0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
Did you know? we have tens of thousands of listeners in 60 countries. It’s truly amazing, crazy. Only God And, as a non-profit, everything we do at nextTalk is supported by people just like you.
0:00:21 – Speaker 1
Be a part of changing the culture of conversation in your home and around the globe by making a donation today. Go to NextTalkorg and click on Give and check out our resources while you’re there, More than cyber parenting conversations to connect? Does this sound familiar? I’m bored.
0:00:41 – Speaker 2
There’s nothing to do, mom, or, like in my house, sometimes they don’t say anything, but they’re just laying on the couch in that sprawled out position. you know where it’s like. their whole body is bored. Or my personal favorite if you have younger ones, you can totally relate to this. They follow you around. What are you doing now? Like what should I do? Oh my gosh, just stop following me. Okay, so The boredom thing just makes me crazy.
0:01:06 – Speaker 1
This is a reason why I like having older kids, because they don’t follow you around like that.
0:01:10 – Speaker 2
I remember that. I am looking forward to that. I’m trying to treasure the babies, but I’m telling you what the following around thing just gets under my skin.
0:01:19 – Speaker 1
I remember that. I remember turning around and being like what are? you doing Like being so bad about it Right on your heels.
0:01:26 – Speaker 2
I’m impatient with them, you know Well, and I’ve heard a lot lately with moms who are just you know, they’re in that zone of trying to find the new rhythm of what schedules look like, with online learning or even their kids going back to school. Just you know, not as many activities. Things have changed. Days are shorter for some of the kids who are back in the classroom, and if they’re online, sometimes they’re finishing earlier, so they have more free time until dinner goes, and so I’ve heard from a lot of moms that are like I’m just not really sure how to handle this whole boredom situation in that in-between space that is now a big deal.
0:02:01 – Speaker 1
Yeah, we definitely have some more free time. I mean, lots of weekend events are canceled And even though some sports are slowly getting back into it, it’s still, you know, a limit on how many people can go to those events And we’re definitely still not going like we were used to going. So there’s a lot more downtime that our kids are having to fill, and so we want to talk about that today.
0:02:24 – Speaker 2
Typically, you hear the B word, you know boredom, And it’s like that is not what most people think of the B word. We call it that around here because it’s like uh-uh, we don’t do the B word.
0:02:34 – Speaker 1
Your kids one day at Sunday school are going to be like the B word and your Sunday school teacher is going to freak out.
0:02:40 – Speaker 2
I feel like my kids probably get in trouble a lot because of weird things we say in the dance moves, but we’ll just talk about that at another show. It seems like we have had a little bit more of that whole boredom tone coming out. It sounds negative. It really does. You know, you bring up that word, it sounds negative. But as we discussed the show we were saying there’s a lot of good things about not having scheduled time not necessarily boredom, but not having scheduled time And so we want to kind of talk about both of those.
0:03:10 – Speaker 1
I mean, we’ve definitely seen an uptick in parents contacting us saying you know, i found pornography on my kid’s device. Or you know, we were even contacted recently about a website that I had never even heard of And it was called Omegle And it’s spelled O-M-E-G-L-E And the site is O-M-E-G-L-E dot com. You can go there And it’s a Talk to Strangers site And it’s like your friend, wait what?
0:03:39 – Speaker 2
I’m kidding. I get the same thing. That was my first reaction. What do you mean? Talk to Strangers on purpose?
0:03:45 – Speaker 1
When I saw it and it was basically like your friends are boring, talk to a stranger. And then literally on the disclaimer, it was like be careful, predators have been known to use Omegle And I’m like what? But kids are bored and they have a little bit of extra time on their hands, so we’re seeing them kind of get into some things. So I think we need to talk about like how can boredom be used for good And how is it being used for bad? Because I do think it could be either or.
0:04:15 – Speaker 2
I remember and this story came to mind also, when we were talking about boredom and getting these calls is in your own house. you had a story about that And your daughter getting involved with something.
0:04:27 – Speaker 1
Yes, girl, i remember that. So, yes, so my daughter saw this cute little video on TikTok and it was about pin pals And it was awesome, like think about it. Like pin pals is coming back. And I’m talking about like traditional right letter pin pals, but now they like up the ante and it’s kind of like scrapbooking for kids, like they do stickers and you have a theme, and so it’s like wow, yeah, it’s like a real cool thing, like and it’s, it’s great, it’s a great time filler, right When you’re, when you have more time on your hands.
But the problem was I went to this video and it was really cute and well done, but then all these comments below were like kids giving out their addresses, like like right me here, and I’m like what? And so you know, i talked to my daughter about it. Of course, she knew not to give out her address or anything like that, but she was like I want to do pin pals, and so what we did is we talked about how she could do it in a safe way. So we have had friends who moved away. She had some senior friends that recently went off to college you know people And so she contacted those people and started doing pin pals. You know, when she gets bored it’s something for her to do. And now creative outlet to absolutely she loves it. It was interesting to me that all these kids just got sucked into this cute little video and was giving out their address. You know it just don’t know.
