0:00:00 – Speaker 1
nextTalk contains content of a mature nature. Parental guidance is advised. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
0:01:01 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it’s that longing for something that we don’t have and then it’s in our face all day long just makes it even worse. It’s the culture that we live in, and the crazy thing about envy is that it can come out in strange ways, like in strange expressions. It can ruin relationships. It can eat you up inside, cause things like depression and anxiety. It can shift our focus from what’s important and it’s contagious.
0:01:25 – Speaker 3
Well, and I’m just stuck on what you said it can ruin relationships. I mean, i’m just thinking about with my spouse how it can really get me thinking really bad thoughts About what he’s not living up to, because I’m seeing what other husbands are doing on Facebook. Yes like with these surprise weekend getaways, like I’ve never had a weekend getaway.
0:01:45 – Speaker 2
I’ve never had a new escalator with a bow on it. What are you doing? Where’s my bow? and get away, do you not love me?
0:01:50 – Speaker 3
Yeah, you know I mean Satan can take you down a dark path of Questioning those to who you love the most, because you’re overcome with envy.
0:02:00 – Speaker 2
Yes, and you know when I say it comes out in strange ways. We’re gonna talk a little bit about that. But sometimes things are happening in your home or in your relationships or at work With the way that you’re acting and you don’t know why, and people are like why are you acting this way? Are you being crazy? Why are you being so crazy? lady? Envy sometimes can be the source of that, can be the root of it.
0:02:19 – Speaker 3
I love the Bible verse Proverbs 14, 30. It says a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. I love that so much. Perfect, because It really does destroy you from the inside out. Like you get this in your heart, this heart of envy and this heart of I want what they have, or or I want kids like That, or I want a spouse like that.
0:02:44 – Speaker 2
I mean it will literally kill and destroy it does, it Did, i felt it recently actually.
0:02:51 – Speaker 3
Oh, you know.
0:02:52 – Speaker 2
I’m acting like I felt it recently, like that was a rare thing. It’s like a daily conversation in my brain, but a big one, which kind of took me by surprise how much it affected me. We went you and I actually, and some others went to a friend’s house and they had gotten a new house. It was all new, shiny, shiny, big old kitchen. I love a big kitchen Because you’re a major, you love to cook. Whoo I’ve. I’ve dreamed my whole life of a giant island, like when I could like.
0:03:20 – Speaker 1
Lay out on it be so big.
0:03:23 – Speaker 3
But you know what I mean.
0:03:24 – Speaker 2
Like big and it had all those things, yeah, and I just remember being Thinking that I was being happy for her and I was like this is lovely, you know all the things we say and and during that same time, we were considering moving and so we started looking at some different homes and we went and Did the thing that no one should ever do Went to a model home.
Well, it’s a trap, especially when you’re already dealing with envy, but you haven’t recognized it yet exactly, it was a perfect setup Yeah so I go and see my friends things got you yes, and then we go to this incredible model home that was in our price range, so it felt attainable, it was possible.
0:04:10 – Speaker 3
Except all the extras that they added on that total of $800,000.
0:04:14 – Speaker 2
Shush shush, shush shush.
0:04:16 – Speaker 3
So we’re literally actually built the model home and then they’d be like, oh, that wall didn’t actually come with the house.
0:04:21 – Speaker 2
You wanted it toilet.
0:04:23 – Speaker 3
Are you for real? That’s 500 extra.
0:04:27 – Speaker 2
There’s a whole lot back. So, yes, we went to the model home And it was beautiful, it was all the things, and I just fell in love with it. Like I called you and I was like, come see this model home, come see it. I took you there, you remember, i remember.
0:04:45 – Speaker 3
OK, so I didn’t help the situation. You did not, you did not. I remember going to look at a lot that would have worked for you guys, right, and I remember walking in and I was like ta-da, that’s it. This is the view.
0:05:01 – Speaker 2
I have the image of your arm stretched out and you were like I want a movie.
0:05:05 – Speaker 3
It was like me at the top of Titanic. Yeah, exactly Like this is it.
0:05:11 – Speaker 2
Yeah, it was a whole experience that we had together And the husbands were like oh my lord, We had to really jether in We did.
0:05:21 – Speaker 3
But you know what was cool, though? We did experience all that And we were like this is beautiful, this is amazing, this is within your budget. You know all the things. But then I remember us the next day texting And we were like, oh, i don’t know, Like we need to really pray. And then I remember even saying I don’t know if it’s the one Like I’m not sure You did help.
