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nextTalk contains content of a mature nature.
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Parental guidance is advised.
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Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630. The word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization helping parents cyber parent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter, find our video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at NextTalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:35 – Speaker 1
Today we’re doing a show called Being Still in a Busy World.
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Man, the school year is always busy with school projects and kids activities, but you throw in the Christmas season. Bum, bum, bum.
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Everything is heightened for you, it is.
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Tis the season for drive-thru nativities cookie making, gift buying, wrapping, decorating, getting that just right family photo, matching pajamas, putting reindeer food on the lawn.
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Visiting Santa Special Christmas programs. It’s all the stuff, all the things. I’m like pinning all the things like a crazy person in the bathroom.
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I see you on Facebook being interested in all the events And I’m like she just said she was interested in five events on the same day. Yes, What is she doing?
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I’m going to all of them in our matching PJs.
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I’m getting exhausted just talking about it right now. I know How do we keep our insanity, our insanity, our insanity.
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We’ve got our insanity. It’s the sanity we’re looking for. How do we keep?
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our sanity in the midst of it all.
0:01:38 – Speaker 1
Yeah Well, you know, what’s really funny about this is everybody can relate And when we go back to the word, god always knows what we need to hear. Psalm 4610,. Be still and know that I am Lord.
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And that’s opposite of the busy world that we live in. It’s the opposite, i mean, every time of year is crazy really, when you have kids. There’s really no downtime. I remember thinking back to summer break and I was like, oh, we’re finally going to get to rest, and he was crazier than ever We were going everywhere When we set ourselves up because we’re like well when we get here, we’re going to do it, and it’s never.
I saw a funny meme the other day and it basically was like being an adult says when we get to the next season it’ll be, it’ll be quieter and calmer, and then it never happened, and then you just die like that. That’s what an adult is. I’m like totally messing it up, but it was basically that’s what it was saying And I was like that is so true, so true.
I always think so What we want to do with this show is really give you some tips, because the Christmas season is beautiful and such a sacred season And we want you to be able to cherish it with your family a little bit. So we just thought we would give you some things that have been on our heart, things that we’ve learned, things that we’re continuing to learn. Well, things you can take into every season. And one of the things that I want to talk about first are traditions.
0:02:55 – Speaker 1
Oh yes, i love traditions, i know.
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My kids love traditions. I know you do So, kim and I and our families. We have this tradition and Kim found it. Kim found the place. Their family went first and she was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. Is that how I sound? Yes, you have to come do this with our family. So we started this tradition several years ago, many years ago. And describe it to them, it’s like going back in time to this.
0:03:24 – Speaker 1
It’s like an hour from our house, so that’s the whole thing. Yeah, we all pile up in the car. Because I feel the need to be a Pinterest-y, i make hot cocoa or apple cider, she literally brings, like the pump, the pump, the push pump and the cups A lot of chocolate And the whole.
0:03:39 – Speaker 2
thing all the blankets and the hats Matching pajamas. We need it all.
0:03:43 – Speaker 1
My family and I just show up and we’re like oh hi, okay we’re here, so we pile up in the car, but it’s far away, so we have to plan for eating, and so we meet at this place, which is fun We found the restaurant.
0:03:55 – Speaker 2
You found the restaurant, you found the place. The restaurant has really good pancakes and pie.
0:03:59 – Speaker 1
And I know that sounds weird We eat pancakes and pie.
0:04:01 – Speaker 2
We do, and then we get pie to go And then our pans don’t fit. We bring like little containers so we can bring pie home. We can bring pie with us.
0:04:07 – Speaker 1
Yes, That’s the whole. Thing. So we go and we eat that, and then we eat the pie, we eat the pancakes, and then we go and we stand in line for hours, hours, not hours, folks Hours In the freezing cold, all we’ve around on these sidewalks in this town And when we finally get up to the thing, it’s a live Bethlehem.
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And the first two years it was amazing.
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There’s, there’s like it’s like camels. Camels, people dressed in the time, like they’ve created a village. Good actors, candle making, red baking.
