0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk, sponsored by NextTalkorg, contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Welcome to nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. Mandy is the author of Talk and Kim is the director of nextTalk, a non-profit organization helping parents’ cyber parent through open communication. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and subscribe to our weekly podcast at NextTalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:00:36 – Speaker 2
Today’s show is all about gift giving. Holidays are here Black Friday.
0:00:42 – Speaker 3
That’s like you love Black Friday. I used to. I used to be a Black Friday shopper and then it got kind of crazy, kim and I was like I can’t hang with the crazies. But you’re still hanging out there You’re still. This is like a failing tradition for you it is.
0:00:59 – Speaker 2
That’s the thing. It’s like a bonding thing. Yeah, so here’s how Thanksgiving goes for us we eat the meal, we lay a ram for a little while and then we put the coffee on, we bring out all the desserts and my husband leaves in the morning, at 5 am, thanksgiving morning, and he goes to the store and he gets everybody a paper and everybody gets their own paper. There is no sharing of the papers. Oh, it’s a whole thing, it is a thing. So everybody gets their own, like there’s rules about this.
0:01:24 – Speaker 3
There’s very strict rules, Like I’m like get up.
0:01:26 – Speaker 2
You’re going to miss the papers, which is not a thing anymore. He’s not going to miss the papers, but it’s a thing. So he goes. He gets the papers. Everybody gets their own paper with their, you know, set up on the table. You sound like an old lady.
0:01:37 – Speaker 3
I’m just saying Do you know, I drink tea and I knit.
0:01:40 – Speaker 2
I am an old lady at heart. Go get the paper, Get the paper, Charles. So we gather around the table husbands, after football and all of that we take a little break. We gather around the table and everybody gets their dessert and their coffee and we it’s the opening of the papers and everybody gets out there, Everybody has a notepad and then everybody gets out the sales and we go through and ahead of time everybody has prepared like a list of a few things that would really bless them for Christmas. So we’re looking for those things on sale and then just looking for like super deals.
And we start making lists on our notes and then, when we’re done, we compare notes and then we strategize what stores should we go to. And then the next morning we get up really early and we meet and we go and we get our hot cocoa and our you know snacks and we stand in line and we do the crazy shopping.
0:02:27 – Speaker 3
So does Charles stay home with the kids and it’s like you and your mom, or like you don’t drag the kids out, right, it’s so funny. No, please tell me, no, listen.
0:02:35 – Speaker 2
So like three years ago it was just me. Like three years and then beyond it was just me. And three years ago my kids were like so into it, like this, because it’s because they model you, look at the paint we get.
We want our own paper. So this is a tradition. It’s a tradition and kids love tradition, so they get their pie in their paper now. And so, starting three years ago, when my daughter was only one, my other two boys were like we’re going, and so they stayed in their PJs and we bundled them up and they like hit it and they loved it. They had so much fun. So they go now, and last year Sissy went with us and we had a blast. It was so much fun.
0:03:08 – Speaker 3
So I used to do that with my mom when we lived in Indiana. We would, and it was a special day like we would, just me and my mom, and I think I have a lot of fun memories with that. But when we moved and now she’s not here anymore, I feel like I kind of live here. It’s it’s almost like a trigger. It’s almost like a trigger for me. It’s emotional. It kind of is really because the tradition can’t go on. I’ve tried to drag you and you’re like no, well, let me tell you how our day looks now. We wake up at in the morning early on Friday, and we all get our computers out and we’re all sitting on the couch looking for the online deals in our pajamas, eating leftover turkey and potatoes, and that’s become our new tradition. We build a fire if it’s cold enough, but a lot of times in San Antonio it is not, and that has become our new tradition, which I love. It’s fabulous, and so it’s more about the online shopping for us. So either way, you do it.
0:04:03 – Speaker 2
It’s about the tradition. Yes, it’s about thinking about others and gifts that would bless them.
