0:00:03 – Speaker 1
Hey, this is Mandy and Kim with nextTalk, where we are passionate about keeping kids safe in the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
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0:00:21 – Speaker 1
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0:00:28 – Speaker 2
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0:00:32 – Speaker 1
More than cyber parenting conversations to connect.
0:00:37 – Speaker 2
It’s May. Do we really need to say much more?
0:00:40 – Speaker 1
Okay, that’s the show. Everybody’s out there breaking Interact. We’re done Interact, let’s just cry. When we were prepping for this show, we normally talk about our talking points and I said to Kim, i’m just going to cry and you carry the show.
0:00:55 – Speaker 2
That’s what’s going to happen right now. Those are my talking points Tears, sobbing, excessive tissues. It’s a lot. It is a lot. It’s a weird time because it’s wonderful in so many ways. There’s a lot of celebrations, graduations, all the things with family and kids, if you’re in that season of life, all the traditions and everything. But it’s also a lot of closure and a lot of change and a lot of wrapping up of things you’ve worked really hard on And I think it’s exhausting. It’s just exhausting.
0:01:27 – Speaker 1
You know May’s always been a tough month. We learned early on with nextTalk. May is not good for events because we all have those in-person award ceremonies or whatever Every night. It’s something Your kid earned this award, your kid earned that award, you want to honor them and you’re so excited. But then we had a break from all that in-person event for a couple years, where it would be held online or they would just send out a link or whatever.
0:01:53 – Speaker 2
Or there was just nothing.
0:01:55 – Speaker 1
Or there was nothing And now it’s like back And I feel like our threshold let me speak for me My threshold for how I could go, go, go, go, go before is just not the same Agreed.
0:02:09 – Speaker 2
Agreed. Something changed with COVID that I’m not sure any of us have ever fully recovered from. I hear that a lot. I listen to a lot of podcasts for style and different things and editing, but I hear regularly on the ones that are talking about mental health that people are just different and they have not fully recovered.
0:02:28 – Speaker 1
People are having a hard time It’s different They are, and this year is very different for me too, because I have a graduating senior And so in 90 days we’re moving her away, and so it’s a lot of emotions. I was telling Kim earlier I find myself helping her with her right now has been a very busy season. I’m helping her with her laundry, or doing more than I typically do for her, and I have these moments where I just well up, i’m not going to do her laundry next year, i’m not going to help, i’m not going to wash her sheets. You know like little things. She loves these specific little coconut waters from the grocery store And the other day I bought them and I’m like I won’t be buying these in August, like that’s her responsibility. Yeah, all the things.
0:03:17 – Speaker 2
All the things that were like a to-do list chore before now just seem very sweet. It sounds like.
0:03:25 – Speaker 1
That’s a good way of putting it. Just all the things that you’re like oh, motherhood, it’s so much. And then you get here and you’re like, i don’t know, just it’s different. It’s different for sure.
0:03:38 – Speaker 2
You know the school year’s cyclical, so you have in, you know, august, when things are starting up, it’s like okay, back to a schedule And oh, you’re going to be in this new class and picking out clothes and books, and there’s more of an excitement and an energy, and then by May you’re exhausted. Yet you have like five million things, Like you said, the final game, the award ceremony Tonight, we have like a dance recital, we have this, we have that. It’s all those things. But I think when you add on that other layer that requires so much emotional energy like a kid leaving for college, yikes, like that is a lot And so many people are going through that right now, those huge life transitions on top of just the regular craziness of May.
0:04:20 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and I think we just wanted to do this show saying you know, if you’re struggling, if you’re forgetting the permission slip, if you’re forgetting an award ceremony, we’re with you. We are just trying to survive. Right now, everybody’s just trying to survive, yeah.
0:04:37 – Speaker 2
I asked this mom the other day to send me the sign up genius like 50 times. I keep losing it.
