0:00:02 – Speaker 1
Welcome to the nextTalk podcast, where we share real stories and practical advice for parenting the digital world.
0:00:09 – Speaker 2
We’re your hosts, Mandy and Kim. Mandy is an award-winning author and the founder of nextTalk, and I’m the director of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization created to strengthen families through open communication. You can check out all of our resources at nextTalk.org.
0:00:24 – Speaker 1
We’re your wives, moms and friends tackling culturally relevant topics from a Christian perspective. We’re sharing what we’ve learned and where we’ve failed. We’re so glad you’re here for this conversation. It’s 2023.
0:00:38 – Speaker 2
Woohoo, i can’t believe it. I mean I can, but saying it just seems kind of crazy that we’re here.
0:00:45 – Speaker 1
The older you get, the more time flies. It just goes by so fast.
0:00:49 – Speaker 2
I like how you’re calling me old, right out of the gate. Thanks.
0:00:53 – Speaker 1
Yeah, you’re getting old, you’re getting up there, kim.
0:00:56 – Speaker 2
Oh my gosh, speaking of that, yes, i am getting old. You know what these are, are those? readers, i noticed I noticed I was doing this like my grandmother. you know this move where you’re moving papers away in your phone, and I realized that it’s time for readers in 2023. I’m doing it. I can see now.
0:01:19 – Speaker 1
Well, yeah, welcome to the club, young girl.
0:01:22 – Speaker 2
I didn’t know you had them, so now I feel like I’m in good company.
0:01:26 – Speaker 1
Well, i have the you know the bifocal thing going on with my glasses, so that’s the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, that’s what’s happening over here. So, thankfully, my eyes are not that bad, so I don’t have to wear them all the time, which is really good.
0:01:41 – Speaker 2
That’s good, that’s good.
0:01:43 – Speaker 1
So how was your break? Let’s do a little check-in. I feel like we took a little break with our kids while they were home. How are you doing over there?
0:01:50 – Speaker 2
Good, We had a lot of downtime, which is exactly what we needed. You know, my kids at one point were like everybody we talked to is going somewhere, traveling the world, doing all these things. And then we all looked at each other and were like, oh my gosh, I’m so glad we’re not doing any of those things. Like we just needed a minute to rest and be together and watch movies and do all of our Christmas traditions And it was great.
0:02:14 – Speaker 1
Same for us. We had a lot of PJ time, which you know me. There’s no place I’d rather be than in my PJs. So it was a good break for sure, but you know what I felt like it went by way faster than normal breaks, normal Christmas breaks, and I’m not ready to be in the grind again. I’m still feeling very tired, which is kind of weird. Normally I’m really refreshed and ready to go and I’m dragging, like I’m forcing myself to get going and starting on the new goal list and everything, but I don’t have the kind of energy level that I used to have on these new year goals and stuff.
0:02:49 – Speaker 2
Yeah, well, again, you know you’re getting older. And no, you know, i think a lot of people I’ve talked to are in the same boat. I don’t know if it’s just it is age, you know, our circles of people are getting older, or if it’s just there’s a lot going on in the world. There’s a lot going on as you raise a family, and it’s a little bit exhausting at times, like right now. I’m slow, i’m moving slow, my thoughts are slow, i’m just.
0:03:17 – Speaker 1
That’s where we’re at And in South Texas right now we got allergies. It’s allergy season. Everybody’s down, everybody We got, we got people on our team down, we got our husbands down, like it’s just. A lot of people are sick right now too. And then you’re supposed to be starting a new year and starting a new semester and I just want to get back in bed.
0:03:36 – Speaker 2
Yeah, exactly, not a great, exactly.
0:03:39 – Speaker 1
Well, i you know the new year always reminds me, kim, of how important it is for goal setting, because I always kind of we sit down as a family and we talk about how do we want to improve, like personally and as a family, and it’s just one of those things.
I think it keeps everybody moving in the right direction And, honestly, it gives kids something to work towards. One of the things we do in our family we do our goal list in January, but we always have check ins throughout the year And so this year we added an extra check in. We’re going to check in at spring break And then we’re going to do a start of summer, so end of school, start of summer and then end of summer, and then that last semester we we push through and then we reevaluate, of course, the beginning of the year again. But I think it’s important to like set these goals and then do check ins for accountability. I think it’s important And it reminds me, not just in the new year, but like goal setting all the time for your kids and giving them a goal and let’s talk about how you’re doing and how you’re reaching it.
