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nextTalk contains content of a mature nature.
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Parental guidance is advised.
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Are you ready for the nextTalk?
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Today’s show, we’re talking about sustainability. New goals for the new year yes.
0:00:43 – Speaker 1
I’m sorry. I just had the memory of what we did last year. Oh my gosh.
0:00:47 – Speaker 2
I think we called it like new year, new year or something like that.
0:00:50 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it was a show and we talked about our whole like we were on fire for health.
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We were, oh my gosh, it was like no sugar, exercising every day, like two times a day maybe, and the first month we were like getting very judgmental of people who couldn’t keep up.
0:01:07 – Speaker 1
My husband loves to remind me of me texting you like oh my gosh, can you believe these people eating carbs? What?
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Where did?
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that come from Carbs have been my whole life.
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Well, and then I remember by April we’re at a conference in DC and it was all about sex trafficking and I just remember being oh, it was so much to process.
0:01:29 – Speaker 1
Yeah.
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And I remember just getting on our phone and ordering Door Dash and having all these pizzas and breadsticks delivered to our room.
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We didn’t just eat pizza and breadsticks, we did it in bed Like we crawled under the covers, crying we were crying, eating pizza and watching house hunters. I mean it was a whole thing, it was a whole. We crashed and burned.
0:01:51 – Speaker 2
Because our goals were not sustainable. I mean we were, we had the right idea, but so many times we overshoot and we set ourselves up to fail because there’s no way we can live up to that.
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And now we both gained 10 pounds. So there’s that.
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Yeah, so here we are, a new year, needing to start all over again. And we’re kind of reflecting on what we did wrong and how we need to do this again so that we can actually succeed and meet our goals.
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And I want to make sure that we touch into something maybe that is more relatable for you. Not everybody has the health and fitness goals, but I know one year Charles and I were like we are going to do a devotional together, just me and you, in the quiet of the morning at 5 am every morning. Oh my gosh.
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What in the world are we thinking Right?
0:02:43 – Speaker 1
Yes, and then you just quit, and then you feel like a failure. Yeah, you’re like clearly Jesus doesn’t matter. You go down this whole road.
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You’re like we don’t put Him first in our life. What’s wrong with us? Our marriage is going to be awful because you go there, you do.
0:02:59 – Speaker 1
So whatever it is for you. Like you said, man, we overshoot, we’re unrealistic, all these things. And then Satan loves to whisper, like you are a failure, like look at what you said you would do and you’re not even coming close. And we buy into that lie.
0:03:12 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, you know making a home cooked meal every night, that I would love to be able to do that, but when I can’t especially like when I’m working a lot and traveling, you know, trying to balance everything I start feeling like the worst mom ever. Yeah, like it’s crazy how Satan can use that goal that I had of making more home cooked meals and then twisting it to make me feel like the worst mom ever.
0:03:37 – Speaker 1
Yes, I remember. This year, in fact, was the first year I served something frozen from a bag for dinner. Yes, sister, are you Not joking? Wait, wait wait a minute, I know, I know.
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Wait, I have been serving frozen food since 20. I mean 19. I will be honest with you.
0:03:56 – Speaker 1
I remember telling my husband years ago I had a friend that she was like, yeah, I threw in some chicken nuggets for my husband and my kids and I about died. And I came home and told Charles I was like she served her husband and kids chicken nuggets from a bag.
0:04:10 – Speaker 2
Are you even? I’m not joking, you’re. You’re punking all of us right now. I’m not. I’m on Saturday night live right now. I know, I’m just letting it all out. I have been serving chicken nuggets since my kids were one year old.
0:04:24 – Speaker 1
Well, sister, we all get there at a different time in life and mine, was just this year, but I remember when I said that to him and he looked at me and he’s like you know that’s okay, right, and I was like I would never, and here I am Because you’re a foodie.
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you’re a food snob I am.
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I’m a food snob and I feel like you could serve that for lunch. See, I have all these rules Like I could serve it for lunch and it’d be okay to my kids. But like dinner with my family has got to be like real food.
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I’m trying to just get in your mind right now, I know girl.
0:04:53 – Speaker 1
It has been such a year of freedom because I just pull out a bag and there’s food in it and I just have to eat it up.
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Yes, amazing. Thank the Lord for Costco and San Francisco.
