0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
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And, as a non-profit, everything we do at nextTalk is supported by people just like you.
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0:00:32 – Speaker 1
More than cyber parenting conversations to connect. On our last show, we talked about deception, manipulation and we kind of laid out where we’ve been this. last year, church was shut down, we all were on screens more and we’ve all kind of been off because of that.
0:00:54 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I tell you, for the last 18 months, I feel like we have been through so much, so many big things as a family Like I was kind of thinking back through this as we were preparing for this show. We have been through some big stuff. Oh, and then there was a global pandemic.
0:01:13 – Speaker 1
You know what’s so funny? I had a friend text me recently and she’s like hey, do you have school pictures? Do you remember if we got those? And I texted her back and I was like, wasn’t that 500 years ago? Like I don’t even remember what that was. I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes since school pictures happened.
0:01:29 – Speaker 2
It does feel like that because it’s like these big things happen but you had to just keep going And then it was all the million little things right, just trying to figure out how to get the sound working on your kids Zoom.
0:01:43 – Speaker 1
So they could zoom.
0:01:44 – Speaker 2
Yes, Well, and I just.
0:01:46 – Speaker 1
I felt a little whiplash, like back and forth for a minute. I think everything’s going to be okay And then, oh wait, somebody was exposed. We all have to quarantine. Let’s reschedule everything for the next 14 days. You know, like it’s just been so much.
0:01:58 – Speaker 2
The other day my kid said do you think we’ll be able to do stuff for Christmas outside of the house? And I forgot. Like we were on lockdown during Christmas last year. I mean we did none of the normal things that we normally do with church and you know lights and all of that, and so it’s just we’re in this space now where we’re transitioning back to some form of normalcy. But I realized I think there’s a lot of families going through what we’re going through. I mean, we’ve been struggling in our house and I didn’t understand how much until it all came to a head and I lost my mind. I mean, that’s really what happened. We’re moving. Tell us about that. I want to hear that. You want to hear the juice, because I saw a little of it, and it was.
0:02:44 – Speaker 1
I don’t know what to say or do. I just looked at you and gave you a hug because I was like who are you right now?
0:02:51 – Speaker 2
I was like I’m scared of you. That’s what my husband said. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this side of you. This is post pandemic kid. Yes, as he hid in the corner. Well, you know, this is what happens when you think that you’re talking through all the things but then something else comes up and takes precedence and you never fully resolve something big, that happens. And then there’s 10 big things and a thousand little things And here we are.
We did this two week turnaround of a move, which was insane, and we’re in this kind of temporary holding place living with my mom And we’ve all been saying the whole time like, keep your eye on the prize, we’re going to move into our own house. It’s going to be great, you know, it’s going to be fine. And then we went to go visit this new house and there was something wrong with it, like the building. It just seemed that way And that was it. That was the final straw And everybody thought it was about the house, but it really was just the last thing that I could handle And I like cracked. It was bad.
And it was Easter Eve and I’m yelling and I said some bad words and my husband’s like let’s focus on Jesus.
And I’m like stop talking, like stuffing the Easter baskets, and I had this idea to write these lovely notes to my kids about we’re going to spend this time and I’m like writing them as I’m yelling, and I’m yelling as we’re dying the Easter eggs. It was just this whole situation And being able to step out of that later and look back and realize we came out of this pandemic and we came out of all these big life changes And we never really talked through what that meant. We did on a surface level and I think we thought we worked through it. But this transition back into life, this new reality, that’s a combination of still mask wearing and being safe, but also everything’s back to normal sports and school and all the things, all of that. We didn’t talk about our transition plan and we left a lot of loose ends and you know, dealing with the emotions of what we’ve just been through And I think that just piled up and we have been overwhelmed. We have been overwhelmed.
0:05:04 – Speaker 1
Well, ditto over here, ditto, I do want to say to add to your story, because I feel like our listeners need to get this picture out of your head. Oh no, you rolled up on Easter Sunday This is everybody’s favorite part of the story. You rolled up on Easter Sunday and you had glasses on like a Hollywood star because your eyes were so puffy from crying Oh no, oh no.