0:04:44 – Speaker 2
And then we have a resolution which we all know like setting resolutions is kind of like a okay, you know, it’s the beginning of the new year, i’m going to do this thing And like a week later you’re not doing this thing anymore.
0:04:56 – Speaker 1
And do you remember a few years back we did that. I know what you’re going to say. Yes, we did the new year, new year show. And I remember in March texting you saying how did I use to eat past food, like this is awful, like I can’t eat it anymore. And then by April I was binging all kinds of past food.
0:05:17 – Speaker 2
So bad, so bad. That was so long ago though. We’ve grown so much.
0:05:21 – Speaker 1
We’ve learned. We’ve learned It’s not resolutions, it’s goals are better.
0:05:25 – Speaker 2
Goals are better And be realistic with your goals and give yourself some grace. You know don’t like give yourself too much grace, but give yourself some grace where human and life happens. And sometimes you got to reset that goal or just refocus on the goal. I think is a good way to put that. So I love the deal.
0:05:42 – Speaker 1
And well in your goals at the beginning of summer. You know you’re, we’re getting through this semester. Now we’re starting this new semester. Our kids are. Your goals may look different in the summer And it’s okay to reevaluate those or change them or whatever.
One thing that that I really love with goal setting is, like I let my kids figure out their own goals.
Right, they’re old enough, they can do their own. And then we have a couple of family things that we want to do. But what I love about it is that these check-ins if they’re not doing well, like you know, say their goal is to get straight A’s or whatever And they’re not doing well, they have to self evaluate and say what am I not doing right? And so instead of me saying you’re playing around during homework time or you’re not focusing, or you’re on social media too much or what, i don’t, have to say that it’s them looking inward and doing a self evaluation. What do I need to change right now to accomplish this goal? And to me it’s teaching your kid to kind of look inward. do that look? we always say look in the mirror. Yeah, teaching your kids to look in the mirror, and that’s why I love goal setting really honestly at any time of the year. But I think January is a good is a good time to talk about it.
0:06:54 – Speaker 2
It is, and so let me ask you at a practical level, when you get together at these check-ins, it’s not about like asking questions, so much as it is about how is everybody doing, and then it’s a self reflection time.
0:07:06 – Speaker 1
It really is, and sometimes I will have to guide the conversation, like if the goal is not being met. I may say to my kid well, what do you think is happening? What’s going on? But even if I have observed and I kind of know what’s going on, you know as their mother, you know you’re watching, you’re feeling bubbling out like no, i should do my CV.
0:07:25 – Speaker 2
I mean, what do you think it?
0:07:26 – Speaker 1
is You’re not talking too much, you know whatever you’re thinking. Like we want them to come to the conclusion on their own. We see this throughout scripture too. God always asks the question, even when he knows the answer. Yeah, and we see that, like he will say I’m reading Genesis right now and you know the Cain and Abel. He says where is your brother? And he knew that he was dead, He knew that he had been murdered. But he’s like where is your brother? He knows the answer, but he asked it And I think his parents has a good takeaway for us. Sometimes we know the problem, but the real change is going to happen when your kid sees it for themselves. So you can lead and guide and ask questions, but let them figure it out. Why aren’t you accomplishing this goal that you want to accomplish? And I think that’s a good character building.
0:08:14 – Speaker 2
Yes, i love that for sure. We do something very similar. My husband and I meet together first and we kind of do for our family what we think God is showing us and telling us, and then individually how that iron sharpens iron as a couple, what we want that to look like for this year. And then we meet as a family and offer that opportunity for our kids to like what are some goals for you? And then we post them up in our pantry. So when we’re in there digging for the cookies, it’s right up there Like here’s your goal, stop digging for the cookies. So similar to how you guys do it, and I love it.
I love seeing my kids, as they get older, identify things about their character or about their actions that they want to adjust or change or an area they want to grow, and I think that’s really encouraging to have that little insight into their minds and then be able to come alongside them and encourage them in those endeavors. That is a cool thing about the goal setting, so curious. What’s one of your goals for this year?
0:09:14 – Speaker 1
So one of my goals, you know, an overarching goal for me is I’m really about it taking care of myself. So taking care of myself, but how I’m doing that and being very strategic and what that looks like. And so the first step for me in taking care of myself is more scripture. It’s more me and Jesus time That’s. That’s the way I care for myself, more than anything before. And the diet, the exercise, the skincare, the hair all of that stuff’s on the list too. But if I don’t get this first step right, i’m a mess.