0:05:04 – Speaker 1
Yes, because before I would do freezer meals, but it was still like home cooked, you know, home prepared, and then I was heating it up at a later date. Okay, so that was new for me. And then my work schedule has been freeing this year because I my past has always been in radio. So 4 am, 3 am was a normal thing. But people, when you are 20 with no kids, that’s real different than when you are 41 with three kids that are still under the age of 10. Trying to get up at 4 am or 3.30 is not realistic anymore. I’m old.
0:05:36 – Speaker 2
Well, and I think that you just hit a point here because we’re juggling our kid’s schedules, we’re juggling our spouse’s schedules, we’re juggling our own schedules. We have more information coming at us at a speed like never before. I mean, the news is just constant on our phone, right and so being able to process all of that and live a healthy life. And then we hit the new year and we’re like oh and now we gotta go all organic and we gotta do this and we gotta do that, and literally it can send us like into a massive burnout.
0:06:12 – Speaker 3
Yeah, absolutely.
0:06:13 – Speaker 2
Because of everything that we’re trying to do, and so I think it’s like super important that we look at this and say, okay, what is realistic and what is sustainable, what can I actually achieve, and still be doing it a year from?
0:06:29 – Speaker 1
now. Well, and in the bigger scheme of things, I think, especially as Christians, if we’re looking at what’s sustainable, part of it being sustainable is are we available and able to do what God’s really calling us to do In our parenting and as a wife and as a friend and whatever it might be? Are we able to do that? And you made a great point about Mary and Martha the other day that I think would be great to share. Martha, I mean, she was getting everything ready, right.
0:07:00 – Speaker 2
Yeah, I mean, if you don’t know this story, it’s, it makes the point so well and it really hit me during the holidays. It really hit me because I was busy getting table linens ready and hosting in our home and having all these Christmas parties and hosting Thanksgiving and all the stuff. And I was really convicted by Mary and Martha and I know that’s a popular story but for those of you who don’t know it, it’s in Luke 10, 38 to 41. They were sisters and Jesus and his disciples were coming through town and they invited them Jesus into their home and what we see transpire after that is exactly what you just led up to. Martha was getting everything ready, and I can relate a lot to Martha. I like everything to be perfect, I like everything to match, I like the table linens to be just so-so. I can relate. Martha is I call myself a struggling perfectionist, like a recovering one, actually trying to figure out that not everything has to be perfect. Right, and I can relate- Because it’s not sustainable.
It’s not sustainable because life’s not perfect and our kids aren’t perfect and our house isn’t gonna be perfect. I look at my book. The book isn’t perfect.
0:08:16 – Speaker 1
There’s things that I wanna edit in the book. Right, your friend Cam Mann, she is not perfect, yeah because she doesn’t eat frozen foods, like what?
0:08:27 – Speaker 2
Yeah, but Mary, she was sitting at the foot of Jesus as Martha was preparing everything and how many times do we do this to? Martha was getting very irritated at Mary for not joining in in her perfectionism. You know I can relate to this so much because I will be preparing things, getting ready for a party or whatever, and my husband’s sitting in the chair and he’s relaxing.
Yes, and I’m like what are you doing? Like I need you to do these five things. And he’s like well, I’m just preparing myself because we’re getting to have all these people and I have to talk to all these people and I just need silence. Right now, you know like I’m preparing my mind to get into this moment of being social with people. And but how many times do we get irritated? And Martha did the same thing. She got irritated. This is what she said Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me.
0:09:25 – Speaker 1
Can you imagine saying that to Jesus? That’s just funny.
0:09:28 – Speaker 2
I mean, I say that all the time really in my mind about my husband Like Lord, does he not get it? Get up and help me, you know, like we’re saying that. And so over the holidays, as I was hosting and all this stuff, like this story just hit me and one day I was standing at my kitchen counter and I heard like literally, not audibly, but like in my heart in my spirit.
I heard Are you being Mary or Martha right now? Like I need you to be Mary. I don’t care if the table linens are perfect, like your kid wants you to go play this game, I don’t care if the food is not gonna be as good as Kim would like it. I need you to spend time with me, like have these moments of reflection. And you know, quite honestly, I was able to shift my mind into going into Mary mode and being more about in the moment.
And just I would remember getting up over Christmas break when we had more time, you know, and I could literally read my Bible the first thing every morning, because it wasn’t like racing out the door to get to something or whatever. And I just remember the quiet reflection with Jesus and I kept thinking I want this pattern to continue. But then I’m looking at my schedule for January and all the new things coming in this new year and I’m thinking about all the goals I wanna set and I’m getting a little scared and I kept hearing is it sustainable? Like, can you do all this? How are you gonna prioritize that? And that’s kind of where the show came out of.
