0:00:00 – Speaker 1
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0:00:30 – Speaker 2
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In my mind. I kind of described it as when a business doesn’t vote your way, or they support a campaign that you don’t like, or you pile on and you’re like boycott, boycott, that kind of thing. That was in my mind and I was describing that to my teenage daughter and she was like, oh, that’s not really how I define it.
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0:01:20 – Speaker 3
Yes, and so I’ve asked my daughter to come on for just a few minutes. Welcome back. You’ve been on before.
0:01:27 – Speaker 4
0:01:29 – Speaker 3
Because I wanted her to describe in her own terms, like how does a teenager, a 16-year-old, on social media elect more than me? How do you define cancel culture?
0:01:40 – Speaker 4
Well, I would say what you are defining it as is more of like what I would consider a like boycott culture, where you, if you find someone doing something you don’t like, you just stay away from them, you don’t support them. But cancel culture, in my terms, is more of like a direct attack at someone. For example, if someone were to be caught on camera saying a racial slur, it would go viral and people would be piling on them. You know commenting all these mean things A lot of times to cancel someone. You would find out where this person works, where they go to college, all that kind of stuff. Call their college, get them expelled, call their job and get them fired. So it is definitely like a direct attack at someone. It’s kind of like I want to run your life. Yes, it’s definitely with the intention to completely mess up their life.
0:02:32 – Speaker 3
Well, and when you were telling me this, I was like, well, if they’re caught on camera doing a racial slur, like there needs to be consequences for that, like they need to have. But you were even telling me like in comments, like people are telling them to like commit suicide. Yes, this is like taking it way far.
0:02:48 – Speaker 4
Oftentimes there are people that you know are saying you know this isn’t right and you know you need to be held accountable, but there’s also extremists who are, you know, telling them to kill themselves, sending death threats, you know, making like really mean comments. And something that’s actually really popular right now are what are called fairy comments, which are essentially little witty comebacks or like sarcastic, really mean comments that are surrounded with like hearts and fairy emojis and glitter and, you know, with the it has the appearance that it would be like a really cute, nice comments and sometimes they are, but usually it’s something very mean and it’s like, haha, leave. Or like get out, no one wants you here Surrounded by fairy emojis and glitter. Terrible.
0:03:37 – Speaker 3
So at first glance, a person is thinking, oh, I may have some support here. And then it’s like a really derogatory like leave, no one likes you, no one wants you. That’s like bait and switch. Yes, fairy comments. Okay, I haven’t heard that. See, I feel like this is so important for parents right now to always Know that you and your kid are defining the term the same way, because, parents, we can’t have the relevant conversations. You know, if I had come in and try to talk to my 16 year old about cancel culture and I was defining it completely Different, I’m gonna be totally irrelevant to what she’s thinking.
0:04:13 – Speaker 1
Well, it begs the point again that we need to not just come in and tell them this is what it is, but tell me what you think it is. This is what I’m hearing, but maybe you see it differently. It’s a conversation, not a lecture. Yeah, which we we always say so many times, and I would say what kept coming to mind, which is gonna sound ridiculous, but it’s bell bottoms. Like the first you were talking, I was like I got it, it’s bell bottoms the first time, everybody thought like, okay, this makes sense, cancel culture.
You kind of boycott things you know culturally. At that time, when this is a big, a big word that was being used, there wasn’t social media, it was different. And now it’s come around the second time and, like bell bottoms, all the people our age are like, oh my gosh, not bell bottoms again, it’s worse and it’s terrible and it’s something different than it was the first time. And so I think that’s important to recognize that, just because it may be something that isn’t new, it can morph according to the age of your kids. So we have to be in their culture.
0:05:13 – Speaker 3
So you’re saying like bell bottoms and cancel. Culture is like a trend, yeah, and how it’s come back around and it looks different and so what we are defining.
It may even look different than what our kids are Defining absolutely. Is there anything else? I asked you just to make a quick appearance. I know I really appreciate you saying in your own words Is there anything else you think parents should know about? Cancel culture, because I mean, in my, in my mind, I’m thinking like y’all are constantly Fear of being recorded, maybe doing something stupid or saying something stupid. I know you told me a lot of times these viral videos are of people that are drunk and they’re saying something. You know that they may not even remember saying yeah, or they may have been baited to say before the video start. I mean, we don’t know sometimes, but yet they’re canceled and so is there anything else you want to speak into that or correct me or say Anything else?
