0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
Did you know? we have tens of thousands of listeners in 60 countries. It’s truly amazing, crazy. only God And, as a non-profit, everything we do at nextTalk is supported by people just like you.
0:00:21 – Speaker 1
Be a part of changing the culture of conversation in your home and around the globe. by making a donation today, you can go to NextTalkorg and click on Give and check out our resources while you’re there. More than cyber parenting conversations to connect. We did a show previously on TikTok and my 17-year-old daughter made a guest appearance on that And she just has taught me a lot about this app, more than I have gotten from articles or things that I’ve done research on. One of the things that has stood out.
0:00:51 – Speaker 2
The most that I’ve heard her say is that this app, more than any other social media or app, has influenced her.
0:00:59 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think it’s such a good observation that she can see that. I mean because we’ve, one by one, we’ve walked her through different social media. So we started with Instagram and then she graduated to Snapchat and then Twitter And now TikTok. TikTok is like a whole beast. It is unlike anything I have ever seen in my life. It’s a whole other thing. We covered this on the show, but a lot of it is because that FYP the For You page. they determine the content. So it’s not like you see something on your page and then you can unfollow it If you don’t like the content or it’s not appropriate. it kind of just sucks you in in a weird way. And I know we’ve done a lot of shows on it, but I’m still learning so much about the app and I just learned a whole ton more from my daughter And I’m like we got to share this with our listeners.
0:01:47 – Speaker 2
Well, that’s one of the things that I really appreciate with her is that you know we can do research, we can talk to moms, we can do all these things, but she is like having a person on the inside, you know, that can give us the behind the scenes, behind the curtain, like what it’s really like to operate within that app as a teenager.
0:02:06 – Speaker 1
And she’s telling me things I can’t find online, and so I’m like, is this really real? But all of her insights are so good, and so I just kind of wanted to share them with you. First of all, i just learned that there’s different worlds of TikToks, and there’s many. These are just a couple examples. Right, book talk, which is exactly what you think book lovers unite, right? Yes, which I guess there could be inappropriate content there, absolutely. You know all sorts of different content with books and erotica and all that sort of thing.
0:02:37 – Speaker 2
People can make bad things happen in any world, right Yeah?
0:02:42 – Speaker 1
And so a couple other worlds straight talk, alt talk and witch talk, and again lots of different worlds. These are just a couple that I’ve learned about recently. As she’s describing this to me, these like different worlds I’m envisioning, because she said listen, when you first download the app you’re getting straight TikTok And that’s very kind of lame vanilla boring is what she called it.
0:03:07 – Speaker 2
The TikTok where it’s like fun, mom dances and Yeah.
0:03:11 – Speaker 1
The dances, the recipes, you know all the cute things, the dog, puppies, all that kind of stuff. And I’m envisioning, and she’s like that’s not where the cool kids are, like we’re in different worlds. So as she’s describing all this to me, these different worlds, i’m thinking it’s kind of like a house, Like I’m walking in to a house and I’m in the foyer and I’m like dancing to the cool little songs and my vision of TikTok, but our kids They’re like going up the stairs and around the corner and shutting the door and they’re in a different universe.
0:03:47 – Speaker 2
Girl, like when you describe that the parents are in the foyer thinking everything is fine. but I’m imagining, like you know, the trap door under the carpet and you lift it up and they’re like in the cellar. They’re in the deep, dark part of the house that most people don’t even know existed, brewing something up in witch talk like that is a whole nother world. They’re down there brewing.
0:04:08 – Speaker 1
It’s like, it’s like WandaVision It is. It’s like the cave in WandaVision in the cellar. Yeah, i mean, it’s a whole thing And I don’t think a lot of parents realize it. You know, when you say tick talk, they just think oh, cute dances, and I’m like, but do you know what’s going on in?
0:04:27 – Speaker 2
the basement, behind the closed doors. Yeah, i was just having a conversation with two moms and they literally the mouths a gape as I was explaining these different worlds of tick talk. They just had no idea.
0:04:41 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so let me tell you about it. So, straight tick talk again. The foyer where we are it’s, it’s lame, it’s boring. Kids don’t want to be there. They want to be in alt tick talk and alt tick talk is kind of um, we’re fashion, indie, alternative artists. You know dyed hair aesthetics We talked about that on our other show all these cool aesthetics. That’s where alt tick talk is. So, according to my kid, most teens want to get out of straight tick talk and be on alt tick talk.