0:04:08 – Speaker 3
Yeah, but let’s talk about this whole thing, because this can spiral really fast too. So I think there’s a couple things that we need to think about as we shop for the holiday season, for the Christmas season. We just need to think about it. Yeah, so budgeting I think that’s the first thing we got to talk about. Nobody wants to talk about the budget.
0:04:29 – Speaker 2
No, I’m going to say something from you know, dave Ramsey, which we have, we’re going to talk about here, but it’s something that has stuck with me. Whether you’re a Dave Ramsey fan or not, it doesn’t matter, it just has stuck with me that he said Christmas is not an emergency and it is not a surprise, like it is at the same time every year. So you can’t put it in those two categories of immediate and unexpected spending.
0:04:50 – Speaker 3
You can’t use your emergency fund. This is a separate fund line item that you’ve been saving for and planning for, but it’s so important to like create a budget and stick to it. If you don’t have a budget, you’re gonna buy everything on sale just cause it’s a good deal, not only that.
0:05:05 – Speaker 2
It’s such an emotional time, like the Christmas lights, the hot cocoa, the pumpkin spice lattes, the carol, the carolers, the carolers, the bundle up coats and your Christmas hats, the fake snow, the fake snow on your window, everything. And then your children and their big eyes, and they’re like I would love to have that On Christmas morning.
0:05:25 – Speaker 3
On Christmas morning, we need it.
0:05:27 – Speaker 2
We need all of it, yeah, and so it can become this feeling of it is an emergency cause. I want to fulfill this dream for my children and you overspend and rack up credits, okay.
0:05:36 – Speaker 3
So let me tell you some things that I’ve done wrong. First of all, I buy things that we don’t need, but it’s a good deal. Oh girl, me too. I have found like craft stuff in my kids’ closets from Christmases that I got like 50% off and you knew they didn’t really want it and they’ve never opened them and now they’re like eight years old and I’m like what are we doing? And it’s that whole mentality of I want them to have so many gifts under the tree, and it’s the keeping up with the Joneses, it’s all of it, and I think we’re all a little guilty of it, some more than others. But here’s how I’ve gotten better at it. I love Excel.
0:06:13 – Speaker 2
You do, and Excel is like my nightmare.
0:06:16 – Speaker 3
So I have a Christmas budget from the last 10 years and it’s all on the same Excel spreadsheet. I just create a new tab every year.
0:06:25 – Speaker 1
Okay.
0:06:27 – Speaker 3
And I go back and I have a list of how many gifts my kids are gonna get, what the cost is, and I even got even a little bit more detailed the last couple of years. Okay, this makes me geek out like I’m so excited. Oh my gosh, I’m gonna think of it now it’s too late. So every time, because I have to hide my gifts right, because they’re scattered all over my house in the closet.
You do not put where you are hiding it on an Excel spreadsheet no this is what I do, though when it’s wrapped, it gets color coded a different color no, yes, yes. And it’s the coolest thing? Oh, because at any time, at any time throughout the chaos of the year, you know, of this season, I can look on my expel shed seat and be like, okay, I have to wrap five more gifts and I need to spend $10 or whatever it’s nerd hashtag nerd, I’m getting you the shirt.
0:07:17 – Speaker 2
I love it. Like it. My husband likes it too. That feels my husband would like that.
0:07:23 – Speaker 3
He thinks it’s at first he thought, Mandy, you are crazy. And now he’s like this is a cool system, Like I’ve created my whole process system. Oh my goodness.
0:07:31 – Speaker 2
You are good at process.
0:07:32 – Speaker 3
There’s those of us that just run out and buy, buy, buy, buy, buy, which I used to be. And there’s those of us that have found their inner love of spreadsheets, girl. So make a budget, stick to it, don’t get caught up in keeping up with the Joneses.
0:07:47 – Speaker 2
Yeah, or you can be like us, where you look at how many people you’re gonna buy for how much you’re gonna spend on each person. Add that up, it’s a number and that becomes your Christmas budget, and create a separate account for it that you add to every month. So when Christmas comes, the money is set aside and separate and that’s what you spend.