So one of the things that I’ve committed to Kim and I listen, i’m only in like a week, but so far it’s been awesome is scripture before social media, every day, 365 days. What I mean by that is so many times I’ll pick up my phone when my alarm goes off and I have notifications. What do I do? I jump on them real quick just to be like are there any emergencies or any fires I need to put out right now? Are there any messages that are very, very important? I don’t do that anymore.
I hop out of bed and the first thing I do is put my AirPods in and, while I’m brushing my teeth and washing my face. I’m listening to that day’s scripture, so I listen first and then I read it. I will not check social media before I listen and read the scripture verses that I have for today And so far it’s been really good. It’s been really good. And there have been days that I’ve picked up my phone and like, you know, just have it. You know, you see all the notifications and you’re like, and then I’ll be like no, don’t click it. I can’t fill this early on, right. So that’s my thing scripture before social media, that’s my biggie for the year.
0:10:59 – Speaker 2
There is no way that that will not bear beautiful fruit. That is such an important commitment that you’re making. You’re going to love what happens because you’re making that choice.
0:11:10 – Speaker 1
Well, and maybe we need to do a check-in in the summer, because I kind of feel like I may need the accountability I’m going to find you girl, but I’ll remind you more than you want. I was going to say now I’m going to get text messages from Kim every morning? Don’t check social media. So what about you? Well, I know you have probably several goals, but what’s one that sticks out that you want to share?
0:11:34 – Speaker 2
Well, the one that kind of covers them all and I hope it doesn’t cause you to question me, but it is do what you say. And it’s about living a life of integrity. And for me it’s more in the little things, not the big things. Like I’ll say, yes, i have a little one still. She’s little to me, she’s eight. And I’ll say, yes, i’m going to, i’ll meet you up there to play Calico Critters in 15 minutes.
And then I get distracted with a work email or with tidying the kitchen, because I hate when my kitchen is messy or whatever it is, and then I forget. And then, oh, it’s time to leave for school or it’s time to go to this thing, and I’ll say, ok, ok, i’ll do it later. And I have gotten into the habit of not doing what I say when I say it on little, little things of life. But I know that those add up and then it becomes a part of who I am to other people Like, oh, you know, she says she’s going to do that, but is she really going to do that?
And I especially don’t want that for my kids. I want them to know that they can depend on me to follow through and do what I say I’m going to do, and so that is one of my big ones, And that applies also to the really big things like I’m reading scripture every morning. That’s something I’ve also committed to for this year Exercise and taking care of myself, those things that I’ve struggled with, and and so to me, that kind of covers it all. So you can ask me are you doing what you said you were going to do, kim? I will let you.
0:13:06 – Speaker 1
Oh, i will ask. I never will. I think this is great. I love how you say it and I love that you have a little phrase too that you’re using. You know one of the things that I’ve been talking to my kids actually over this break we’ve had a lot of conversations about words matter, because we’ve been talking about disappointment, little disappointments, like people saying, oh yeah, i’ll go to dinner that night or all, and it’s like a flip-in and they don’t even check their calendars. And then we’re getting ready to go And it’s like, oh, by the way, we can’t go. And we’ve actually had a lot of conversations about how words matter.
And I do remember when I first started dating Matt and I just shared this story with my kids one of the things that I found so attractive was that he would never flippantly commit to something. Even if it was like hey, do you want to hang out after you get off work, he would say I want to, but I may have to stay late and I don’t want you to be disappointed. So like he would never be like, yeah, let’s hang out and then call me later. You know, we didn’t have texts. We didn’t have texts. He didn’t hit you up on your computer, Like words matter. And that stood out to me Like, as, like what you said, he lives a life of integrity. What he says, he means, he follows through. And that’s important in today’s world, because I feel like we are all flippant with our words and our commitment, like, yeah, we’ll try to do that.
0:14:27 – Speaker 2
Yep, it’s true, and you know we talk all the time about we don’t discuss things or share things or encourage you or suggest things that we’re not walking through, And so it’s hard for me especially as an Enneagram 3, to be like, yeah, sometimes I am not good at following through on those little things, but it’s true And God showed me that through some scripture, and it’s something I’m really committed to changing this year.