0:04:39 – Speaker 2
They have campfires everywhere. Chickens, chickens. It’s real, it stinks. It really does feel like you’re going back in time. You kind of are transformed. It’s amazing.
0:04:49 – Speaker 1
My kids loved it, Your kids loved it. You know, the first year we were all like this is the best thing we’ve ever done. Yes, We had a great time. Second year, we were like this is great. Third or fourth year like last year.
0:05:01 – Speaker 2
We’re like, okay, we’ve been through it, it’s the same thing, it’s wonderful.
0:05:04 – Speaker 1
It’s crying. Why are we? last year was the worst. It was worse, The longest line You had a kid like hacking up alone Like dying Yes.
0:05:12 – Speaker 2
And we’re like soak it up. Yes, We are in line. We are in line. We’re doing this.
0:05:16 – Speaker 1
We’ve waited two hours now. We’ll go to the ER afterwards.
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Yeah, it was like 30 degrees.
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We’re going to go see Jesus being born It was bad.
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It was bad And I remember we finally got there And our kids didn’t even want to go through it. They’re like we know all the scenes, Like they knew the people.
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Like hey, joe, yeah, how’s your camel? And we were. It was in that moment Like we all looked each other and we’re like no, no, no we didn’t.
0:05:41 – Speaker 2
Oh, you’re right, It wasn’t us We were like isn’t this beautiful, let’s take some pictures. Yes, We were still in it, let’s take some pictures. And the husbands are standing by a building with their with their hands in their pocket, and I’ll never forget it. We walk up to them and my husband goes what are we doing?
0:05:55 – Speaker 1
Yep.
0:05:56 – Speaker 2
The kids don’t even want to be here. They don’t even want to be here anymore. And you know we share that because it was a great tradition and it was wonderful And it took us back in time and reminded us of what Jesus you know, where he lived and what his life looked like when he was born and like all of the stuff, and it was beautiful. But sometimes we push through the traditions and they have no meaning anymore. We’re going through the motions. What are we doing?
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You gotta shift sometimes and let go.
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I had a conversation with my kids in the car this morning on the way here, Told them about this show And I was like I’m thinking about all the traditions we do at Christmas, One of the things we’ve done since they were babies. Every year they bake a birthday cake for Jesus and we sing to him and they decorate it and it’s all the things. Nobody ever eats it because we have so many cookies. Right, Nobody wants cake, but we do it every year. It’s been the greatest tradition and if your kids are little, I say, do it, because then it reminds them oh, they’re going to a birthday party. Like somebody was born today. Right, The savior of the world was born today and it’s been great. But this morning I was like, do you all want to do that anymore? Like you know, he was a baby. You get the story and my oldest was like, please, we’re done, We’re done with it. But every year for the last couple of years I pushed through it because it’s what we’ve always done.
0:07:22 – Speaker 1
It’s what we’ve always done. That’s our dangerous words.
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She literally said to me she was like we’re wasting food when there’s people starving, and I was like you’ve been talking to Ms Kim. Ms Kim can’t throw leftovers away.
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I can never, you never. I will eat it until.
0:07:36 – Speaker 2
I’m sick, yes. So anyway, we just say this. we’re not saying all traditions are bad, and I love family traditions. Like we always read the Christmas story. My kids always read it by the fire on Christmas. That’s when we’re going to continue, and we said we were going to continue it because it makes us all realize what the real reason is that we’re doing all this.
0:07:55 – Speaker 1
I think it’s one of the easiest things that we can do.
One of the easiest and this is what happened when we went to Bethlehem is just observe the signs, So we don’t have to make a big deal out of it and be like you guys hate this and it’s amazing and we’re just not going to do it anymore, like just let it go and observe the signs I find all throughout the year with traditions, when my kids are fighting me on it, when there’s tears, when my husband does the folding of the arms and is going along but is absolutely quiet, it’s time to reassess. Yeah, it’s time to pull everybody together and be like dudes. This is fun for mom, or I thought this was fun for you, but maybe this isn’t one. We want to continue And they will tell you, i promise, just like the cake. Yeah, they will let you know, and it’s okay to not only let it go but look at something new that maybe is more age-appropriate or something that your family is really interested in.