0:05:54 – Speaker 2
We talk about that all the time. They don’t know.
0:05:56 – Speaker 1
No listen if you’re like what? why is that? Why is that bad? Go listen to our online manipulation show or our grooming show And it’s really about talking to your kids about strangers online and how to have those conversations, so they don’t fall prey to giving out personal information to people.
0:06:13 – Speaker 2
They don’t know.
So back to boredom, and you know we’re saying kids get into all kinds of things and sometimes those can be negative when they’re bored or they don’t have much to do with their time.
So at our house because it gets under my skin when I hear the B word too much, so we kind of made it Sorry, no, sorry, not that one We say that boredom can be an internal reminder that it’s time to do something, and that’s something I’ve been coaching my kids with over the last few years. Boredom should tell you, it should signal your brain and your body to either get active, get quiet or get creative. And doing something quote-unquote something may mean you need to rest, and we’re gonna talk about the difference between doing nothing, like being bored, and resting a little bit later in the show. It has helped my kids so much because the more that I say that and the more they practice that it becomes standard operating procedure, and I have heard a lot less of that on board. I see them going outside on their own without saying anything or playing a game or doing a craft or whatever it is, because they’re like oh, i’m feeling that board feeling I need to either get active, get quiet or get creative.
0:07:19 – Speaker 1
So I love that. I love those three things that you tell them. Do you come up with a game plan for your littles, like here are some options that you could do, like how could you be creative, how could you get active. And then they know like these are my choices for when I’m bored, because with littles you got to be.
0:07:34 – Speaker 2
So You lay it all out there for them, right, totally and that’s, you know, one of the things that I think we forget sometimes, just like not giving out your address. We think they should just know, and so often it’s a conversation like everything. At nextTalk I’m introducing this new concept to them of hey, boredoms, really not okay. Here are your alternatives. So the first you know series of months, i’d say it was reminding them Hey, you know, get active, that means this, that and the other jump on the trampoline, go on the swings, go ride your skateboard, get on your bike. You know, get creative or ret, like whatever it is. I would give them examples over and over. So now their brain has cataloged that and they just know to run and do one of those things.
0:08:15 – Speaker 1
You know we have a team member at nextTalk who says let your kids be bored, don’t. It is not your job as a parent to drive that train, to like keep them entertained all the time to. You know, fill every minute of every day with an activity. You know we will drive yourself in the ground fast if you continue to do that, and so I love that. You’ve kind of taught them okay here your activities to choose from and they kind of know their go-to.
0:08:44 – Speaker 2
Well, i don’t know about you, but if I don’t do that, or if we don’t set up some ideas with them, they’re gonna go to their defaults, like for me. Personally, my default would be Spralling across the couch and doing nothing, or eating food when I’m not really hungry. My kids default is watching shows or gaming. If they feel like bored, i’m coming on. That’s what they’re gonna do. They’re gonna immediately go and entertain themselves.
0:09:07 – Speaker 1
So my default and a lot of teens default I see in my own kids is social media scrolling, just scrolling, scrolling.
0:09:18 – Speaker 2
And you forget about all the other things. Which have you seen this happen with your kids? I know some mommas out there who have young kids have seen this. They forget How much they enjoy other things other than gaming or shows. They just it’s like shuts down and when you reintroduce it, they’re like, oh, oh, this, this is actually fun doing something else. So I think it’s real important to give them those options and reminders of what they can do with their free time.
0:09:42 – Speaker 1
It’s an opportunity to get them being creative and think outside the box and not just go to those defaults of Of what we typically do with screens.
0:09:51 – Speaker 2
So I don’t know about you, but my mama grew up saying something to me. She’d say idle hands are the devil’s playground, just like that. That was her voice, okay.
0:10:02 – Speaker 1
You’re gonna think this is so funny, but guess who says that in our home all the time? Who? my teenage daughter, my Teen-year-old daughter, and it is that actually here? Yes, she’s like the mother hen around here, right? Yes, but I don’t know who actually said that. I tried to figure out like where that came from. But it’s a great saying, but it’s true. When we don’t have a plan, we end up doing that default stuff, growing through social media or gaming for hours, and then you just feel awful and then you’ve almost created, you almost create like a bad habit in your family.