0:11:03 – Speaker 1
Well, yeah, because the Mary Martha thing the way it relates in my mind to sustainability is, yes, there’s a time to be Martha where you’re prepping and preparing and doing things. But if we’re doing something that is not sustainable, like putting all of our effort and energy into something that we say it has to be this way, there’s no way to have the time or the wherewithal to be Mary, because we’re so focused on the task, we’re so focused on the goal we’ve set that we don’t make space to be Mary. And so that really hit home for me, that story, and when you shared that because I get that, I get caught up in, well, this is the goal I set and this is how I said I was gonna do it. And then when there’s a distraction or a Mary moment opportunity, I can miss it. And so the sustainability is on two levels One, I can’t do it because it’s not realistic, and two, it takes away from what God is really calling me to do, sometimes in a moment, that strays away from that goal.
0:11:59 – Speaker 2
Well, and I love that, and there’s a time for everything. I mean the Bible says that. And as much as I love this story of Mary and Martha and I think about Mary sitting at the foot of Jesus, and I wanna do that when those Jesus moments come out or when I need to pause and focus on my family, like I don’t wanna miss those moments, but at the same time I also think of people like Noah, like he was called to work. He was called to build the ark. He wasn’t called to just sit there and think about what to do. He was called to build it. And many of us are called to build businesses, or you know.
0:12:33 – Speaker 1
Build relationship.
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Relationship, whatever we’re called to do. And so how do we have this healthy balance of figuring out how to make it all work.
0:12:43 – Speaker 1
I know, for a minute there I’m just gonna be real honest I was like man could every moment be a Mary moment, and then I don’t have to do laundry.
0:12:50 – Speaker 2
See, that’s the thing, and I think about the Bible verse in Proverbs I think it’s Proverbs where it talks about being a lazy bone and how even the ants work when they. I’m missing the verse, but you know that when I’m talking about.
0:13:03 – Speaker 1
I know what you’re talking about.
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yes, yeah, and I just think about oh my gosh, I don’t wanna fall into the trap of making like making Jesus an excuse to be lazy.
0:13:14 – Speaker 1
Right, well, and that comes back, and we see that with people.
Yes, absolutely. And again it just comes back to balance, which is always hard because it’s easier almost to swing one way or the other. But God calls us to live a life of balance. So a couple of ideas coming up yeah, that will help us to kind of navigate what that balance looks like between something that’s sustainable but also making room for those merry moments. If you’re just now tuning in, this is nextTalk Radio at 2 pm on AM 630, the Word nextTalk Radio is sponsored in part by the PAX Financial Group and listeners just like you. Everything we do at our nonprofit to keep kids safe online is accomplished through your donations To support our organization. Go to nexttalkorg and click on give MUSIC.
0:14:09 – Speaker 3
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0:14:40 – Speaker 2
So we are in the studio today talking about sustainability and goals in the new year and we’ve kind of talked about this season of where we just came off of the holidays, where we had some time to rest and pause and, you know, sit at the feet of Jesus and take it all in.
0:14:57 – Speaker 1
And eat some weight Like eat a lot of food.
0:15:01 – Speaker 2
But you know, here we are in 2020. And we’re starting this whole new decade and we’ve got to figure out like how do we move forward, make ourselves better, people get healthier, do all the things with our schedules picking up, and how do we balance all that?
0:15:20 – Speaker 1
And it sounds so easy, like we say, with open communication. But number one that we got to remember is to set realistic goals. I mean really.
0:15:28 – Speaker 2
Absolutely. I mean, you know your schedule better than we know your schedule. You know one thing for me I completed a running program recently, and it was C25K. If you don’t know what that is, it stands for couch to 5K. Yes, c25k.
I’ve done the program probably eight times, because I do it and then I quit and then I have to restart because I can’t keep going right. And so one of the things I love about it is it requires two to three times a week. But when I was training earlier through it, I couldn’t do that always, so sometimes it would be one time a week, the next time it would be two times. But I just told myself I’m not going to quit this time, like, no matter, if I only get one time a week, I’m not going to quit, like I’m going to sustain this. Yeah, correct. And so I think the lesson that I’ve learned is when I first started trying to train a running program, it was my goal to like okay, I’m going to do a marathon and then I’m going to be running all this time. Okay, now I just want to run three miles, that’s it.