0:05:45 – Speaker 1
You know, eventually. Well then, the moment In the moment it was so exciting.
0:05:52 – Speaker 2
But here’s the bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with exciting, all of that’s good, all that’s fun. But what happened next was I went home, and all the way home I was saying to my husband oh my god, in our house we have to fix the tile in that broken window. And you know, oh, that back porch that we got to seal because the wood is rotting Because it’s an old house.
0:06:12 – Speaker 3
It’s an old house. It’s older than us. We need to start over.
0:06:15 – Speaker 2
I did, I was like I was on the news And that makes sense.
That does make sense in some situations, yes, but let me tell you what That home that I was downplaying and that home that I was speaking badly about. That home was an incredible answer to prayer that God provided for my husband and my family. That has been a great source of peace and comfort and joy. And in a moment I could think nothing but destructive and terrible things about. Like I was putting it down every which way Envy did that. Envy did that Because all I could think about was I wanted what my friend had, i wanted what was in that neighborhood And I couldn’t see the good that God had already provided. And I was in a bad place, like it wasn’t a fun thing anymore. Like I walked away from that And I was a grump, i was irritable with my family And I was like why am I feeling?
this way. It was envy. I was sitting in the darkness of wanting what wasn’t mine and wanting it for the wrong reasons. That’s envy.
0:07:13 – Speaker 3
Yeah, and you didn’t recognize it. And so getting caught up in the emotional aspect of it is real easy when you’re not calling it out for what it is, identifying that emotion.
0:07:23 – Speaker 2
Yeah, and so I’d say that’s one of the first things that I have learned is when I start to feel like I’m wanting, wishing or longing for something that’s not mine And there’s some weird emotions tied to that, i need to call it out. Whether it’s with a friend, whether it’s to Jesus, whether it’s with my spouse, i need to be like I think this is envy and it’s not healthy, and just speaking it out helps me recognize. And then it was almost like a veil has lifted And in that particular story I started to look around and physically see all that God had done in the space we were at And it was like, oh, here I’m back, back to this good spacing in. It was a relief.
0:08:03 – Speaker 3
Well, i remember, like what was it? A week or so later you were having some work done on your house.
0:08:08 – Speaker 2
Do you remember this.
0:08:09 – Speaker 1
Can we share this?
0:08:10 – Speaker 2
I didn’t even ask you if we could share this? Yeah, go for it, but.
0:08:11 – Speaker 3
I thought it was really cool. I can’t remember what kind of work you were having done, but they came. We were having new toilets put in.
0:08:18 – Speaker 2
Well, there you go. Yeah, There you go. We had some backed up poop. It was just over and over. Every show you bring up poop. Well, we have so many kids, there’s a lot of poop happening. And dogs, kids and dogs everywhere.
0:08:31 – Speaker 3
I love it. I love it. And this person who came in and fixed whatever problem you had with your poop basically said I don’t see homes like this anymore. I cannot believe you have not been able, that you’ve had these are original toilets in your home Like that is crazy that that’s lasted that long 40, like 46 years old. That’s crazy, right? Well, that’s what he said. He’s the expert. He said they never last that long. I never thought about it that way And Envy had convinced you that, oh my gosh, we got to fix all the things. But then this guy it’s like God sent him to give you a renewed perspective of this house was made so well. I mean the fact that you don’t have to replace this for 46 years. That’s unheard of. Sometimes we need that fresh perspective.
0:09:24 – Speaker 2
Well, and I prayed for that And that’s again we talk about in our shows all the time. Step back and pray. I was like Lord, show me what I’m missing here, like I don’t like the way that I’m feeling. Show me and give me a new perspective. And I was praying about it And he sent two workers, that one who said your house he’s like I’m in new houses all the time, where things are breaking down in a year or two because things are not made the same way anymore. And he’s like don’t ever sell your house. He’s like because your toilet’s alone and your bath, like all the things I’m looking at. He’s like this is a sturdy house, like this is a great house and a great location, like a good foundation.
Yeah, a good foundation, that’s what I think about Yes, and then we had another guy come in to fix something else And he was sitting in our room with our fireplace and our big table And he was like I love this room And he’s like they don’t make houses like this anymore And he’s like don’t ever sell this house. There’s two people in one week who said that.
After I prayed for reassurance and a reminder And it was just like, like I said, the veil being pulled aside and I saw my house and my home and my neighborhood and my beautiful neighbors who are so kind and loving in a new light. I had a new appreciation.