0:10:39 – Speaker 2
It’s so true that and that’s kind of the The thing you might be thinking well, i need rest or I need to be able to do nothing and not have a plan. Yes, 100%, and we’re gonna talk about that in a minute. The difference there, it’s when you are looking for something to do with your time and you don’t choose wisely And that’s something that I’m talking to my kids about all the time, and myself, because it’s so easy to not choose wisely And then it becomes a birthplace of bad habits. Like you said, or you’re doing something like binge watching TV and before you know it’s eight hours later, or you’re gaming, or you’re, for me, grazing on snacks. Why in the world do I keep going back to the fridge? I am not hungry. It’s not like new food appears in the fridge. You when I’m gone for five minutes, but I keep going back to it and looking for something more to eat, and that is a bad habit. That happens out of boredom.
0:11:28 – Speaker 1
And I love Ephesians 5, 15, and 16. It says look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise. Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil, you know. Making the best use of the time that’s what it is about right now. We are going to have some free time on our hands, so we want to choose wisely so we don’t create unhealthy habits.
0:11:54 – Speaker 2
So for those of you like me who are thinking, well, I need downtime, like I need times I tell my husband all the time the best gift you can give me is you plan something. I don’t want to always have to plan the date or the day or the activities or the entertainment. You plan it because we all need that time to disconnect and not be in charge and to just do nothing. And I think that when you feel that way, it’s a signal for rest, And boredom and being idle are not the same as rest.
0:12:25 – Speaker 1
I think we really need to define that, you know, because boredom and idle are. Let’s define those and then let’s talk about rest. I think that’s super important.
0:12:34 – Speaker 2
When I was looking at them, because I kept going back and forth in my mind about boredom and being idle, because there’s so many scriptures about being idle in the Bible and how that just really can put you into a bad place And they kind of go hand in hand. Like boredom, the definition is feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in their current activity, which is so true. I mean, my kids get sleepy, they get whiny, they get irritable when they’re quote unquote bored because they’re not doing anything. They’re completely unoccupied and it almost makes them in this funky state of being. Have you noticed that, like with your kids, they’re just kind of not in a good place, absolutely, and me too.
0:13:14 – Speaker 1
I’m the exact same way. I start feeling gross and unproductive and then I’m like what You just? start feeling gross and lazy too. But that kind of brings us to like the definition of idle and it’s a little bit, a little different. I feel like it’s more about avoiding stuff, not wanting to do it like being lazy, having no purpose, right.
0:13:38 – Speaker 2
Boredom is like you’re choosing. You have nothing on your plan and idle is avoiding the things you should be doing. That’s on the plan.
0:13:47 – Speaker 1
That’s going to be the difference there. Proverbs 19, 15, stuck out at me. Slothfulness cast into a deep sleep and an idle person will suffer hunger Like it’s just no purpose. You know, you’re just like going along with the flow, but then rest. Let’s talk about that for a minute.
0:14:06 – Speaker 2
Think about boredom and idle, how we described it. Now, the definition of rest to stop activity or work in order to refresh oneself or recover strength, and that is completely different. I mean, i think we mostly know that God commands us to rest. Rest restores us mentally and physically And it’s important lesson to model and teach our kids And Jesus modeled that for us while he was here on earth that rest or having a Sabbath is crucial to being able to serve the kingdom. And so it’s a great conversation to have with your kids, like how do we rest? How is that different from being bored? Because for young kids, even teenagers, that’s probably a little bit confusing.
0:14:46 – Speaker 1
It’s very confusing And you know, rest is something like everybody needs a Sabbath And when I say that that can be your Saturday night or that can be your Sunday, but you need to have one time during the week that is on the calendar that everybody kind of knows. This is our downtime. Football’s back Sunday. Football is our downtime. It’s our Sabbath. Right, it’s that afternoon. We’re not gonna schedule anything unless it’s an emergency or out of the ordinary kind of thing. Everyone needs that And we need to talk with our kids through that. This is not being bored. This is like regaining strength for the week. This is our recuperation from all the work we did over the week.
0:15:28 – Speaker 2
I can almost hear your kids conversation. How are we gonna refresh and restore ourselves? kids Football.
0:15:35 – Speaker 1
I can hear it. You can hear my son screaming that My daughter got so much. but my son yes.
0:15:41 – Speaker 2
So much. So everybody’s is gonna be different, and that’s why Mandy’s saying it’s important to have that conversation This weekend. I needed a little bit of that, and for me, one of the things that really refreshes and restores me is cooking. I love it And I will spend hours. I made granola, i made egg bites, i made energy bar things. Being in that space and working through a recipe just gives me peace and quiet And something that comes out of it that can bless my family. I just that is a good way for me to rest when I have a little bit of time.
0:16:16 – Speaker 1
Which is so bizarre to me, because that’s not rest for me at all. Oh, i know That would work, you know. And so you have to define for you what is restful And also define for your kids, like when they’re being bored, what is idleness and what is rest and the difference between all of these. So, in summary, today boredom can be an internal reminder that it’s time to do something. Idol hands really can be the devil’s playground And make sure you’re defining the difference between boredom, idleness and rest. Thanks for watching.
Transcribed by https://podium.page