0:05:16 – Speaker 2
And alt meaning alternative.
0:05:18 – Speaker 1
Yes, thank you for clarifying that. So I’m saying ALT alternative, mm, hmm, um, so you know, my kid is telling me all this stuff about these different worlds and I’m like can I please share this with parents, cause I think most people don’t know? I didn’t know And again, i can’t find this kind of detail information in any app review I’ve ever read. So one of the things that she said about alt tick talk, I kind of want to dive into this. It’s lame to be heterosexual.
Oh boy, like it is not cool and it is looked down upon, mm, hmm. So it’s prompted a lot of discussions in our home and I kind of want to talk through this. So the first thing was we talked about how any kind of social media platform putting down, disrespecting or dismissing any group of people should kind of cause us to like take pause and have a red flag go off in our brain. And I would feel the same way if there was a world within tick talk that made fun of or disrespected or bullied people in the LGBTQ community or a particular race like none of this is okay.
0:06:28 – Speaker 2
I love that you showed her both sides of that and how it’s the action of making fun of or bullying that’s wrong. You’re getting her to think about it from both perspectives and point out the action.
0:06:40 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think that’s important. You know it’s a heart issue. We don’t want to dismiss large groups of people, and it’s the same thing with, like, the okay boomer that we addressed on our our, our previous social media show. Um, you know, we’ve all laughed at that. You know we have jokes with our grandparents about the okay boomer, but in reality, what we’re doing is it’s teaching us to dismiss old people, and it’s not okay. That’s not something that is biblical. You know, we are to learn from old people and young people, like that is clear in scripture. So that was a good conversation that we had about that. The other thing was this I said Hey, do you think, because me and dad are heterosexual, that it makes you think less of us? Do you think it’s putting thoughts in your brain that were irrelevant or we don’t know what we’re talking about? Hmm, that’s good.
And I think God gave that to me in the moment, Cause as we were talking through this, I felt like it was a good point And I don’t know where it came from And she she’s kind of said you know, huh, okay, I can see that, you know.
0:07:48 – Speaker 2
And it just got her thinking outside of that alt-tik-tok world and what they’re feeding her brain, That’s so good that you offered that observation and she paused and really thought about it, because I think all of our kids are taking and taking and taking in and if they’re hearing the same message over and over, it has to have some kind of impact on them. And that’s that whole conversation about protecting your heart and mind. Um, i love the way you laid it out to her, just offering her an observation so she could think about it and she could open up to you and process it with you.
0:08:22 – Speaker 1
Well, and that led into lots of good conversation about how much time each day we’re taking in worldly content versus godly content. Yeah, and that was really eye-opening in a gut check, really for both of us.
0:08:36 – Speaker 2
Mm-hmm.
0:08:37 – Speaker 1
Um, and we’ve made some adjustments there because of it, because it really does manipulate your mind more than you realize that you’re just taking in these messages. The other thing that I love about all of this is it’s really who we are about at nextTalk. This is a perfect example of a filter wouldn’t have caught this Right, like a filter is not going to catch the deep world of TikTok and the manipulation going on in the mind. Because we focused on creating open communication. She knew I was a safe place, sounding board to kind of talk about what was happening in these different worlds of TikTok.
0:09:15 – Speaker 2
Yeah, she could come to you without you ripping the phone out of her hand, deleting the app or going into crazy mom mode. Love it.
0:09:23 – Speaker 1
Okay, well, let me just confess to you, i wanted to rip the phone out of her hand, of course, and I wanted to delete the app On the inside And so, instead of just making her delete TikTok it was more of a conversation on is this good for your heart and mind? Like, can we talk about this a little bit more? And helping her maneuver that? Because, honestly, like, she’s telling me things, so I should. I don’t want to punish her for being honest with me And you know, if I just deleted the app, that would be punishing her for opening up to me And that’s not what we’re about. That’s not the kind of culture we want to build in our home.
0:09:58 – Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely Perfect example.