0:08:47 – Speaker 2
Or I mean I gotta speak to the moms here because I’m guilty of it And I know we’re the pushers of the tradition. Mostly Ask them what they wanna do. Ask your husband and kids do you wanna replace this tradition? They may say let’s just crawl up and watch a movie. We need some downtime, we’re tired of going. Be okay with that, Yeah, You know, and just so kind of just ask yourself with your traditions, Does it still serve a significant purpose? Are we still in this? Does it still mean something, Or are we going through the motions?
0:09:18 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and I know it’s hard, moms I’m speaking from my own heart. especially if you start something when your kids are little and it’s sentimental to you, it’s hard.
0:09:27 – Speaker 2
Okay, but don’t cry yo. I’m like on Christmas day when they don’t make the cake, i’m not gonna cry for an hour and tell them I’m so sad they didn’t wanna make it.
0:09:34 – Speaker 1
Please do not throw the guilt trip. That is a no-no. That’s the worst.
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Don’t do that Yeah you can text your friends and say how sad you are.
0:09:41 – Speaker 1
My kids are jerks Yeah.
0:09:44 – Speaker 2
You know FOMO we hear a lot about this. It’s the fear of missing out. I think everybody knows what that means today. We’ve seen it a lot in the past couple years, but it really is heightened, I think, this time of year Because, like me, I’m seeing you like all the Facebook events, See, And I’m over here thinking should I be doing more with my kids? Yes, Like, why is she so busy with it? Why do they have something planned out every hour of every day? Yeah, Like I should be taking my kids to all the programs and we should be Christmas caroling and we should be going to the nursing home and we should all the things, knitting socks Yes, all of them.
0:10:21 – Speaker 1
You know what’s funny about that is that FOMO feeling, that fear of missing out, can create turmoil in your home Because, like you said, we should be doing all the things instead of saying what is right for my family.
0:10:34 – Speaker 2
Well, and I hate to say it, but sometimes even Satan will be like well, what’s wrong with our family? We don’t like to go as much as they like to go. We just like to sit here and watch movies. Is that weird?
0:10:43 – Speaker 1
And here’s the funny thing about that Just be Do you know why I click all of those events that I’m interested in? Because I have no brain cells, because I have children. I will not remember to look up an event or a Christmas lighting or whatever, So I click all of them. So Facebook reminds me about them and we will usually pick one the whole season. But on the other end of that, if people don’t know that about me, they may be thinking, wow, she has fitted all in.
0:11:08 – Speaker 2
Well, you got me. I’m thinking that, like I’m judging you over here.
0:11:12 – Speaker 1
And I’m just using Facebook. What is she doing as a calendar assistance?
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Yeah, like a post-it note. Like a post-it note, yeah, because I won’t remember. So you’re like, okay, i’ve pinned these five and I need to talk to my kids tonight about pick one and what do you like to do?
0:11:26 – Speaker 1
One thing you want to do the whole season and I’ve pinned like 50.
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So this is a lesson for all of us. Just because they’re pinning the events doesn’t mean they’re going to all of them.
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Don’t let FOMO trap you. Yes, oh, you’re fine, i love that.
0:11:36 – Speaker 2
I love that. What about saying no? Just say no, Just say no. Lisa Turchurst I love a quote that she has. This is what she says Saying yes all the time won’t make me wonder woman. It will make me a worn out woman.
0:11:53 – Speaker 1
I’m not sure I could love that anymore.
0:11:54 – Speaker 2
Talk about being crazy in your home. Yeah, when you’re worn out, your patience is thin. You’re screaming at your kids. You’re not talking to your husband because you are exhausted from going all the time.