0:05:31 – Speaker 2
It’s even better than that. I forgot my sunglasses And so we get into the you know the balloon archway because it’s outside, so it’s like a red carpet arrival, like you can’t sneak in the back right, and I realized I forgot my glasses and your whole family’s waiting there like Hey, and so I do a right angle, like a pivot over to the children’s table and get some children’s sunglasses to cover my puffy eyes. It was just a whole situation.
0:06:01 – Speaker 1
Well, and I say to my husband don’t mention anything about the house. You know Kim’s in a bad spot, and so the first thing he goes up and like, Hey, how’s it going.
0:06:13 – Speaker 2
Another one of your family members says Have you been crying?
0:06:18 – Speaker 1
Because we all love you right.
0:06:20 – Speaker 2
It was all in, you know, good spirit. I just was not in a good spirit.
0:06:24 – Speaker 1
Well, and let’s just say the house is fine, it was, it’s fine, everything’s fine. It was just one little thing set you off because you were depleted.
0:06:35 – Speaker 2
That’s the thing.
0:06:37 – Speaker 1
And I had a similar moment and it was on my birthday And I literally was in bed crying the whole day And I just couldn’t get out of bed. It was like I was possessed by a demon.
0:06:50 – Speaker 2
Honestly, It was the demon that I had.
0:06:54 – Speaker 1
I just sent it over to you. I honestly I and Honestly I was a hot mess. And my sweet husband, you know, he crawled in bed with me and he was like Mandy. I have watched you this entire pandemic. You have taken care of us. You’ve put work on the back burner so that I could focus on work and you can manage everything going on in our household. I’ve seen you take calls from parents at midnight, pouring into them helping them figure out all this new screen stuff, and he said but what I haven’t seen you do is take care of yourself.
0:07:37 – Speaker 2
0:07:38 – Speaker 1
And it was just this moment that I realized I’ve been trying to be so strong and hold it together for everyone through this pandemic, and I think that’s where most I hate to be sexist here, but I think this has fallen on moms more than anybody, and I think we’re just done. We are done, and so now the calendar is filling back up and life’s just supposed to resume like normal, but I don’t have the energy to resume like normal. That’s where I am.
0:08:07 – Speaker 2
We all just want to crawl in bed for a minute, you know, like you did on your birthday. It was just you want to step back and take a minute because so much has happened and you’ve shouldered so much and you’ve put on the smile to help your kids deal with all the change and you’ve supported your spouse and your friends. And it’s just been so much. And grandparents and moms and dads, like we’ve worked through all the emotions of them being isolated and struggling. It’s just been everything.
0:08:38 – Speaker 1
Well, and kind of having to be a parent to them, like you cannot go out. This is dangerous for you. You were in high risk category, you know, and they’re like I’m fine, i’m going to live my life, you know. You’re like, no, you know all those heavy conversations that we’ve all had to have, it’s it’s, it’s taken a toll on us. It’s taken a toll on us. My husband looked at me and he said I miss your zest for life and I need you to fight for yourself right now. And so that’s the term that I have been clinging to fight for yourself. So when I am going to counseling now, i am like I’m fighting for myself. I recently went to the doctor to get blood work to make sure there was nothing else going on, you know. And and that’s fighting for myself, and I will tell you, my doctor told me she said pandemic depression is a real thing, like I’m treating a lot of people for what you are describing to me, and so it’s. Even Strong, mentally healthy people pre-pandemic are struggling now.
0:09:47 – Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely, and I think for us, we thought if we’re going through this, so many others must be too and we should talk about it. We should talk about it on our show and share some of the things that have helped us kind of begin that transition back to healthy, back to fighting for ourselves or, like the term that I’ve been using is putting up fences, and we’ll get into that a little bit. But one thing that has been so important is one take inventory individually and as a family. You don’t have to have a total meltdown to ask God to show you what needs some attention, like you don’t have to be Mandy and I and become like a possessed demon.
You know you don’t have to completely break to take some inventory and say Lord, show me where I need to tie up some loose ends. Show me where I need to pay attention to what’s going on with me or with my kids or my spouse or in my household. Give me insight into where I need to pour some time and energy.