I’m like I will make the cookies. I just don’t remember where to sign up. There’s so many of them, but anyway it’s. You know, we want to be clear here too. I was thinking about this. We’re talking about being at your breaking point, and these examples we’re giving you are, i’m sure, relatable. We don’t mean like a mental health crisis where you need to really seek medical help. Please be aware that we’re sensitive to that. I mean, we are huge proponents of counseling. We have our advisory team, our group of counselors that work with nextTalk. That is critical and crucial. Even when you’re not at your breaking point, like at any time. We’re just talking about the seasons in life and whether it’s at Christmas time or maybe it’s during a big life change where you just feel like you’re at the end of your rope. That’s what we’re meeting for today.
0:05:32 – Speaker 1
Yeah, i had a mom on our team one time. Tell me, you know, when you constantly are telling yourself if I get through the next week or if I get through this next week, you’re at a point in a season where you need to just be cautious, like, only do what you need to do, Don’t add extra stuff or, you know, set bigger goals than that. Right now you just need to get by and be healthy that way, and I think that was really good advice. You know, at the beginning of this school year we had two team members in the nextTalks team who have older kids and both of them said absolutely no events in May. There’s no, no, mandy, we’re not letting you do any events in May. And you know, back then in like in September, when we were like hitting the road and yes, we’re go, i was like it’ll be fine. I cannot even tell you how many texts I’ve sent him the past couple weeks And I’ve said thank you, thank you so much for not letting me schedule events in May, like they had my back.
0:06:34 – Speaker 2
That’s why you got to have those heads at moms, because you the look on your face that day. I remember that day Because I was like girl, i can handle it.
0:06:43 – Speaker 1
Yeah, that’s exactly, I was like that independent Mandy comes out like don’t even have your estimate who what I can handle.
0:06:51 – Speaker 2
It’s like with your kids when you’re like mmm and they give you that look like mom. That was the look you gave us all, like I got that. You’re like we are planning, we’re preparing ahead. Now we’re fine. I was like, oh, here.
0:07:02 – Speaker 1
I was wrong, the whole team was right and I’m so glad I listened to them. I’m so glad because I Can’t imagine if I were to do that right now I would be stumbling through. I’d probably just start crying.
0:07:19 – Speaker 2
But you make the point. You make the point, too that I wanted to talk about on this show today Is you have to have people who love you in your life. That can either gives you give you like a heads up Hey, this is what’s gonna be happening And this is a time when you’re gonna fall apart, or when you’re in that moment that they just let you cry or that they say, okay, i think you spiraled into a little bit of a too dark place. It’s time to get like. We need those people for these seasons of life to to help us in different capacities.
0:07:48 – Speaker 1
Absolutely people around you, who you trust and love, that can speak into you and also Like the Holy Spirit I. I know that we I bring that up all the time and it’s so cheesy and cliche, i get it, but the other day I just had a Holy Spirit moment. There were, tensions, were high. You know everybody’s grumpy right now. Everybody wants the school year to be over. Everybody’s on edge. We’re running a hundred miles every direction, you know, and the other day one of my kids Said something and it just read me the wrong way. It totally read me the wrong way, right, and so it was just a Holy Spirit moment. I looked at this kid and I was like, okay, i’m not in a healthy place mentally right now because it’s May and I’m just it’s a lot. But That really bothered me and da-da-da-da-da. So I like laid it out. This is something now that I’m doing with everyone.
Anything rubs me the wrong way. I will start out with this little disclaimer Saying because it worked, my kid was like, no, you’re right, you’re right, you may have taken it, you know, you may be a little bit more irritable, but you’re right in my, in that assessment I had, you know, my tone was off or whatever, and so now that’s what I’m doing with everybody. You know, if something rubs me the wrong way and I really believe it was a Holy Spirit moment of just I’m giving, i’m giving you a heads up. I may be overly sensitive right now I am struggling like I’m not in a healthy place and I recognize it. But here’s how that made me feel and that that way I’m honest, because the other thing that I’ve learned Through all these years is, if I keep the feelings in and I don’t say how I’m really feeling, i’ll blow up at the stupidest thing.
0:09:25 – Speaker 2
Mm-hmm.