0:10:01 – Speaker 1
I actually just saw this quote and it’s really made me pause and think. It’s from a quote that I saw on Twitter. The guy’s name is Hunter Baker. This is what he said Heterosexual marriage is the ultimate commitment to diversity, rather than like seeking, like it is one pairing with the other who is physically and emotionally different. I thought that was such a unique way to talk about marriage with your kids and diversity. I actually went to how God really values diversity In my mind. I was thinking about like every tribe, every nation, every tongue will confess, and how he values that diversity and we see that in scripture. Then I got to thinking to myself well, why wouldn’t God say I want diversity in marriage? What a commitment that is with heterosexuality that you are committing to someone that’s very different than you. We communicate differently and that’s why we need nextTalk Dad. They do it differently over there.
0:11:06 – Speaker 2
So, different.
0:11:09 – Speaker 1
I thought it was such a unique talking point that I hadn’t really thought of before to take that approach with it. I wanted to throw that out there because I do think it’ll be really good with these conversations about heterosexuality is lame and why it’s not lame. It’s really a commitment to diversity and it’s following through with what scripture says between marriages between a man and a woman.
0:11:31 – Speaker 2
Well, i think the key, what stands out for me when you’re talking to teens, they want to be different, more than anything right now. They’re looking to cling on to some group, something alter, alternative and using that keyword diversity in that description of marriage, i think it’s something that would be attractive to them in conversation.
0:11:53 – Speaker 1
And get them thinking, because a lot of times when you’re talking about sexuality with your kids, one of the questions that comes up is well, why wouldn’t God just let two people who love each other be together? We’ve talked about that before. The Isaiah verse that says God’s ways are not our ways and we may not understand, but we have to trust that he knows best for us. He’s like a parent trying to protect us from something and we may not understand it and we may want to go into a different area, but this is the restriction that he’s given us because he wants to keep us safe. And so that whole diversity thing I think is key and I think you make a very good point, kim. They do love to cling on to something alt and different and diverse.
0:12:36 – Speaker 2
So, as we were preparing for this show, one of the things that we were talking through is crystals, which you might be saying what? Yeah, crystals Like that is a thing on TikTok and not just like cute crystal jewelry or a necklace or one that’s sitting on your desk. But it goes beyond that, And your daughter really helped in explaining what kids are getting into.
0:12:59 – Speaker 1
Well, yeah, and on the surface it sounds so simple, like you said, and again, no monitoring app would have caught this. And so crystals started showing up on a news feed over and over and over again. And this is again it kind of a different world of TikTok. She was into the crystal jewelry and stuff And so because she watched those videos like jewelry making and stuff, it bumped her into this different, deeper world And what was happening there was it was some of it was spiraling out of control in the sense of it turned into witchcraft. Wow, and as she’s explaining it to me, and I was super proud of her super proud of her because she was like mom, all this crystal stuff is popping up on my news feed And I’ve done some research. So here’s like from a non-Christian perspective, here’s from a Christian perspective. Here’s some Bible verses. I looked up When she first said the word crystals in witch talk, like every part of me wanted to just lose it again, yeah, yeah.
But then I kind of had to look at her and be like, oh my gosh, she didn’t get sucked into this trend Like she’s doing research, she’s being a free thinker, which is what we talked about on our influence show. We did that recently like teach your kids to look at it from both perspectives Why do people like this, why do people not like it, why are they against it? And then put it through the lens of scripture. And so she was doing all of that, which was amazing. But when we started looking at it deeper, it started out real light, like just loving crystals, but then it turned into like rituals and ceremonies. It got really deep and dark And I wasn’t quite sure about it. I did some research. I texted one of our partner counselors and I said hey, have you heard of this trend Like, what are you seeing? This is what she replied back, which she allowed me to share. She said unfortunately, yes, it’s a serious situation where kids can spiral to a bad place fast. Yeah, i could see that.
So you know I don’t want to be paranoid mom over here And certainly if your kids are into crystals, don’t jump to conclusions. It may just be cute jewelry making, but I do think we need to have some conversations with our kids to make sure their faith isn’t being deconstructed or something bigger is not going on here.