0:10:47 – Speaker 1
I mean absolutely. You got to figure out what’s most important and protect that right. And for me, it’s Jesus first, and then my family. My family is so important and I have had a pastor tell me once. He said you know the work you’re doing at nextTalk is so important. You know, as an organization, what you guys are doing. And he said you have to be so careful with your team. They can’t lose their own families while they’re saving other families. Yeah, and that’s one thing that has really rang in my mind, because we’re all struggling over here and we’ve got to have a reset, and so you know I’ve stepped back. You guys have noticed I haven’t been on the podcast for a couple of weeks. Kim did some interviews that were great. I needed a minute and I still need a minute. Yes, because one of our core values at nextTalk is family And we always remind ourselves of that like family first. When we see another team member struggling, we say, hey, you got to reset, you got to put your family first here, because that’s the priority.
0:11:54 – Speaker 2
If that’s not right, then nothing else will be. You know Jesus and family, and so that’s very important to us. And so I think that inventory, that personal inventory, is really important. And just spend some quiet time with God. Like what does that need to look like for me? Stretch too thin, taking on too many roles, wanting to be everything for every person, wanting to get everything done in ministry that I can because I know that it helps further the kingdom, and so it’s a struggle for me to say no in work. It’s a struggle for me to say no when someone calls and wants to have lunch. So simple things like personal inventory is I can only do friendship lunch once a month, which seems so silly and so small. But when you have five a week, then you start to realize your you’re trying to juggle too much and be too many things for too many people, because you take on all the things that you have a conversation about of those five people And I’m processing and praying for that, and it’s had to put up fences around even my schedule.
0:13:00 – Speaker 1
I love that you’re taking inventory and putting up those fences. You have to do that And then you know you have to decide what’s most important, just like you’re doing. You have to have priorities, yeah, and then protect those priorities. So you know, one thing for me is time in the word, you know, with taking care of everybody, and I just got out of my normal routine of being in scripture at normally, like I am, yeah, and I could feel the spiral. I could feel it Same, and I knew I needed to get back into my normal scripture routine because, you know, online church wasn’t the same, i wasn’t getting fed as much And I knew I needed to, but there was so much other stuff that needed to be done And every time that I would wake up early and be motivated to do it, a crisis would happen. You know, we got dog with diarrhea, or we got a quarantine issue, or somebody waking up with Ocala or Jesus and can’t breathe.
0:13:57 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it’s all things Always. It never fails. When you make a decision for Jesus, satan steps in and tries to block it. I mean, you literally just described my life of trying to get up and get back in the word, and it’s something every time.
0:14:15 – Speaker 1
So make the space for quiet. You know that has to be a fence, so let the diarrhea set for five more minutes. You could reach scripture first, like whatever you got to do, that’s so disgusting, but what, oh my gosh.
0:14:29 – Speaker 2
It’s true, though, and I have done all these different things. I’ll just be honest. All these different things like changing my schedule and changing up these different things for our family, like choosing only one activity instead of the 10 million that suddenly became available, available post COVID, but the thing that has changed my heart and renewed my spirit the most is getting up every morning and, despite the diarrhea and despite the kids needing their bagel cream cheese, saying yes to Jesus, just saying you know what, guys, i need to do this, and pouring into the word and getting into a good Bible study, and starting my day with him at the center of everything I do. It has realigned my heart and my life in a way that nothing else could.
0:15:17 – Speaker 1
So we have taken inventory, individually and as a family. We’ve decided what’s most important and protected it. You know, we put fences around it, yep. The other thing we need to do, you know keep talking and praying through each season and make adjustments. Things will change.
0:15:34 – Speaker 2
I go back to being new mom and just when you figure out their sleep schedule, or just when you figure out something that works, it changes. And I think that’s just life for every stage with kids and family is you’re going to have to be flexible. You know, yes, putting up fences and, yes, fighting for yourself needs to be a priority, but within that, your life is going to change. There may be another global crisis, there may be something that happens that was unexpected in your family, and we have to be flexible and ask the Holy Spirit to tell us what our new norm needs to look like.
0:16:08 – Speaker 1
Well, and on that note, Kim and I have practiced what we’ve preached here. We have taken inventory, personally and in our work life, and we have made a decision for a minute that we need to let you guys in on.