0:12:06 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you got to say no, and I will tell you this is not around Christmas, but I think it makes the point. I have gotten into habits which I think you can kind of pin in the same category as traditions, cause when traditions are no longer fun or meaningful, they’re really habits. And so I have at times in my life gotten into habits where people in my family will look back at that picture of that moment and it looks like we’re all having fun, but it’s not a sweet memory. They look back at that and they’re like every year when we do that, mom gets crazy. Is that the kind of legacy and memory you want to have around whatever event that you’re thinking is special and we have to keep doing No, no, the pumpkin patch comes to mind to me Oh, You had to go there.
0:12:51 – Speaker 2
There was a moment in time when my kids looked at me and was like why It’s 900 degrees, It’s so hot And why are we here? And it was just that moment where I was like I’m gonna step away. This is the last year we’re coming to the pumpkin patch And we’ve never been back. And I see the pictures on Facebook and they’re lovely, but I don’t miss it. Yeah, don’t miss it.
0:13:09 – Speaker 1
Well, that’s so good. And we had to come to and understand. My husband said unless it’s cool, it’s got to be 65 degrees or less. We’re not going to a pumpkin patch.
0:13:17 – Speaker 2
Well, and my kids are older, so I can get away with that more.
0:13:19 – Speaker 1
I mean, they don’t wanna go anymore.
0:13:21 – Speaker 2
Some of the kids. They wanna do the hay rights, they wanna do the face painting. My kids are like don’t touch me, i don’t wanna ever. If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 pm on AM 6 30,. The word nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by the PAX Financial Group. In listeners, just like you, everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donation To support our organization. Go to nexttalkorg and click on give.
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0:14:19 – Speaker 2
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0:14:24 – Speaker 1
Today we’re talking about being still in a busy world Easier said than done because we are groomed in this country to be busy, because busy equals success. And when the holidays come around, when busy seasons come around, we want to be soccer mom, we want to be Christmas extravaganza queen, we want to be pumpkin patch princess. We want to do all the things because that’s what we’re used to doing, and what we’re challenging you to do today is really look at your family and tune in and say no to some things, to have a conversation with them. Why are we doing this?
0:14:57 – Speaker 2
Do we even want to do this anymore? Or is this mom just doing the tradition?
0:15:01 – Speaker 1
Are we just pushing through, yeah, and you might find that some things can change and it will be okay.
0:15:08 – Speaker 2
Well, and you know, before the break we talked about saying no And I think you know what we have found. Kim and you and I have kind of talked about this. When we say no to a family or a birthday party or whatever anytime in the world, and we say no and we explain our why. You know I haven’t been home one night this week with my kids and I’m so sorry that we can’t make your birthday party, but it’s super important for us to have some family time. What I have found is people actually learn from that and they’re like, oh, it’s okay to say no And they actually like respect it, like even amongst you and you and me, when things haven’t worked out with work or we haven’t met a deadline and we’ve explained to one another.
I’m like I’m so glad she chose this night with her family over doing work, because they needed this And she’s walking the talk.
0:16:02 – Speaker 1
Yeah Well, no staying. no can empower someone else’s no.
0:16:05 – Speaker 2
Yes.
0:16:06 – Speaker 1
And I will tell you this happened to me just this morning. We do this really cool thing at our school. It’s called I don’t even remember what it’s called It’s this ornament thing, and I did it the first year.
0:16:16 – Speaker 2
I remember you telling me about this?
0:16:18 – Speaker 1
Yes, and it was a cool thing.
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A lot of work.
0:16:20 – Speaker 1
It’s a cool tradition, but it’s super cool And so they’re doing it again this year and I looked at it and I was like that was so cool, such a cool tradition. But I’m going to say no because we’ve done it and it was special. It’s a lot of work, but you know, i’m going to laugh for someone else to do it. We don’t need to do it again, we don’t have the time for it. And I was walking out of the school today and this mom was carrying her box of things that you need to do this And she’s like where’s your box? And I was like you know what? We’ve got a lot going on this year. I think we just need time to do nothing. So I just decided to say no And she stopped in her track She’s like I could have said no And we just busted out laughing And I was like sister, if you are overextended? and she literally started tearing up.
I was like if you’re overextended, if it does not bless you and your family or someone else. If God’s not calling you into this space right now and you’re busy. Yes, you can say no Or no can empower someone else to say no.