0:15:19 – Speaker 2
Well, it’s just like anything. If they’re looking at the crystal for help, healing, peace, joy, the things that we look to Jesus for we got a problem. It has become an idol for them, and that’s one of the conversations that you had with your daughter that I thought was so important, because you can apply that to so many things that they’re hearing and seeing online. Has it crossed over into becoming an idol in your life?
0:15:43 – Speaker 1
You know, she equated it to essential oils, which I thought was interesting. But again, we went to. Well, anything can become an idol. So I, you know, i have a necklace that I love, that my husband got me on our wedding day and I wear it. I’ve worn it for 20 years. Like I just love the necklace, right, i love it because what it stands for I don’t get my hope and my faith in it, right? Like I’m still going to be okay without the necklace. Yes, i think that’s the key.
And I think that’s the same thing with essential oils, with crystals, whatever is that, it doesn’t become the idol that replaces Jesus. And I even took this a step farther when we were having our conversation. I said you know how do you think it makes Jesus feel He literally died on a cross for us, rose from the dead, went back to heaven, left us with the Holy Spirit like God, living in the world, living in our hearts. And we are now saying let’s put this crystal on our desk and it’ll make me calm and give me peace today. How does that make Jesus?
0:16:47 – Speaker 2
feel God’s promises for us are real And if anything in our life a person, a crystal, an activity, a job, money, anything becomes an idol, it says that I don’t believe those promises come from Jesus. That idol conversation is so great because you can put anything in the blank for them over time, because things are going to change. Now it’s crystals, it’ll be something else.
0:17:11 – Speaker 1
Well, your phone can become an idol. Yes, you know whatever. But we’re looking for everything. We’re searching. Kids are searching, we are searching. We want our anxiety to be calmed, we want peace, we want emotional stability, and that does not come from crystals or necklaces or essential oils or anything. It comes from Jesus. I love Galatians 5, 19 and 20. It says when you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear Sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry. There we go. Witchcraft Another version actually said sorcery, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, et cetera. There’s a sinless there And obviously witchcraft and idolatry are both included in that list.
0:18:03 – Speaker 2
So that’s a pretty big sinless there And it can feel overwhelming and scary And, as we’re talking about the jewelry and we’re talking about crystals and witchcraft, your mind might be spiraling and you might be thinking, oh my gosh, my kid is out of control or my kid is into this, and you feel like you want to freak out. But listen, maybe your daughter just likes crystal jewelry. Like we don’t want to spiral out of control, but we want to be aware and we want to start having conversations with our kids to see where they’re actually at with these things.
0:18:33 – Speaker 1
Do not freak out, because then you’re not going to get the information that I got. I wanted to freak out too when she started mentioning witchcraft, what Like that’s crazy. I had to reel in my mind and not let it get ahead of itself. Right, and here’s the thing. My daughter wears crystal jewelry And I’m like, hey, are you wearing that to help you pass the test, or are you wearing that because it’s cute with the outfit? The right answer is cute with the outfit. Rocket. That’s great. It’s just like wearing turquoise jewelry or a diamond or whatever.
0:19:03 – Speaker 2
Wear it. I love the question that you ask her what does it mean to you? And you can apply that to anything that your kid is into And that starts that conversation where you get the info you need to figure out how to go forward. So here are a few things we want to leave you with today. If you’ve got young kids not on TikTok yet, delay, delay, delay. This is an app for much older kids. It is just a whole lot to process.
0:19:27 – Speaker 1
If your child has TikTok, do not freak out. Ask your kids about their FYP, their 4U page. I mean maybe they’re in the foyer just dancing to cute little cat videos, right? Ask them what content are you seeing? What kind of videos do you like the most?
0:19:43 – Speaker 2
Teach your kid to be a free thinker. Research both sides. Put it through the filter of God. This will prevent your kid from just diving right into any fad that comes along. They’ll logically think it through first.
0:19:55 – Speaker 1
The other thing is think about that concept of heterosexuality as lame, because I think it’s more than just in the TikTok world. I think that’s kind of like becoming a cultural thing, and so use some of these talking points that we’ve described to dive into those conversations about sexuality.
0:20:12 – Speaker 2
And talk to your kids about idols. Anything can become an idol Crystals, apps, phones, fill in the blank. Make sure that Jesus is the only one who is giving peace, clarity, strength, hope, joy. That’s where we find those things, god bless.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