I don’t want to run a marathon anymore because guess what, I’ve realized I don’t have time for that. Yeah, it’s not realistic. It’s not realistic for my schedule and our all of everything that we’ve got going on. So that has been bringing for me, and it’s when I accomplished the three miles that I’m now doing two or three times a week, like it just feels like I’m on top of the world. It feels like I’m running a marathon Because I’m actually meeting my goal and not feeling like a big fat failure.
0:16:56 – Speaker 1
That I always felt like when I, because I’ve never read a mayor, thought I’ve never, I’ve never made it Well, and I think sometimes we think a goal is a finish line and it really is more a path to get somewhere that we want to go. You know what I mean. It’s the process of getting there. That’s a part of that goal. It doesn’t have to be a finish line. It’s a set date or a set way. It’s something that you’re reaching towards and so, like you, trying to reach towards something better in your running life and you did that, so you can accomplish that and it doesn’t have to look a certain way.
I had a similar experience with a journal. I have 50,000 in two journals that people have given me over the years and I’ve never done it, never finished one, never done any of that. I got a 90 day one with my husband. First page it says what’s your biggest fear? And I said that I won’t finish it because I never do. And the 90 day journal turned into seven months but I did it and I was like, yeah, on that last page, first time, 100 years later of having journals, I actually finished it. So it was like setting that goal as the path but not needing for it to be the 90 days, and that’s what made it realistic for me Like I’m gonna get there. It may not look like how I want it to look, but I’m gonna get there and I’m not gonna give up.
0:18:09 – Speaker 2
I love that and I think sometimes Satan will twist our thoughts and think well, if you can’t do it in 90 days, what are you doing?
Give it up yeah, you’re not. But you stuck with it and you were like, okay, I’m gonna do it when I can. I’m gonna do this. I’m gonna have goals that are sustainable. So just set realistic goals, Be real. I mean, sometimes I’ll look at my planner and I’ll see my day and what meetings I need to run to and what I need to do, and then my list of to-dos and I’m like there’s no way all of that’s gonna get done. I’m setting myself up to feel like a failure.
0:18:43 – Speaker 1
Be willing to flex, flow and change. That’s something that I’ve been really working on. You know your kids get sick, the day gets busy, the meeting goes long, dinner gets burnt. You’ve got to be willing to flex flow and change that things are not always gonna go the way you wanted to when you’re trying to reach a goal, and if you aren’t willing to flex flow and change, then you’re gonna feel defeated. So I think that’s really important be flexible.
0:19:06 – Speaker 2
Well, and also I think that’s great, especially as parents, I mean because with kids, and I mean-.
0:19:10 – Speaker 1
So much throw up. Oh it happens in poop. Oh, the like. Oh, why do we food I?
0:19:16 – Speaker 3
just can’t, I can’t.
0:19:17 – Speaker 2
But yes, I mean we need to be flexible. And the other thing is, when you fail to meet a goal, don’t give up. You need to just reset and try again. And this can be with anything. You know, I think a lot on this point about open communication, Like you’re trying to create this kind of environment where you’re talking about everything right and something happens and you know you totally missed it. You look back and you’re like, oh my gosh, that what my kid told me two weeks ago. I totally didn’t do that.
And how easy it is for us to be like, well, the relationships ruined, we blew up, we did crazy mom mode, we’ve ruined everything. How easy for us is it for Satan to convince us? Just throw in the towel. And with our marriages I mean, think about that. Well, we’re not in love anymore. I mean, I don’t feel the connection anymore. How easy is it just to throw in that towel? And I would just say, when you are feeling like that, that is when you need to pause and pray and do a reset. And it may be going to your kids and apologizing. It may be going to your spouse and saying I don’t feel like I used to feel, Can’t, we need to work on this.
0:20:39 – Speaker 3
Like.
0:20:39 – Speaker 2
I want to love you like I used to, or maybe in a new, fresh way, but I need your help. This is the way I’m feeling, but, to just be honest, I know there was a pastor that tweeted one time and he said all of heaven is looking down on you saying don’t quit.
0:20:56 – Speaker 3
Yeah, I love that.
0:20:57 – Speaker 2
And I cannot remember the pastor’s name and I cannot remember, but I remember that tweet and I saw it years ago and it’s still. When I want to give up on something, I think about this.
0:21:08 – Speaker 1
Yeah, it’s so good. Yeah, you can kind of imagine the angels cheering for you. Yes, and the little demon on your other shoulder, saying just give it up, it’s too much work.
0:21:19 – Speaker 2
It’s too hard, so true.