0:10:34 – Speaker 3
I do remember when we were looking at the model home, you’re like I don’t think I can leave my neighbors Like they’re, so we’re like a family, and I was like that’s special, that’s really special.
0:10:42 – Speaker 2
The neighbors in my oak trees, yeah, So call it out, call out envy, call it out to Jesus, call it out to your family and your friends. You can recognize it and God can speak into that space.
0:10:55 – Speaker 3
Well, you know, ecclesiastics 4.4 says I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. Like that’s what motivates them. But then it says but this is meaningless, it’s like chasing the wind. That speaks to me. I mean, it kind of reminds me of like chasing popularity, chasing what your neighbors have. Like it’s the man that just keeping up with the Joneses or the Kardashians or whoever you want to keep up with. Like you’re never going to, you’re never going to get there. Like you’re always chasing Yeah, you’re always chasing.
0:11:29 – Speaker 2
It’s like running on a treadmill You never get to the finish line, yes, and so there’s that emptiness that you always fail. You never quite make it. You’re chasing the wind. It’s and I think it’s something we deal with all the time in the big things and the small things. I’m going to tell this really quick story about Disney World. Middle-class America. This is what you do. You go to Disney World right. And so we have these kids. apparently We’ve been twice.
0:11:57 – Speaker 3
And it is an experience.
0:11:59 – Speaker 2
It is a super fun.
0:11:59 – Speaker 3
It is a really cool. lots of memories made, Yes.
0:12:03 – Speaker 2
Yes, i grew up going to Disney World. That’s just what I assumed we would do. My husband never went And so, as the kids were getting older, i was like we got to get on this. We got to go Before they realized.
Yes, and social media it didn’t become just like conversation with my husband.
It became envy for me because I was seeing all my friends with their matching Disney World shirts go in and have in all these cool experiences And so, instead of it just being like something I wanted to do, i was like I want to do what they’re doing And so that was not a good space to be in.
And I remember it was probably four years ago, standing in my mentor’s kitchen And I said I want to have matching shirts and go to Disney World And she almost slapped me Like I’m not joking, like she grabbed my shoulders And she was like you stop that. Right now It is not the time or place. Look at all the blessings in your life. Look at what you have and who you are and who your children are. Disney World is just a place and a thing And you need to do what God needs you and your family doing this season And if that’s something He blesses with you down the line, fine, but it’s not the time And stop with the envy. And she said that And it woke me up in that moment And it identified that it was envy.
She called it out and identified it as envy. Yes, she did, and thankfully I was able to step back from that and pray through it And I kind of forgot about it. And then, years later, i was able to actually have the conversation with my husband. We were like, ok, now it’s time, and we had an amazing time. It was a great experience And we learned a lot of lessons through that too, which is on a whole other show you can listen to with my husband and I about when you just don’t agree Great show, but having someone call it out and speaking it out, it just really helped so much.
0:13:45 – Speaker 3
If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 PM on AM 6 30, the Word. nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by the PAX Financial Group and listeners just like you. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. go to nexttalkorg and click on Give MUSIC.
0:14:13 – Speaker 1
There’s big news if you are an investment client of USAA. Just recently, USAA announced that a Cleveland Ohio Corporation has entered into an agreement to purchase USAA asset management. They have always been an exceptional organization and will continue to serve our community well, But if you are considering a change, this might be the right time to look at San Antonio’s PAX Financial Group 210-881-5700 PAXFinancialGroupcom.
0:14:45 – Speaker 2
Today we’re talking about envy and how it can steal your joy, how you can be running after what other people have and it’s like chasing the wind, like it says in scripture, and how it just affects your relationships. It affects how you feel, how you operate. It’s not a good place to be, and one of the best things we can do is have family, friends and call out to Jesus. Even when we see it like name, it recognize it and pray through it. Another thing I want to say is that the best way to not be envious of others is to experience contentment. But how in the world do we do that? I think one of the best ways is by practicing thankfulness.
0:15:25 – Speaker 3
Right, absolutely, absolutely. I mean Voscamp has a great book out and it’s all about thankfulness and just seeing the little blessings every day that we miss often because we’re busy chasing after what everybody else has, yeah, Right, but if we focus on our blessings and what God has given to us and you know also, as I’m talking here, i want to point out there is absolutely nothing wrong with building a new home, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with going to Disney World, but it’s a heart issue. Yes, and because everybody else is doing it and you have to keep up with them or you’re doing it because this is the right move for your family And I think that’s really important. I want you to hear us here. We’re not trying to say you can’t have fun, you can’t go on vacations, you can’t do all those things, but it’s about the heart.