0:06:08 – Speaker 4
Everything you guys who said is completely right. I would just say for parents, maybe talk to your kids about like like I have found myself seeing a video of you know someone saying a racial slur or something completely like politically and morally incorrect and I’m just like, oh, I’m so tempted to just say something mean, Like there’s so many people saying it, like one extra fairy comment won’t really make a difference in the long run. But you know, I have to go back and examine myself and say like you know that’s not right of me. You know I can definitely disagree with this and I know it’s completely wrong what they said and what they did, but I it shouldn’t give me a reason to be a bad person. And to you know, something for me to regret later on.
0:06:53 – Speaker 3
Well, and I know one of the things we talk about is and I know this is hard, but I say it to you and your brother sometimes you know what, if you commented something like that and this person committed suicide, Like how would you feel and that’s a real thing in our world today Like we don’t know how people are struggling? We don’t. And so one comment, one pile on one cancel culture tweet that goes viral, could send somebody over the edge, and I think you know we don’t want to think about that, but we should. It’s, it’s, this is serious.
0:07:27 – Speaker 4
Yeah, and one other thing I would say is, if you have heard anything of your kid being canceled, you need to like help them because it is something serious. You may think of this as like oh, like that’s silly, like fairy comments, yeah, like they’re just silly little things, but I have seen people destroyed by being canceled Like their lives. They can’t get a job anymore. You know they have been kicked out of college, nowhere to go. Everyone hates them. You know. You just have to. You just have to. You have to be able to talk to your kids about that, because that’s not something.
0:08:05 – Speaker 1
they’re probably going to come to you and say and if I’ve been canceled, that’s so good, and if this is the first time you’re hearing about what this means for your kids generation, then you can talk to them about it before they are canceled, before they even hear about it. Those preventative conversations is what we’re all about. Don’t be afraid to bring it up. Hey, have you heard of this? Right, get that conversation going, because it is a serious thing.
0:08:32 – Speaker 3
I love that you brought that up and I think it’s a good way for parents to even approach this, like they could say you know, I listened to this radio show and this teen girl was on there talking about cancel culture. You know one? What is that? And have you ever been canceled? Or have any of your friends ever been canceled? I mean, would that be? Do you think that would open up some dialogue? If we had never had a conversation, how would you feel about that if I asked you?
0:08:55 – Speaker 4
Absolutely, I mean right off the top of my head. If you were to say, hey, like do you know I cancel cultures, like have you heard of anyone that’s been like canceled? I could bring to my you know top of my head like several instances not necessarily people I know personally, but you know celebrities, politicians, youtubers, you know, on all social media platforms that have definitely been canceled, and it would definitely bring about more conversation.
0:09:23 – Speaker 3
So parents start there. I think that’s an important thing and, like my daughter said, you know if your kid is has been canceled or there has been a pile on of them, you know people wanting them to be canceled because of something stupid your kid did. You got to walk them through it. Because that is really I can’t imagine coping with that as an adult Right, let alone a teenager, trying to navigate, feeling like everybody hates you in the world. Like that’s tough, and so I think it’s extremely important that we talk to our kids.
0:09:54 – Speaker 1
Thank you so much for being on the show with us today.
0:09:57 – Speaker 4
Thanks for having me.
0:09:58 – Speaker 1
Anytime. You always bring such a great perspective really the voice of your generation because clearly we’re doing our best over here to present that, but no one can do it like you can. So thank you for sharing that. I know a lot of parents hopefully will go home or drive into the driveway and get out and talk to their kids about just have a conversation. It could really change and save lives. So thanks again. If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2pm on AM 630, the Word nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by the PAX Financial Group and listeners just like you. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to nexttalkorg and click on give.
0:10:42 – Speaker 2
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0:11:08 – Speaker 3
Investment advisory services offered through PAX Financial Group. If you’re just now tuning in the first half of the show, my daughter joined us my 16-year-old daughter and kind of defined for us what she described as cancer culture. That’s what we’re talking about today, and when we were planning for this show and I was having some conversations with her about what it means, I realized we were kind of defining it differently, and so I thought it would be good to have her on and, in her words, have her described it for parents.