0:21:21 – Speaker 1
It’s so true. You know something that I have coming from a mom who, even from a young age, every year we would set goals and we would put them up on the wall, like goal planning, and all of that was a big part of my life. I remember it from like age five, like we’d post them on the wall, we would talk about it, and so, that being my background, we never did that for me as a kid. Yeah.
0:21:43 – Speaker 2
We didn’t do that.
0:21:44 – Speaker 1
Well, it’s great, but the balance of learning how to flex and change and that those goals can change, and making sure that those goals are driven by what God wants for your life that’s something that I have learned later in life, because they can be defeating. If you don’t learn that balance, it can be defeating. When you don’t learn that about goals at an early age, Because you are like pushed through and accomplished the goal, no matter what.
You’ve seen my to-do list. No matter what, no matter what. Like I don’t need sleep, what? Yeah, frozen food. No, I will stay up all night to cook that meal, yeah. So it’s finding that balance within the goal setting and sustainability. And I will tell you one of the things that I have learned in the past few years is, when you’re praying about a goal, ask God to show you the motivation.
0:22:31 – Speaker 2
I love that.
0:22:32 – Speaker 1
Maybe it’s not right, maybe it’s based on the wrong thing no-transcript. Like you’ve seen someone else doing something, you’re like that’s a really good goal, I’m gonna do that too. Or maybe you You’re chasing fame, yes, maybe you’re chasing fame. It’s about you being built up, yes. Or maybe you’re doing you’re putting something on someone else, like my marriage. We need to meet every night for one hour devotion and I’m gonna tell my husband that’s our goal for our marriage, and so if you’re in it alone, and you’re trying to rope someone into it?
yes, he doesn’t exactly.
0:23:05 – Speaker 2
And he’s the bad guy. He’s the bad guy. And then you have reason to-. Yes, and we put that on our family too.
0:23:10 – Speaker 1
We’re like this is what my family’s gonna look like, without including them in the conversation. You know what I mean. And then you get bad when they’re not like that.
0:23:17 – Speaker 2
That’s the thing with screen-free meals and stuff like that. We can’t just dictate that rule.
0:23:23 – Speaker 1
I mean that has to be a conversation about why it’s important to protect that time and the motivation behind it, the motivation behind it, and so just learning to pray about those things and making sure that it’s God. It’s not just good, but it’s God.
0:23:37 – Speaker 2
Okay, I wanna move on, cause we’re running out of time and this one is. I feel like I have learned this so much over the last year Build rest into your routine. You know, and this is scriptural. You look at this God created the earth in six days and rested on the Sabbath. In Exodus 20, beginning in verse eight, it says six day you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord. On it do not do any work. I love that, because in your Sabbath, whatever it is, whatever day, you know, there’s been some like well, I rest on this Saturday, right, you need rest. That’s the part. Don’t get caught up in the how to do it or the practical, but just like you need to generally look at your schedule and be like what are my breathe days, what are my restful days?
0:24:25 – Speaker 1
I’m glad you said that days, because something you and I both have learned over this past year we got into the habit. As we’re building this organization and God is showing us things, it’s like, oh, when it gets to this break, like Christmas break or spring break or over this time, we’ll breathe, we’re gonna breathe, we’re gonna rest and everything’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna be rejuvenated.
0:24:42 – Speaker 2
We’re gonna hit the road. It’s like coming up for air when you’re swimming.
0:24:46 – Speaker 1
We’re like it’s okay to drown right now because we’re gonna be able to breathe in a minute. And no, no, no, no Lie from Satan. Yes, we learned that the hard way because the rest time would come and it wasn’t enough. And then we’d come back weary and wondering like why was that not enough? Because God is calling us to build rest into every day Rest for your heart, your mind and your soul through Him, physically and with your family. And so please find time to rest. It’s the only way to be sustainable.
0:25:14 – Speaker 2
It may be an hour a day, but it needs to be part of your normal routine, just like going running or just like making the home cooked meal. It’s part of your goals for the new year.
0:25:24 – Speaker 1
So set realistic goals. When you fail to meet a goal, don’t give up. Instead, reset and try again, and build rest into your routine.
0:25:34 – Speaker 3
Thanks for joining us on nextTalk Radio with Mandy and Kim on AM 630, the Word. You are not alone trying to figure out how to parent in this digital world. We are here with practical solutions to help you. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Find our video series and podcast at nexttalkorg. Are you ready for the nextTalk?
Transcribed by https://podium.page
