to a cave.
0:18:42 – Speaker 3
Right, Well, yeah, I mean I can tell you, if there were wild tigers, I would love to spear one. I would love to jump out of my front door as long as it’s not too hot, you know, because you know nice and cool in air conditions But I would love to take like a four foot long spear and, you know, literally chase down and attack a wild tiger. Yeah, That’s I’m. I’m exaggerating a bit, but you’re right, It’s not natural for me to want this warm, glowing, cuddly kind of feeling thing.
0:19:11 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it’s a little off-putting almost, and you don’t know how to like. How do you receive that in a way Right, it’s kind of strange to sometimes, like you know, to take that in and like, oh gosh, I guess I’m doing it right. Have you ever struggled with like that whole? I want to spend time with my kid, but I also need to really kind of the time that I spend with them. I don’t really enjoy so much, So I need to. I really want to spend some time doing some other things, Of course.
0:19:38 – Speaker 3
Yeah, i know that. I know Mandy and Kim talk about a lot that, as I’ve shared before, i’m not a big fan of balance because I think it’s boring Right. I’d rather live extreme to the left or right. Fortunately, my wife is much more intelligent than I am And she helps to kind of reign me in and recognize that actually I do perform better when my life is balanced.
0:20:03 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I think we all do, you know, i think so. I think you know when I think about you know, being a dad and where I really do well in is when I do kind of take care of myself first, and I know this sounds kind of selfish, but to me it’s sort of like that, that oxygen mask in the airplane kind of moment.
Oh yeah, They kind of teach you to. you know, put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you’re a kid, and the first time I remember seeing that like being on an airplane, I’m like these selfish people. How could they not take care of the children? but really, from a logical standpoint and a health standpoint, you got to really take care of yourself first before you can really take care of your kids.
0:20:44 – Speaker 3
Yeah, just stay balanced. And again, you know we bring it back to this point about you know, being a really good dad is worth it. I really I have. You know, i’ve heard of so many people that were on their deathbed. And again, how do you describe success? Right, what’s your measure of success? How do you measure that?
I’ve heard of so many people on their deathbeds that have been extremely successful by popular opinion or societal definition, but they’ve been miserable and they’ve just they’ve had no one at their deathbed Or all they wish is that they had their family by their deathbed. And I’m not saying that being a good father is worth it so that you can have a bunch of people around you whenever you die. But I think being a really good father and recognizing that it’s you got to do more than just show up, and realizing that it’s going to be really hard at times and it’s not necessarily what you want for yourself, i think really realizing that it’s worth it to invest in your children and to do whatever it takes to be a good father, means that you really leave a legacy that ultimately points towards Jesus.
0:22:01 – Speaker 2
Right And that legacy is not probably going to hit mainstream media. It’s not going to be. You know there are not going to be stories written about it and there aren’t going to be documentaries made, but your kids are going to know Well it is.
0:22:14 – Speaker 3
It is, and again, i want my children to carry on the will that God has for them. That’s what I want, and to be a good father. I view that as that’s my form of success. That’s my definition of success Right. And we find that in God himself right How forgiving he is. and you know all the Bible, you know. it’s just amazing how it’s chock-full of so many great examples of this.
0:22:41 – Speaker 2
Yeah Well, so many good examples of specific humans that God chose to be fathers and they were failures, like over and over again, like even God selected few that we hear about all the time were actually, you know, just figuring it out as well. Yeah, you know, and it wasn’t so much about like it’s not so much like follow Moses example, or Noah’s example or Abraham Isaac Jacob, it’s really about God’s example absolutely and and and, and you know, the story of the prodigal son Just is really touching and deep.
It’s so like that. To have that kind of image of what a father is, of how God the father is to us, yeah is just incredibly encouraging to know that that’s how he wants all of his children to be treated. You know, even as we struggle as dads and we continue to kind of like mess up along the way and we might Sway in our balance approach from one extreme to the other and we might not be as physically present or maybe emotionally present as possible, it doesn’t matter, because if you love God, you understand that he loves you more than anything in this entire world And then if our kids can understand that man, then that’s really success.
0:23:52 – Speaker 3
Well, you know, our three points here, i think, are beautifully and perfectly demonstrated by God. And Whenever he sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins, his only son, god knew he had to do more than just show up. Yeah, right, he had to do more. Yet He sent his son to die for us. He knew it was gonna be really hard. He sent his son to die for all of our sins, past, present, future. And then, the day God determined that it would be worth it to sacrifice his son for us and man again, a perfect example of How we can be really good fathers. I don’t think we’ll be as good of a father as God. Yeah, i just don’t.
0:24:34 – Speaker 2
I’m not so yeah, we’re gonna all fall quite far short of that goal.
0:24:39 – Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, but I think it’s a great, it’s a great goal.
0:24:42 – Speaker 2
It is a great goal, yeah, i guess. so, ultimately, our big takeaway when we think about Father’s Day and we think about, you know, honoring, you know, all the dads out there, let’s really remember to honor The father, that’s right Father’s Day and when we start honoring him and we start really focusing on that, then that we really set the best example for our kids going forward Absolutely right on. Matt, it was really nice talking to you today, man.
0:25:06 – Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah, you too. I should have ended with a yes, or how it? how does yeah? Yes yes, that real Oprah, like she said, oprah inspired, i think yeah is a good one.
0:25:18 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i’m just kind of surprised that we stayed on topic and focus and we never once brought up guitars or cars until just now. Oh you, ruined it.
0:25:25 – Speaker 3
It’s a really good. We’re a good thing. We’re out of time, all right, man.
0:25:29 – Speaker 2
Thank you very much. All right, y’all take care and we’ll talk to you next time.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 6 30 the word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nextTalk. Or are you ready for the next time?
Transcribed by https://podium.page