0:16:13 – Speaker 2
Absolutely.
0:16:14 – Speaker 3
Which is really. We tackle that a lot here. We do want to be a digital parenting resource for you, but at the end of the day, to tackle the digital parenting stuff, we have to tackle the heart of the home, and so we’re talking about. This is why we’re talking about all these issues, because they matter.
0:16:28 – Speaker 2
They do matter And they are magnified often by social media. You know things like envy and comparison and wanting what someone else has. It’s constantly in our kids’ faces, and so, to be able to practice for ourselves identifying envy, we can walk our kids through that when we see them constantly looking at something or talking about what someone else has, and then you can talk about the heart with them. You can help them identify that, and that’s what this is all about at the end of the day.
0:16:56 – Speaker 3
Well and like you just said you know teaching them about contentment by practicing thankfulness. I mean, this is such a big deal.
0:17:04 – Speaker 2
When we need to really say practice, because it’s like a muscle. If you want to be like buff, you’ve got to work your muscle. I want to be buff in contentment, you know, and that means practicing. And practicing means doing something over and over again until it becomes a habit. It becomes who you are, part of your DNA.
0:17:22 – Speaker 3
One of the things that I’ve started doing in my marriage is, if I feel Satan filling me with lies about Matt, about you know, i’ll see something on social media. Like I mentioned, the weekend getaways. I think that’s a point for me. Like I envy that a little bit right.
0:17:37 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i keep bringing it up, and now I’m thinking about it a lot too.
0:17:42 – Speaker 3
Oh man, see, i’m negatively enforcing.
0:17:46 – Speaker 2
It’s because it is contagious. It’s about keeping.
0:17:49 – Speaker 3
Which is what we said at the beginning of the show, right, um? but one thing that I’ve really started to do is, when I feel those negative thoughts come in and that envy happen, i will mentally make a checklist of all the things I love about Matt. Yes, like all the things, it’s like speaking truth into my mind about why he’s so perfect for our family and the leader of our home kind of thing That’s so good.
0:18:17 – Speaker 2
I think sometimes we can do that with our kids too, because it’s easy to compare your kids and to envy the relationship or what other kids are doing.
0:18:26 – Speaker 3
You mean like sibling relationships?
0:18:28 – Speaker 2
Yeah, all of that And I think we can speak into that the same way you said, like with Matt. Like, instead of comparing your kids to other kids and envying what they’re doing and how they’re achieving and how they’re the soccer player of the week or whatever. Look at your kid for who they are and speak life and words into them And it reminds your heart of who they are and why they’re good and why you shouldn’t envy someone else’s kid. God gave you those kids just as they are for a reason.
0:18:55 – Speaker 3
We did a show on that And it’s called Being Real in a Fake World And it’s really about seeing your kids and their strengths and like being their biggest cheerleader, being their biggest supporter. I think that’s extremely important. But that practicing thankfulness I mean I remember when I see Matt and he’ll do something amazing, you know, and I’ll be like I’m so thankful for you, like I’m so thankful for it. He is this humble way that he leads our family. It’s very humbling, like he never acts, like anybody needs to submit to him Or you know, it’s just this quiet confidence, like he encourages and he supports. I’ve learned a lot about leadership from watching my husband And I tell him that a lot. But when I tell him that’s me practicing thankfulness, it’s me like combating the enemy, when the enemy wants me to think badly of Matt because he’s not taking me away for the weekend. Hey, matt, you need to hear this show. I need to go away for the weekend. I don’t understand.
0:19:52 – Speaker 2
Tip. tip for Christmas You need to listen to this podcast, honey. You know, i love that you say that And I think it’s not a Bible verse, but a lot of us has heard it and it’s so true. Theodore Roosevelt said the comparison is a thief of joy.
0:20:07 – Speaker 3
I mean it goes back to that Bible verse in Proverbs It rots the bones. It rots the bones, It takes away your joy?
0:20:13 – Speaker 2
It does, and so all the joy and the blessings that God has given you, right under your nose and your husband, your kids, your home, all of those things, the joy is stolen when you’re looking at what other people are given.
