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Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
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0:00:32 – Speaker 1
More than cyber parenting conversations to connect The Enneagram. Dun dun dun. You were supposed to say something, kim, i’m sorry. What’s happening? Where were you?
0:00:44 – Speaker 2
The how you were going to launch into the thing, the whole dramatic thing and I was waiting for you.
0:00:49 – Speaker 1
Oh, I missed my mark. You know we struggled if we should do this show or not, because it’s not a new thing The Enneagram has been around for a while.
0:00:58 – Speaker 2
Very long time, and then it gained in popularity there for a few years and now it’s leveling off a little.
0:01:03 – Speaker 1
Yeah Well, and people are kind of getting sick of it. They’re like rolling their eyes, you know whatever. And it’s so funny because I feel like I’m a late bloomer to the Enneagram, like I resisted it because I might know your pressure, i’m not going to get sucked into what everybody else is doing. And then we had a great mentor who was like y’all, i’m in it and it really is a helpful tool. It really is a helpful tool that I want you to check out. And so then I got to work.
0:01:33 – Speaker 2
You gave you the book for Christmas, that’s right. You will read this.
0:01:40 – Speaker 1
And you know when you’re. sometimes, when your friends give you a book for Christmas, you’re like whatever, But when a mentor, you’re like okay.
I got. So the book that she gave us was the Road Back to You. That’s the title of the book, right? Am I getting that right? Yes, you are, and it’s actually a great book. And let me tell you my hesitation on the Enneagram. I’m not big on personality tests any of them Like. I hate them. I think they’re wrong, i think they’re flawed, i think they’re stupid. So that’s where I’m coming from.
That’s why I’m like well, i’ll tell you, i got the book, i finally read it And then actually my pastor did a, did a sermon series on it And my kids got really involved in it. So they wanted to take the test And then all of a sudden I was like whoa, this is not the know I’ll be on. Obviously it’s not like the answer to everything, but it was a helpful tool to kind of understand my kids more And we kind of talked through like our different personalities and our family and how we respond to things And it just opened up a lot of good conversation, quite frankly.
0:02:48 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i mean, one of the ways that I describe it is it’s a book about tendencies And that’s it. This is, a lot of people tend to do this thing And others tend to do that thing, and they’re categorized And then they call it the enneagram. Now, that’s not how they would say they come about it, but that’s my own definition And I feel the same way. It’s just one of those cool little tools that you can use to help. See, these are some things that some people do, and if they’re that kind of person, or you are, this is a helpful way to talk to them, which has been great. I have really loved it and it’s been fun too. Now, you know you can get a little overboard, but we joke all the time Like, oh, that’s because you’re one, i’m a three, you know blessed. Well, i pray for us.
0:03:35 – Speaker 1
For those people who don’t know anything about the Enneagram, some people do give it a bad rap and say it’s like Satan and it is like a label And it can be all those things Like I want to be very honest. People could take it way too far and like start worshiping it, like like horoscopes or whatever. Absolutely It could. Totally anything can become an idol like that. So we don’t want to do that ever. But when you do have a helpful tool that helps you just be more a little bit self aware, like oh, i love what you said, kim. I have this tendency. So Kim said that I’m a one, i’m an Enneagram one and you can go. The numbers are one through nine And they all stand for something.
Number one for those of you who aren’t familiar with this is a perfectionist And I have known for a long time that I’m. I call myself a recovering perfectionist. But what I love about the Road Back to You, the book it talks about being an unhealthy one versus a healthy one And that has really helped me just identifying what are the good things about being a perfectionist. But then what are the really bad things And how does it affect my relationships? I need to be self aware about that kind of stuff, and so anything that helps me look in the mirror and be a better person, i’m all for it.
0:04:51 – Speaker 2
Well, this book is from a Christian perspective, which is very important too. Like it talks about you know as a believer, what does that look like? And it also has the average. So you can either be unhealthy, average or healthy, and a lot of us kind of go back and forth between some of those and you’ll see that in your tendencies. But I’m a three, which is the achiever And we’re difficult people Put the one and three together, that’s that’s.