0:17:15 – Speaker 2
What I have learned is learning to say no. It gives me more time to pour in to God and my family, and I hate to admit this and I’m going to challenge you because I’m guilty of this. I get these updates on my phone about how much an average I’m spending on my phone every day. Oh, yes, and I’m not joking. One time was five, almost six hours a day Now. Granted, i do a lot on my phone for work.
I do a lot of research and a lot of just contacting parents and stuff on social media that need help, And a lot of people Facebook message me. That kind of thing is what I’m trying to say, And so granted. But I will tell you I also know I get super distracted And then I’m over here checking on Twitter about who’s saying what, what’s going on now, right.
And so I challenged myself one time to think about that five or six hours I was spending on social media when I got that screen time report And I thought, gosh, do I spend that much time with God and my family combined in one day? It hurts, and I was really thinking about it. You know, on average, you know 30 minutes a day in the word is what I strive for. Some days are an hour, some days are none. You know it’s so I’m saying average 30, 30 minutes a day would be my goal. And then you know I’ve got an hour, hour and a half in the morning with my kids. They’re gone all day. They get home late from activities. I have a couple hours in the evening.
And when I added all that up, i was like I’m spending more time on social media than I am with God and my family. It’s stung really bad, like I literally went into a spiral of I’m the worst mom ever. I’m so bad, you know. So I challenge you like, think about that. And I, you know I love social media. It connects us with so many people, but it can also be a take away a lot of our time.
0:19:07 – Speaker 1
Well, and I think, if we realize the time sucks in our life, the time sucks in our life, you know what I’m trying to say.
0:19:13 – Speaker 2
Yeah.
0:19:14 – Speaker 1
When we realize those things, we can learn to set them apart from our priorities and make a space for them. You know you still have to work, maybe you still want to go on social media, but if we can set those aside and pour into the important things, i think that we will be so blessed by it. It will become a new habit, yeah, and new space for us to exist. We’ll see the blessing of saying no, because when you first start saying no it’s hard. You go into that phone mode space again like oh, i shouldn’t have said no. They look like they had so much fun. It’s really easy to go back into that space. Even on social media You step. I have had seasons where I have said I’m going to put my phone down between these hours.
0:19:52 – Speaker 2
Yeah And pour into my phone Eating hours yeah.
0:19:55 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and then I’ll come back and there’s like five million things that I’ve missed And I’m like, oh my goodness, it takes more work now. Yes, or I missed out on these things. Are these conversations that were happening?
0:20:04 – Speaker 2
Well, and it looks differently for everybody. You’ve got to find a healthy balance that works for you and your family.
0:20:09 – Speaker 1
And to talk about it with your family as you’re working through it, they will help you.
0:20:12 – Speaker 2
It’s key to getting this being still component down, because you really do have to be intentional about being still, because the world is so busy.
0:20:20 – Speaker 1
Absolutely. In those still moments too, i think, you can discover some new things, some deepening understanding of what you’re really doing, why you’re really here And in Christmas time why you’re really celebrating it. If there is no still, quiet moments, you’ll get caught up in all the wrong reasons for the holiday.
0:20:36 – Speaker 2
You know, thinking about Christmas, i’ve had this thing that I’ve printed out and I actually keep it in my recipe book And I love it, love it, love it. The author is Sharon Janes, J-A-Y-N-E-S, and it’s her book is celebrating a Christ-centered Christmas And I just wanna read you just a couple lines of what it is. It’s basically like the Christmas version of First Corinthians, and I love it. It starts out and it says if I decorate my house perfectly with flat bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, i’m just another decorator. It goes on to talk about if I slave away in the kitchen making dozens of Christmas cookies but don’t show love to my family, i’m just another cook. If I work at a soup kitchen, carol and the nursing home and give all that I have to charity but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
One of my favorite ones I’m gonna skip around because it’s so long to read, but it says love stops the cooking to hug the child, love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse. I mean, this is just important, guys. That is so good Because I read this at the beginning of every season And I literally I love it And it just really You can apply to any part of the year.