0:14:52 – Speaker 1
Sister, i love your humility. It’s one of the things that I love about you the most. I know, as an Enneagram 3, you struggle with it. Yes, i think it makes it even cooler For me. You know me, knowing you really well, knowing how hard it is for you to say I’m not good at this. Yes, it’s a big deal for you, and so your humility. I mean, that’s the heart of God coming through you, getting closer to God.
0:15:17 – Speaker 2
So that’s really cool, i’m about to like you know, but it’s thank you for acknowledging that friend.
0:15:24 – Speaker 1
Yes, And that was not a scripted guys, That was not an auto-scripted, It’s on the cuff here. Okay, so we talked about some personal goals and you know how our family kind of tackles this subject. Let’s talk about nextTalk, because man God is doing some really cool things. What are some goals for the new year?
0:15:45 – Speaker 2
Yeah, we got a lot of stuff going on. I think one of the things that’s really exciting is that we know that the resources and the more we can make them accessible for you, that is just a huge thing, and so one of the things we’re going to work on this year is our existing resources, like our podcast, which is our fastest and biggest growing program. We want to make that and other resources connected and make them more accessible to you, so if there is a topic or something that you’re interested in, that we’ll be able to get you that information in an easier way and more expansive, and so that’s a big project for this year that I’m very excited about.
0:16:22 – Speaker 1
Yeah, I mean we’re taking existing content that we know works and having it distributed different ways and doing different things with it, And we’re kind of being general here. More details will be coming out through the year, But I’m very excited about the conversations that are happening behind the scenes to make all that happen. And you know, we got we got churches using our video study, which is really cool to see. We’ve got events scheduled. We’re getting ready to kick off online groups. So listen, by the way, our online group semester is getting ready to start and we try and finish up by spring break. So if you are not subscribed to our newsletter, you need to go to our Instagram account. Click on that link, because all of those groups are going to be announced in the newsletter first before they’re posted on social media. So you definitely want to be subscribed to that.
0:17:14 – Speaker 2
You have to remember that there’s a limited amount of people that can be in each group, so you definitely want to be one of the first people to sign up, so you reserve yourself a spot.
0:17:23 – Speaker 1
Yeah, and events. I’ve got a ton of meetings this week with pastors, some event venues and that sort of thing. But listen, if you’ve been hearing about nextTalk event and you’re like, what is that? Call us, email us. There’s a form on our website. Actually you can go to our website. nextTalk.org, you can go to parent support And then there’s a there’s a list of all of our programs. Go to events. There’s a form you can click And that goes straight to our event coordinator, kim Nichols, and we will get back with you. We can respond by email. If you want to hop on the phone, we can and answer your questions. Whatever it is that you have questions about, what you know nextTalk event, let us know. We would love. We would love to do that.
0:18:08 – Speaker 2
By filling on that form, you’re not committing to anything, because I know sometimes we’re hesitant to like fill things out online or to make a call because we’re like, oh my gosh, they’re going to call me back 50 times or that means I’m reserving. No, no, we just want to be available to you. If you have a group like a mops group, or if you have a church or some kind of community group or facility and we haven’t been to your location or to meet with you, we would love that, we would love to do an event with you. So reach out via the website and that, literally, is just to give you the information so you can take it to your people and decide.
0:18:42 – Speaker 1
So so we’ve got a lot of stuff happening events, groups, video study. The other thing, the counseling program, the impact that this program has had on people. It has been amazing to be on the front lines and see what God has done with this. Yeah, and I’ll tell you how this was kind of born is we would go to events and we would have families with real struggles at these events like they needed counseling ASAP. I’m talking kids hurting themselves, suicide, like we’ve got major issues like a life is at stake. You know, i would always recommend go to your doctor, get counseling, and sometimes they would say I simply can’t afford that, like there’s no way I can pay for that.
Or I don’t remember that happened one or two times and I came back to our team and our board and I was like we got to do something, and that’s how the counseling program was born. It’s still in the infancy stages. We still need to expand it. We’re only available in Texas right now. Our counselors are only certified in Texas, but we see that it works, and so we want to pour more time and resources and management into figuring this out so that we can make it available to more people.
0:19:55 – Speaker 2
Well, and we need your help. If you know of a great counselor, one that’s helped you or your family, or a friend, if you know even as like pediatricians or other people who have great resources and align with what we’re doing here at nextTalk, we would love to hear from you. Send us those names. You can always email us at admin at nextTalk.org and we will let them out. We’ll contact them, let them out, ask them questions, meet with them. We need to grow this counselor program so we can help more kids and more families, and we need you, our nextTalk community, to help us do that. So if you know of someone, Please let us know.