0:20:26 – Speaker 3
Well and like, christmas is just in a couple of days And we’re gonna open Facebook and see all the presents and people gifting BMWs to their 12 year olds And all the stuff. Right, listen, we need to practice thankfulness. If we are all healthy and we none of us have one gift, but we are all healthy and safe And we have a healthy family that’s talking about everything. And our kids are telling us when they see porn online I mean that is a gift. That is a gift And it is right here in this world, like It’s a win. It’s a win. Who cares if we have an 800 square foot house or 8,000? Who cares? Or that new purse? I really want?
0:21:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, who cares about it? Who cares? Okay, i just wanna say one more thing. That has helped me so greatly with being thankful and not being envious is seeking God’s purpose for my circumstance, whether it’s my job, my home, the struggle. If I’m seeking God’s purpose, lord, what are you trying to show me in this season, in this situation, in this relationship, whatever it is? a lot of times He will reveal it to me over time, or in a moment, or in a word, or in an experience, like with the neighbor, where God’s trying to teach me something and I wouldn’t learn it if I wasn’t exactly where I was. And that has helped me so much to be thankful in the moment, thankful in the struggle, because I’m like God’s trying to show me something here And if I try to take myself out of it prematurely, i’m not gonna learn it.
0:21:53 – Speaker 3
You said something that you know I’m gonna love. You said I’m thankful in the struggle. We always throw away that round, that hashtag. The struggle is real And the struggle is real on everything. It’s just real. But so many times we miss the blessing of the struggle. I mean, i feel like that’s where God really shows us things. You know, when we’re sitting still and, like you, praying about this house, like Lord, is this what we’re supposed to do? Are we supposed to make this move? Is it right for our family? You were sitting in the midst of that struggle trying to figure it out, and you were praying about it. You went back to God and here he sends you two people who really just kind of speak truth into what you needed to hear.
Right, and so that struggle though so many times. We don’t wanna struggle there because it’s hard. We wanna get out of it Well and oftentimes in that struggle, like the Holy Spirit convicted you and said hey, you struggle with invicium.
0:22:54 – Speaker 2
That’s hard. It’s so hard Looking in the mirror and realizing that. oh, it’s so hard.
0:22:59 – Speaker 3
But the struggle is where it’s at people. Yes, it is The struggle in creating open communication and the awkwardness like that’s where God shows up. You know because we don’t know, we don’t know the answer, you didn’t know if it was the right move or not, like in your human flesh, you didn’t know. But because you sought God and all of his wisdom, like he showed you, he made the path clear for your family Well and you know what’s neat about that?
0:23:27 – Speaker 2
We always talk about how, when we experience things and we allow for transparency, and that God’s speaking to our heart, that we get to share that with our kids. You know, we were taking a walk shortly after those two guys came by and after we realized, because they had been to the houses Oh, they loved it They were getting excited.
0:23:45 – Speaker 3
They were already figuring out what neighborhood pool Oh, all of it. And they were already figuring out their rooms. I remember that It’s a whole thing. We were already redecorating. We were redecorating. We were on the way to Hobby Lobby Put up those signs.
0:23:58 – Speaker 2
This is my home Welcome.
0:24:00 – Speaker 1
Yeah, all of the signs.
0:24:00 – Speaker 3
I was imagining Thankful.
0:24:01 – Speaker 2
Yes, gather together, gather Peace lives here. All the beautiful Hobby Lobby signs that we love Go by them, so we’re walking in the neighborhood having a walk, because I’m pretending that we exercise, but we really did this one time.
0:24:17 – Speaker 1
After dinner exercise One time.
0:24:20 – Speaker 2
And I don’t know. The kids were asking about the house And I was like I just want to tell you a story. And the Lord prompted me to tell them the story which I didn’t realize I had never done of how we ended up in our current home. And as I’m telling them the story, they are in the street literally dancing. They’re like Jesus is amazing. We were having a hallelujah moment in the street. They’re like no way, mom, no way, that’s not real. And I was like, yes, that is how God provided this home. And I’m like tearing up, telling the story And at the end, of it.
0:24:49 – Speaker 3
I was like You’re practicing thankfulness right there.
0:24:51 – Speaker 2
Yeah, i was remembering what God had done right where we were at And I told them that whole story. They were so excited And then I ended it with saying, for those reasons and for what God is showing us in this season, we’re going to stay right where we’re at. And they’re like yes, we love our house And that was it, that was it. But I got to remind them and show them. Sit in the struggle, sit in the situation, see what God’s doing right where you’re at As we wrap up today.
0:25:18 – Speaker 3
One recognize envy and call it out, identify it. Two experience contentment by practicing thankfulness. And three seek God’s purpose for your circumstance.
0:25:33 – Speaker 1
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