0:05:20 – Speaker 1
that’s some trouble right there. I am.
0:05:21 – Speaker 2
Yes, but you’re right, that was one of the things that is kind of funny.
They say when you, you’ll know it’s your number, because when you read it it hurts like you might even cry because you’re like oh my goodness someone knows me, but the thing with it that I think is really cool, just like you, is being able to see that through the book, being able to see that through a Christian lens. Of these are some things that I struggle with, and I’m not alone one, but they’re easy things that I can change and that I can do better, or that I can communicate better, because maybe people are seeing me in a light. This is not really what I want to reflect, and so I think that’s cool And I love that. There are some tips in there that you could use with your kids too, like when you understand maybe your kid communicates a certain way. It makes it easier when you recognize that and you tweak your thinking or the way that you communicate and it just works better. So, like you said, anything that helps you do that I’m I’m willing to try.
0:06:17 – Speaker 1
It’s a tool. It’s a helpful tool. What we don’t want it to become is a label or part of our identity. We, we never want that. You know, we talk about labels all the time. They’re thrown around, like everything today in our world, and we never want to label ourselves something and then we can’t break out of that. Because what if God you know what, if I’m a one today, but then I become a five, which is a major analytical person, researcher, getting in there, doing all those things Right? We’re evolving, we’re changing, we’re growing in the Lord every day, And so we don’t want this to become our identity. A really cool thing happened in our family. So my teenager she really loved the Enneagram and got really into it read the book. She came home one day from youth group and she was like, oh my gosh, it’s like a conversation starter now. It’s an easy way to break the ice with someone. Do you know your?
0:07:06 – Speaker 2
Enneagram Yes.
0:07:07 – Speaker 1
I was cracking up at her right And she she loved it. She took the test and we identified like how she responded certain ways and it may be because she has this tendency kind of thing. But the cool thing was, months passed and one day she came home and she said, oh my gosh, this situation happened and she’s explaining it to me. And she said I found myself reacting like my Enneagram number but it wasn’t my actual reaction Crazy. And I just thought it was a great light bulb moment because she realized this had become like a self-fulfilling prophecy in her world. She had taken the test and she had labeled herself that and then she saw the problem with labeling ourselves. She was like I’m changing, i’m growing, i’m doing something different. But in that situation I felt like I had to respond like my Enneagram number and she’s like that’s when I just knew it had gone too far. It had gone too far in my life.
0:08:06 – Speaker 2
That’s no why, Like it had become an idol. Yeah.
0:08:09 – Speaker 1
And I love that, because we do always need to know the balance, because anything can become an idol Social media, our phones our kids.
0:08:17 – Speaker 2
I think that’s such a great example And I’m so glad that you shared it because it’s a real life struggle that I think a lot of us have with any kind of a thing where we can take on the identity of something. And, like you said, it can happen with anything, but it’s easy with a personality test. And so some of the things that I was thinking when we were talking about this enneagram show is that it’s good for awareness, which we pointed out, and it’s good to give you a new perspective, just like looking at things in different ways. So I like it for those reasons. But there’s also the flip side. I mean, yes, it’s good to use this tool, but we never want to rely on this type of tool to guide our life Like that should be the Holy Spirit, that should be our faith. We don’t want to be like running back to a book with personality tests. We want to be running to Jesus.
0:09:04 – Speaker 1
Well, and we have found that the discussion about the enneagram and our personality types and all that kind of stuff has created some great discussion in our families. Satan has also used it to shut down conversation. Let me tell you what I mean by that. Like we will dismiss somebody in our family, like, oh, you’re a one, of course you’re going to do that. Or oh, you’re a six, of course you’re going to respond that way, and then we don’t really hear them out as to what they’re trying to tell us. And so I’ve seen it create amazing conversation about personality types and how we respond in certain situations.
But I’ve also seen Satan use it for bad. It’s kind of like social media. I have seen God use social media for amazing things like raising thousands and millions of dollars for people who need it right And charities and organizations that are doing God’s work. But then I’ve also seen Satan manipulate young kids on social media and become sex trafficking victims Or get addicted to porn or get into some really bad stuff. And so the enneagram is no different. Just like anything, it can be used for good or bad.