0:20:31 – Speaker 1
Well, we’re in this together Like we’re learning. Y’all are learning. You’re sharing your stories, we’re sharing our stories. It takes a village here And that’s what I love about our community. Please send us any professionals.
You know we have an advisory council of medical professionals. Sometimes I’ll meet with those people And once we talk and make sure we’re on the same page as far as belief systems and faith background and that sort of thing, we have a statement of faith that we require every volunteer and every employee to sign to make sure everybody’s on the same page here. That’s really important to us as Christian families and in a world where there’s a lot of confusion about what people and organizations believe. So we want to be really transparent about that. But I would love to meet with these people that you guys are saying this is making a difference in my life this doctor or this counselor. We would love to work with them Because, again, it takes all of us kind of coming together for our kids to.
I mean, they got our kids, they got a lot coming at them. And I think about the work that nextTalk does. I was sending an email yesterday to somebody And I was like what an honor to get to the work that we do every day here at nextTalk. It’s to protect some of the most vulnerable in our world, and that’s our children, and they’re being subjected to sex trafficking and grooming and pornography and all these crazy things at such young ages than ever before, and our work has never been more important, but it’s going to take all of us working together.
0:22:05 – Speaker 2
Yeah, for sure, and coming at it from both angles once something has happened, being there to support and encourage and guide those conversations. And then also, we’re very passionate about being a preventative organization too. We want to come alongside you as a parent and support you in how to help your kid be prepared for this world before things happen, before they’re up against all the craziness that’s out there, and so both ends. What we’re doing here is really important, and it’s not just us. We now have grown to a staff of five, which is very exciting. That’s big, starting with just Mandy and I, and now we have grown because of your support, so that’s really cool. That means we’re going to be able to do more and reach more people, which is what it’s all about. You, too you as part of the nextTalk family. Hearing from you and being a part of our events and community and online groups is vital to how we grow this organization.
0:23:02 – Speaker 1
Absolutely So. I guess I just want to start out the new year by saying we love y’all, like thank you. But again we want to tell you keep reaching out if there’s a topic we haven’t covered, if there’s something we’ve said on the podcast and you’re like I don’t know if I agree with that reach out, Like that’s awesome.
We love different perspectives, We love collaboration like that. I mean, again, it takes a village And we’re not always going to do it the same way, But we all love Jesus and we’re trying to get it right And that’s what we’re about at nextTalk.
0:23:34 – Speaker 2
Absolutely, and I want to kind of end on this note of thankfulness for you, mandy, for our team, and then, yes, our new donors and our new people who have found nextTalks or were introduced to nextTalk. Like it’s so exciting to meet these new people and see these donations come in from people we don’t know. And I always go back to the people that have been around since day one too, and those who keep coming back and saying I continue to support you, i continue to be a part of a group or to come to an event or to reach out when I’m struggling or when I have an idea. You all are the backbone of nextTalk. You all are the quiet contributors, both emotionally and financially, all of those things that mean the world to us. We are so very thankful that you allow us to be a part of your world, and that’s really what nextTalk is all about, as partnering together to do better for our kids.
0:24:31 – Speaker 1
So happy new year y’all. Happy new year. I hope you have some personal goals, professional goals, whatever. But the cool thing is, i think about this year and what could happen. What could the bad things that could happen too. That worry and anxiety creeps in And I keep coming back to no matter what 2023 brings, god’s not going to leave us. He’s not going to leave us. He’s going to be with us in everything. He’s going to discipline and sharpen us when we need to be corrected. He’s going to show us the way And it’s one step at a time here, and what he’s doing is pretty cool. I’m just kind of so excited about seeing what this year brings. Thank you so much for joining us, listening and sharing our podcast. Because of you, this show is in the top 5% of over 2.9 million podcasts.
0:25:27 – Speaker 2
We have lots of resources for you, from counseling to live events. Or if you have a show idea or a question for our team, visit our website at nextTalk.org. We’d love to hear from you.
0:25:38 – Speaker 1
At nextTalk. we’re more than cyberparenting It’s conversations to connect.
0:25:43 – Speaker 2
This podcast is not intended to replace the advice of a trained health care or legal professional, or to diagnose treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological or legal problem. Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert for treatment.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