0:08:04 – Speaker 3
Well, and we also do like a little line item for bless people money. So like we have it’s a Bless Me fund and we create that and it goes into our Christmas funds, so anything extra because we like to do a lot of service projects. Maybe, or sometimes maybe it’s just we want to give this money to somebody but we set it aside again. That goes back to trying to not just be about us but about giving to others. You know I love Luke. You know we’re talking about making a plan and sticking to it.
Luke 14, 28 and 30 is a cool little verse. It says if you desire to build a tower, do you not first set down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? You know, I think that’s just a good reminder of creating the budget, creating the plan and sticking to it Because, like you said, it’s an emotional decision and you know, one of our, dave Ramsey’s a great tool, financial tool. If you have that, if you want to get that, my husband and I went through that like 20 years ago and it’s just like really blessed our family. But a previous pastor like simplified it and he said you know, live by the 80, 10, 10 rule. So it’s 10% to giving, 10% to saving and 80% to live off of. And if you structure that in your home, you’re going to, you’re going to have the budget, you’re going to have the awareness of where the money is going and you’re going to have the Christmas fund and the budget set up and it’s a great life skill for your kiddos.
Yes.
0:09:30 – Speaker 2
We got each of our kids three piggy banks and we put 80, 10, 10 on there, and so whenever they get money and we just split it up yeah, they are just used to that. Yeah, it becomes the norm which we always talk about. You know, standard operating procedure becomes their foundation, and so you are preparing them to have a good, conscious budget understanding when they’re older.
0:09:50 – Speaker 3
Yeah, so we’ve got the budget. That’s like the hardest thing to talk to Because nobody wants to talk about the money. So let’s talk about, then, the types of gifts that we may give. This is important. This is a big one. So tech gifts you know, as your kids get older, you’re going to be giving more tech gifts. Yes, you just are, because that’s the thing and you need to be careful.
So any kind of gaming system Xbox, playstation, whatever you’re buying you know you can Google parental controls for that. You need to make sure you know how that works, how to turn things off and on. You need to be very aware of them. Connecting to strangers online that is a biggie. So we have two shows on that. There’s a Cyber Strangers show and there’s an online manipulation show. That kind of talks about how people groom kids online. Check all of those out. So get the current parental controls.
If you are getting your kid a phone for Christmas, it’s that time. They’re ready, you’re ready to take on the additional parenting responsibility. You need to text the word cell phone one word to 4 4, 2, 2, 2. It will ask you for your email and then we are going to email you a word document of a cell phone contract, you have got to establish clear guidelines in your home. Now the document is the one that I used in my book, but it will be a word document and I provided in word because I want you to make it your own. I want you to make rules that are good for your family. So you may not like all mine, you may want to change them. Or you know, when I say we’re charging in the mud room every night and this is where your phone goes, you may have a different location, so you tweak it and make it your own.
0:11:26 – Speaker 2
And remember, before you give these gifts, so often parents will decide I’m going to get the, we’re going to get the Xbox, we’re going to get the phone and the kids open it and they automatically that day or that evening you’re setting it all up for them and they jump in. This is dangerous ground. Yeah, because they’re going to figure out anything, all the ins and outs, and be exposed to things immediately. You have got to set up immediately. As soon as they open, you have to let them know. Look, I know you’re excited about this, but we’re not going to turn it on and we’re not going to dive in until we set it up. We have some conversations and then you can start playing or using your phone and explain the why behind it.
0:12:02 – Speaker 3
Like you said, yes, you know, when they open it up, say you’re getting to the age now where I’m trusting you with this, but there are bad people that will use this platform and try and manipulate you or expose you to bad things. So we have to have all those perimeters set up and all those guidelines set before you jump in and start using this today. So I’m going to have to set some parental controls. We’re going to have to talk about what I want reported to me, those kinds of things. That’s a great point that they don’t just dive in, because once they’ve dived in and they have access to everything, they don’t want to take it away.
Yes, you got to be prepared for that conversation and try to do your homework before they open the gift, like on how to set the parental controls, because I know with my kids you know when we’re, when they’re waiting for us to set something up, they get a little antsy, they’re like what. This is my gift, like I want to play.