0:09:26 – Speaker 1
And then the other person’s like why you scream in over Whatever? it’s just stupid, right? So I think it’s really important in these seasons that we are honest and say our feelings. But we may want to preface it with hey, i’m not doing great right now, so I may be overly sensitive, but here’s how I feel, and that has just opened up so many, so much great conversation.
0:09:47 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean it’s a regular occurrence. Mandy’s like I love you, but you’re a total jerk and it’s helped our relationship so much. You’re the worst friend on the planet, but I’m sensitive.
0:10:00 – Speaker 1
I have I have started a few texts to Kim with okay, i’m not in a mentally healthy place right now so I Could be overreacting here.
0:10:10 – Speaker 2
But No, it is. It is very good and again, so, your life is being the example for our show today. Thank you for that. That’s a perfect. That leads me right into my life Is the. These are the little things that happen that should be indicators to us to be able to say I’m not in a good place, like those we know when we’re not in a good place. You can feel it, you can see it. There’s all these little indicators in life that are if we ignore them, then we end up blowing up or we end up imploding, whatever your go-to is, and so that’s a perfect example. You feel it and you’re speaking it out, which is so healthy and so good and helps everybody else be like okay, i know where you’re at. I know where you’re at in this moment. Now I can be helpful. So I think it’s good for us to like call out some of those signs as a reminder. This may To look for them and to be aware of them.
0:11:07 – Speaker 1
You Well, and I like what you said earlier in the show, kim, you said there’s a difference between like being at your breaking point, which I am right now, versus a like mental breakdown. There’s a big difference there and we want to acknowledge those differences. And so where I am right now, i’m totally struggling. I’m mentally not healthy, i’m not taking care of myself, i don’t have time to exercise, i’m eating awful because we don’t have time to make dinner, it’s all the things right.
But I know that in I’ve given myself a timeline. You know, if I’m not back to good self care and taking care of myself in the next four weeks, then maybe I need to call up my counselor and say, Hey, it’s time for me to see you. But I’ve kind of given myself a little bit of grace because I know right now the season is crazy And quite honestly, i don’t have time for another appointment for counselor. I don’t have time to go. But I also recognize I can’t let this spiral into something that could lead to an actual mental breakdown. I don’t want to get in that space again. And so just, i think recognizing the different stages is important One.
0:12:11 – Speaker 2
It’s going to happen too. Just being aware of that, like you may be thinking, you know how it is when things are going good and you’re like I am. I am good, like I’m healthy, i’m doing all the things, i’m on top of things, i’m rocking it in every part of my life. You have those. I mean, i’ve heard of people having those moments. But you have those moments, you have those moments, and so we kind of fool ourselves and then sometimes we’re blindsided when these times come. But if we can get better, i think it recognizing you know, like you said, like when I’m having 25 peanut butter cups for breakfast, and also at 2am, probably a sign things are not going well. You know when, when, like when I’m super. The other day my kid asked me, like just a normal question, about a Lego and I lost my mind Like it was the last straw.
0:12:58 – Speaker 1
You’ve been holding your feelings in I have It blew up about a Lego.
0:13:03 – Speaker 2
It blew up about a Lego, and that’s no good. And so those those little indicators, when those are how you’re irritable, you’re overly sensitive you’re, you look ragged And you know what I mean Like like totally had it, like people are looking at you funny, or people keep saying, right, how are you doing okay. Or, the worst, you look tired. That’s my favorite.
When you get that a lot, you know, and you look in the mirror and you’re like, oh my, like those are those signs. Like, okay, i just need to be where. I’m not in a good place, i’m struggling, and that’s okay. And speak it out to your people so they can support you, they can maybe be a little more sensitive to you. And then, and then, like you said, i think that’s so good to say, okay, i’m just going to give myself the grace to be in this moment And I’m just going to give it to God, i’m going to pray about it and then put a timeline on it because it can just get away from you. And then we get stuck in this rut of funk and that’s not good either.
0:14:00 – Speaker 1
There was recently a Sunday when and I love going to church with my family I love going to lunch with my family. That’s kind of a tradition we have. We go out to lunch and you know I keep counting down how many Sundays we have left to do that with my daughter because she’s leaving, and so I always look forward to it. It’s a big thing. I feel like normally we’re all mentally in a good place because we’ve just been to church And so you know where it’s good conversation. It’s just something I always look forward to.