0:11:39 – Speaker 1
I love having her on. She has such great perspective and she pairs that with wisdom. It just makes me want to pat you on the back. Good job, mom.
0:11:46 – Speaker 3
Well Working progress over here.
But you know what I have had a lot of moms and teens stop me and say that they’ve listened to her show, the one that she Did like a day in the life of a teen, or we kind of walked through her day and kind of some of the stressors that she had and that it really helped open up some conversation that wasn’t there before, because, you know, my daughter kind of talked about some things that they weren’t thinking about and so I love that. She’s, you know, willing to make a few guest appearances here and there and share that with our listeners well and this topic cancel culture.
0:12:17 – Speaker 1
If you haven’t heard of it before, this will be informative for you, because it’s a big deal right now in social media and just regular media alone, and it’s a big deal in the lives of young people, like they know about it and some of them are participating in it. So it’s important that you hear what it is from us. But then take that and create conversation with your own kids. If they’re younger, like mine, you might be surprised if they’re on social media at all. They might know what it is too, so it’s okay to ask them if they know what it is. And if they’re older, it’s important to start conversation by talking to your kids about this topic.
0:12:50 – Speaker 3
Yeah, there’s a couple different things we want to prevent here. One, we want to prevent our kids from piling on the cancel culture when it’s happening. And two, we don’t want our kids to be canceled and if they are, we want them to be able to talk to us about it, because there’s lots of Emotions and feelings that they would have to work through with that. But you know, as I was working through this, one of the things that I realized when talking to my teenager was there is a Mentality there. I think that a lot of times they think cancel culture is deserved. So what I mean by that is, if there’s a video of somebody, like my daughter mentioned, saying a racial slur, in your mind You’re thinking, yeah, this person deserves to be told. Like that is wrong, right. But then when you look at the comments and they’re like die, you know, we hate you, we it again. It’s taking it way extreme. Instead of just correcting the behavior, you know, instead of saying like you know, I love you, but that this is wrong seek God for forgiveness here.
0:13:44 – Speaker 2
You know that would be a good that would be a good comment.
0:13:47 – Speaker 3
My point you know you’re pointing out that it’s wrong, but there’s this, this temptation with teenagers, like my daughter said, to pile on because it’s wrong what they’re seeing on this video. And a lot of times what I tell my kid is you don’t know what happened right before that video was taken. Like they could have been literally baited to say that they could have been given drugs. They could have been I mean, they may be under the influence, like we don’t know what’s happening and it also could be taken out of context.
Well, you know, a racial slur, I mean, I guess it could be absolutely.
0:14:16 – Speaker 1
It’s happened to me, absolutely. You’re saying a sentence describing a story and someone cuts out just that part, yeah, to make their point against you.
0:14:27 – Speaker 3
0:14:28 – Speaker 1
I could see. Well, I could see that, yes, it can happen. I just never know.
0:14:31 – Speaker 3
So one thing that I really wanted to point out to my kid the very first thing in this conversation is Cancel culture is a form of bullying. We just need to say it for what it is. It’s bullying. It’s wanting to ring someone’s life. It’s running to ruin their career. We’re in their job and we’re piling on. It’s like a mob mentality. Let’s take this person down now. I’m not saying that the person maybe did that, maybe they did something wrong, but again it’s taking it to the extreme that we need to talk to our kids about. Like we still shouldn’t be telling people to kill themselves, like we should never be able to say that.
0:15:07 – Speaker 1
Yeah, absolutely, and I think you know one thing my mom used to say is it’s really easy to jump on the bandwagon but it’s almost impossible to get off because you get fueled by the energy of being in that bandwagon mentality and then you know that you’re down the road and you said these hurtful things that could lead to someone having to Committing suicide or lead to them doing more destructive behavior, which I think a lot of people don’t think about. Sometimes, if you respond in a mean way or in a bullying way, it fuels their fire and they do more of that bad.
0:15:39 – Speaker 3
You’re part of the problem.
0:15:40 – Speaker 1
You’re part of the problem and so it’s certainly the this culture right now, this age group of young people and adults during this season of life, for some reason Cancel culture is bullying and it’s awful to see well, and I think too, you know, just because we are telling our kids don’t jump on this bandwagon Again, we have to differentiate between the bad behavior and what’s not acceptable on our part.