0:21:53 – Speaker 1
Really it can.
0:21:54 – Speaker 2
I really we really need to do a non-Christmas version, because it can be any time of the year, especially as perfectionist like me. You know when you’re making the bed or you gotta have two loads of laundry started before you walk out the door. So nobody have a conversation with me until you know anything Oh that’s me Right. You have your four things that you have to do before you leave and no conversations until then. Like all the things, right.
0:22:17 – Speaker 1
And it’s so It’s so funny. You say that I have my morning four, that I do every morning.
0:22:21 – Speaker 2
I know you’ve told me about the morning four. I just can’t get with it. I can’t do it. I don’t have time for the morning four.
0:22:25 – Speaker 1
I can’t talk to you about it because I’m doing it. I just love the idea of you know all the things that we talk about exercise, food, blah, blah blah, traditions are we learning how to incorporate stillness into our life? That’s big, i think it’s super big. I feel like it changes everything.
0:22:44 – Speaker 2
Well, and if we’re not doing it, we can’t teach our kids to do it. It’s like anything else If we’re not having a balance on social media, our kids aren’t going to have a healthy balance on social media.
0:22:55 – Speaker 1
So it’s all the things. Oh, i just remembered the story that really pinpointed this for me recently. I am a planner.
0:23:02 – Speaker 3
You know that My husband says we live and die by the planner.
0:23:07 – Speaker 1
If it’s not in there, it’s not going to happen And I’ve tried to kind of step away from that a little bit. I’ve been proud of you.
0:23:12 – Speaker 2
You’ve been really good about it.
0:23:13 – Speaker 1
I’ve been trying And recently one of my kids walked in the room and was like what are we doing now?
And I was like I don’t know. We all started laughing because usually I’m like, well, now we got to do this, now we got to do that. We’re going here, we’re doing this, you know, whatever I always have like a plan or a segment of things, because that’s what we do, or that’s our tradition, and we got to fill up the time. Now, recently, in recent months, we’ve really tried to not do that and see what happens and not have a plan. And I will tell you, it is like the angels are singing and celebrations are happening when we look on the planner and there’s a day with nothing planned.
0:23:50 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i call those breathe days. Yes, everybody has to have breathe days.
0:23:54 – Speaker 1
Yes, and as a family now we look forward to those greatly. And they will still ask, because they’re used to me What are we going to do? What’s the plan? And I’ll say I don’t know. I just don’t know. And those have become the most precious days because we’re still and we learn more about each other and ourselves. I find that we’re outside, we’re riding bikes The other day we painted We’re doing projects, we’re talking, we’re just sitting around.
0:24:17 – Speaker 2
I know one day you called me and you were like my little girl wanted me to come upstairs and camp with her. Yes, and we were doing like this pretend camping scene And you had the time, because you had one of those days where you weren’t run by every moment of every day with your calendar, exactly.
0:24:31 – Speaker 1
I had the time to be still, and so I think that’s such a lesson that if we’re always filling up, we feel the need to fill in and have a plan for everything. There won’t be time to be still.
0:24:43 – Speaker 2
Well, and I would say in the planning, ask your kids, ask your spouse, what do you guys want to do, what’s important to you? Yeah, we have a day coming up. We haven’t had a Saturday free and forever and we were going to take a hike And I was thinking, okay, we’re going to have to get up early, like it’s going to be a whole thing again, you know. And last time at dinner I asked them I’m like, does anybody want to go on a hike? And I had one kid that was like I kind of do, but I don’t want to get up early And I’m like I’m envisioning a day just at home. Yes, like for a little while.
0:25:11 – Speaker 1
Hot cocoa.
0:25:11 – Speaker 3
And they were like yes.
0:25:13 – Speaker 2
So involve your kids in the planning process of what it means to be still.
0:25:17 – Speaker 1
So, in the next couple of reminders, reevaluate traditions. Do they still serve a significant purpose? Spend more time with God and your family than you do on social media each day, and find ways to be still and appreciate all that God has done for you and your family.
0:25:33 – Speaker 3
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 6.30, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