0:10:10 – Speaker 2
It’s that always, never principle. We’re not always going to fit into the box of whatever a number is, and so using terms like that or expecting your family to or your friends to act a certain way, or using that information as ammunition, is never good. We don’t want to read into it in that way. So I think another example of that is when we first were learning about the enneagram. I was listening to this podcast one day And it’s interesting when you identify what you think your number is. There are podcasts or books or information out there just based on your number to help you go a little bit deeper. So I was driving back from this trip and I had hours in the car and I was listening to this podcast on this gentleman who is a three And man. I was like amen-ing it left and right.
I was like yes, oh, my goodness, I can totally relate to that over and over. And then he said this thing and I had been trying to communicate this to Mandy but not understanding I don’t even know if I knew how to put it into words how I was feeling about nextTalk and about some different things in my life. And he said one thing about threes is that they rarely stay around once the confetti falls. And what he meant by that is we love to be a part of creating things, of doing the hard work and digging in there and working to build something amazing. And you can kind of see that that gradual mountain rising, like you’re going up the mountain, up the mountain, and then, whenever it is you worked on, comes to fruition, it’s like bam and the confetti is thrown and it’s a celebration.
But after that, as the confetti is falling, is when the real hard work sets in. in a business, in a marriage, in any kind of a relationship, where it’s the days and the weeks where you’re working through things, where you’re working hard behind the scenes, where all that follow up comes in in the years after the celebration, and for threes, as the confetti is falling, we’re like peace out, we’re done. That’s typically what a lot of us would like to do, but I had stuck around in nextTalk after the confetti fell and it was hard work And it was a new thing for me sticking around for that And that was kind of a neat way for me to be able to explain to Mandy how God had brought me into this ministry and sustained me and encouraged me to stick around for the behind the scenes hard work.
0:12:33 – Speaker 1
So I remember where I was when you texted me about the confetti podcast which is so funny because I was out on a run and my son was at football practice and I was running laps around the football field And I remember getting this text from Kim saying oh my gosh, i need to tell you about the confetti story. Like, remind me, the next time we’re together we have to talk about the confetti story. Well, in my mind I had just read this book and we were studying the enneagram and talking about it with our kids and stuff. Here’s the picture in my mind Oh no, kim was over here throwing up confetti, having a party and I’m sweeping because I’m a one and I got to get it cleaned up. That was literally what I pictured in my mind, also accurate, and I literally was like Kim. We got to clean this up, we got people coming, we got this happening, we got this And you know, kim’s like party. That’s what happened in my mind.
So it was really an eye opener for me when we finally had the conversation And when Kim described it to me, it just I realized so much more about Kim, like I learned her personality so much more. Also, i like valued the fact that she’s in nextTalk with me. We’re going to do this, even when it’s hard. There’s so much more of an appreciation now, i think, and the enneagram did that. Like God used the enneagram to help our working relationship and our friendship to understand each other more, so I think that’s a great example of how the enneagram can be used for good.
0:14:09 – Speaker 2
It’s all in how you view something. This is a cool book and interesting information that has helped us in our marriage with our kids and in our workplace. It’s helped us to understand a little bit more of our personalities, which I think is always worthwhile, but it’s also helped with the conversations of. Good information is still not God, and so it’s still important to filter that through the word and that ultimately, christ trumps everything. It’s a good tool. I like it. You know we found it to be helpful, but it’s not the end all And with it being a new year and after a couple of years of it being just really difficult, i think a lot of people are looking for kind of a fresh start, and maybe you’re going to join a Bible study, maybe you’re getting back on your treadmill. Maybe read this book, check it out or consider the enneagram is just another tool to help you in knowing your people better.
0:15:00 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and you know, just like with anything, it’s a great tool. I hope it helps you in your relationships, like it has with Kim and I and our families. But it’s not an idol to be worshiped. It’s not Jesus. There is only one worthy to be praised, and Jesus is Jesus. He’s the only one to be worshiped.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