0:16:08 – Speaker 3
It’s perfectly okay to say that’s not right what they did, but we cannot jump to you know all the different layers and then again start bullying, because bullying is always robbed. The mob mentality is always wrong, you know, and 40 minutes after that don’t count. Ever talk about physical character. I think in our culture we really need to get back to remembering that hate is always wrong, hate is always wrong. And so anytime we’re in a position where we’re wishing somebody would die or we wish their life would be wrecked, I mean we need to check our heart. I mean for real, because that is getting into a place where it’s not okay ever.
0:16:47 – Speaker 1
Well, you know, and can you really say that you’ve never said or done anything wrong? If you can, you know, then maybe you have a different perspective. But I’m pretty sure each one of us can say we have messed up. And so if we can apply that in this situation too, I mean, well, and can you?
0:17:02 – Speaker 3
imagine having the fear of always being recorded Like our kids.
0:17:06 – Speaker 1
0:17:07 – Speaker 3
They are constantly now afraid that they’re going to be canceled. Sure, and that’s a whole thing. I mean, it’s good for accountability, but it’s also awful because a recording a false recording could be made of you. It could be doctored, like you said, it could be taken out of context, and so we have this whole thing brewing. That’s stress for our kids that we never had. Yeah, like I never had to be worried about being in a party and doing something inappropriate and it being on Twitter the next day.
0:17:34 – Speaker 1
It’s a whole new feeling and we have to acknowledge that and understand what our kids are up against.
0:17:39 – Speaker 3
Yeah, so hating a person is always wrong and you know, like I said, sometimes we are outraged by what they’ve done. You know, I tell my kids all the time we’ll unfollow the person. Okay, we realize this person may not be a person of influence that we need to be watching, you know, like a YouTuber or something. They said this, so let’s not follow them. But that’s step one of protecting your heart and mind, sure, but then again some people take it the other step and go extreme and then start with the fairy comments or whatever.
0:18:12 – Speaker 1
We’re calling their employer. That’s crazy, Like I don’t know. It’s just over the top. It’s that few trying to place that energy of hate into something that’s so destructive is scary. I feel like Satan is just like celebrating when that happens.
0:18:26 – Speaker 3
It’s the pylon. It is the pylon of let’s kill, still and destroy, which is what John 1010 says Satan comes to do, yeah, and he wants to wreck people’s lives. And you know, the other thing that I talked to my kids about is like redemption. I mean, that’s what Jesus is all about being redeemed, right, having a second chance. I mean I feel like God has given me a second, a third, a fourth, a millionth chance, right To get it right and praise the Lord that I haven’t been canceled because of my mistakes. You know, and I think, when we put it in perspective like that, exactly like you said, like we all mess up and cancel, culture is like opposite of what Jesus stood for, it’s opposite of what Christianity is, it’s opposite of the good news. I mean he came to set us free from our sins, from the things that the world cancels us from. I saw a tweet recently and I can’t remember who it was, but it said something like I’m so glad Jesus didn’t cancel me. Yes, and.
I’m like praise the Lord, because I would have been canceled by now.
0:19:31 – Speaker 1
By the time I was like three or four, I would have been canceled. Sure, my mom, it’s it. You know, something just came to mind and I think it’s kind of a hard pill to swallow. We talked a lot in the beginning of the show and even in the second half of the show about this is more a thing happening with the younger generation, like your teen or maybe your tween, and their culture. But, as I was preparing for the show, adults are just as bad. They’re just as bad with the canceled culture right now. They’ve jumped onto this bandwagon as well, and so I think that makes this conversation even more important, because a lot of times kids will will look at and they’ll say well, my peers are doing it. It’s probably maybe not the best, but if an adult that they admire basketball player, what if they’re doing it? That’s even more fuel to the fire for them to jump on. So make sure it’s part of your conversation that it’s not just kids doing, it’s not just young people, it’s adults and people that your kid may look up to.
0:20:27 – Speaker 3
Well, and that’s. I’m glad you brought that up because again it goes back to that. We did a show on bandwagon mentality and I would say, go listen to that because it’s almost like if you see a bad behavior in a video, you feel justified to, you know, write a bad comment or jump on that bandwagon but, like you said, you have a role model or somebody in your life that jumps on it even more than it justifies you even more to pile on. And you know you want to be the shining star that says, hey, what you did was wrong, but God still loves you, kind of thing. That’s what we’re about, that’s what we want to raise kids to do, because I think it’s so important. I mean, you know we talk all the time suicide intent in kids 10 to 24. It’s the second leading cause of death. I mean we have a problem and I’m sure cancel culture is playing into this when kids are canceled or the fear of being canceled.