0:12:50 – Speaker 2
And if you have younger kids like mine that haven’t really been exposed to anything drastic, they tend to think like nothing’s going to happen, like this, what, what? And so a lot of times I’ll share a story with them about a kid that’s their age and they’re like no way, there is no way, mom. I’m like, yes, that’s why we do what we do. And so then they’re like okay, okay, yeah, go ahead and set it up or do whatever. So be honest with your kids, share with them, like she said, the why behind it and give real examples.
0:13:16 – Speaker 3
Yeah, like I just want to protect you, but we’re trusting you with this. This is why you got it. You know kind of thing you know? Just try to stay focused. I know they’re gonna get gifts, but just make it not about the material things. Try so hard to make it not about the material things I love. 1st Timothy 6-7. We brought nothing with us when we came into the world and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. You know just little conversations about this is a cool toy or this is a cool game, but it’s not like grandparents are here today. Let’s spend the time with grandparents and then we can play your game later. Yeah, you know, and I know they’re gonna wanna play it a little because it’s new and exciting and whatever. But you know, have the grandparents go in there with them, like be part of it in watching them play and figuring it out.
0:14:05 – Speaker 2
I think, too, it’s really important here to talk about the type of gift also, in the sense that why are we giving this gift? Why are we choosing to put this in the hands of our kids or our spouse, or whoever it is? Is this something that they really want, or something that would bless them, or something that they need, like really thinking about who you’re giving it to and why you’re giving it, and I think that will really help with cutting down on just buying things. To buy things, yes, because a lot of people do that. I am guilty of it myself Like it was on sale and I really thought you would like it.
0:14:36 – Speaker 3
That’s what I get caught up in. It’s on sale, so it was only $10. So even if you don’t like it, it’s okay, but those $10 add up, those $10 add up.
0:14:45 – Speaker 2
So, really thinking through that and I love this family years ago shared this with me. I love the three gifts thing. Yeah, I’ve heard of that, like they’re like, you know, like the wise men, and it doesn’t have anything to do with that, but three gifts per kid or three gifts per person, but they were talking about it per kid, something that you need, something that you want and something educational. So they would get them something like a really cool educational toy or something that they could learn from, like really good book series. They get things something that they needed, like maybe they needed some sweaters or they needed shoes, like some cool shoes, and then something that they really wanted that was maybe just a toy or an Xbox or whatever.
Three things. And that’s it. Because in our household my husband grew up with very little, very little, and so gifts are like a whole thing to him. That’s a whole nother show in itself. It’s on our video series, we actually talk about it in our marriage series, and so, like one gift to him is like whoa, that’s a lot, and so three is still a lot, and then more than that, where I’m just like, yes, 50 gifts for everyone, that’s the family idea.
0:15:47 – Speaker 3
Okay, so do you. I’ve struggled with the three gift roll. I’ll just be quite honest. Do you do the three gift roll? We don’t do that in our home.
0:15:52 – Speaker 2
Every year we say let’s do the three gift roll, and so that is the idea. And then when we’re out there and that’s why I talked about it being emotional we have the budget set aside and if there’s money left over or we like see these at work, you’re like, why not? Why, oh my goodness, who needs just three gifts?
0:16:07 – Speaker 3
Like, come on now. Okay. So I struggled with the three gift roll because I was again a single mom no money. You know, didn’t get a ton for Christmas. So I want my kids to get a ton for Christmas. But here’s the thing I like for the last whole quarter of the year anything they need, I’ll wait and then I’ll get it for Christmas. So, like right now, my kids my son especially is wearing pajamas that are really badly tight and I’m like we are not going to buy them because that’s a gift that I can wrap, that is my mother and he can have. So, you know, my kids may have nine or 10 gifts, but they’re little things that I would have bought anyway. Yes, but I just want them to have something to open.