And I knew it was a big red flag for me when I could not get out of bed to go to church And it was like I slept till 2 o’clock that day. I just knew at that point I had felt emotions creeping up and this overwhelming feeling. But when that happened, that’s when I knew Like this is not like me, sundays or something that I live. I love Sunday, family days. Those are my favorite days. But what was so great about it was my husband, my kids, my mom. They all rallied around me And they were like sleep all day. You need a day, and I did.
I didn’t really do anything. I was like a big log that whole day. And the next day, on Monday, i got up and I started with my Bible study. I started pouring into me again Like I went on a walk and then I tackled mine to do this And I was so much more productive because I had just taken a minute to take care of myself And I think that’s important, just to recognize it’s okay. That’s not selfish, it’s okay. And now if you’re doing that every week again, you need to see a counselor. That’s not, that’s not normal, right, but for me it was one time and I needed a minute, and that’s okay.
0:15:40 – Speaker 2
It’s actually healthy. It is, and that’s gonna look different for everyone. And we’ve done shows before like what is the way that you can get out of your head? Because we get stuck there ruminating on all the things that are happening or going wrong or going bad or how we’re feeling all those emotions. And yes, we need to process, yes, yes, and yes, we need a minute. Yes, but there’s a point where you gotta get up and get out of your head and do something you know, like self care or something different. Go out in the sunshine, do something different. And that’s when you can do that and it helps. Then you know it is just a moment or just a season versus you do that and it doesn’t help. Time to see a counselor.
0:16:20 – Speaker 1
You gotta know what fills your cup. One thing for me it’s such a simple thing, but going out back and tending to my flowers, it’s so weird, but I love that. Oh, that’s not weird, that’s great. And I hear the birds chirping and just 10 minutes right before we recorded this show, i did that Just to clear my head. And you know, just take it all in and just have a little bit of prayer time, just quiet, and it was so helpful to me. So, just again, those little coping things that can get you through they’re not gonna sustain you, but when you’re overwhelmed, little things that will help fill your cup are so important.
0:16:56 – Speaker 2
So we wanted to just be real transparent today and you know, share that you are not alone. If you’re struggling this may or whatever season you’re in right now, like we said before, it doesn’t have to be may just a moment where you’re overwhelmed and feel like you’re at your breaking point, remember to look for the signs. Let your people know so they’re not taken by surprise. You don’t want to like damage your relationships because you’re holding it all in like I did not good, and then take care of yourself, whatever that means. You know, whatever that looks like for you, take care of yourself And part of that for us every year for the past couple years, we recognize that part of that self care from mandy and I is to take a break in the summer From writing content and from all the things that are a part of being in this role of nextTalk. We need to rest, refuel and be with our families, and that’s something we’re doing in the summer.
0:17:52 – Speaker 1
Yeah, so typically we record a weekly show and you know every Monday we have new content over the summer. What this looks like, just for June, july and August, it’s once a month. So once a month Kim and I will be back together. We are going to have a little couple new shows sprinkled in, with the dads and bringing them on the show, but just Kim and I being back will be once a month until September. I think is our launch date of season six and we’re already talking about those shows and I’m so excited about some of the topics we’re going to cover next season. Buckle up, because they get like no holding back. Yeah, i think that’s another thing that we’re overwhelmed about, because we know what’s coming with next year, with nextTalk, and we’re like, ok, you know foot, how do I say it? foot on the pedal. What am I trying to say here?
0:18:46 – Speaker 2
I don’t even know what I don’t know. Oh, oh, that’s it Full throttle. Ok, sister.
0:18:52 – Speaker 1
You know we’re going, you know, and so I know I need a break. I need a break, i need a minute. You are not alone.
0:18:59 – Speaker 2
You are not alone, so be watching our social media. We’ll let you know when those shows are popping up and what our topics are. and prepare yourself for season six. It is going to be a good one. Take care of yourself with some rest and restoration.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