0:16:24 – Speaker 2
We’re going to Cancun. Oh no, that’s not the one.
0:16:27 – Speaker 1
Girls trip, and you and you, and you and you pull up an over.
0:16:32 – Speaker 2
No, get a trip, get a trip.
0:16:33 – Speaker 1
No, we wish we could do that, i wish.
0:16:35 – Speaker 2
0:16:37 – Speaker 1
Um, we need a minute, we need a break to regroup And I tell you this because our podcast is it’s exploded. Um, you know, we’re hundreds of thousands of listeners now in 60 plus countries and it’s our fastest growing platform. But there’s a lot of work to put a new show out every week. We write content. We want to make sure it’s relevant, it’s editing, it’s producing. It’s a lot of work behind the scenes to get these podcasts out. Um, kim and I have done 215 shows over the last couple years, which is crazy. Every week we’ve put out new content and we realize that we need to just pause. So from now on, we are gonna re-plug into our family. This summer We really feel like we need a reset and so we can pour out in this podcast 100% and it be the best that it can be. We don’t wanna just put out a show to check a box, right, we never wanna do that for Jesus. We want it to be our best work, always getting put out there.
0:17:48 – Speaker 2
Well, and this is a prayerful, difficult decision, but one of those things where we feel like God is leading us not only to make a decision based on what we’re saying you know practice what you preach but also to encourage you. Maybe you need a reset, Maybe you need to reevaluate what your schedule looks like or what’s going on in your life, and maybe just step back and breathe for a minute so that you are able to say yes, 100%, instead of just a shadow of yourself.
0:18:18 – Speaker 1
So we wanna be real practical with you with what this looks like. We are gonna do one new show every month during the summer months, so June, july and August. you will have one new show at the end of the month. The other weeks we’re gonna take a break and breathe. I will tell you. I will be real honest. Satan has whispered in my ear. you know you have this audience and they’re all gonna go away. yeah, mm-hmm. And I am just trusting Jesus in his word right now, because I need to sit with Jesus, i need to be with him And I know that for my own mental health And I’m gonna trust that he’s gonna do great things with this decision to rest in him for a minute.
0:19:01 – Speaker 2
Amen and amen. I believe that and I trust in that as well, and we are praying that over you and your families too.
0:19:08 – Speaker 1
One thing we do wanna tell you is the dad show. It is growing, growing, growing.
0:19:13 – Speaker 2
0:19:14 – Speaker 1
And they are kinda continue to produce a new show every week, so you still have a new nextTalk show. It’s just with our husbands who are out there. Man, they are so blunt And, ah, if y’all listen to the show about my birthing story, i’m still like mad at my husband.
0:19:31 – Speaker 2
I wasn’t gonna say it. I wasn’t, but I wanted to.
0:19:34 – Speaker 1
I’ve had to have some.
0:19:36 – Speaker 2
The skids were greased. He said that about you.
0:19:39 – Speaker 1
I’ve had to have some conversations with him about his wording. He’s like that’s how dudes talk. Mindy, don’t filter me.
0:19:48 – Speaker 2
They’re definitely dudes, but I love that they’re like talking about some really relevant, interesting topics that I think a lot of dads and men in general are struggling with or dealing with or thinking through or wondering how to do, and so check it out, if you. Even as a mom, it’s been super helpful for me and it creates conversation with my husband and he’s on the show.
0:20:12 – Speaker 1
So check it out, it’s really a good show, so you have to subscribe to that. It’s a different RSS feed than this podcast. It’s nextTalk, dad. All one word Again they’ll continue to put out weekly content and Kim and I will come in and do one show a month And then in the fall, when our kids go back to school and we’re rested and we’re reset, we are gonna hopefully hard charge and get back to our weekly content. That’s the plan.
0:20:37 – Speaker 2
We also have some exciting things on the horizon for fall that we’re praying through over the summer. So be praying for us And, like I said, we’ll be praying for you And as you prepare for the summer ahead with creating some balance and boundaries, remember these things. Take inventory individually and then as a family, and then decide what’s most important and then protect it. And then keep talking and praying through each season, because things will change.
Transcribed by https://podium.page