0:16:51 – Speaker 2
It’s the emotional part of that I know my mother-in-law buys. Her idea of Christmas is underwear, toothbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, chapstick. That is what everybody gets Every year, whether you want it or not. Well, in the stockings yeah, in the stockings Under the tree, and copious amounts of it. I probably have 700 toothbrushes Now. I.
0:17:11 – Speaker 3
I haven’t thought joking. I think that I could do the three gift roll as far as, like, those are the big things, but then supplement with the little things that I know they need. You know, like, if they need shoes, I wait until Christmas.
0:17:25 – Speaker 2
This makes the point that I think it’s important to think about why you’re giving it, who you’re giving it to. Is this really something that would bless them or that they would enjoy? And then, sticking within the budget, it’s going to look different for every family. Some people the three gift rule, like for us, as long as we’re in the budget, then we’re like you know what.
0:17:42 – Speaker 3
it’s okay because that’s what this money was set aside for If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 pm on AM 6 30,. The word nextTalk Radio is listener supported. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to NextTalkorg and click on give. Okay, so we’re talking about gifts, the types of gifts.
0:18:04 – Speaker 2
And you know, we talked about budget, we talked about your motivation for giving gifts and then when you give them, are you prepared to give them? If they’re tech gifts and things like that, you have to prepare yourself to give that kind of gift so that you can prepare your kids. And then how many gifts do you give and what kind of gifts? So all of that, I mean it’s so much to think about.
0:18:22 – Speaker 3
Well, and my kids are in a stage like my son loves his Xbox he got that, I think, last Christmas or the Christmas before and my daughter has a phone. You know, she has a little laptop that’s a cheap one that she can do homework on and stuff that she keeps out in our living room. So I’m looking at my kids this year and they don’t really need anything tech wise. Like I could get one, I could get my daughter a watch. I could do. You know, I could give her more tech that she doesn’t really need. And so I’m kind of processing that.
And that’s where I feel like this year we’re going to do more experiences, like we’re going to gift more experiences because I feel like we don’t need any more stuff at this point. I mean, they’re going to get some pajamas, they’re going to get underwear. Again, they’re going to get the stuff they need. That I know that they kind of need, you know, and maybe like but you know my daughter, she loves to go thrift store shopping, like it’s one of the things she loves. Like she will be like Mom, can we go for the day? So I’m thinking about doing like a gift where I say here’s $100. And the whole day. We’re going to carve out the whole day for thrift store.
0:19:28 – Speaker 1
Like she would love that.
0:19:30 – Speaker 3
She would love that over a watch or anything like that, and so, knowing what your kid likes, you know, I can really bless them because it shows that you see them, yeah.
0:19:42 – Speaker 2
And so we started something similar maybe two or three years ago, where each of our kids one of their gifts is a date One with I love that and with dad, and we take the time, we write them a letter like why we’re doing it and what it’s going to be, and that has like become one of their favorite gifts.
0:19:57 – Speaker 3
And you already pick it out, we already pick it out.
0:19:59 – Speaker 2
So there’s no like, no, it’s just like what you’re saying. It’s like dad, like one year my son loves to bike ride. Like they’ll go for like 10, 15 miles.
0:20:06 – Speaker 1
Like they are in Wow, that’s great Impressive.
0:20:09 – Speaker 2
He got a like big boy bike, like he’s got an adult bike, it’s a whole thing, a mountain bike. So like my husband will take him for the whole day bike riding. They’ll go eat together, you know. They’ll go shopping. He likes to go shopping and he just that’s his favorite Christmas gift is time, yeah, and doing something he loves to do, and so it. You know. Last year my daughter my husband took my daughter to the cupcake shop and they had it. They dressed up and they went and they had cupcakes and she loved it and she was only three. So you can do those, experience things early. And then we tell the grandparents all the time no more stuff like we need a zoo pass, that’s expensive, you know we need to do ZM, like a museum pass, and so those have become great gifts from our family as well.