I just can’t imagine processing that. And so you know we talked about, you know, redemption. One of the things that I want to talk about that, I think is that goes along with this conversation is just forgiveness, and forgiveness is better than cancel culture. We live in a time when everything is snap, posted and shared and so many times we’re disappointed in people. We did a show on that. When people disappoint, you know a role model, we follow a family member. A family member that we follow on social media has posted something and we’re like what?
0:21:56 – Speaker 2
They believe what.
0:21:58 – Speaker 3
You know, and we just start piling on with that, canceling, you know, write them out of their life. We need to be able to model and show for our kids Like it’s okay if we disagree, like we can still love them and even if they messed up, like we can still love them. We may need to create a boundary so they’re not influential in our life. You know, if they’ve done something really wrong, we may need to set up that boundary, but we can still love them from a distance. We don’t have to wish harm on their life.
0:22:27 – Speaker 1
This reminds us a little bit, or reminds me a little bit, of the show we also just did about self-control, cause my husband will often say it might be in your head but it doesn’t have to come out of your mouth. And that’s self-control and we can pray for that, that even if someone we don’t know or do know messes up or does something wrong, we can forgive them, we can think through what they’re saying or doing and we can reconcile that with Jesus and nothing ever has to come out of your mouth.
0:22:54 – Speaker 3
Without hopping on the cancel.
0:22:55 – Speaker 1
Absolutely, absolutely. We don’t have to say everything that comes into our mind, and that’s hard because we’re. You know, especially with social media, people feel like they can just vomit all day long because they’re behind a screen, and that’s not the case. There’s still consequences to that, whether it’s to you or the person on the other end, and so, you know, forgiveness is really an important thing, I mean, I just think that’s a big deal to for yourself and for the other person. If you have said something out loud, but if you can backtrack and not say something in the first place, you never have to get there.
0:23:26 – Speaker 3
Well, and just don’t knock people down when they’re down. Like seriously, when you see a pile on happening and these people, this person is getting attacked, like why would you want to add to that?
0:23:38 – Speaker 1
Well, think of the visual like you’re piling on. Think of what it feels like to be on the bottom. It’s just an awful thing to imagine.
0:23:45 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know forgiveness. We’re talking about forgiveness and kind of like giving people second and third and fourth chances. I love Colossians 313. It says forgive as the Lord forgave you. I mean yeah. That’s not a question, I will tell you and I will just say if you can’t forgive, you’re gonna end up with a lot of bitterness and it’s affecting you more than it’s affecting the person that you need to forgive.
0:24:13 – Speaker 1
I wish I knew who said this, but I’ve always loved this. Not forgiving is like ingesting poison every day and expecting the other person to die. Oh, that’s a good quote. Yes, I mean, I remember hearing it most of my life. I don’t know who said it.
0:24:24 – Speaker 4
I don’t know.
0:24:25 – Speaker 1
And when I looked it up it was all kinds of crazy stuff, but I like it that much to not say who quoted it or who said it, but to share it because it’s important and it gives such a good visual for our kids, and so it’s one I share with my kids too because they get that. You know it makes sense. It doesn’t make sense, like, why would we do that to ourselves?
0:24:42 – Speaker 3
Well, and does it feel good to hate people? Does it feel good, you know, forgiveness always feels better. Forgiveness is freeing Forgiveness, you know. And forgiveness does not mean you give that person an excuse to do what they did, or you’re condoning their behavior or whatever. Forgiveness is freeing yourself up being the better person, being like Jesus, like that’s what we all wanna strive for is to be a little bit more like Jesus every day.
0:25:08 – Speaker 1
There’s just so many things that cancel culture affects right now, since it’s such a big deal and it’s an important conversation with your kids and with your family, hopefully you can bring it up by bringing up this show to them and have a great conversation about it. That will help save a kid. So to wrap up today, cancel culture is a form of bullying. Hate is always wrong and forgiveness is better than cancel culture.
0:25:34 – Speaker 2
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at NextTalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk? We’ll see you next time.
Transcribed by https://podium.page