0:20:51 – Speaker 3
Yeah, last year, you know, my grandparents were the same way. What do we get them Like?
they’re so old they have everything they have everything now, you know, and I said get them an experience, like something that you can take them and go do. And they got the iFly thing. Yes, and that’s expensive, right, it’s something that I probably wouldn’t pay for. And they did this whole day where they went to lunch with their grandparents and they loved it and they invited us to come along if we wanted to see it. And we’re like, no, this is your special day, we’re going to go have a date, and you take pictures and videos of us and they loved it. They just it was a great memory, and I think it also helps teach our kids that that quality time and those experiences are so much more than the material things you know, like that, that Bible verse that we read about. We can’t take our stuff with us, but we can take the memory of our family with us, like that’s something that will stay with us forever.
And so there’s lots of different things you could do. You could do top golf, bowling, shopping day, amusement parks, movies, whatever is your kid’s thing. You know it may be. Let’s spend $50 at the Lego store, like we’re gonna, whatever your kid’s thing is, and we’re going to go have lunch at your favorite spot and that’s going to be a whole thing. You’re going to get to pick it out.
0:22:00 – Speaker 2
One of my kiddos loves to go to pick out a recipe and then go grocery shopping and get all the ingredients and then spend the afternoon cooking and then serving our family. He loves to do that.
That’s awesome, my six year old, he is like a mini chef, and so he gets geeked out about new foods, like at the grocery store, like he wants to try these new ingredients, and so that’s what he picks every time. We have a date, like every time, no matter who it’s with a grandparent me, I want to go to the grocery store and pick out ingredients and make a meal, and so find what your kid loves and make that a gift. They’ll love it.
0:22:36 – Speaker 3
And you know, the last thing is we really need to get our kids involved with, like, not receiving, but the giving part, like giving, and I have found that, like involving them in picking out stuff for the grandparents and cousins and each other, like we started a whole new thing, that they each buy one gift for each other and sometimes that’s the most exciting gift that they want the other one to open. And I’ll have conversations about that, like I’ll be like why are you so excited? And they’ll be like because I want them to see. You know I’m so excited and it’s just, it’s a great teachable moment. Doesn’t that feel so much better to give than to receive? I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. And like modeling it out so they understand like giving is so much better than receiving.
0:23:23 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and I think, tapping into the emotion of the season and because our family loves Christmas, I’m just going to say like we get so excited about this time of year and we’re into all the things, all the things, and so we have the conversation like, as much as we love Christmas and it’s a wonderful, beautiful family time there are so many people that this is a very lonely, sad, difficult time. How can we serve those people? And so many of those people are seniors, and so we have every year we’ve said to the kids what do you want to do? And so, like one year, we have brought, we collected PJs for orphans and we brought pajamas and socks to orphans. And then this past year we made Christmas cards and we went to a senior home and we sang Christmas carols and we baked cookies and we collect socks for them, and we did socks.
0:24:12 – Speaker 3
That was a great gift for them. Yeah, because their feet are always cold.
0:24:15 – Speaker 2
Some of those people like cried, like they teared up because these little kids and these families were coming in and just blessing them in a time that can be very lonely, and I think that teaches our kids to see outside of themselves and that not everybody is having the same experience that they are. And how can I bless someone else?
0:24:29 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I think, again, it’s that outward focus that really makes the season come alive, because that is the whole reason. You know, jesus came for us and we are supposed to model that and love others and serve others well.
0:24:43 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and I think the conversation about the real gift which you just said, like what, yes, all these gifts, all these presents, what’s the real gift of Christmas? Like continually going back to talking about Jesus, is the reason we are celebrating.
0:24:56 – Speaker 3
And if there’s not one material thing under the tree, we’re taken care of, we have eternal life, we have salvation, we have forgiveness, we have peace, we have all of those things. And just having those simple conversations with our kids, I think, can make a big difference.
0:25:10 – Speaker 2
So our three points to remember for our gift giving segment create a budget and stick to it, even if it hurts. Set clear guidelines and set restrictions. If you’re giving tech gifts, prepare for that ahead of time. Think about experiences over material things, and people are more important than presents. Let’s model serving and giving to others this Christmas season.
0:25:34 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our free video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
